Who Wears the CandyPants?

Dear Blob,
This new Ukulady song is a sequel to the Ukulady's song "Bells of Venice High". The final song written in The Ukulady & Ukulad's Marshmallow House. Performed at the 1st annual Mentryville Music Festival in Mentryville, CA.



Love The Ukulady
ps: Is there such a thing as a First Annual?
pps: Note The Ukulady's pioneer outfit!

The Ukulady is a Pioneer!

Dear Blob,
Growing up in the Bay Area, we traveled to nearby Lake Tahoe via Donner Lake, several times a year, resulting in my lifelong obsession with Pioneers, particularly The Donner Party. I read and re-read (and still re-read) Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House series dozens of time and currently stacked by my bed are books titled: Pioneer Women, Soiled Doves: Prostitution in the Old West and Women of the West.

This past weekend I had the thrill of dressing up in full pioneer/ukulady garb and playing a show at an old cowboy pioneer town in Santa Clarita, CA called Mentryville! The Natural Stage Project, an organization of music enthusiasts dedicated to Music in Nature, produced their first annual Mentryville Music Festival and, like The Donner Party's first taste of bread after the horrible famine-winter, it was Fabulous!

Wearing my Pioneer outfit, gussied up with Ukulady meep like googly-eyed-heart necklace & orange crinoline, I felt the same thrill I'm sure Pioneers felt after the first time they tasted an orange or taffy.

Enjoy this ridiculously fabulous video of Pioneer The Ukulady & Native America Gabby La La, united as Kit'n'Tenders in a song about Fat Snack Cats, a nibblet I'm sure The Donner Party would have appreciated.


Love The Ukulady

ps: I want to make a TV show about Teen Pioneers called The Donner Party!

The Magic of Bunnysuits!

Dear Blob,
Although I consider myself non-religious, I am a Holiday Enthusiast, finding pleasure in bunnies, chicks, chocolate & fertility-Springtime-celebration!

It's a great day to meditate on New Beginnings, Fresh Starts & Growth!
Love The Ukulady
ps: The fabulous Magnetic Fields urge us via song to Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits! Celebrate Spring!

The Ukulady's Guide to Camping: Part 1: Lake Isabella & Keysville, CA

PHOTOS: The Ukulady & Ukulad in Keysville & Kern River




Dear Blob,

The Ukulady's Guide to Camping* (While Being Home-Based in Southern California)
*The Ukulady seeks naturetastic car-camping devoid of RV's, partying peeps & amenities.

PART 1: Lake Isabella/Kernville/Keysville

Manpanion and I were planning on camping in Pinnacles National Monument, but a mid-March rainstorm changed our plans at the last minute and we found ourselves heading Northeast from LA towards Lake Isabella.

An unattractive drive through Bakersfield rewarded us with an attractive, alpine-ee, scenic road to the rural mini-towns encircling Lake Isabella, where we found all the campgrounds around the Lake seasonally-closed. However, even if they were open, they are not my cup of meep. Most of the official campgrounds are located right next to the highway and one is even in the town of Wofford Heights and I imagine all are packed and RV-Fevered in the summer.

Luckily, we discovered a giant expanse of BLM land called Keysville, an old mining area, where the river rafters launch into the Kern River, wild cows wander and you can camp anywhere for FREE!

There are a couple restrooms at the river launch picnic-eries, but the majority of potential camping-land is pee-in-the-woods party! We found a pretty hilltop, overlooking Lake Isabella, and discovered at twilight that it was right beside the untethered Cows-Wandering-Home Path.

On our second night camping, an SUV drove by with a Mining official, who informed us we were camping across from a Pioneer Graveyard! It was exciting for us, being Pioneer-Enthsiasts (I am a Donner-Party semi-expert). Sadly, the Keysville Pioneer Graveyard was full of babies and children, but luckily none of them haunted us.

