Showing posts with label Annie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Annie. Show all posts
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The First Album of a Child Star!
Dear Blob!
I can't believe people besides my mom and dad are buying my album!!! I already have several sales from people I have not met in real life and are in no way related to me!!
When I was a child, all I wanted was to be a child star and now my dream is finally coming true! I had countless community theater directors miscast me as Raindrop #5, instead of The Angel, Witch #3, instead of The Wicked Witch and Molly's understudy (in Annie - she's the smallest orphan who cries by the window), instead of Annie! Finally I can send my first album to those cruel community theater directors, and say, "I told you so!" I knew I was destined for child stardom!
Love The Ukulady
ps: THANK YOU sososo much to the purchasers of Banned From Canters!
pps: I heard from the UnNamed reality television show, and in typical TSLerner fashion, have been cast as the Reality Show Understudy. Even as an adult child star gay icon, I am still being cast as the friggin' understudy!
ppps: The UnNamed Reality Television show will be blogged about at a later date, or I could lose all Reality Television Understudy privileges and be blackballed from the theoretical island foreversies!
pppps: I'm afraid Britney is going to die soon...
I can't believe people besides my mom and dad are buying my album!!! I already have several sales from people I have not met in real life and are in no way related to me!!
When I was a child, all I wanted was to be a child star and now my dream is finally coming true! I had countless community theater directors miscast me as Raindrop #5, instead of The Angel, Witch #3, instead of The Wicked Witch and Molly's understudy (in Annie - she's the smallest orphan who cries by the window), instead of Annie! Finally I can send my first album to those cruel community theater directors, and say, "I told you so!" I knew I was destined for child stardom!
Love The Ukulady
ps: THANK YOU sososo much to the purchasers of Banned From Canters!
pps: I heard from the UnNamed reality television show, and in typical TSLerner fashion, have been cast as the Reality Show Understudy. Even as an adult child star gay icon, I am still being cast as the friggin' understudy!
ppps: The UnNamed Reality Television show will be blogged about at a later date, or I could lose all Reality Television Understudy privileges and be blackballed from the theoretical island foreversies!
pppps: I'm afraid Britney is going to die soon...
Monday, January 14, 2008
The Ukulady on Reality Television...
Dear Blob,
I may be cast on a high-pressure athletically-competitive reality television show. Last month my ex-manager, who is also a casting director, urged me to "audition" for "Blank for the Blank"; feeding The Entertainer's Narcissism, he flamingly told me I'm Perfect for the show. No one ever tells me I'm perfect for any shows. I didn't even get to play Annie in community children's theater.
I now understand I'm perfect for the impending reality show because I hate all athletically-competitive activities. I will be cast as the weird girl, strong & sturdy, yet, pathetically-athletically-non-competitively-inclined
Hollywood is a rough town, where whores and nepotists are rewarded with their own production deals, movies and shows. Artists who refuse to sell out, get nothing. I am a good Jew, raised fiscally savvy and hell yes, I'll Sell Out in order to never have a day job. I will sell (not retail), hookers, baby flesh, terrorism, whatevsies..... I've even worked for the Scientologists. I consider taking money from The Man, which includes any LLC, my duty as an Infiltrator.
Today the reality show sent me for a physical. Even though I have health insurance, the yearly deductible is ridiculous, so I was thrilled to get a free check-up, paid for by NBC. I went to Glendale, the Armenian capital of the world, where even the ATM's offer the Armenian language option. I left my blood and urine in Glendale, popped into Armenian Trader Jews (as my family calls it), and zipped home to Echo Park. My reality TV pals tell me that if you've been sent for the physical, you are cast. Shooting is this weekend. I might pee my pants with nervous athletic-competition-anticipation/anxiety. I hope I win the $100,000.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I also hope to meet some awesome casting/tv people who will launch Mitch (New Gay Manager) and I to the top!
pps: Spinal Tap's hit single "Give Me Some Money" plays on repeat in my head.
ppps: I hate group competitive athletics so much, I was suspended from jr. high for telling the PE teacher to Fuck off in 8th grade.
I may be cast on a high-pressure athletically-competitive reality television show. Last month my ex-manager, who is also a casting director, urged me to "audition" for "Blank for the Blank"; feeding The Entertainer's Narcissism, he flamingly told me I'm Perfect for the show. No one ever tells me I'm perfect for any shows. I didn't even get to play Annie in community children's theater.
I now understand I'm perfect for the impending reality show because I hate all athletically-competitive activities. I will be cast as the weird girl, strong & sturdy, yet, pathetically-athletically-non-competitively-inclined
Hollywood is a rough town, where whores and nepotists are rewarded with their own production deals, movies and shows. Artists who refuse to sell out, get nothing. I am a good Jew, raised fiscally savvy and hell yes, I'll Sell Out in order to never have a day job. I will sell (not retail), hookers, baby flesh, terrorism, whatevsies..... I've even worked for the Scientologists. I consider taking money from The Man, which includes any LLC, my duty as an Infiltrator.
