Dear Blob -
Why are Cartoon Chickens so adorably comical and real Chickens so terrifyingly sinister? The creepy, beady eyes of real chickens are like stabby knife-marbles, angry and stupid, constantly demanding my brain wrap around the query, "How can real chickens be so terrifyingly ugly, yet so delicious?"
Little is more tasty than a dinner of roast chicken, perhaps with a side of polenta, steaming basmati rice & artisan greens. Yet real chickens, while interesting-looking, are undeniably grotesque & pecky.
On the other hand, Cartoon Chickens are always hilarious and delightful. Cartoon Chickens are never scary, even those meant to frighten. Cartoon Chickens are a joy to behold & Chickens, as a topic, are consistently amusing & interesting.
It’s a question rich for global salons, conversation-parties, debate-halls & literary tomes. Get on it Peeps.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I’m partial to Cartoon Chickens wearing human- accessories, like capes, neckties & ruffles.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Mystery of the Missing Chicken
Dear Blob -
Ukulady & Lad are Chicken-Sitting 5 chickens. Our duties are simple: let the chickens out of the coop in the morning and tuck them in at night. Last night, at dusk, we ventured into the yard to perform our chicken-sitting duties and to our dismay, there were only 4 chickens nestled in the coop. Distraught, we searched high and low for the missing yellow chicken, but after much fruitless chicken-seeking, we had to admit our chicken-sitting failures. After using a flashlight to search the nooks and crannies of the coop, we sadly concluded Yellow Chicken had been stolen by a hawk or had vanishing-into-thin-air-abilities. Sadly, we locked the 4 chickens in their coop and over a delicious chicken dinner, discussed where the Yellow Chicken could have gone. Sounds like a classic case of the Chicken-Sitters eating the chicken, but our dinner was rotisserie, not Missing Yellow Chicken.
Upon waking this morning, Ukulad went to let the remaining 4 chickens out of the coop and found, in the coop, 5 chickens! Somehow Yellow Chicken re-appeared in the night and joined her fellow chickens! Yellow Chicken either possesses Powers of Invisibility and was always in the coop or it's a Magical Coop because we eyeball-scoured that coop and yard yesterday and Yellow Chicken was not there. This morning she was. The Mysterious Magical Chicken!
Ukulady & Lad's chicken-sitting reputations are restored!
Signing off from The House of the Mysterious Chickens!
Love The Ukulady
Ukulady & Lad are Chicken-Sitting 5 chickens. Our duties are simple: let the chickens out of the coop in the morning and tuck them in at night. Last night, at dusk, we ventured into the yard to perform our chicken-sitting duties and to our dismay, there were only 4 chickens nestled in the coop. Distraught, we searched high and low for the missing yellow chicken, but after much fruitless chicken-seeking, we had to admit our chicken-sitting failures. After using a flashlight to search the nooks and crannies of the coop, we sadly concluded Yellow Chicken had been stolen by a hawk or had vanishing-into-thin-air-abilities. Sadly, we locked the 4 chickens in their coop and over a delicious chicken dinner, discussed where the Yellow Chicken could have gone. Sounds like a classic case of the Chicken-Sitters eating the chicken, but our dinner was rotisserie, not Missing Yellow Chicken.
Upon waking this morning, Ukulad went to let the remaining 4 chickens out of the coop and found, in the coop, 5 chickens! Somehow Yellow Chicken re-appeared in the night and joined her fellow chickens! Yellow Chicken either possesses Powers of Invisibility and was always in the coop or it's a Magical Coop because we eyeball-scoured that coop and yard yesterday and Yellow Chicken was not there. This morning she was. The Mysterious Magical Chicken!
Ukulady & Lad's chicken-sitting reputations are restored!
Signing off from The House of the Mysterious Chickens!
Love The Ukulady
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Kool-Aid Man returns!
Dear Blob,
After a many-year hiatus, joyfully, The Kool-Aid Man has returned to television! I've missed his buoyant enthusiasm and am pleased the Kool Aid media moguls have belatedly recognized Kool-Aid Man''s ageless appeal. However, the new Kool-Aid Man wears pants. Upon viewing the new Kool-Aid commercial, I knew something was wrong. I was to see Kool-Aid Man again; flashbacks to Saturday Morning cartoons in the '80's while crunching dense bowls of grape-nuts with honey, jog-shuffled through my head. But something felt off with this new Kool-Aid Man.
He is portrayed as gracious and generous, giving up his waiting-for-the-bus-seat to a pregnant lady, instilling positive ethics in the television viewers. But something was wrong. Then the Ukulady unicorn light went Meep! Kool-Aid Man does not wear pants! He's a pitcher of Kool-Aid.
Manpanion and I did important, scholarly research on the interweb and discovered, yes, the Old Kool-Aid Man does not wear pants. New Kool Aid Man looks stupid in pants.
