The Ukulady on Craigslist TV!

Dear Blob,
The Ukulady tests out her new songs for Kids via Craigslist TV! Hopefully this exciting episode will garner the interest of wealthy patrons and a television network interested in producing The Ukulady's Kids TV Show!



Love The Ukulady
ps: The Winning Title of the Name This Song Competition is.... Unstoppable Lunch!

Breaking News: Salvation Mountain: American Folk Art Sensation!

Dear Blob,
The Ukulad and I recently went camping in the Anza Borrego desert, which was delightful and reinvigorating. On our way home we detoured through Niland, CA, home of Slab City and Salvation Mountain.

Breaking newscasters, Miss Carrot & The Peas Undercover, were thrilled to discover the secrets of Universe:


I recommend visiting Salvation Mountain very soon!

To The Downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady
ps: What a thrill it was to watch my celebrity boyfriend, Bret McKenzie, of Flight of the Conchords, win an Oscar for the best song ever, Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?!

Halloween, National Sandwich Day & Mitch Speaks!

PHOTOS: The Ukulady's Halloween: The Ukulady & Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Official Tea Party Member & Dead Prom Queen!



Dear Blob,
Working a real-person job is for the birds; many things are great, like paychecks, per diem and business lunches, but time for blobbing is challenging! Here's the hot scoop!

1. Fired-for-being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein, has his first speaking engagement at Citrus College! Yay! Read all about it!

2. Halloween is the best time of year because I blend in and really, everyone wants to play dress up. Halloween should be everyday. Airline travel on Halloween was particularly pleasing. I enjoyed eyeballing the flight attendant's costumes and spookily-decorated airline consuls. Halloween makes everything more fun and there's no family guilt, stress or materialism involved.

3. Today is National Sandwich Day! I enjoyed a panini in San Diego, where I am a business lady, working for the Meep, casting Real People in Market Research Video Projects.

4. San Diegoans are friendly, open and generally very camera-ready. Hot town; as in hot people and hot weather.

5. For our job we've picked sidekick code names; I've selected Assistant Beeker, Dr. Bunson Honeydew's sidekick and Advanced Meep Speaker.

Love The Ukulady

Lindsay Lohan & Mitch Stein Facing Challenges!

Dear Blob
The ongoing saga of Lindsay Lohan and Fired-For-Being-Gay-BFF, Mitch Stein, continue. Both are moving forward with their new careers: Lindsay posing for Playboy and Mitch speaking at Citrus Community College on November 2nd. Lindsay will reveal her hoo-ha and Mitch will reveal the challenges of being an out gay dad. Both Mitch and Lindsay have lawyers working for their rights, both are being presented with new opportunities and are swinging with the punches, playing the card-hand life has dealt them.

Some might argue Lindsay Lohan has dealt her own hand of cards, shoplifting fancy jewels, getting high and being late on-set; but what other life skillz did she learn by being a Hollywood child starlet? Hollywood is a ruthless, dirty business-village full of hubris, greed and narcissism and she was nurtured in the middle of it's filthy, but super-sexy, bosom.

Occasionally one meets a Hollywood mogul working for the Downfall of Evil, but they still always have to please the investors. Earth is a commerce-driven planet and humans need to evolve into love-driven humans.

Apparently this is happening, according to a new book on the decline of violence on Planet Earth! Great News! Keep up the good work, Humans!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Popcorn season is upon us! Bring on the Winter-Snacks!

Bells of Venice High

Dear Blob,
Another meep checked off the To-Do List; today I got to play at the Folk-Artastic, Mosaic Tile House in Venice CA.

To The Downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady

Fired for Posing with Corndog vs. Public Heroin-Use & Tasty Kakes!

Dear Blob,
While Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch Stein's pro-bono lawyer gathers the paperwork to serve the Charter Oak High School District for discrimination, more interesting media stories are emerging, like the basil seedlings I planted a few weeks ago.

My basil seedlets, peeking out of the dirt, are covered in weird black-tar-like meep from odd mushroom spores, which have also emerged from the earth, making the usually-tantalizing basil, creepy and disturbing, just like this recent story in the San Gabriel Tribune: Click Here!