Keysville is a gorgeous place to hike around. There are many trails frequented by ATV riders and while I imagine the summer is redneck central, mid-March, was fairly empty and quiet. We did hear some target shooting and ran into some families of ATV riders, but saw more free-wandering cows than anything else. The land is full of Halloween-ee trees, granite rocks and mini-wildflowers in spring.

The Kern River launch area is landscaped with ridiculously beautiful rock slabs and the water was super inviting-looking. It was too cold to take a dip, but has many swimming-hole spots, as well as rapids, so be careful.

Keysville is a fabulous place to camp for peeps seeking tranquility and nature. And it's free! Pack in, pack out. A permit is needed for campfires and camping stoves and the permit office is inconveniently located in Bakersfield. We didn't have a permit and were ultra-super-safety-conscious and no one busted us. We did see a BLM ranger or two driving around, but mostly Keysville is wild land.

About 2.5 - 3 hours from Los Angeles.

Love The Ukulady
ps: Keysville & the surrounding evirons seem to be on the flight-path for fighter jets.

pps: Camping Meal Menus:

LUNCHES: Fancy Irish Cheddar Cheese (keeps super-well), Salami, Crackers, Pita Chips, Peas, Carrots, Persian Cucumbers, Clif Bars.

DINNERS:
1. Using pioneer Iron Skillet: small, yellow potatoes, thinly cut, stir-fried with broccoli, butter & already-cooked chicken-apple sausage, salt, pepper & parmesan cheese to taste.

2. Pre-cooked basmati rice skillet-cooked with broccoli and chicken-apple sausage.

(I find salt, pepper, butter & parmesan cheese are the essential and only camping seasonings needed)

BREAKFAST: Pre-cooked banana bread, bananas, apples, french-press coffee (pre-ground).

pps: I bring 1 awesome cutting board, hand-made in Mexico, which has a scoopy-bowl on one side of the board and the other side is the chopping area. Perfect for camping!

pppps: ROAD-INFO: Parts of Lake Isabella are part of Sequoia National Forest & Park. The scenic road from Wofford Heights to the 99, is interstate 155 and is very windy, very remote and takes about an hour and a half to get to and from.

The 178, which is the road from Bakersfield to Lake Isabella, is somewhat windy and takes about 45 minutes and is the shortest route from LA. The 155 has all sorts of Sequoia National Park campgrounds and is alpine. Beautiful, but even the driver got carsick. We took the 155 on our way out because we were headed to Yosemite. I would not take that road again, regardless of the beauty. 178 is recommended.

Take a Stroll Down Compliment Alley!

PHOTOS: Cupcake & Swizzle Stick: 2 Puppets in Love; Peeps!

Dear Blob,

8 Pleasingly Amusing Nibblets:

1. Fitness with Witness! Fitness videos with peeps in the FBI witness protection program or with Amish witness from the '80's movie, Witness.

2. Macaroonery: a Macaroon Outlet

3. A Year of Gyros with Yessaly Yerner: I eat a gyro everyday for an entire year and blog about it....

4. Compliment Alley: Feeling blue, Tammy took a shortcut through Compliment Alley. "Hey lady, you are a genius! I love your cute shirt!" the alley called out to her. Tammy felt better.

5. The Think 'n' Tinkle: A Pee-ery where one has time to think....

6. A Business Woman or Man in a Half-Shirt.

7. Clam Brullee

Love The Ukulady
ps: Stay tuned for The Ukulady's Guide to Camping in California! Coming soon in Blobbed segments.

Breaking News: Salvation Mountain: American Folk Art Sensation!

Dear Blob,
The Ukulad and I recently went camping in the Anza Borrego desert, which was delightful and reinvigorating. On our way home we detoured through Niland, CA, home of Slab City and Salvation Mountain.

Breaking newscasters, Miss Carrot & The Peas Undercover, were thrilled to discover the secrets of Universe:


I recommend visiting Salvation Mountain very soon!

To The Downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady
ps: What a thrill it was to watch my celebrity boyfriend, Bret McKenzie, of Flight of the Conchords, win an Oscar for the best song ever, Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?!

Google Eyes, Bacon & North Korea!

