Dear Blob,
Poor Lindsey Lohan! According to US Weekly, she's almost broke! How heartbreaking! Apparently, she can't get any movie work and has moved in with her suspected girlfriend because she wants to save money on rent! Luckily for Lindsey, The Ukulady has some hot money-saving tips for her during these tough economic times.
1. Stop buying expensive handbags, Lindsey. A girl really only needs about 3 handbags. If you are really attached to your high-end designer bags, keep a few and sell the rest on E-Bay! I'm sure there are some die-hard Lindsey Lohan Fans who can navigate the E-Bay landscape for you! You can become the Lindsey Lohan of E-Bay!
2. Sell your fancy vehicle and get a Toyota or a Honda! It's a buyers market, Lindsey! And I'm sure there is some die-hard Lindsey Lohan fan who will be thrilled to buy your expensive car and drive it around! Then we can be twinsies, because I have a Honda!
3. Only do other people's drugs. Drugs like cocaine are expensive and you should definitely be able to mooch off other recreational users who hang out at the Chateau Marmont! I'm sure you know that people want to hang out with you because you are so beautiful (totally true and earnest - Lindsey is Stunning.) and since you seem to be into recreational drug-use, using other's coke is a great way to save money!
I applaud your decision, Lindsey, to save on rent by moving in with Samantha! Yay! I wish someone would move in with the Ukulady & Gay Fab Roommate (GFR) because our rent is outrageous. Good luck on getting work, Lindsey! I and all my struggling actor pals are also having a hard time getting work, so remember, you are not alone! There are thousands of talented actors who can't even get a theatrical agent, so Lindsey, consider yourself lucky, count your blessings and do something smart with your next paycheck! I recommend Bay Area real-estate (when you're surrounded by water, there's limited land-room!).
Love The Ukulady
ps: Maybe you can apply for unemployment, Lindsey!
pps: Taco Trucks are cheap and delicious! The best one is on Alvarado, in Echo Park, in front of the Vons!
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, January 14, 2008
The Ukulady on Reality Television...
Dear Blob,
I may be cast on a high-pressure athletically-competitive reality television show. Last month my ex-manager, who is also a casting director, urged me to "audition" for "Blank for the Blank"; feeding The Entertainer's Narcissism, he flamingly told me I'm Perfect for the show. No one ever tells me I'm perfect for any shows. I didn't even get to play Annie in community children's theater.
I now understand I'm perfect for the impending reality show because I hate all athletically-competitive activities. I will be cast as the weird girl, strong & sturdy, yet, pathetically-athletically-non-competitively-inclined
Hollywood is a rough town, where whores and nepotists are rewarded with their own production deals, movies and shows. Artists who refuse to sell out, get nothing. I am a good Jew, raised fiscally savvy and hell yes, I'll Sell Out in order to never have a day job. I will sell (not retail), hookers, baby flesh, terrorism, whatevsies..... I've even worked for the Scientologists. I consider taking money from The Man, which includes any LLC, my duty as an Infiltrator.
Today the reality show sent me for a physical. Even though I have health insurance, the yearly deductible is ridiculous, so I was thrilled to get a free check-up, paid for by NBC. I went to Glendale, the Armenian capital of the world, where even the ATM's offer the Armenian language option. I left my blood and urine in Glendale, popped into Armenian Trader Jews (as my family calls it), and zipped home to Echo Park. My reality TV pals tell me that if you've been sent for the physical, you are cast. Shooting is this weekend. I might pee my pants with nervous athletic-competition-anticipation/anxiety. I hope I win the $100,000.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I also hope to meet some awesome casting/tv people who will launch Mitch (New Gay Manager) and I to the top!
pps: Spinal Tap's hit single "Give Me Some Money" plays on repeat in my head.
ppps: I hate group competitive athletics so much, I was suspended from jr. high for telling the PE teacher to Fuck off in 8th grade.
I may be cast on a high-pressure athletically-competitive reality television show. Last month my ex-manager, who is also a casting director, urged me to "audition" for "Blank for the Blank"; feeding The Entertainer's Narcissism, he flamingly told me I'm Perfect for the show. No one ever tells me I'm perfect for any shows. I didn't even get to play Annie in community children's theater.