Today the reality show sent me for a physical. Even though I have health insurance, the yearly deductible is ridiculous, so I was thrilled to get a free check-up, paid for by NBC. I went to Glendale, the Armenian capital of the world, where even the ATM's offer the Armenian language option. I left my blood and urine in Glendale, popped into Armenian Trader Jews (as my family calls it), and zipped home to Echo Park. My reality TV pals tell me that if you've been sent for the physical, you are cast. Shooting is this weekend. I might pee my pants with nervous athletic-competition-anticipation/anxiety. I hope I win the $100,000.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I also hope to meet some awesome casting/tv people who will launch Mitch (New Gay Manager) and I to the top!
pps: Spinal Tap's hit single "Give Me Some Money" plays on repeat in my head.
ppps: I hate group competitive athletics so much, I was suspended from jr. high for telling the PE teacher to Fuck off in 8th grade.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Sucking-In-Audition-Therapy Blog!
Dear Blog,
The theme songs to most 80's sitcoms are totally profound. Different Strokes - "Everybody's got there own story, everybody needs a chance to shine!" Golden Girls - "Thank you for being a friend!" Laverne and Shirley - "Give us any chance we'll take it! Doing it our way!"
I've been all bummed since yesterday because I totally fucking bombed on a couple voiceover auditions in front of one of LA's biggest VO casting directors. I freaked out inside and went straight to my bad sucking-in-audition-habits; The same one's which caused me to lose the role of Molly in Annie to this freckled chick with a pig-nose named Jasmine, in 5th grade. A little old to be playing Molly, but I was small for my age. The entire show, in which I played Molly's understudy/generic orphan, I plotted her death; I befriended her, hoping to poison her with candy, offered from my generous hand. I don't know where I thought I would find the poison or why anyone would accept edibles from one's understudy.
After sucking totally in the 3-hour class, I had Gay Night with a couple of my fleet. I arrived at my Recently-Turned-Friend-Into-Manager, Michael's (So there! Marilyn Idzdebski, Director of Annie in 5th grade) apartment and he was listening to Show Tunes Radio on his tv. We went to Gay Target and he missed a call from Jennifer Holliday (Dreamgirls, etc...). She left her home phone number on his cell and I listened to her message in the Gay Target Sock section. Unfortunately knee-sock season has passed, so I purchased gum only. We made our way to the LBG theater and watched funny gay people and their faghags pretend to be 70's tv stars, such as Ricardo Montalban and Elaine Joyce, who is now married to Neil Simon! Michael, former child star, is trying to book Jennifer as Captain of Columbus Ohio's Gay Pride Parade. Apparently they have a big queer pop. He's pitching me to a gay cruise line! Fuck yeah! Before he was my manager, (hear that, Jasmine?) I listened to a message on his cell from George Hamilton. George was on a private jet and eventually Michael found George too difficult to nail down.
So I'll hopefully make-up for my total VO suckiness at next week's very expensive, but totally worth-it, class.
Love The UkuLady
PS: my recording equiptment is down and life fucking sucks without it! I can't imagine how the pioneers felt...
The theme songs to most 80's sitcoms are totally profound. Different Strokes - "Everybody's got there own story, everybody needs a chance to shine!" Golden Girls - "Thank you for being a friend!" Laverne and Shirley - "Give us any chance we'll take it! Doing it our way!"
I've been all bummed since yesterday because I totally fucking bombed on a couple voiceover auditions in front of one of LA's biggest VO casting directors. I freaked out inside and went straight to my bad sucking-in-audition-habits; The same one's which caused me to lose the role of Molly in Annie to this freckled chick with a pig-nose named Jasmine, in 5th grade. A little old to be playing Molly, but I was small for my age. The entire show, in which I played Molly's understudy/generic orphan, I plotted her death; I befriended her, hoping to poison her with candy, offered from my generous hand. I don't know where I thought I would find the poison or why anyone would accept edibles from one's understudy.
After sucking totally in the 3-hour class, I had Gay Night with a couple of my fleet. I arrived at my Recently-Turned-Friend-Into-Manager, Michael's (So there! Marilyn Idzdebski, Director of Annie in 5th grade) apartment and he was listening to Show Tunes Radio on his tv. We went to Gay Target and he missed a call from Jennifer Holliday (Dreamgirls, etc...). She left her home phone number on his cell and I listened to her message in the Gay Target Sock section. Unfortunately knee-sock season has passed, so I purchased gum only. We made our way to the LBG theater and watched funny gay people and their faghags pretend to be 70's tv stars, such as Ricardo Montalban and Elaine Joyce, who is now married to Neil Simon! Michael, former child star, is trying to book Jennifer as Captain of Columbus Ohio's Gay Pride Parade. Apparently they have a big queer pop. He's pitching me to a gay cruise line! Fuck yeah! Before he was my manager, (hear that, Jasmine?) I listened to a message on his cell from George Hamilton. George was on a private jet and eventually Michael found George too difficult to nail down.
So I'll hopefully make-up for my total VO suckiness at next week's very expensive, but totally worth-it, class.
Love The UkuLady
PS: my recording equiptment is down and life fucking sucks without it! I can't imagine how the pioneers felt...
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