Dear Taliban!

Dear Blob -
I live downstairs from such an awful neighbor, for the past year and a half, Fabulous Roommate and I have called her The Cuntessa. She earned a new name this weekend, after verbally attacking me at 3 in the afternoon and subsequently filming me on my porch singing. Unfortunately for her, she is one of the Ukulady Haters (see occasional www.youtube.com/ThessalyLerner comments), particularly of my voice, which was described on Ebay as "extremely squeaky. (In googling myself, I discovered my album, Banned From Canters!, on Ebay!

Meanwhile, The Cuntessa's name has changed to The Taliban. And below, I write a letter to all Taliban:

Dear Taliban!
Please stop bullying the folks who live next door, downstairs and all around you. Your antagonism is totally anti-love and you're contributing to the Dark Side. In a way, I am looking forward to your next attack because I plan on using my Shield of Supreme Love and Peace, singing The Rainbow Connection. Snap! Rainbow Connection in your face, Taliban!
Love The Ukulady
ps: My solution to The Taliban was reached after much discussion with friends and family, who also suggestion Restraining Order. My landlord told me to call the police next time The Taliban harasses me.
pps: I am impressed with teen-singing sensation, Taylor Swift! Not her music, but her marketing team.

My Now-Fat Enemy

Dear Blob,
As unicornrainbow-glitterponymagic peace-loving-Northern California-Child-O'-Hippies, as I am, I can still be vindictive, judgmental and occasionally, mean. However, when that occurs, it is usually for a good reason. Today in yoga class I saw, for the first time in a year, my former neighbor, who betrayed me in the most hideously-betrayingly-repulsive way as possible (details are uneccessary, but do know, Blob, this Former Neighbor took my Dad and I to court, where she was humiliated by the judge for being uneducated, ridiculous and caseless). In yoga today, I was pleased to see that she is now Fat.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Fat for her - she'd probably gained 25 pounds. Meaty, perhaps.
pps: She'd been a bony slimsy-etta before.
ppps: While I am not the slimmest, I kicked ass in yoga, while she and her newly-thickened body, had to take child-pose multiple times.
pppps: Of course, it is in one-love yoga class where I was challenged by the universe.
ppppps: This former neighbor had once been a close friend, not some regular neighbor. The kind of friend who confides in you and is pretty much a roommate, because she spends so much time at your cleaner-than-her-because-of-her-dirty-roommate house. I guess I'm still angry.