I now understand I'm perfect for the impending reality show because I hate all athletically-competitive activities. I will be cast as the weird girl, strong & sturdy, yet, pathetically-athletically-non-competitively-inclined
Hollywood is a rough town, where whores and nepotists are rewarded with their own production deals, movies and shows. Artists who refuse to sell out, get nothing. I am a good Jew, raised fiscally savvy and hell yes, I'll Sell Out in order to never have a day job. I will sell (not retail), hookers, baby flesh, terrorism, whatevsies..... I've even worked for the Scientologists. I consider taking money from The Man, which includes any LLC, my duty as an Infiltrator.
Today the reality show sent me for a physical. Even though I have health insurance, the yearly deductible is ridiculous, so I was thrilled to get a free check-up, paid for by NBC. I went to Glendale, the Armenian capital of the world, where even the ATM's offer the Armenian language option. I left my blood and urine in Glendale, popped into Armenian Trader Jews (as my family calls it), and zipped home to Echo Park. My reality TV pals tell me that if you've been sent for the physical, you are cast. Shooting is this weekend. I might pee my pants with nervous athletic-competition-anticipation/anxiety. I hope I win the $100,000.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I also hope to meet some awesome casting/tv people who will launch Mitch (New Gay Manager) and I to the top!
pps: Spinal Tap's hit single "Give Me Some Money" plays on repeat in my head.
ppps: I hate group competitive athletics so much, I was suspended from jr. high for telling the PE teacher to Fuck off in 8th grade.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Mobizzo; look what I don't got.
Dear Blog,
It's a total bummer to be the voiceover spokesperson for a product that no longer exists. My ship came in a little bit last summer, when I landed the Mobizzo account. Blog, I'm sure you are wondering, as blogs are deep-thinkers in some dimension of existance, what the hell Mobizzo is. It Was a cell-phone download thingy and I was their spokesperson! I made a lot of money, that has since, totally dwindled, saying, "Mobizzo. Look what I got."
Now I am compelled to say, "Mobizzo. Look what I don't got."
If I spoke like I live in Fresno. (Jenna, since you don't live westcoast style, Fresno is considered the armpit of California. Now I'm just being mean to Fresno-residents. My anger at Mobozzo's disappearance is being channeled to Fresno-ites, who may be totally into correct grammar.)
I got a horoscope last year which said I need to develop Maniacal Career Focus. I have and now I have determined that I am Nurturing my Maniacal Career Focus.
Love The UkuLady
PS: It's totally unfair that Hilary Duff is making millions and I'm not. Bitch.
PPS: This blog is being written on Tallulah Petunia! My new computersies! It's like a new car! I encourage everyone to go into debt to have this kind of computer speed and ease. I heart you Lulu!
It's a total bummer to be the voiceover spokesperson for a product that no longer exists. My ship came in a little bit last summer, when I landed the Mobizzo account. Blog, I'm sure you are wondering, as blogs are deep-thinkers in some dimension of existance, what the hell Mobizzo is. It Was a cell-phone download thingy and I was their spokesperson! I made a lot of money, that has since, totally dwindled, saying, "Mobizzo. Look what I got."
Now I am compelled to say, "Mobizzo. Look what I don't got."
If I spoke like I live in Fresno. (Jenna, since you don't live westcoast style, Fresno is considered the armpit of California. Now I'm just being mean to Fresno-residents. My anger at Mobozzo's disappearance is being channeled to Fresno-ites, who may be totally into correct grammar.)
I got a horoscope last year which said I need to develop Maniacal Career Focus. I have and now I have determined that I am Nurturing my Maniacal Career Focus.
Love The UkuLady
PS: It's totally unfair that Hilary Duff is making millions and I'm not. Bitch.
PPS: This blog is being written on Tallulah Petunia! My new computersies! It's like a new car! I encourage everyone to go into debt to have this kind of computer speed and ease. I heart you Lulu!
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