Take a Stroll Down Compliment Alley!

PHOTOS: Cupcake & Swizzle Stick: 2 Puppets in Love; Peeps!

Dear Blob,

8 Pleasingly Amusing Nibblets:

1. Fitness with Witness! Fitness videos with peeps in the FBI witness protection program or with Amish witness from the '80's movie, Witness.

2. Macaroonery: a Macaroon Outlet

3. A Year of Gyros with Yessaly Yerner: I eat a gyro everyday for an entire year and blog about it....

4. Compliment Alley: Feeling blue, Tammy took a shortcut through Compliment Alley. "Hey lady, you are a genius! I love your cute shirt!" the alley called out to her. Tammy felt better.

5. The Think 'n' Tinkle: A Pee-ery where one has time to think....

6. A Business Woman or Man in a Half-Shirt.

7. Clam Brullee

Love The Ukulady
ps: Stay tuned for The Ukulady's Guide to Camping in California! Coming soon in Blobbed segments.

Even Evil Robots Love It!

Dear Blob,

Even Evil Robots Love It

We Humans love to ponder the Vastness of the Universe.

Love The Ukulady
ps:  The Ukulad made me a Corndog Puppet for my birthday!  Stay tuned for photos of Monsieur Le Corndog, Master of Disguise!

Breaking News: Salvation Mountain: American Folk Art Sensation!

Dear Blob,
The Ukulad and I recently went camping in the Anza Borrego desert, which was delightful and reinvigorating. On our way home we detoured through Niland, CA, home of Slab City and Salvation Mountain.

Breaking newscasters, Miss Carrot & The Peas Undercover, were thrilled to discover the secrets of Universe:


I recommend visiting Salvation Mountain very soon!

To The Downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady
ps: What a thrill it was to watch my celebrity boyfriend, Bret McKenzie, of Flight of the Conchords, win an Oscar for the best song ever, Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?!

The Ukulady Returns with Cute Snack Pics & Quirky Novelty Music!

Dear Blob,
Apologies for my long absence! Day-job/money-making drained all my creative resources and it was all I could do to muster meal-eating energy at the end of 12 hour days. In honor of my return to Blobbing, I present a quirky, novelty song, Ghosts at the Postoffice:
Ghosts at the Post Office
I also present findings from my recent Cute-Snack Research...
Stay Tuned for more frequent nibblets from my brain.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Whitney is dead!
pps: Shockingly, Lindsay is not.

Saggy Pants, Baggy Underpants & Newt & MItt's Repulsiveness

Dear Blob,
When is the trend of saggy, belted-pants-worn-below-the-man-panties going to go away? It is neither cute nor sexy and is very early 2000's.

In other news, I braved Target (pronounced Targay) today for simple necessities like a toothbrush, schedule planner and floss and ended up with 6 new pairs of kneesocks, bananas and a 6 pack of underwear that, when tried on at home, were discovered to be too large.

This is both awesome and unfortunate. Awesome because it means my ass is smaller than I thought, but unfortunate because now I have 6 pairs of unfitting, unbecoming, baggy-bottomed panties.

The good news is it's doubtful they will give me wedgies in yoga class, the most-frequent wedgie-location. The bad news is saggy-bottomed panties are not very attractive and the extra fabric actually makes my behind larger by inch-fractions, due to the extra material. Shopping for underwear is rarely a win-win situation.

Meanwhile, I am deeply repulsed by the political hullaballoo of Newt and Mitt and while I profoundly dislike the cult of Mormonism and Mitt's hypocrisy, I loathe Newt and his Stepford robot 3rd wife. Newt is actually worse than Mitt. It's like choosing between Darth Vader and the Emperor in Star Wars in a horrible game of Spin-the-Bottle. They both suck.

I find myself becoming physically ill at the sound of their smarmy, smug voices on NPR, which is has become unlisten-able. All Things Considered is NPR's worst show and yet they constantly replay it on LA's NPR affiliate. Why can't they replay my friend Terry Gross? Or Unfiction? The hypocrisy of Newt and Mitt is bile-inducing and I wish them both unwellness, shirking hippie-buddhist mantras of lovely-peaceful thoughts for all beings.