The San Gabriel Tribune reports that an Azusa teacher was (merely) placed on leave after posting on Facebook (quote!), "For the next 40 days I will be giving up heroin - in all its forms" as well as celebrating underage drinking in Europe.

Announcing to Facebook that you are Lenting-it-Up with your Heroin use and the school district only Puts you on Leave?! And Mitch was Fired for posing with a Corndog & some Drag Queens? The glaring homophobia shines as bright as sequin glitter-sparkles favored by drag queens, 5 year old girls and pagaent enthusiasts.

The black mushroom tar-substance of the story is thickening! Just like pudding!

Speaking of pudding, I enjoyed my first Philadelphia Tasty Kake yesterday, courtesy of my new favorite HilariousGayComic, Jackie Jones, a Philly native, who also educated us on the Best Philly Steak, found, not in Philly, but in Atlantic City, New Jersey! The Joy of Learning!

There is more exciting pudding-plot thickening going on with Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch, but I'm not allowed to blob about it yet.... Stay tuned...

Love The Ukulady

ps: Tasty Kake, peanut butter flavor, was delicious; way better than any Hostess or Little Debbie product.

pps: I just went to the Tasty Kake website and they have a product called Krimpets! Meeep!

The Exact Location of Balls, Drag Queens & Feeling Plump!

Dear Blob,
My current day job demands I ride around in a car all day looking for hot people in LA who are not actors. Camera-ready, we call them in the industry, so not necessarily hot, but attractive, easy on the eyeballs.

Speaking of balls, my new fabulous lesbian friends came over for dinner this weekend and the conversation turned to talent-shows featuring gay-men in glitter banana-hammock speedos, which led to Chef LB's girlfriend outing her misunderstanding of ball-location.

Apparently, Chef LB never changed boy's diapers, must have spaced-out during man-anatomy/sex-ed and being gay, never had the opportunity to clarify the exact location of the male junk and she thought balls were attached to the male buttocks.

Chef LB's girlfriend kindly shed light on the actual location of balls, attached to the meep and the concern then turned to: when in Flashdance-like leotard costumes, where do drag-queens tuck their junk?

Now that Chef LB discovered balls are not attached to the male buttocks, her concern was how far drag-queen junk has to go to be tucked away; apparently, they tuck it between the cheeks.

In other news, I thought buttocks was a synonym for bosom until I was 15.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Driving around looking for hot people has minimized my exercise-time, particularly yoga and we get free business lunch everyday, which is leading to a plumpening. After business lunch, I call myself Pouchini, Puccini's lesser-known sibling.

pps: Speaking of drag-queens, Fired-for-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein's former water-polo swim-students seem to have started a Bring Our Coach Back Facebook Page. To The Downfall of Evil!

The SoCal Accordion Festival is Coming!

Dear Blob,
The OC Accordion Festival is Next Sunday! Don't miss it at the OC Marketplace in Costa Mesa, CA! Listen to accordions and purchase socks, corndogs & model homes at the exact same time!

Love The Ukulady

Cupcake & Swizzle Stick in "Success!"

Dear Blob,
Many years ago I wrote a song called Cupcakes and Art, singing about how I want a Cupcake Puppet and her boyfriend would be a Swizzle Stick puppet. When I met Adam Brown, the Ukulad, he surprised me with handmade puppets, Cupcake & Swizzle Stick. They will be part of my kids show promoting love, kindness and friendship.

Love The Ukulady

Mitch Tears up on NBC, But No Full Tears for the Haters!

View more videos at: http://nbclosangeles.com.

"You Can't Have My Tears!" Fired-for-Being-Gay Mitch shouts!

Dear Blob,
I was going to wake up early and listen to formerly Gay-Bear-Manager-Mitch, now, Fired-for-Being-Gay Mitch on Bill Handel's popular morning radio show, but I missed it due to extreme bed-coziness; however, he and Devynn are featured on the front page.

In other news, Mitch's lawyer is starting the vast paperwork party it takes to serve suing-party papers to Homophobia High, aka Charter Oak High School of Covina, CA and Mitch is continuing to be the best water-polo-parent & money-raiser, hosting an inner-tube fundraiser recently.