The Ukulady's Cute Craft Owls!

Dear Blob,

1. Googly Eyes are the Bacon of Crafting: Bacon makes almost every dish More Delicious and Googly Eyes make every crafting item More Cute, also known as Cuter.

2. I'm deeply over The News on NPR in the mornings. Nothing is more uninteresting and repulsive than America's money-pit of political-campaigns. I yearn for a radio news station that tells interesting news, like frogs falling from the sky, UFO sightings and Yeti theory.

3. This week, on a me-time hike, I recently (briefly) considered throwing in the entertainment/artist towel, getting an MBA and becoming an investment banker so I can have things like healthcare, steady income and move from my studio into a 1-bedroom.

That evening I researched MBA programs before dismissing the fancy due to the cost (and the reality of number-crunching, standardized tests and giving up on my dreams) and then in attempt to feel better, I watched a riveting documentary about an American defector to North Korea.

While the North Koreans do not have freedom to travel (or speak their minds publicly), move forward in their careers or imagine their Big Dreams are a possibility, they do have free healthcare whenever they want, a job, an apartment and usually, food.

These days in America, it's challenging for most people to attain human basics: job (which equals tangible-purpose-for-the-day), shelter, healthcare & food. An aesthetically-pleasing 1 bedroom place in LA averages $1200 - $1800 rent. What single person can pay this much a month?

What's the point of capitalism if it's spoils are out of reach for most citizens?

4. The good news is I've recommitted to Sandwiches! 2012 is the Year of the Sandwich! Too often the UkuFridge was sandwich-fixin'-free, a deep fridge-flaw the Ukulad and I pledged to correct this year. It felt good to fill our grocery basket with potential Sandwich fixin's!

Love The Ukulady

Fired-For-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein, Speaks Out!

Dear Blob,
Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch Stein, speaks about homophobia, discrimination & honesty at Citrus Community College:



Love The Ukulady
ps: Sound quality gets much better about 30 seconds in....

The Exact Location of Balls, Drag Queens & Feeling Plump!

Dear Blob,
My current day job demands I ride around in a car all day looking for hot people in LA who are not actors. Camera-ready, we call them in the industry, so not necessarily hot, but attractive, easy on the eyeballs.

Speaking of balls, my new fabulous lesbian friends came over for dinner this weekend and the conversation turned to talent-shows featuring gay-men in glitter banana-hammock speedos, which led to Chef LB's girlfriend outing her misunderstanding of ball-location.

Apparently, Chef LB never changed boy's diapers, must have spaced-out during man-anatomy/sex-ed and being gay, never had the opportunity to clarify the exact location of the male junk and she thought balls were attached to the male buttocks.

Chef LB's girlfriend kindly shed light on the actual location of balls, attached to the meep and the concern then turned to: when in Flashdance-like leotard costumes, where do drag-queens tuck their junk?

Now that Chef LB discovered balls are not attached to the male buttocks, her concern was how far drag-queen junk has to go to be tucked away; apparently, they tuck it between the cheeks.

In other news, I thought buttocks was a synonym for bosom until I was 15.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Driving around looking for hot people has minimized my exercise-time, particularly yoga and we get free business lunch everyday, which is leading to a plumpening. After business lunch, I call myself Pouchini, Puccini's lesser-known sibling.

pps: Speaking of drag-queens, Fired-for-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein's former water-polo swim-students seem to have started a Bring Our Coach Back Facebook Page. To The Downfall of Evil!

The SoCal Accordion Festival is Coming!

Dear Blob,
The OC Accordion Festival is Next Sunday! Don't miss it at the OC Marketplace in Costa Mesa, CA! Listen to accordions and purchase socks, corndogs & model homes at the exact same time!

Love The Ukulady

Fired-For-Being-Gay Mitch on Perez Hilton & Corndog Enthusiasm!

PHOTOS: Fired-For-Being-Gay Mitch & fiancee, Hugo, Ukulady & Corndog!


