Friday, May 14, 2010

Celebrate National Gaydar!

Dear Blob,
I know I live in a bubble where being gay is awesome and celebrated; I'm jealous I'm not part of the family, but it is still startling to read that potential-Supreme-Court-Justice Kagan and the White House denies "charges" she's gay. The good news is USA has some pretty great National Gaydar!

I'm pleased I'm not the only one who thought, upon viewing Kagan in her pearls & dress, "Oh, I'll bet she loves getting into her after-work jeans and tee."

Across from the news of Kagan's rumored sexual-preference was the news of the Pope calling same-sex marriage and abortion the most "insidious" issues facing our world today. Are you kidding me, Leader of the Child Abusers?! Population control and Celebrating Love are the Leaders of the Light. Insidious behavior is brain-washing, abusing children and enslaving women by burdening them with instinctual care-giving to children they cannot fiscally support.

No wonder ET's are uninterested in Earth; humans are ridiculously un-evolved.

However, upon the brink of Pride Month, let us look on the bright side and celebrate National Gaydar!

Love The Ukulady

ps: Other news includes Lindsey Lohan's upcoming music album. So that's where she's been!
pps: At least Lindsey celebrated Love, being Out and often engaged in PDA with her ex-girlfriend. Kagan is clearly more private; but being a public figure and closeted in 2010 is a waste of opportunity to be a role model and spokesperson for the millions of gay youth struggling with self-worth and self-love.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Undersea Robots & Square Fail to Save World

Dear Blob,

The Undersea Robots failed to Save the World. Apparently Squares aren't as powerful as we all thought. Perhaps BP should call in Velvetina Evilwich's fleet of Evil Sandwiches; they could cluster, creating a vast sandwich shield and their evil sandwich bread could soak up the gushing oil, as sandwich-bread soaks sandwich-dressings into it's doughy shelter. Oil, aoli, what's the difference, besides an A?

Love The Ukulady
ps: Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all my mom friends. Even Velvetina Evilwich and her Evil Sandwiches have moms somewhere...

Friday, May 7, 2010

Undersea Robots & A Box Save the World!

Dear Blob -
Undersea Robots are trying to save Planet Earth & the Louisiana Seafood industry! The Big Pickle, as I've always called British Petroleum, is in a Huge Pickle, as their Gulf oil well spews thousands of gallons of oil a minute into prime Shrimping 'n' Swimming seas. Their solution: Undersea Robots wielding a Giant Box. Geometry Enthusiasts rejoice! The Square, beloved by mathematicians & children throughout the world, is finally seizing the limelight!

Our world has become a cartoon, complete with drama-queen dictators sporting clownish spectacles, like Kim Jong Il, receiving secret stem-cell skin injections to remain firm 'n' fresh; (My doctor pal works for a Korean Stem-Cell Firmery, who recently injected a Top-Secret client in South Korea, who wore a sack over his head the entire time to remain anonymous and was flanked by a fleet of limos & secret North Korean agents).

The time has come for The Ukulad and I, weary of political stupidity and hypocrisy, to begin a political party. We hereby announce the formation of The Austin Pea Party. Our Platform is Peas. We also celebrate the Square.

Love The Ukulady
ps: Where is Lindsey Lohan lately? I miss her missteps.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

10 Amusing Meeps & Farewell Nawleans Seafood

Dear Blob!

1. Paprika: a girl's name
2. Auctioneers Talking Dirty
3. The Temps of Tempe, AZ.
4. Steak Coat
5. The She-Glove
6. Chartreuse: a girl's name
7. "I put the Fist in Pacifist."
8. The Wussies of Worcester
9. Pork Flats: a Gated Commmunity
10. Crustina: a girl's name

Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm pleased I visited New Orlean's last month and enjoyed an incredible fried seafood sampler; it appears the Seafood of New Orleans is like Iceland's once-thriving economy; destroyed by greed.