NBC wanted him on the 11o'clock news, but Mitch didn't want to cry on-camera. "They can't have my tears!" he dramatically announced via phone. I pictured him raising his fist to the Pomona nightsky as he shouts, "I want to be on TV! I want to tell my story! But they can't have my tears!" Love it.

Meanwhile: 5 Linguistic & Visually Pleasing Words & Word-Combos

1. Kvetchup: a condiment for Heebs
2. Wussies from Worcester (must properly pronounce Worcester as Wooster)
3. Bored Boarders in the Whore Quarter (of the city)
4. Pork Wheels
5: Man Ham

Love The Ukulady

ps: 6. Trilogy: a name

Tell a Dog with Grandma Cookie Jar!

UkuAdventures in LA: Mumu of Fear & Kimmy Jong Il has FUN!

Dear Blob,
Humans in olden-days cultures chewed on willow bark to alleviate pain; I can't help but feel so wimpy when I'm in agonizing lady-pain, popping several necessary ibuprofen, thinking of pioneer women giving birth, sometimes alone and then getting up a day later to walk across the country and on the way, slaughtering a buffalo for tallow to make soap to wash laundry and dishes. If they were near a tree, let alone a willow tree, for pain-alleviating-twig-suckling or just old-fashioned shade, they were extraordinarily lucky.

In other news, I was waiting for my car to get new tires yesterday in the Tire-ery waiting room and the 24 hour News Network was playing continuous coverage of the rare East Coast earthquake. It is geologically exciting and I'm sure East Coast geologists are giddy with delight, but the 24 hours News Network, as per their job description, was ridiculously over-dramatic. Their ability to dramatize some broken knick-knacks was impressive.

The 24 hour News Networks must be responsible for one of the many Mumus of Fear that drape over our scared and plump nation; unfortunately, not a kitschily fabulous, form-fitting mumu but the ugly tent-like mumu designed to hide the problems underneath, designed for those who've given up and are resigned.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Kim Jong Il recently went on a field trip to a Russian grocery store and went boating with Russian Leaders, while chatting about Nuclear testing. NPR quoted Kimmy as calling the trip "Fun!" It's nice Kimmy gets to have so much Fun! Life is Fun! Apparently, Kimmy wants to resume socializing with other world leaders and start "talks" about his Nuclear toys.

I'm pleased the Russians were clever enough to mask the weight of Nuclear Chit-Chat under the pleasure of boating and Grocery-Store-Browsing. I know I like to have heavy discussions in the cookie aisle and as previously noted, the Ocean (or large-body-of-water) is Natural Valium. Great Work Russians!

pps: I love the visual image of Kimmy Jong Il eagerly perched on the brow of a boat, wind blowing his hair-piece back, jowls flapping, a healthy flush on his stem-cell-infused cheeks, perhaps an expensive Italian sweater casually draped across his evil-doer shoulders, a glass of cognac in hand....

UkuAdventures in LA: Brain-Chips, Pioneers & Singing Telegrams!

PHOTO: Ukulad-Made Stool & Bookcase!

Dear Blob,
From Egpyt to sociological-weight-loss TV-shows to Pioneers, I require a constant infusion of intellectual stimulation. Like humans snack on chips between meals, my brain snacks on books between working. This week's Chips-For-The-Brain has been Pioneer women literature, purchased in last weekend's comically-large used booksale. Riveting! While Pioneer Women made Pioneer Men feel well-fed, sexually-satisfied & homey, Pioneer Women make me feel:

1. so physically wimpy.
2. so much better about life-hardships.

These women wrote journals about baking dozens of bread-loafs, washing clothing in water they lugged from the spring & heated themselves, killing a couple prairie chickens, plucking & preparing & then giving birth, all in the same day! And finding time to write in their Blog!

If I have to drive across town in traffic, have multiple friend-like-schmooze-meetings, go to Trader Joe's and jog all in the same day, I am exhausted. Add a yoga class to the mix and I collapse, porcine-like, on a couch that neither I nor the Ukulad made from scratch (although I am currently writing this blob perched upon a cute-stool The Ukulad made from scratch!).

