Google Eyes, Bacon & North Korea!

The Ukulady's Cute Craft Owls!

Dear Blob,

1. Googly Eyes are the Bacon of Crafting: Bacon makes almost every dish More Delicious and Googly Eyes make every crafting item More Cute, also known as Cuter.

2. I'm deeply over The News on NPR in the mornings. Nothing is more uninteresting and repulsive than America's money-pit of political-campaigns. I yearn for a radio news station that tells interesting news, like frogs falling from the sky, UFO sightings and Yeti theory.

3. This week, on a me-time hike, I recently (briefly) considered throwing in the entertainment/artist towel, getting an MBA and becoming an investment banker so I can have things like healthcare, steady income and move from my studio into a 1-bedroom.

That evening I researched MBA programs before dismissing the fancy due to the cost (and the reality of number-crunching, standardized tests and giving up on my dreams) and then in attempt to feel better, I watched a riveting documentary about an American defector to North Korea.

While the North Koreans do not have freedom to travel (or speak their minds publicly), move forward in their careers or imagine their Big Dreams are a possibility, they do have free healthcare whenever they want, a job, an apartment and usually, food.

These days in America, it's challenging for most people to attain human basics: job (which equals tangible-purpose-for-the-day), shelter, healthcare & food. An aesthetically-pleasing 1 bedroom place in LA averages $1200 - $1800 rent. What single person can pay this much a month?

What's the point of capitalism if it's spoils are out of reach for most citizens?

4. The good news is I've recommitted to Sandwiches! 2012 is the Year of the Sandwich! Too often the UkuFridge was sandwich-fixin'-free, a deep fridge-flaw the Ukulad and I pledged to correct this year. It felt good to fill our grocery basket with potential Sandwich fixin's!

Love The Ukulady

Banned from Canters!

Dear Blog,
The UkuLady has been Banned from Canters! I showed up for my final show on Tuesday, to the news that a Canter's patron called to complain that The UkuLady is Too Loud and Terribly Offensive. Someone hated me so much that they actually took time out of their day to use the telephone to bitch. Perhaps The Offended hadn't slept well that night with queries such as "Who Can we Hate Now that Saddam is dead?" and visions of Brittney Spear's cooter-meat being strapped into her panties-TheUkuLady-will-show-her-how-to-put-on, haunting his pastrami-digesting dreams That's awesome! Someone's meatwich was ruined by a diminutive cultural-Heeb playing ukulele! That's Power! Maybe as The Offended was biting into his 'wich, the pastrami swelled into view, a bright cooter-red, as I simultaneously sang the word Vagina or Fuck; although after my second censorship warning, I really curbed the Fucks, replacing it with Fuhh.... or F'ed.
My initial thought was Paris Hilton had been at Canter's and heard my new song about going to jail together and I got really excited. But I don't think Paris eats solid food.
So the news of no show was jarring, as I had a crew of supporters coming to the Kibitz Room to hear me play. Ultimately I used my adorability and Emerson College Interpersonal Communication skills and talked Bea into letting The UkuLady play her final show. I told her I would be really quiet and not say fuck or vagina. I tried, but towards the end of my set I just couldn't hold back and as I knew I wouldn't be returning anyway, I played Jenna Bush, the first censured UkuLady song and closed the show with a rousing "We're Taking Ecstacy on Sunday; Instead of Worshipping the Patriarchal God, We'll Have Oral Sex In Bed." I was a huge hit. People loved me. And probably some hated me. Good Times.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I've renamed my legs my Walking Arms.
PPS: The UkuLady is floored by the stupidity and blindness of the peeps who built and wholeheartedly believe in The Creationism Museum, where children are being taught that humans and dinosaurs co-existed.