Paris, Pork Shows & Organic Ice!
Dear Blog,
Poor fucking Paris Hilton! Not only did she totally miss out on the true prison experience, being released after only 3 days in jail, but she apparently has a medical condition which prevents her from being in prison; however, not from basking in gourmet cupcakes, which the LA Times reported, greeted her upon her return home to her mansion-condo. She probably had her period and God knows, that's a messy prison rape, for sure. Paris certainly brings out a peculiar hatred, in me, usually reserved for dark-side-evangelical-political-hypocrite-types.
Meanwhile, notes from the Comedy Book:
1. Busy & Picky - Sisters!
2. Pork Shows
3. Organic Ice
4. Hair Frosting; as in the '80's trend....
5. The Sneaky Teens! A band!
6. Sport Breath! A freshener.
7. Hot Rocks! A snack?
Love The Ukulady
PS: An Only In LA Moment: The other day I mistook a small dog for a cat. In a Snackery the other day, I saw this apparent cat, had an instant Concerned Moment, as I'm allergic to cats and then I realized it was a tiny dog that looked like a cat.
PPS: The news of Paris's prison release was on the LA Times front page alongside Iraq bombings and stem cell stuff. I bet Nicole Richie is fucking pissed at her publicist because she wasn't sent to prison for driving the wrong way on the freeway; which is equally bad as driving drunk around Beverly Hills, Paris's Oopsies!
Showing posts with label Pork. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pork. Show all posts
Friday, June 8, 2007
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Pork Lodge & Pouches
Dear Blog!
Just now driving home to Echo Park from Canter's Kibitz Room, where I was politely blown-off, I misread the street sign, Park View as Pork View. I wish it was Pork View Street. For some reason, when I'm in my 6-hour Sim sessions, where we speak gibberish, I am compelled to often say Pork Lodge. As in, "Sneeb norbula flidge la Pork Lodge?" And then Jack, my Sim partner in crime, will give me that look, over the microphones, like," You are totally ridiculous - you said Pork lodge AGAIN!" Or when I mistakenly say vaj or waj, which also happens frequently, as in, "Wib globbet, sneej flam worbley vaj?" Jack gives me the same look. It's endearingly amused.
Speaking of the Sims, there were tour groups flocking the EA campus monday. Scores of youthful video-game mavens, taking pictures of things like the EA cafeteria. Granted, it's a nice dining space, but it seems that one's video-game obsession has been taken a bit far, if looking at photos of a cafeteria thrills one.
So I was kindly blown-off of my now-formerly weekly gigs at Canter's deli. 3 weeks ago I was asked to take 3 weeks off. An odd amount of time. I myspace messaged the booking guy, who's very nice, an Echo Park neighbor and a trained opera singer. He never got back to me. So me and my big Annie-rejected balls, got all dolled up tonight, practiced a UkuLady set, which included Rainbow Connection, Facts of Life and Silver Spoons, and showed up at the Kibitz Room anyway. I have a show next week, but I think I'm being kindly phased out. Bummer, as I made up 1000 postcards touting the weekly tuesday shows. I said fuck too much, and was asked to say bleep or friggin instead and my political songs were also censored. A whole lot of censoring for a small lady with a ukulele. I'm edgy! Or I have superior diction, compared to the rock bands that must say fuck or else they're not rock.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I have adult-onset acne! I never had pimples as a teen and since moving to the environmental disaster of LA, I am like a prepubescent tweenager who works amongst frenchfry fryers! Ok, I'm being a tad overdramatic, but I'm being forced by the hand of Narcissim to learn a new beauty evening regime in my old age, so's to remain Askable-For-ID-At-The-Bar.
PPS: I stole a washcloth from the Sofitel Hotel to aid my beauty regime in Echo Park.
PPPS: It's a pouch washcloth and Pouch is one of the Best Words Ever.