It's odd to realize that the majority of potato-Americans leading sedentary lives, sprung forth from ridiculously physically-fit ancestors only a few generations ago,. If they learned the rules and trained for maybe a week, Pioneer Women could easily beat professional lady wrestlers.

I would love to see Jill Michaels go up against Elinore Stewart, a Wyoming homesteader who not only raised cellarfuls of root vegetables but also herded cattle, performed weddings 'n' funerals, thought nothing of taking her young daughter camping in the snow, cooked for dozens with food she grew, birthed kids, midwifed and wrote a bookful of eloquent letters to her Denver friends, describing her life. She had no Korea Spa to rejuvinate in.

In other news, The Ukulad honored the life of the dead lead singer from Warrant this morning by playing '80's hair-metal-band music. I am partial to the power-ballads.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I, like the rest of America, spend most of my energy on making money or scheming to make money, which buys me food, a home & other life-necessities. The Pioneers spent their energy on creating what they needed themselves. It would be ideal if our civilization found a balance of the two: self-sufficiency mixed with money-making self-sufficiency.

It seems my generation, formerly the Gen-Xers, now the 30's/40's peeps, are striving towards that goal. Many peers have food gardens & chickens; however is this trend only happening in the urban centers, where books like The Omnivore's Dilemma, circulate like "Hot Models Needed to Circulate at Hollywood Events"? That's a posting from a typical LA craigslist job listing.

pps: The Ukulady now offers Singing Telegrams! If you are not in the greater-SoCal, USA area, The Ukulady offers Telephone Singing Telegrams! Tell that Special Meep You Are Special! Ukulady style! Contact meep to get started!

UkuAdventures in LA: Oprah is Right: Spa-Magic-Fever!

Dear Blob,
There are many reasons to love Los Angeles from the kitschy wonder of Clifton's Cafeteria to Elysian Park's hidden-gem Stairwalks and most amazingly, the Korean Spa. With the largest population of Koreans outside of Korea, LA offers millions of Korean Meatery-Eateries, bubble-tea drinkeries and a handful of comedically-affordable Spas, resembling what I imagine the Roman baths were like.

My BFF of 30 years is a harried mother of 2 kids under 6, who has been living at her in-law's Orange County house for a year, reluctantly transitioning from fabulous Austin to a fiscally-neccessary-job-market-for-hubby in the beautiful OC.

If you haven't been to the OC, imagine a miles and miles of strip-malls attached to strip malls with planned mcmansion developments between the Ruby Tuesdays, Chili's and Chucky Cheeses. Oprah knows: when a mother is in desperate need of a break-from-reality, her supporters better move fast; get that lady in a vat of hot water.

I took her to the Olympic Spa, where for $15 women only go from 3 different hot'n'cold tubs to 3 different saunas & 1 giant restery which includes a heated-marble-floored stage with fake-wood square pillows. The Korean spa is a festival of lady-nudity and is the perfect LA location to return to body-reality & feel good about one's body.

LA is ridiculously fat-free, with a giant population of super-tall, pouch-free women of European ancestry, exactly who the worldwide media celebrates as the ideal of feminine-beauty. It's easy to feel fat in LA surrounded by millions of these genetically-perfect-by-media-standards women. The Korean spa is full of different races which means different genetic body-types and we all are so relaxed from the extreme temperature-waters & saunas, it's impossible to feel self-conscious. It's the Verge-of-Drooling-Relaxation.

The Koreans have the right idea, incorporating soaking in spa-waters regularly. I particularly appreciate the affordability of their spas. There are many chic European-style spas that only the Wealthy can afford to relax; I understand it's exhausting managing a fortune and keeping up appearances but it's also exhausting blogging about the wealthy's exhaustion and the Korean spa offers rejuvenation for everyone. Even a homeless person could raise enough street-corner-coinage to refresh at the Korean spa and still buy a forty.

