The Ukulady Business Traveler: Football Jerseys Dough Tubes

Dear Blob,
I'm, currently a business traveler, living in the Meepity Meep in San Meep, CA, for the next 3 weeks. My job: Fabulous-People Detective. I search for Fabulous San Meepians willing to be on-camera discussing their experience in car-commerce. Not necessarily Fabulous gay, but Fabulous, as in you definitely want to invite this person to your next dinner party. Hotel living is full of pros and cons.

The best part is my personal maid, Meepia, who cleans my room everyday. Worst is the medley of awful music piped into every public space; so while it's awesome to have a pool and hot tub, I have to contend with Easy Listening Light Rock.

The UnNamed Hotel is surprisingly busy, the lobby a hive of tourists & business travelers, easy to tell apart from their outfits; either enthusiastic San Meeep!/California! sweatshirts or conservative black suits with periwinkle shirts.

This weekend swarms of seeming-Mid-Western Sports Enthusiasts have taken over the hotel wearing Green Bay Packers garments and drinking heavily at the hotel bar.

The Sports Travelers of both genders favor the same outfit: a bulky football jersey. The lobby gathering of dozens of football-jersey-clad travelers has led to my new discovery: the football jersey is one of the most Unflattering items a woman can wear, particularly the midwesternly-plump female, who still stubbornly sports a semi-mullet/layered-mall-haircut. The footbal-jerseyed women, no matter how thin, look like pillowy dough-tubes and remind me of cheap pork-snacks served with light cheap beer.

Overheard on my way to the free lobby-coffee (by a pasty-sausagey-jersey-clad-mulleted gal): "I need Tylenol & water." Seems the party started when they landed in San Meep.

In other news, business traveling provides a generous per-diem, which has led to sampling more coffee-cake than I've eaten in the past 5 years. Stay tuned as The Ukulady disguises herself as a real person and convinces Fabulous San Meepians to give up their social security numbers in exchange for the potential of making money.

Love The Ukulady

The Sims & Me!

Dear blog 'n' friends,
I'm writing tonight as a business traveler, from the lobby of the Sofitel hotel in Redwood City, CA, only minutes from the Electronic Arts "campus". Once again, I have been fiscally saved by the sims. I am dressed in jeans, a sweater and children's frog rainboots and am apparently, the only woman in the bar area, where the Sofitel provides free internet access, and to me, a frequent guest, a free glass of wine. Across from me, is a cluster of business travelers, men in button downs, loosening up with liquor after a tough day of business conferences perhaps. I think I look out-of-place and people are wondering what in the world brings me to the Sofitel (rather pricy, paid for by EA) as a business traveler. I spent the day in the recording studio with Jack, my fab teen cohort, saying squibbles and nibbler flanachki and apparently jamocha and flanucci; and fabsy Bill, our ridiculously superbly funny director, and xtopher, our post-modern fab engineer. Today the animations required Jack and I to puke, make out, clean the toilet, chat on a sofa and disturbingly, poop. We resisted the poop animations, citing their probably cutting due to Walmart's family values. Bill concurred. We get to eat in the EA cafeteria and Bill told me the best lie I've ever believed, that he was a deadbeat dad of 2 kids. I was relieved it was a lie/farce. The Sofitel has comfy beds. If Jack and I got residuals, we'd be rich. Damn those cd-rom/interactive game contracts!
snerve teen Sim lerner