Is MILF Sarah Palin, a Cooterless Robot?

Dear Blob -
The Republican pick for VP, Sarah Palin, upon researching, just gets more ridiculous, depressing, outrageous, hilarious and unbelievable. Whether it's questioning the sanity of a Mother who names her children Bristol, Track and Trig - unbelievably ugly and stupid names - (yes this coming from Thessaly) - but Bristol? I think of Bristol Squibb, which makes me think of squid, which is not an attractive name for an unwed teen mother; or the photo of Sarah Palin proudly squatting over a dead bloody moose, hot red blood steaming, soaking into icy white snow; or perhaps the youtube news footage of the former Miss Alaska Runner-Up caught lying, abusing her power and simultaneously mentioning Bootlegging as a serious issue her administration will tackle - Bootlegging? How about the rampant & famous Alaska Alcoholism or an issue close to her, Teen Pregnancy? And there's so much to question about a woman-in-labor, who breaks her water, but opts to give a political speech and then get on an 8 hour flight, instead of going to a birthing center or hospital - An 8 hour airplane ride in labor?! Is she an Aliencreature? And she's open to Creationism being taught in schools. I wonder if Bristol and Track had saddled-dinosaurs as playtoys.... I'm more frightened though, by the Supporters of this insane, Dark-Side "woman". And the ridiculous topper is her dinosaur-riding knocked-up 17-year-old daughter! So much for W's Abstinence Program. Good times! Us Pagans use condoms or go to Planned Parenthood. I feel sorry for Hillary, spending her life trying to become the first high-officed lady, only to give away the potential-office to someone who's only commonality, is her Vagina - if Sarah Palin even has a vagina. Because robots don't need cooters and she might be a Robot-of-the-Dark-Side. As a geniune vagina-having human, I cringe at the potential political representative of our gender. In addition, what kind of mother leaves her retarded infant at 4 months, to work the campaign-trail? Yes, I used the term Retarded and it feels good. It also feels good to declare Sarah Palin a MILF. I don't want to fuck her, but I'm sure many people will. She resembles a naughty secretary, with her windblown upswept hair, tendrils askew, sexy-office-bodice waiting to be ripped open, made love to atop her dead bloody moose, NRA-issued rifle in hand...I can't wait for the x-rated internet buzz on her!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Sarah Palin is almost too much comedy material to handle. I'm overwhelmed! What to make fun of first?

Brittney's Comeback &Mary Kate in my dreams...

Dear Blob,
I dreamt a boy I have a crush on dissed me for Mary Kate Olsen. I was pissed in the dream, but pleased when I awoke, that my nightmares are no longer about the house I live in (see www.TheUkuLady.com Song O'The Week "The Neighbor Song").
In other news, The Brittney Spears "comeback" was amazingly bad. She was such a hot child, a pedophilia posterchild, but as an adult, she is not only Not Hot, but extremely unremarkable in every way. Brittney's backup dancers consistently outshine her remedial "Dance for Beginners" moves - a couple tummy swirls thrown in between step, step, touch. In addition to her pathetic dancing, nasal, whiny, barely sexy and truly awful new single, Brittney didn't look like she was having any fun. She's fantastic tabloid fodder and for that I applaud her.
UkuLady Letter to Brittney:
Dear Brittney, please stick to what you're good at: getting knocked up, drunk and investigated by Child Protective Services! I love it when you flash your cooter, drive with your babies on your panty-free lap and smash cars with umbrellas! Love The UkuLady

Cameltoe & Mooseknuckle!

Overdue Observations

Dear Blog,
FROM THE AUTUMN SIM & SOM SESSIONS...
1. What's the deal with celebrities flaunting 'n' flashing their shaved vaginas? If the pioneers or pilgrims knew their country had come to Paris, Brittney and Jenna Bush peekabooing their plucked cooters, they would probably become short of breath and choke on their salt pork snack.
2. Driving I5 between SF and LA there is a restaurant called The Apricot Tree, which is a pleasant stop as it houses a huge collection on vintage metal lunchboxes and thermi (plural thermos?). They have a giftshop which sells toy sleeping cats nestled in a basket and they breathe mechanically. They are fucked up. They also sell a book called How To Teach Your Child About God. I say, when they are about 18, give them some really good acid.
3. British-accented people talking about autistic artists.
A: He's Artistic!
B: Autistic?
A: Yes! Extremely Artistic!
B: Autistic?
A: Yes, Artistic!
4. Wussies from Worcester (using the appropriate New England accent)
5. Riding the Porkpole.
6. Living in the Pork Flats.
7. I'm a boarder in the whore quarter. That's what the filmmaker was who made that great documentary about the kids in the whore district in India. Good movie.
8. Like a Dove on Fire. FireDove - good album name.
9. Spungry - Spunky & Hungry
10. SimFluenza! That's what I have right now.
Love The UkuLady

Jenna, your cooter's totally online!

Dear my Myspace Friend, Jenna Bush!
I was googling some images of you the other day because I'm making a music video about our special friendship, which, to be honest, has been a little one-sided; anyway, I came across a pretty private moment someone captured on-camera and has posted on the web. I know that I've gone to the beach and had to change into my swimsuit under my clothes, so I know how tricky it can be...so...your cooter is totally online, and honey, it looks, as my new best friend put it oh-so-delicately, Scuffed. Your Cooter looks Scuffed. A couple things:
1. Does your dad know there is a pic of your vagina all over the internet?
2. It seems like he's wielding an awful lot of Supreme Dictatoresque Power these days (you know, the phone records thing and stuff), and it seems to me, he should have some power over your scuffed cooter being downloaded and shared throughout the world wide web!
3. Who in the world does your waxing?
4. Perhaps giving so much, working for free at the DC inner-city school, isn't allowing you enough time to go to the salon? Maybe you should ask the inner-city school tyrants to Give you a little! Time, that is, to get things like your vagina waxed into, apparently a Heart shape?
5. Is that what you were going for, a heart?
6. Sorry to backtrack, but speaking of your dad and his spying-on-citizens program/getting everyone's phone records, are you at all worried about that? I mean, you seem like the kind of gal who might be a little kinky and into some phone sex? Not to make any assumptions about you.
Speaking of making assumptions about you, I'd really like you to put a little more effort into our myspace friendship. You haven't posted one comment about me, nor have you checked out The UkuLady and the song she wrote For You! I mean, like, how many people have written songs for you?! And this one is almost a ballad! So, I have no choice but to make assumptions, if you're not your to GIVE me a little to go on! I mean, I even had you on the guest list at my last UkuLady show, and not only did you NOT show up, but you didn't even drop me an obligatory "sorry I can't make your show" email. Didn't your Southern mother teach you any manners?
Anyway, Jenna, you're walking on a thin line with me. And also, you missed a really good yoga class today down in Silverlake. Your Myspace friend, The UkuLady
PS: What do you think about that schmuck your dad nominated to be head of the CIA?!
PPS: Schmuck means weiner-ish in the language of my people, the Heebs.
PPPS: Are you not in contact with me because of anti-semitism? Because I'm ony a cultural Heeb.
PPPPS: Can you believe Brittney is knocked up again!!!!?????
PPPPPS: (spears)
PPPPPPS: For all my other Myspace friends, all you have to do is google Jenna Bush Pussy and you will be shocked and awed. Perhaps a little sickened.