Everyone should get over their nude-in-front-of-other-people issues and go to the Korean spa.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Heavy, my tv-computer show, upsettingly, changed their format at episode 6 and switched health-centers, leaving behind my trainer-friends, David and Britny for a condescending trainer named Beverly Perfect. I'm not pleased.

pps: I love that the Korean Spa gives Fruit it's own category.

pps: For extra-money you can get a rigorous skin-sloughing and other services at the Korean spa. See this blob from the past to learn about The Ukulady's skin-sloughing experience...

UkuAdventures in LA: Velveeta, White Bread & Snickers!

PHOTOS: Cheeses & Wine! Miss Carrot & Green Bug on The Ukulady!


Dear Blob,
Velveeta is the Doughnut of Cheeses. My co-Mexican-adventurer, Miss Jessica Grant, true to her Alabama roots, brought over Velveeta cheese dip and as my new book, Cheeses of the World & Cheese Cookery, encourages, I enjoyed a glass of wine with cheese. Velveeta and Malbec probably wasn't what 1967's International Cheese Enthusiasts had in mind, nor my inner-snobby voice or innards, however, the Velveeta was disgustingly delicious and like crack, totally addictive.

I felt Catholicishly-guilty nibbling Velveeta! It is sinful. I could never purchase it at the store; I would feel like a teen buying condoms. To some, raising opium poppies for medicinal tea is sinful; to others, eating Velveeta is worthy of confession.

In retrospect, Velvetina Evilwich, like Sandwich, but Evil, is probably named after Velveeta. Much of my childhood was spent hankering for sugar cereal, bologna & white bread.

White Bread was rarely part of my childhood. My parents sent me to hippie-artsy school with avocado sandwiches on wheat-berry bread. Once, before a school-potluck, I begged my mom to bring White Bread hamburger buns, but was insistent she not get the Kilpatrick-brand White Bread, thinking it was made out of dead, white rabbits.

Many years later, I discovered that my older sister had owned a white rabbit named Patrick who had been killed by raccoons. My 6-year-old brain figured Kilpatrick-brand White Bread must be made out of Patrick the dead white rabbit.

In other news, The Ukulad tells me I am not short, but like tiny Snickers, Fun-Sized.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Velveeta is not in Cheeses of the World & Cheese Cookery.

UkuAdventures in LA: Beach Picnic & The Nuclear Meltdown of LA

PHOTOS: My Mom, SF Bellydancer, circa 1962, Ukulad!


Dear Blob,
Being a Date-Night Enthusiast and the seeming-literary-romanticness of night-beach-picnicking, The Ukulad and I ventured through the summer-hordes of sexy-outfit-clad Friday-Night-Beach-bar humans to our neighborhood beach, Venice Beach. We were hoping to catch sunset, but unlike Mexico's 8:30-9pm Sunset, LA sun goes down by 8pm.

We nibbled on a C-themed dinner, chicken, chips, carrots & cookies, discussing the virtues of panko and watching the insane twighlight-surfers and then it got cold. An evening beach-picnic is a much more theoretically-pleasing Date-Night than real life, which is cold, seagully & requires constant sand-in-snack vigilance.

We saw the LAPD in action, driving up the pier, through the freezing-tank-topped-tourists, to arrest a be-hoodied figure. The cops are out in droves in Venice, on bike, in car, on foot and helicopter, as well as beach-driving lifeguards in SUV's; The Urban Beach.

Venice Beach is a fabulous seashellery, with tons of interesting treasures washing up in the mornings and later evenings, with the tides. It's a great swimming beach when the toxin-levels are low, but always shower off the potential toxic-waste afterward.

My mom, who grew up in LA in the 1940's and 50's, remembers riding the Red Cars as a child, down to the beach with her little brother. Kids could take the trolley cars alone, play and swim all day safely; a sense of community-safety with everyone watching out for the children, abounded.

In the '50's my mom's family moved from Mar Vista to Grenada Hills, in the San Fernando Valley. She went to high school with Richie Valens of La Bamba fame, roller-skating with him and Donna. In 1959 there was a Nuclear Meltdown larger than Three Mile Island at Rocketdyne in Simi Valley/Northridge. It was never reported, never spoken of and has never been cleaned up.

