JetSetting & Sims Comedy Gold!
Dear Blog!
Last week was the most jet-setty week eversies! Within 2 days The UkuLady Felt the Magic in 4 major US cities, Boston, NYC, LA and SF! Upon my return to LA, I took a quickie yoga class with Tony (Remarkable yoga teacher: see wwwTheUkuLady.com song "Kick Ass Friend"), where I determined that yes indeed, minor indie-cult celebrity, Miranda July, is in my yoga class and we have spotted each other's handstands. She's not a very good spotter or handstander, but yoga isn't a place to judge, it's a place to gain understanding and expand outward while drawing inward to the core!
UkuLady Jetset Schedule:
TUESDAY:
AM: Boston - NYC
Day - PM: NYC - LA
picked up by the awesome Don Black (www.TheUkuLady.com inspiration for "The MakeOut Song"), who I don't want to make out with anymore, but he has moved into Best Friend Spot Number Onesies! (in LA). We ate peanuts in his truck and I misheard him call himself Dr. Festival. He said something else, but who cares because Dr. Festival is hilarious.
WEDNESDAY:
AM: Piled-up-mail browse-through, quickie repack and off to yoga where I apparently have gained "muscle memory", because I wasn't as sucky as I would have thought after such a long yoga hiatus.
Afternoon: Burbank - Oakland! for a record-comedy-notebook Sim Session Thursday! Sim voiceover director/Funniest-Man-Alive (tiesies with D. Black) Bill, was in rare form. He had been in the Sims studio for 12 days in a row. Here are the highlights! Understand these highlights are born from 6 hours of speaking gibberish. That's improv! :
SIM SESH HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Ready and…Tai Chi!
2. Color me Crazy!
3. Friend + Energy = Frengery!!!
4. A Ricotta Frittata on Ciabatta, eaten at the Regatta on the Watah.
5. Party Luge to the SexOlympics! It was funny at the time.
6. The Glove Boot.
7. Get ready for the LernerBurger with Conte Sauce (Jack Conte is my teen Sim counterpart). No one's ever called me LernerBurger. Love it.
8. Anonymous Sex Island!
9. Hobosexual – the gay homeless train-hoppers.
9.1 Man Glance! Perhaps what Hobosexuals shoot each other…
9.2 Bitch Tap! A new musical.
9.3 Tai Cheese.
9.4 Knife Eyes! A cousin of the Man Glance?
10. Comedy Wishes: Such as, "Please let Satan invite me to his birthday party!"
11. Jack said, "Thess can't reach because she has Shrinky arms."
12. Chicken Strips at the Strip Mall
13. Fish Sticks vs. Fish Strips
14. The Cooter Computer.
15. A Chair-Hog is Mr. Greedy Chairs.
16. What is the opposite of the Friend Heart?
17. 17. Cherish the Rainbow! A demand.
Love The UkuLady
PS: Bill is as funny as S. Colbert. As funny as J. Black. He's amazing.
Showing posts with label sex change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex change. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Airport Magic!
Dear Blog!
Another distpatch from the Sofitel Hotel bar, sipping my complimentary merlot and nibbling fancy olives and cheesynibblies, all on the Electronic Art's dime! go DreamFollowers! Some observations from my Southwest Airlines weeked travel to share:
1. A tshirt with the slogan "Jesus is my Homeslice"
2. I think my air hostess was a post-op sex-changee - man to woman. I noticed her collegen-inflated lips the moment i stepped on the plane and she pointed a finger at me and said, "Cute!" not to be a total narcissist, but I've been getting that a lot lately. I think it's my newly inflated UkuLady persona I'm flaunting in preparation for my soon-to-be-public figurehood. (Also got the "Cute!" from some teen hippie/homeless kids on Haight street today) Then I noticed she (the possible sex-change stewardess, not my homeless-hippie-teen fans) was either A. a not-very-bad-burn victim with a lot of plastic surgery or B. a man. She had a great figure! Really long, lean legs with a tight boy ass. So I checked out her hands as she was passing drinks and I really can't say for sure. They were kind of big and veiny, but not outrageously so.