Just now driving home to Echo Park from Canter's Kibitz Room, where I was politely blown-off, I misread the street sign, Park View as Pork View. I wish it was Pork View Street. For some reason, when I'm in my 6-hour Sim sessions, where we speak gibberish, I am compelled to often say Pork Lodge. As in, "Sneeb norbula flidge la Pork Lodge?" And then Jack, my Sim partner in crime, will give me that look, over the microphones, like," You are totally ridiculous - you said Pork lodge AGAIN!" Or when I mistakenly say vaj or waj, which also happens frequently, as in, "Wib globbet, sneej flam worbley vaj?" Jack gives me the same look. It's endearingly amused.
Speaking of the Sims, there were tour groups flocking the EA campus monday. Scores of youthful video-game mavens, taking pictures of things like the EA cafeteria. Granted, it's a nice dining space, but it seems that one's video-game obsession has been taken a bit far, if looking at photos of a cafeteria thrills one.
So I was kindly blown-off of my now-formerly weekly gigs at Canter's deli. 3 weeks ago I was asked to take 3 weeks off. An odd amount of time. I myspace messaged the booking guy, who's very nice, an Echo Park neighbor and a trained opera singer. He never got back to me. So me and my big Annie-rejected balls, got all dolled up tonight, practiced a UkuLady set, which included Rainbow Connection, Facts of Life and Silver Spoons, and showed up at the Kibitz Room anyway. I have a show next week, but I think I'm being kindly phased out. Bummer, as I made up 1000 postcards touting the weekly tuesday shows. I said fuck too much, and was asked to say bleep or friggin instead and my political songs were also censored. A whole lot of censoring for a small lady with a ukulele. I'm edgy! Or I have superior diction, compared to the rock bands that must say fuck or else they're not rock.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I have adult-onset acne! I never had pimples as a teen and since moving to the environmental disaster of LA, I am like a prepubescent tweenager who works amongst frenchfry fryers! Ok, I'm being a tad overdramatic, but I'm being forced by the hand of Narcissim to learn a new beauty evening regime in my old age, so's to remain Askable-For-ID-At-The-Bar.
PPS: I stole a washcloth from the Sofitel Hotel to aid my beauty regime in Echo Park.
PPPS: It's a pouch washcloth and Pouch is one of the Best Words Ever.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Overdue Observations
Dear Blog,
FROM THE AUTUMN SIM & SOM SESSIONS...
1. What's the deal with celebrities flaunting 'n' flashing their shaved vaginas? If the pioneers or pilgrims knew their country had come to Paris, Brittney and Jenna Bush peekabooing their plucked cooters, they would probably become short of breath and choke on their salt pork snack.
2. Driving I5 between SF and LA there is a restaurant called The Apricot Tree, which is a pleasant stop as it houses a huge collection on vintage metal lunchboxes and thermi (plural thermos?). They have a giftshop which sells toy sleeping cats nestled in a basket and they breathe mechanically. They are fucked up. They also sell a book called How To Teach Your Child About God. I say, when they are about 18, give them some really good acid.
3. British-accented people talking about autistic artists.
A: He's Artistic!
B: Autistic?
A: Yes! Extremely Artistic!
B: Autistic?
A: Yes, Artistic!
4. Wussies from Worcester (using the appropriate New England accent)
5. Riding the Porkpole.
6. Living in the Pork Flats.
7. I'm a boarder in the whore quarter. That's what the filmmaker was who made that great documentary about the kids in the whore district in India. Good movie.
8. Like a Dove on Fire. FireDove - good album name.
9. Spungry - Spunky & Hungry
10. SimFluenza! That's what I have right now.
Love The UkuLady
FROM THE AUTUMN SIM & SOM SESSIONS...
1. What's the deal with celebrities flaunting 'n' flashing their shaved vaginas? If the pioneers or pilgrims knew their country had come to Paris, Brittney and Jenna Bush peekabooing their plucked cooters, they would probably become short of breath and choke on their salt pork snack.
2. Driving I5 between SF and LA there is a restaurant called The Apricot Tree, which is a pleasant stop as it houses a huge collection on vintage metal lunchboxes and thermi (plural thermos?). They have a giftshop which sells toy sleeping cats nestled in a basket and they breathe mechanically. They are fucked up. They also sell a book called How To Teach Your Child About God. I say, when they are about 18, give them some really good acid.