Pants have 2 purposes: providing coverage for modesty and warmth. It doesn't seem to be cold in the bus-seat-commercial and Kool-Aid Man is not a real man with man-junk. Kool-Aid Man is a pitcher of Kool-Aid and be-panting him conjures creepy images of Kool-Aid Man junk.
I applaud the return of Kool-Aid Man, but for Meep's sake, keep him a pitcher of Kool-Aid. Take off his pants!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Poor Lindsey Lohan! Again!
pps: Ukulad did an interweb search for motivational music and Eye of the Tiger was the first song to pop into his uklad head. meep!
After a many-year hiatus, joyfully, The Kool-Aid Man has returned to television! I've missed his buoyant enthusiasm and am pleased the Kool Aid media moguls have belatedly recognized Kool-Aid Man''s ageless appeal. However, the new Kool-Aid Man wears pants. Upon viewing the new Kool-Aid commercial, I knew something was wrong. I was to see Kool-Aid Man again; flashbacks to Saturday Morning cartoons in the '80's while crunching dense bowls of grape-nuts with honey, jog-shuffled through my head. But something felt off with this new Kool-Aid Man.
He is portrayed as gracious and generous, giving up his waiting-for-the-bus-seat to a pregnant lady, instilling positive ethics in the television viewers. But something was wrong. Then the Ukulady unicorn light went Meep! Kool-Aid Man does not wear pants! He's a pitcher of Kool-Aid.
Manpanion and I did important, scholarly research on the interweb and discovered, yes, the Old Kool-Aid Man does not wear pants. New Kool Aid Man looks stupid in pants.
Pants have 2 purposes: providing coverage for modesty and warmth. It doesn't seem to be cold in the bus-seat-commercial and Kool-Aid Man is not a real man with man-junk. Kool-Aid Man is a pitcher of Kool-Aid and be-panting him conjures creepy images of Kool-Aid Man junk.
I applaud the return of Kool-Aid Man, but for Meep's sake, keep him a pitcher of Kool-Aid. Take off his pants!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Poor Lindsey Lohan! Again!
pps: Ukulad did an interweb search for motivational music and Eye of the Tiger was the first song to pop into his uklad head. meep!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Celebrate National Gaydar!
Dear Blob,
I know I live in a bubble where being gay is awesome and celebrated; I'm jealous I'm not part of the AfterEllen.com family, but it is still startling to read that potential-Supreme-Court-Justice Kagan and the White House denies "charges" she's gay. The good news is USA has some pretty great National Gaydar!
I'm pleased I'm not the only one who thought, upon viewing Kagan in her pearls & dress, "Oh, I'll bet she loves getting into her after-work jeans and tee."
Across from the news of Kagan's rumored sexual-preference was the news of the Pope calling same-sex marriage and abortion the most "insidious" issues facing our world today. Are you kidding me, Leader of the Child Abusers?! Population control and Celebrating Love are the Leaders of the Light. Insidious behavior is brain-washing, abusing children and enslaving women by burdening them with instinctual care-giving to children they cannot fiscally support.
No wonder ET's are uninterested in Earth; humans are ridiculously un-evolved.
However, upon the brink of Pride Month, let us look on the bright side and celebrate National Gaydar!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Other news includes Lindsey Lohan's upcoming music album. So that's where she's been!
pps: At least Lindsey celebrated Love, being Out and often engaged in PDA with her ex-girlfriend. Kagan is clearly more private; but being a public figure and closeted in 2010 is a waste of opportunity to be a role model and spokesperson for the millions of gay youth struggling with self-worth and self-love.
I know I live in a bubble where being gay is awesome and celebrated; I'm jealous I'm not part of the AfterEllen.com family, but it is still startling to read that potential-Supreme-Court-Justice Kagan and the White House denies "charges" she's gay. The good news is USA has some pretty great National Gaydar!
I'm pleased I'm not the only one who thought, upon viewing Kagan in her pearls & dress, "Oh, I'll bet she loves getting into her after-work jeans and tee."
Across from the news of Kagan's rumored sexual-preference was the news of the Pope calling same-sex marriage and abortion the most "insidious" issues facing our world today. Are you kidding me, Leader of the Child Abusers?! Population control and Celebrating Love are the Leaders of the Light. Insidious behavior is brain-washing, abusing children and enslaving women by burdening them with instinctual care-giving to children they cannot fiscally support.
No wonder ET's are uninterested in Earth; humans are ridiculously un-evolved.