3. I like to sit in the front of the plane going to Oakland, so I can get off first. ( I sit on the back Oakland - Burbank because the plane is all old-school and a stair goes to the tarmac from the back of the plane in B-town) So I took a major chance and sat in the 2nd row next to a woman, baby and 7 year old. I like babies and have a bit of baby-fever. The mother was totally surprised someone was as bold as me. The baby was totally cute and although babies are generally the most popular person in a room, a baby is definitely the most unpopular person on an airplane. I bonded with the 7 year old.
4. I saw an Hooter's/Hustler employee in Burbank. She was teeeny and her boobs were unbelievably enormous and fake! Platinum hair and why do these stripper/whore/playmates always wear Juicy Couture sweatsuits when they're not wearing bikinis? I totally ogled.
5. Stewards - man-air-hosts - should not wear shorts. Seated on the plane, I am eye-level with the air-host's/essess legs and airplane proximity is tight and Men in Shorts, lingering in front of me, because they have to count bloody-mary change for the morning-drinkers, is disconcerting.
6. Honey-Roasted peanuts vs. regular - No duhsies. Nuts in general are underated. Go nuts, especially honey-roasted.
Love The UkuLady
PS: Brittney and K-Fed settled! and Katie is Tom's prisoner! I got to read US weekly at the airport. I'm thinking of getting a subscription to go along with my Harpers & New Yorker....
Another distpatch from the Sofitel Hotel bar, sipping my complimentary merlot and nibbling fancy olives and cheesynibblies, all on the Electronic Art's dime! go DreamFollowers! Some observations from my Southwest Airlines weeked travel to share:
1. A tshirt with the slogan "Jesus is my Homeslice"
2. I think my air hostess was a post-op sex-changee - man to woman. I noticed her collegen-inflated lips the moment i stepped on the plane and she pointed a finger at me and said, "Cute!" not to be a total narcissist, but I've been getting that a lot lately. I think it's my newly inflated UkuLady persona I'm flaunting in preparation for my soon-to-be-public figurehood. (Also got the "Cute!" from some teen hippie/homeless kids on Haight street today) Then I noticed she (the possible sex-change stewardess, not my homeless-hippie-teen fans) was either A. a not-very-bad-burn victim with a lot of plastic surgery or B. a man. She had a great figure! Really long, lean legs with a tight boy ass. So I checked out her hands as she was passing drinks and I really can't say for sure. They were kind of big and veiny, but not outrageously so.
3. I like to sit in the front of the plane going to Oakland, so I can get off first. ( I sit on the back Oakland - Burbank because the plane is all old-school and a stair goes to the tarmac from the back of the plane in B-town) So I took a major chance and sat in the 2nd row next to a woman, baby and 7 year old. I like babies and have a bit of baby-fever. The mother was totally surprised someone was as bold as me. The baby was totally cute and although babies are generally the most popular person in a room, a baby is definitely the most unpopular person on an airplane. I bonded with the 7 year old.
4. I saw an Hooter's/Hustler employee in Burbank. She was teeeny and her boobs were unbelievably enormous and fake! Platinum hair and why do these stripper/whore/playmates always wear Juicy Couture sweatsuits when they're not wearing bikinis? I totally ogled.
5. Stewards - man-air-hosts - should not wear shorts. Seated on the plane, I am eye-level with the air-host's/essess legs and airplane proximity is tight and Men in Shorts, lingering in front of me, because they have to count bloody-mary change for the morning-drinkers, is disconcerting.
6. Honey-Roasted peanuts vs. regular - No duhsies. Nuts in general are underated. Go nuts, especially honey-roasted.
Love The UkuLady
PS: Brittney and K-Fed settled! and Katie is Tom's prisoner! I got to read US weekly at the airport. I'm thinking of getting a subscription to go along with my Harpers & New Yorker....
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