Dear Blob,
It's too bad Mitch is engaged to be married to his partner because he if he wanted to, he could have a million dates since being Featured on the Front Page of Perez Hilton last Friday! You read-heard that right, Blob, Gay Icon, Perez Hilton picked up Fired-For-Being-Gay, Mitch's story and featured him alongside Linsdsay, Brittney, Kendra and all the other Hollywood Party Meeps!

Due to working a real-person job, I'm a bit behind the blobbing and was unable to blob this breaking news. What a dream for a gay media enthusiast!

I just searched for the link and discovered Perez has 2 websites, PerezHilton.com and FitHilton.com. Perhaps FitHilton is the new, thin 'n' fit Perez's website. Pleasingly, Mitch is on the Thin website, FitHilton.com, although Perez used the unflattering picture and Mitch looks a bit...puffy and totally cranky. Not the ideal attitude for a date, which isn't going to happen as Mitch is engaged to Hugo, but if it were, the potential Million Dates would probably change the Cranky Attitude Mitch to Happy Mitch Party Meep!

In other news, Ukulad and I inherited a food garden from the NeoSurrealists, who went to MIT to be Geniuses and we are having major bug and fungus issues. Ants and giant antish creatures are having a chomp-festival on the peppers and weird mushrooms, which exude a black, oily substance, are springing up all around the basil & artisan spring mix-greens.

I thought the black mushroom ooze was tar, but closer inspection revealed bulbous mushroom heads, something the homophobic Charter Oak High School Principal would find offensive-in-appearance, bursting through the soil and soiling potential dinner. Ukulad is worried they are poisonous mushrooms, but I feel confident that they are unharmful; more research is needed. This is why I've always grown succulents only; they are almost impossible to kill and take almost no care.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I'm preparing to start the International Corndog Association or Global Corndog Network or Universal Corndog Alliance.
The website will be a venue for Corndog Enthusiasts to post photos of them & their Corndogs! We will celebrate The Corndog via pictures so we don't gain enormous pouches...

10 Pleasing Word Combos: Day 2

Dear Blob,
10 Pleasing Thoughts Verbally & Visually: Day 2

1. Shrimp Thins: Crackers
2. Flesh Punch: a beverage
3. Backpack Snack-Yak
4. Tuna Cotillion: Party for Tuna Teens named Tina
5. Flatmeat Melts 'n' Flatmelt Meats
6. Kvetch Cords: Corduroys to wear while kvetching
7. Florkle: Ladel & Fork
8. Jehovah Java: Coffee for the Devout
9. Prostitots: Baby hookers
10: Trader Jews: TJ's for the Heebs

Love The Ukulady

ps: Is Oy in the Dictionary?
pps: Where does the word Corduroy come from? So weird.

Tell a Dog with Grandma Cookie Jar!

Tell a Dog with Don Black of Ghiant Music!

Dear Blob,
In honor of my BFF, Global Genius, Don Black, Tells a Dog his problems and then feels better!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Headed to the LA County Fair! Mullets, Corndogs & Cameltoe here we come!

UkuAdventures in LA: Brain-Chips, Pioneers & Singing Telegrams!

PHOTO: Ukulad-Made Stool & Bookcase!

Dear Blob,
From Egpyt to sociological-weight-loss TV-shows to Pioneers, I require a constant infusion of intellectual stimulation. Like humans snack on chips between meals, my brain snacks on books between working. This week's Chips-For-The-Brain has been Pioneer women literature, purchased in last weekend's comically-large used booksale. Riveting! While Pioneer Women made Pioneer Men feel well-fed, sexually-satisfied & homey, Pioneer Women make me feel:

1. so physically wimpy.
2. so much better about life-hardships.

These women wrote journals about baking dozens of bread-loafs, washing clothing in water they lugged from the spring & heated themselves, killing a couple prairie chickens, plucking & preparing & then giving birth, all in the same day! And finding time to write in their Blog!