On a joyous note, this week The Ukulad and I celebrate 4 years of womance. We are seniors, if our relationship was high school!

Love The Ukulady
ps: What is Miley Cyrus doing on the Bob Dylan tribute album? Really people.
pps: Buying a 6 pack of underwear is ridiculous.

Google Eyes, Bacon & North Korea!

The Ukulady's Cute Craft Owls!

Dear Blob,

1. Googly Eyes are the Bacon of Crafting: Bacon makes almost every dish More Delicious and Googly Eyes make every crafting item More Cute, also known as Cuter.

2. I'm deeply over The News on NPR in the mornings. Nothing is more uninteresting and repulsive than America's money-pit of political-campaigns. I yearn for a radio news station that tells interesting news, like frogs falling from the sky, UFO sightings and Yeti theory.

3. This week, on a me-time hike, I recently (briefly) considered throwing in the entertainment/artist towel, getting an MBA and becoming an investment banker so I can have things like healthcare, steady income and move from my studio into a 1-bedroom.

That evening I researched MBA programs before dismissing the fancy due to the cost (and the reality of number-crunching, standardized tests and giving up on my dreams) and then in attempt to feel better, I watched a riveting documentary about an American defector to North Korea.

While the North Koreans do not have freedom to travel (or speak their minds publicly), move forward in their careers or imagine their Big Dreams are a possibility, they do have free healthcare whenever they want, a job, an apartment and usually, food.

These days in America, it's challenging for most people to attain human basics: job (which equals tangible-purpose-for-the-day), shelter, healthcare & food. An aesthetically-pleasing 1 bedroom place in LA averages $1200 - $1800 rent. What single person can pay this much a month?

What's the point of capitalism if it's spoils are out of reach for most citizens?

4. The good news is I've recommitted to Sandwiches! 2012 is the Year of the Sandwich! Too often the UkuFridge was sandwich-fixin'-free, a deep fridge-flaw the Ukulad and I pledged to correct this year. It felt good to fill our grocery basket with potential Sandwich fixin's!

Love The Ukulady

Kim Jong Il is Dead: My Most Surreal Hollywood Moment

Dear Blob,
Perhaps my most surreal Hollywood moment came last night at a holiday party, themed Christmas Island, complete with a tiki man-hut topped by a giant jack-o-lantern-like Santa who spewed soapy fake snow out his triangle eyes and a clam-shell punch fountain.

I and Fired-for-being-Gay-BFF, Mitch (See Blogs from October for the scoop), nibbling on peppermint bark, ham and mashed potatoes, found ourselves seated around an outside fire with gay comedy icon, Bruce Villanch, who I primarily associate with the Muppets. We discussed cameltoe vs. mooseknuckle, the marketability of the new Muppet movie and Atlantis cruises, when Bruce, glanced at his computer phone and casually announced, "Kim Jong Il is Dead." Then Triangle-Eye Santa started up again and it snowed in Gay Hollywood; it was shocking.

My favorite dictator is dead! First Mallomar G, Libya's marshmallow douchebag and now Kimmy, his beige jumpsuits and pouffy hair! Who can I make fun of now? Speaker of the House Boner, upsets me too much. Dictators need to be a healthy distance from me and not affect my daily life, like Boner and his evil-robot/crybaby activities, who would be a dictator if he had the opportunity.

Bruce Villanch informing me of Kim Jong Il's demise amongst the backdrop of snowy gay winter-wonderland, tops my old Most Surreal Hollywood Moment, which took place in an intimate recording studio setting, sharing licorice whips with with Alice Cooper.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Fired-For-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein, will be filing his discrimination lawsuit against Charter Oak High School very soon! Stay tuned for the scoop!

pps: I hope the North Koreans are secretly partying and get to go free! Poor slaves.

ppps: Could the deaths of 2 Dictators be the start of the 2012 consciousness shift?