3. British-accented people talking about autistic artists.
A: He's Artistic!
B: Autistic?
A: Yes! Extremely Artistic!
B: Autistic?
A: Yes, Artistic!
4. Wussies from Worcester (using the appropriate New England accent)
5. Riding the Porkpole.
6. Living in the Pork Flats.
7. I'm a boarder in the whore quarter. That's what the filmmaker was who made that great documentary about the kids in the whore district in India. Good movie.
8. Like a Dove on Fire. FireDove - good album name.
9. Spungry - Spunky & Hungry
10. SimFluenza! That's what I have right now.
Love The UkuLady
Chat of the Sims
Dear Blog,
I'm writing you, once again, from the lounge of the Sofitel Hotel in Redwood city. Today during our sims recording sesh we discussed Fruzenglajen. Where is it now?! It's so eighties! Apparently, according to the web, it was sued by Haagen Daaz, and then the brand sold to Kraft, and perhaps Unilever, which I thought was a soap company. Fruzenglajen was so heavily marketed in the eighties. It's hard to believe it's simply vanished off the face of the earth, which apparently, according to the web, it has. Fruzenglajen exists only in memories! Also, my sim partner, Jack, is so young, he's never heard the song, "The Girl is Mine"! Nor has he seen Ab Fab. That is more believable, but to not have experiences Michael and Paul...I'm a Lover Not Fighter is such a classic line, important to mankind. Last week during sims I thought about Goulash vs. Galoshes. Also, I can't stop saying, unconciously, Pork Lodge. Or Jamocha. I talk about the Jamocha Pork Lodge all the time. I can't help it. We also have some great band names, like Self-Rising Flour and HeadLocker. Today at the Sofitel gym I watched Pretty in Pink, while riding the stationary bike. Ducky is so much hotter than Andrew McCarthy, who is named Blaine in the movie, which makes me think of Red, White and Blaine, the pageant in Waiting For Guffman. Molly Ringwald and the cast of P in P are SO YOUNG! I was shocked. I remember watching that movie multiple times as a tweenager and thinking how mature and sexy the cast was. Now I'm old. Way older than Molly Ringwald in P in P. Luckily she's older than me still. Thanks for listening, Blog!
Snerve The UkuLady Lerner
I'm writing you, once again, from the lounge of the Sofitel Hotel in Redwood city. Today during our sims recording sesh we discussed Fruzenglajen. Where is it now?! It's so eighties! Apparently, according to the web, it was sued by Haagen Daaz, and then the brand sold to Kraft, and perhaps Unilever, which I thought was a soap company. Fruzenglajen was so heavily marketed in the eighties. It's hard to believe it's simply vanished off the face of the earth, which apparently, according to the web, it has. Fruzenglajen exists only in memories! Also, my sim partner, Jack, is so young, he's never heard the song, "The Girl is Mine"! Nor has he seen Ab Fab. That is more believable, but to not have experiences Michael and Paul...I'm a Lover Not Fighter is such a classic line, important to mankind. Last week during sims I thought about Goulash vs. Galoshes. Also, I can't stop saying, unconciously, Pork Lodge. Or Jamocha. I talk about the Jamocha Pork Lodge all the time. I can't help it. We also have some great band names, like Self-Rising Flour and HeadLocker. Today at the Sofitel gym I watched Pretty in Pink, while riding the stationary bike. Ducky is so much hotter than Andrew McCarthy, who is named Blaine in the movie, which makes me think of Red, White and Blaine, the pageant in Waiting For Guffman. Molly Ringwald and the cast of P in P are SO YOUNG! I was shocked. I remember watching that movie multiple times as a tweenager and thinking how mature and sexy the cast was. Now I'm old. Way older than Molly Ringwald in P in P. Luckily she's older than me still. Thanks for listening, Blog!
Snerve The UkuLady Lerner
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