If I have to drive across town in traffic, have multiple friend-like-schmooze-meetings, go to Trader Joe's and jog all in the same day, I am exhausted. Add a yoga class to the mix and I collapse, porcine-like, on a couch that neither I nor the Ukulad made from scratch (although I am currently writing this blob perched upon a cute-stool The Ukulad made from scratch!).

It's odd to realize that the majority of potato-Americans leading sedentary lives, sprung forth from ridiculously physically-fit ancestors only a few generations ago,. If they learned the rules and trained for maybe a week, Pioneer Women could easily beat professional lady wrestlers.

I would love to see Jill Michaels go up against Elinore Stewart, a Wyoming homesteader who not only raised cellarfuls of root vegetables but also herded cattle, performed weddings 'n' funerals, thought nothing of taking her young daughter camping in the snow, cooked for dozens with food she grew, birthed kids, midwifed and wrote a bookful of eloquent letters to her Denver friends, describing her life. She had no Korea Spa to rejuvinate in.

In other news, The Ukulad honored the life of the dead lead singer from Warrant this morning by playing '80's hair-metal-band music. I am partial to the power-ballads.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I, like the rest of America, spend most of my energy on making money or scheming to make money, which buys me food, a home & other life-necessities. The Pioneers spent their energy on creating what they needed themselves. It would be ideal if our civilization found a balance of the two: self-sufficiency mixed with money-making self-sufficiency.

It seems my generation, formerly the Gen-Xers, now the 30's/40's peeps, are striving towards that goal. Many peers have food gardens & chickens; however is this trend only happening in the urban centers, where books like The Omnivore's Dilemma, circulate like "Hot Models Needed to Circulate at Hollywood Events"? That's a posting from a typical LA craigslist job listing.

pps: The Ukulady now offers Singing Telegrams! If you are not in the greater-SoCal, USA area, The Ukulady offers Telephone Singing Telegrams! Tell that Special Meep You Are Special! Ukulady style! Contact meep to get started!

UkuAdventures in LA: Oprah is Right: Spa-Magic-Fever!

Dear Blob,
There are many reasons to love Los Angeles from the kitschy wonder of Clifton's Cafeteria to Elysian Park's hidden-gem Stairwalks and most amazingly, the Korean Spa. With the largest population of Koreans outside of Korea, LA offers millions of Korean Meatery-Eateries, bubble-tea drinkeries and a handful of comedically-affordable Spas, resembling what I imagine the Roman baths were like.

My BFF of 30 years is a harried mother of 2 kids under 6, who has been living at her in-law's Orange County house for a year, reluctantly transitioning from fabulous Austin to a fiscally-neccessary-job-market-for-hubby in the beautiful OC.

If you haven't been to the OC, imagine a miles and miles of strip-malls attached to strip malls with planned mcmansion developments between the Ruby Tuesdays, Chili's and Chucky Cheeses. Oprah knows: when a mother is in desperate need of a break-from-reality, her supporters better move fast; get that lady in a vat of hot water.

I took her to the Olympic Spa, where for $15 women only go from 3 different hot'n'cold tubs to 3 different saunas & 1 giant restery which includes a heated-marble-floored stage with fake-wood square pillows. The Korean spa is a festival of lady-nudity and is the perfect LA location to return to body-reality & feel good about one's body.

LA is ridiculously fat-free, with a giant population of super-tall, pouch-free women of European ancestry, exactly who the worldwide media celebrates as the ideal of feminine-beauty. It's easy to feel fat in LA surrounded by millions of these genetically-perfect-by-media-standards women. The Korean spa is full of different races which means different genetic body-types and we all are so relaxed from the extreme temperature-waters & saunas, it's impossible to feel self-conscious. It's the Verge-of-Drooling-Relaxation.

The Koreans have the right idea, incorporating soaking in spa-waters regularly. I particularly appreciate the affordability of their spas. There are many chic European-style spas that only the Wealthy can afford to relax; I understand it's exhausting managing a fortune and keeping up appearances but it's also exhausting blogging about the wealthy's exhaustion and the Korean spa offers rejuvenation for everyone. Even a homeless person could raise enough street-corner-coinage to refresh at the Korean spa and still buy a forty.