My mom suffers from chronic, odd illnesses and when I tell Angelenos, particularly Valley-Dwellers, about the Nuclear Meltdown, they rarely are interested. Who wants to know they are living on a toxic-waste dump? The past 10 years has been a time of Truth-Uncovering and my aunt is a cleanup-activist. The activists pour endless energy, time and their limited money into fighting The Giant Evil Corporation, who just overthrew a court-ordered cleanup.

I hold a consta-invisible balance-scale of Lala Living; one side of the scale holds a deep love of LA's history, culture & industry, the other side is a deep aversion to the enormous cons of nuclear waste, vapid-humanity & overall-difficulty-of-simple-chores, like going to the bank.

In other news, today is a Cultural-History-Fun-Outing day to Little Tokyo where the Ukulad is playing a music show with Mista Cookie Jar! Good times to come!

Love The Ukulady

ps: Apparently Fava Beans cleanse soil of toxins. Everyone in the Valley should plant Fava Beans.

pps: Lad is holding Mini-Oreos because they were on-sale, not because we are frequent-Oreo cookie eaters; in fact, it was my first time eating a Mini-Oreo! Very dangerous.

UkuAdventures in LA: King Tut, City-Wide Healing Circles and Lobster

PHOTO: Astrid Strudelman, The Unicorn Whisperer

Dear Blob,
I've become newly obsessed with Egyptology. Last Sunday, I found an intriguing-looking book in a Free Box; Ukulad calls it a Pee Box. The books were slightly dew-damp, mostly discarded plays of a disillusioned former-actor and 1 book on my new friend, King Tut.

Reading Rules! It's so exciting to learn why, how, where, when, what, particularly about iconic topics. I had no idea Tut's assumed pharaoh-father was a religious visionary, parting from thousands of years of Egyptian polytheism to start his own monotheistic sun-worshipping religion. He built his own royal city and shirked all usual pharaoh-duties, like sacking Libya, Nubia and Turkey, letting Egypt fall into disarray.

When Tut's pop died, the court-officials swept Tut and his half-sister, now wife, (eww!) back to the traditional royal city of Thebes, where poor Tut was a puppet of a scheming old dude named Aye, who possibly murdered Tut, married his young wife and became the Pharaoh. Riveting! Drama! It's just like Dallas & Falcon Crest! Humans haven't changed in thousands of years; we are still power-hungry, greedy narcissists. Donald Trump 'n' Paris Hilton would fit in perfectly at Egyptian court.

In other news shifting cultures is challenging on the body. Returning from 5 weeks in Mexico has been draining my energy in a quiet way. Landing in Mexico was dramatic, as everything in Mexican culture is, with extreme dehydration and heat-lethargy saying, "Yo Meep! Rest all day, Meep all night!"

I didn't expect physical-challenges in returning to my busy-bee LA life, but on the contrary there is a quiet, but persistent drain of energy as my senses recalibrate to being surrounded by millions of people, cars, sounds & the ever-present freelancer-make-money pressure-party. Everyone in LA needs to go to some sort of giant healing-energy circle where we all hold hands and look each other in the eyeball and learn to communicate non-passive-aggressively.

Today's "Odd" News, I call it ridic: Tibetan Buddhist Monks purchased 600 delicious New England lobsters and setting them free (the news article doesn't call the lobsters delicious). What a waste of time, money and energy, particularly when there are famine reports on the front page and starving children right in the Boston area who probably would benefit from a delicious 'n' decadent lobster dinner. I'm totally into Buddhist monks, but this story makes them look like schmucks.

Love The Ukulady

ps: The Tibetan anti-lobster-dinner monks should come to LA and conduct the City-Wide Friendship-Healing-Circles.

pps: There will be no traffic that day!

UkuAdventures in LA: Cuddle Therapy, Soba Noodles & Pioneers!

Dear Blob,
Since detoxing in Mexico from the American Media, particularly The News, I find myself much more relaxed and less angry. I'm a Naturally Happy person, often startled to realize I've been whistling unconsciously in line at Trader Joes or giggling in yoga class during Hanuman, also known as The Spilts. However, nothing makes me not whistle like Hypocrisy in Religion and Politics.

