UkuAdventures in LA: Fear Propaganda, Velveeta & Seeds!

Dear Blob,
Driving around LA, I'm disgusted by the amount of billboards for new movies and television that base their ad campaigns around Fear. Like whiny Luke Skywalker in the first Star Wars, I feel whiny about Fear Propaganda; "When will Americans realize our society is based on Fear Propaganda?" Whine I in a whiny meep.

When I was on my way to Mexico for 5 weeks, more than 5 friends looked stricken upon learning of my destination and warned me against getting kidnapped. I was surprised that so many well-educated, saavy and seemingly-courageous friends of mine still believe everything the news says. Thanks American News for Meeping up the Mexican Tourism industry! It would be like someone saying to an LA-bound tourist, "Ahh! Careful you don't get shot!" Interestingly, many non-Americans I've met believe that all Americans carry guns.

Videogames about war and fighting, television about murder and crime, films about murder and betrayal, books on sex and vampires; this is what our society is raising new humans on. Since the rise of Monotheism, humans have relied on Fear Propaganda and I find it mind-blowing that Fear Propaganda is still going strong; it's numero uno! Fear is Little Miss Pretty Princess, Gold Medal Winner, Valedictorian!

The Hollywood movie billboards are a sad joke on humanity. Millions of dollars wasted on a couple hours of chip-eating-inducing escapsim about either fat stoners or sexy murder. The Hollywood moguls would seemingly rather buy another vacation house than stand up to their peers and say, "Meep this! I'm going to make a 100 million dollar film about kindness!" Bummer for the masses who don't have the privilege of a private school education which encouraged me to be a critical thinker and question, rather than fill-in-the-SAT-bubbles and remain a frightened chip-eating sheep. I'm a chip-eating questioner.

The news frightens people of the wrong things. A tiny part of Mexico is dangerous, not the entire country. What is dangerous is the Fukushima nuclear waste spreading throughout the globe. The news considers Jessica Simpson's fat more important than radioactive poisoning, which is Everywhere. Apparently the Fear Propaganda leaders prefer to keep humans scared of each other and mind-broadening world-travel.

The pioneers were told by pioneer newspapers that the Indians were bloodthirsty, so they set off into Indian Territory terrified and racist. Genocide comes from Fear Propaganda.

I'm not scared of international travel or Muslims or checking out Watts Towers in Watts. I'm not scared of people; I'm scared of what the media doesn't tell us: that there is nuclear waste and toxic poison seeping into every corner of planet earth.

I'm scared my years in LA will compromise my health because after all, Readers, LA is a Nuclear Wasteland. How do we get the word out that a Nuclear Meltdown Larger than Three Mile Island happened here in Los Angeles and has never been cleaned up? Does anyone care? Attention San Fernando Valley Dwellers: You are living amidst Nuclear Waste! Don't let your kids play in the dirt outside! Seriously. That's something to be scared of, not taking a trip across borders.

Because of the invention of Money, humans continue to foster racism and xenophobia. Poor humans; too stupid to realize positive thinking is the best choice, until some idiotic book like The Secret comes along, the saavy authors making billions off Human Insecurity.

In other news, how can Velveeta possibly be cheese? I was nibbling leftover Velveeta, which some non-hippie-raised hippie brought over and a droplet fell on my lap. I peeled it off and not a trace remained; it was like plastic. The Lad looked up Velveeta ingredients and apparently it is not technically plastic; however, any food that peels off fabric without leaving a mark can't actually be food.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I planted seeds of basil and artisan salad spring mix a week ago and little green sproutlets are shooting up! Its' so rewarding! Everyone should plant seeds; it feels so fantastic! It should be a requirement in school: gardening from seeds!

UkuAdventures in LA: Velveeta, White Bread & Snickers!

PHOTOS: Cheeses & Wine! Miss Carrot & Green Bug on The Ukulady!


Dear Blob,
Velveeta is the Doughnut of Cheeses. My co-Mexican-adventurer, Miss Jessica Grant, true to her Alabama roots, brought over Velveeta cheese dip and as my new book, Cheeses of the World & Cheese Cookery, encourages, I enjoyed a glass of wine with cheese. Velveeta and Malbec probably wasn't what 1967's International Cheese Enthusiasts had in mind, nor my inner-snobby voice or innards, however, the Velveeta was disgustingly delicious and like crack, totally addictive.

I felt Catholicishly-guilty nibbling Velveeta! It is sinful. I could never purchase it at the store; I would feel like a teen buying condoms. To some, raising opium poppies for medicinal tea is sinful; to others, eating Velveeta is worthy of confession.

In retrospect, Velvetina Evilwich, like Sandwich, but Evil, is probably named after Velveeta. Much of my childhood was spent hankering for sugar cereal, bologna & white bread.

White Bread was rarely part of my childhood. My parents sent me to hippie-artsy school with avocado sandwiches on wheat-berry bread. Once, before a school-potluck, I begged my mom to bring White Bread hamburger buns, but was insistent she not get the Kilpatrick-brand White Bread, thinking it was made out of dead, white rabbits.

Many years later, I discovered that my older sister had owned a white rabbit named Patrick who had been killed by raccoons. My 6-year-old brain figured Kilpatrick-brand White Bread must be made out of Patrick the dead white rabbit.

In other news, The Ukulad tells me I am not short, but like tiny Snickers, Fun-Sized.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Velveeta is not in Cheeses of the World & Cheese Cookery.