Everyone should get over their nude-in-front-of-other-people issues and go to the Korean spa.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Heavy, my tv-computer show, upsettingly, changed their format at episode 6 and switched health-centers, leaving behind my trainer-friends, David and Britny for a condescending trainer named Beverly Perfect. I'm not pleased.

pps: I love that the Korean Spa gives Fruit it's own category.

pps: For extra-money you can get a rigorous skin-sloughing and other services at the Korean spa. See this blob from the past to learn about The Ukulady's skin-sloughing experience...

UkuAdventures in Mexico: Too Hot for Knee Socks!

Thank You Mexico & Friendsies! This song will be on my upcoming Heart-on-a-Sleeve Album, U!

UkuAdventures in Mexico: Tropical Mexico

Classic Mexico

Strawberry Fresa Bandito

Fruitas

Boing! Delicious!

Barra De Navidad

UkuAdventures in Mexico: Knocked-Up Barbie & Freelancers

PHOTOS: Knocked-up Barbies, Whore Shoes for People & Dolls





Dear Blob,
Yesterday's outdoor market in Melaque revealed perhaps the most disturbing thing I've seen so far in Mexico: Pregnant Barbie & her Whore-Accessories. It blew my mind.

The sexism and role of females in Mexico has always disturbed me, from my first day in Echo Park, LA, when, browsing the teenage clothing store, I couldn't figure out why everything in my size was far too big; then I realized I was in the Pregnant Teen section. Echo Park's Pregnant Teen store used to have a selection of pornographic tongue rings with slogans like (buckle up), "Cum-Filled" and "Party Girl" next to the Diaper Bags.

Pregnant Barbies come with a removable stomach and were surrounded with cute baskets of pick-your-own-accessories, which included whore-pumps, plastic-furry-go-go boots, cell phones and more; all the things a woman needs.

I've become accustomed here in Mexico, to seeing teen parents. It's the same in LA, although in LA I don't usually see teen dads, which I see a lot here. It's upsetting that Mattel Mexico thinks so little of Mexican girls, urging them to be knocked-up whores. Barbie's purpose was to be a Modern Career Girl. She's s been a pilot, a doctor & the president. No reason she can't be a mother, the hardest job of all, but there's something deeply sexist and misogynistic about selling Knocked-up Whore Barbies to little girls living in a nation where teen-motherhood is the acceptable norm.

In other news, Thessica had a 7 hour beach day in Melaque yesterday, enjoying the calm waves of Chicken Beach, nibbling coconut-honey balls & considering the global phenomenon of networking.

Many travelers and foreigners are cautiously suspicious of locals offering services and hospitality. In America, no one but a hustler would offer a tourist, fresh off the bus, guided tours, a home-cooked meal or a satchel of pot. Certainly there are some hustlers, but the majority of Mexicans are honestly gracious and doing exactly what I do in LA, Networking.

Like LA-ites, most Mexicans are Schmoozers, social busy-bees and many are Connectors, as Malcolm Gladwell writes of in The Tipping Point. Connectors are the peeps who know everyone and can find you a dentist, accountant, great snackery; I'm a Connector.

The locals see potential business opportunities in the gringos, just like I see business opportunities in most people I meet in LA; could be working together for a day, a week or years or sometime in the future. Mexicans are Freelancers, not Hustlers. This is an important Travel Tip! Caution is always good, but Fear is the Dark Side.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Jessica, tipsy on margaritas, made BFF with a little Mexican/American girl yesterday. Callie told us she is 100 years old & friends with mermaids who eat cereal and like juice. She also told us she lives in Hawaii, her dad is bald & her parents have a crush on each other. She was hilarious, adorable and hung out with us all day; we were confused as to the location of her handlers, as she seemed to be alone; it was revealed at some point she was with Mama Mona & her family, the Nanny, perhaps.... I love the atmosphere of trust and safety in Mexico, regarding children. Once again, is it a small-town Mexico thing, or is it cultural?

pps: Pineapple is the King of Fruit with it's Royal Fruit Crown!

ppps: The market has tons of polyester ladies panties for sale, no cotton. Who is designing this stuff? Must be idiots, because polyester and cooters do not go hand-in-hand; tropical heat and the unbreathable polyester must lead to chronic cooter-maladies.