It's certainly important to be aware of what our government is spending the non-rich's money on, but at this juncture it's pointless to listen to NPR's political updates. Washington politics is like Junior High; Politicians are the puppets of the Corporations, like JV Cheerleaders are Varsity's puppets; the American public is the helpless student body and I'm in the nerdy theater-debate AV club. I'm over it.

The only good thing about the News are tidbit gems like this one: Cuddle Therapy for Gay Men by "Formerly-Gay" Men. Ha - Gay men being cuddled to Straight by Closeted-Gay Men. It costs a shocking $650! As the article says, toddle on down to your nearest bathhouse, in the UkuHousehold, that's 1/2 block away at Roman Holiday, and enjoy Cuddle Therapy for much cheaper.

I yearn for a world where people mind their own business and celebrate fellow humans for just being alive and surviving the constant challenges of life. Humans today are so concerned with celebrity cooters, how much sex and what kind of sex other people are having; if half of that energy went towards saying Hi on the street or growing a kitchen-garden everyone would feel a lot better. It would affect the pharmaceutical companies and the religious empires, as their coffers would no doubt, dwindle, as human's natural joy increased. It seems like a no-brainer. It's obvious, yet humans can't seem to do it. No wonder Aliens have no interest in our planet. We are boringly unevolved.

In other news, I cooked a tasty Soba noodle dish tonight with Ahi tuna and Kale! I felt very mature and artisan. The Ukulad has a condition which disallows him to eat garlic, onion, tomato & peppers. It used to be challenging to cook onion/garlic-free, but his meepy adorability is worth giving up chocolate for. Shocking, but true. The Pioneers didn't even have chocolate! Or the Ukulad! (He has Chocolate, but the Pioneers didn't have him). This evening's Soba dish wore a moisture-outfit of lemon 'n' lime juice, accessible from our yard-trees, soy sauce, fresh ginger, sesame oil & the secret magic ingredient, sugar. It was delicious!

Love The Ukulady

ps: I will be bi-weekly blogging about the LA Neighborhoods of Echo Park 'n' Silverlake, focusing on snacks, stairwalks 'n' succulents. Tune in here!

pps: I am totally a celebrity-cooter-news-reader. Everytime I go to the drugstore I head right for trashy magazineland. It's important to know if Lindsey Lohan has been arrested this week or if Brittney is knocked up again yet.

ppps: In audition-waiting-rooms, though, I like to smugly pull out a Harpers or New Yorker.

UkuAdventures in LA: My Gay BFF's!

Dear Blob,
One of the best parts of LA is getting to hang out with my fleet of Gay Men. I'm unsure why I am naturally BFF with virtually every gay man I meet, but generally, I have an insta-connection and am ready to invite every one over for artisan nibblies after 5 minutes. I'm also partial to my gay ladies, BFFing it up within mere moments.

I was confused as to the Bible's vehement dislike of my peeps and an interesting theory from The Ukulad, raised Southern Baptist, brings insight. Generally, all gay men I meet are The Best! They have the best taste, throw the best parties, are the most loyal and wonderful friends; a joy to be around, ready to put on a show, dress-up, socialize, be fabulous but not in a drag-queeny way, in a Enjoy-The-Finest-In-Life way.

I couldn't figure out why the Bible, ridiculously edited hundreds of times, would have such hatred towards the most wonderful race (if it's genetic, which I firmly believe it is, it's a race) of people. They just want to party!

The Ukulad's Theory: The Bible was written in times of consta-warring humans, looting, plundering, murdering, raping everyone indiscriminately. Humans haven't changed too much, we still love to go to war, but hopefully the indiscriminate raping has chilled out.

The Lad thinks the Bible isn't talking about my fabulous friends who can re-organize your furniture and make your house look roomier, lighter & more beautiful in 10 minutes; but the war-mongering rapists who set villages on fire and meeped men, women, animals, anything. The Bible's hypocritical hatred for Gays is meant for the rapists, not the Sassy Gay Friend that everyone needs.

It's human's Hypocrisy that gets me down. I prefer Love to Fear.

Love The Ukulady
ps: I wore a coat and drove 70mph on the freeway yesterday! I am Not in Mexico!