However, upon the brink of Pride Month, let us look on the bright side and celebrate National Gaydar!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Other news includes Lindsey Lohan's upcoming music album. So that's where she's been!
pps: At least Lindsey celebrated Love, being Out and often engaged in PDA with her ex-girlfriend. Kagan is clearly more private; but being a public figure and closeted in 2010 is a waste of opportunity to be a role model and spokesperson for the millions of gay youth struggling with self-worth and self-love.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Undersea Robots & Square Fail to Save World
Dear Blob,
The Undersea Robots failed to Save the World. Apparently Squares aren't as powerful as we all thought. Perhaps BP should call in Velvetina Evilwich's fleet of Evil Sandwiches; they could cluster, creating a vast sandwich shield and their evil sandwich bread could soak up the gushing oil, as sandwich-bread soaks sandwich-dressings into it's doughy shelter. Oil, aoli, what's the difference, besides an A?
Love The Ukulady
ps: Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all my mom friends. Even Velvetina Evilwich and her Evil Sandwiches have moms somewhere...
The Undersea Robots failed to Save the World. Apparently Squares aren't as powerful as we all thought. Perhaps BP should call in Velvetina Evilwich's fleet of Evil Sandwiches; they could cluster, creating a vast sandwich shield and their evil sandwich bread could soak up the gushing oil, as sandwich-bread soaks sandwich-dressings into it's doughy shelter. Oil, aoli, what's the difference, besides an A?
Love The Ukulady
ps: Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all my mom friends. Even Velvetina Evilwich and her Evil Sandwiches have moms somewhere...
Friday, May 7, 2010
Undersea Robots & A Box Save the World!
Dear Blob -
Undersea Robots are trying to save Planet Earth & the Louisiana Seafood industry! The Big Pickle, as I've always called British Petroleum, is in a Huge Pickle, as their Gulf oil well spews thousands of gallons of oil a minute into prime Shrimping 'n' Swimming seas. Their solution: Undersea Robots wielding a Giant Box. Geometry Enthusiasts rejoice! The Square, beloved by mathematicians & children throughout the world, is finally seizing the limelight!
Our world has become a cartoon, complete with drama-queen dictators sporting clownish spectacles, like Kim Jong Il, receiving secret stem-cell skin injections to remain firm 'n' fresh; (My doctor pal works for a Korean Stem-Cell Firmery, who recently injected a Top-Secret client in South Korea, who wore a sack over his head the entire time to remain anonymous and was flanked by a fleet of limos & secret North Korean agents).
The time has come for The Ukulad and I, weary of political stupidity and hypocrisy, to begin a political party. We hereby announce the formation of The Austin Pea Party. Our Platform is Peas. We also celebrate the Square.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Where is Lindsey Lohan lately? I miss her missteps.
Undersea Robots are trying to save Planet Earth & the Louisiana Seafood industry! The Big Pickle, as I've always called British Petroleum, is in a Huge Pickle, as their Gulf oil well spews thousands of gallons of oil a minute into prime Shrimping 'n' Swimming seas. Their solution: Undersea Robots wielding a Giant Box. Geometry Enthusiasts rejoice! The Square, beloved by mathematicians & children throughout the world, is finally seizing the limelight!
Our world has become a cartoon, complete with drama-queen dictators sporting clownish spectacles, like Kim Jong Il, receiving secret stem-cell skin injections to remain firm 'n' fresh; (My doctor pal works for a Korean Stem-Cell Firmery, who recently injected a Top-Secret client in South Korea, who wore a sack over his head the entire time to remain anonymous and was flanked by a fleet of limos & secret North Korean agents).
The time has come for The Ukulad and I, weary of political stupidity and hypocrisy, to begin a political party. We hereby announce the formation of The Austin Pea Party. Our Platform is Peas. We also celebrate the Square.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Where is Lindsey Lohan lately? I miss her missteps.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
10 Amusing Meeps & Farewell Nawleans Seafood
Dear Blob!
1. Paprika: a girl's name
2. Auctioneers Talking Dirty
3. The Temps of Tempe, AZ.
4. Steak Coat
5. The She-Glove
6. Chartreuse: a girl's name
7. "I put the Fist in Pacifist."
8. The Wussies of Worcester
9. Pork Flats: a Gated Commmunity
10. Crustina: a girl's name
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm pleased I visited New Orlean's last month and enjoyed an incredible fried seafood sampler; it appears the Seafood of New Orleans is like Iceland's once-thriving economy; destroyed by greed.
1. Paprika: a girl's name
2. Auctioneers Talking Dirty
3. The Temps of Tempe, AZ.
4. Steak Coat
5. The She-Glove
6. Chartreuse: a girl's name
7. "I put the Fist in Pacifist."
8. The Wussies of Worcester
9. Pork Flats: a Gated Commmunity
10. Crustina: a girl's name
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm pleased I visited New Orlean's last month and enjoyed an incredible fried seafood sampler; it appears the Seafood of New Orleans is like Iceland's once-thriving economy; destroyed by greed.
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