UkuAdventures in Mexico:Bathing Suit Week!

Dear Blob,
The Grand Bay is redeemed. For $85/US a night, it's a worthwhile respite from reality. Redemption appeared in the form of an expat named Canadian Eric, who lives on his buddy's magnificently decadent yacht in the Marina. The Grand Bay is nestled beside a Marina filled with Bluth-style yachts advertising their locations, from Sausalito (represent!) to Newport Beach and oddly, New Mexico, which I thought was landlocked.

Canadian Eric came upon Jessaly deciphering Grand Bay's map, trying to figure out how to avoid the Country Clubbers. Jolly, bored & friendly, he invited us aboard his yacht for a beer. It was noon. A travel lesson: always take up locals offers of food and drink, with caution and don't get drunk; it's the best way to find out the inside scoop! Canadian Eric was a lifesaver. He gave us the lowdown on how to get HB Larry and Laura into our room undetected: water-taxi to the Marina entrance and at the main pool, tell them you live at Dock C on the Marina. Marina dwellers have Grand Bay pool priviliges.

He also revealed a nearby pueblo for affordable snacks, told us the Grand Bay was over $300 a night 3 years ago, has laid of 95% of it's staff and Mexicans/20-year US citizens by the dozens, who have lost everything in America's depression, are moving home with to Mothers in Barra. Other convo-tidbits include: his 3 years in Barra he hasn't seen one violent altercation, Canadian's are buying foreclosed mansions in Phoenix and Americans are moving to Mexico because they can't afford the US; his property tax is $90US/year. Some interesting facts about Northern teak vs. Mexican teak & their oils, meat-info (bad beef in Mexico, great pork 'n' chicken!) and Jessaly was on her way.

We've shirked regular clothes this week. It's bathing-suit week; my Mexican Semester could also be called Body-Acceptance-Therapy-Time. The longer one is in Mexico, the more obvious what the Essentials are: computer 'n internet, ukulele, recording stuff, bathing suit, bug-spray & sunscreen. Hat, glasses 'n' water.

Energized by Canadian Yacht-Eric, Thessica set off in search of Grand Bay's other swimming pools, which after Labyrinth-The-Movie-like wandering, we stumbled upon. Our new Celine-Dion-Free pool is deserted and delightful and the perfect place for Laura & HB Larry or other sneaky-illegals to enjoy, undetected. There are no hotel security-cameras.

After cooling 'n' splashing, we set off for the gardens, clad only swimsuits; we have become Patsy & Eddie totally. Our Garden-journey took us through manicured jungles to a deserted Bed 'n' Breakfast on the edge of the peninsula with an open gate. We wandered in and discovered a fabulous path to 2 private beaches! One we've named Geology 'n' Biology Beach and is chock-full of fascinating rocks, fish skeletons, spiral shells, dried urchins 'n more. We collected specimens and thrilled, spent the next few hours on our Blue-Lagoon-ish-the movie-but-without-the-child-whoring-Beach, noodling in the ruffled wavelets & viewing sea snails.

Hunger led us to a mini-pueblo, inland from the Grand Bay with a secret entrance in a broken fence, as revealed by Canadian Yacht Eric. We found outstanding $2 burritos, returned to air-conditioning for a respite and spent the evening playing music, eating hotel-illegal Chips brand Chips and singing about churros, faraway in the barrio.

Interestingly, we noticed the hotel has turned the horrible music way down, so either someone at the Grand Bay is reading my blog or our complaints were noted & acted upon!

Today we adventure to the Market in Melaque. We are bringing pre-sealed-hotel butter for Panaderia Estrella's hot, fresh bolillos at 2:30.

Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm a Sweatback; my backpack, while handy, turns me into a Sweatback everyday.