Dear Blob,
I know I live in a bubble where being gay is awesome and celebrated; I'm jealous I'm not part of the AfterEllen.com family, but it is still startling to read that potential-Supreme-Court-Justice Kagan and the White House denies "charges" she's gay. The good news is USA has some pretty great National Gaydar!
I'm pleased I'm not the only one who thought, upon viewing Kagan in her pearls & dress, "Oh, I'll bet she loves getting into her after-work jeans and tee."
Across from the news of Kagan's rumored sexual-preference was the news of the Pope calling same-sex marriage and abortion the most "insidious" issues facing our world today. Are you kidding me, Leader of the Child Abusers?! Population control and Celebrating Love are the Leaders of the Light. Insidious behavior is brain-washing, abusing children and enslaving women by burdening them with instinctual care-giving to children they cannot fiscally support.
No wonder ET's are uninterested in Earth; humans are ridiculously un-evolved.
However, upon the brink of Pride Month, let us look on the bright side and celebrate National Gaydar!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Other news includes Lindsey Lohan's upcoming music album. So that's where she's been!
pps: At least Lindsey celebrated Love, being Out and often engaged in PDA with her ex-girlfriend. Kagan is clearly more private; but being a public figure and closeted in 2010 is a waste of opportunity to be a role model and spokesperson for the millions of gay youth struggling with self-worth and self-love.
Showing posts with label Lindsey Lohan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lindsey Lohan. Show all posts
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Most Repulsive Beverage!
Dear Blob,
I drove past a billboard today for what may be the most repulsive beverage ever: Chelada! A blend of Clamato juice and Budweiser beer. Apparently, according to the blogosphere, Chelada is Hott! A huge hit in Arizona, Texas, Nebraska & Colorado. In fact, one blog calls it "A Tremendous Success!" While everyone's taste is different, the thought of thirsty Quaffers downing clam 'n' tomato juice and friggin' Budweiser, is totally disgusting.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Kate Winselt, the most beautiful woman on earth, looks so much better without makeup.
pps: Attention Gay Gals! Lindsey Lohan is single! Go for it!
ppps: If you go for it, be careful! She's totaly crazy!
pppps: If you & Lindsey start dating, I totally want to come over and watch Logo with you guys!
I drove past a billboard today for what may be the most repulsive beverage ever: Chelada! A blend of Clamato juice and Budweiser beer. Apparently, according to the blogosphere, Chelada is Hott! A huge hit in Arizona, Texas, Nebraska & Colorado. In fact, one blog calls it "A Tremendous Success!" While everyone's taste is different, the thought of thirsty Quaffers downing clam 'n' tomato juice and friggin' Budweiser, is totally disgusting.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Kate Winselt, the most beautiful woman on earth, looks so much better without makeup.
pps: Attention Gay Gals! Lindsey Lohan is single! Go for it!
ppps: If you go for it, be careful! She's totaly crazy!
pppps: If you & Lindsey start dating, I totally want to come over and watch Logo with you guys!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Why Freelancers Love the Tabloids
Dear Blob,
Reading the Interweb news this morning on yahoo's "front page", I skimmed the bleak economic update, Obama's visit to Iraq, but upon coming to yahoo news's front page scoop of Lindsey Lohan and Samantha Ronson's for-now-breakup, I actually gasped aloud with interest and excitment. I was mostly excited by Lindsey being, apparently, barred from a Ronson Family party.
Being an expensively-educated, critical-thinker, labeled by my dad an intellectual, I felt a moment of shame for being so excited about Lindsey's difficulties.
Then I realized: at my home office, I have no water cooler to gather around or anyone to gather with; no Jim & Pam of The Office TV show, to speculate upon; not even my real & facebook friends have much to gossip about. Nothing as interesting as Lindsey, Brittney & Rhianna. For freelancers, tabloid gossip replaces around-the-water-cooler gossip. Without celebrity mishaps, how can us freelancers feel good about our relationships, constant-looming unemployment & genetic cellulite?
Poor Lindsey. Maybe she'll turn to yoga like Jennifer Aniston. I did.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm also intrigued by the Odd News section of the interweb news.
pps: I've discontinued my LA Times subscription. Too expensive for less-than-stellar content. Poor Newspaper Industry.
Reading the Interweb news this morning on yahoo's "front page", I skimmed the bleak economic update, Obama's visit to Iraq, but upon coming to yahoo news's front page scoop of Lindsey Lohan and Samantha Ronson's for-now-breakup, I actually gasped aloud with interest and excitment. I was mostly excited by Lindsey being, apparently, barred from a Ronson Family party.
Being an expensively-educated, critical-thinker, labeled by my dad an intellectual, I felt a moment of shame for being so excited about Lindsey's difficulties.
Then I realized: at my home office, I have no water cooler to gather around or anyone to gather with; no Jim & Pam of The Office TV show, to speculate upon; not even my real & facebook friends have much to gossip about. Nothing as interesting as Lindsey, Brittney & Rhianna. For freelancers, tabloid gossip replaces around-the-water-cooler gossip. Without celebrity mishaps, how can us freelancers feel good about our relationships, constant-looming unemployment & genetic cellulite?
Poor Lindsey. Maybe she'll turn to yoga like Jennifer Aniston. I did.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm also intrigued by the Odd News section of the interweb news.
pps: I've discontinued my LA Times subscription. Too expensive for less-than-stellar content. Poor Newspaper Industry.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Money-Saving Tips for Lindsey Lohan!
Dear Blob,
Poor Lindsey Lohan! According to US Weekly, she's almost broke! How heartbreaking! Apparently, she can't get any movie work and has moved in with her suspected girlfriend because she wants to save money on rent! Luckily for Lindsey, The Ukulady has some hot money-saving tips for her during these tough economic times.
1. Stop buying expensive handbags, Lindsey. A girl really only needs about 3 handbags. If you are really attached to your high-end designer bags, keep a few and sell the rest on E-Bay! I'm sure there are some die-hard Lindsey Lohan Fans who can navigate the E-Bay landscape for you! You can become the Lindsey Lohan of E-Bay!
2. Sell your fancy vehicle and get a Toyota or a Honda! It's a buyers market, Lindsey! And I'm sure there is some die-hard Lindsey Lohan fan who will be thrilled to buy your expensive car and drive it around! Then we can be twinsies, because I have a Honda!
3. Only do other people's drugs. Drugs like cocaine are expensive and you should definitely be able to mooch off other recreational users who hang out at the Chateau Marmont! I'm sure you know that people want to hang out with you because you are so beautiful (totally true and earnest - Lindsey is Stunning.) and since you seem to be into recreational drug-use, using other's coke is a great way to save money!
I applaud your decision, Lindsey, to save on rent by moving in with Samantha! Yay! I wish someone would move in with the Ukulady & Gay Fab Roommate (GFR) because our rent is outrageous. Good luck on getting work, Lindsey! I and all my struggling actor pals are also having a hard time getting work, so remember, you are not alone! There are thousands of talented actors who can't even get a theatrical agent, so Lindsey, consider yourself lucky, count your blessings and do something smart with your next paycheck! I recommend Bay Area real-estate (when you're surrounded by water, there's limited land-room!).
Love The Ukulady
ps: Maybe you can apply for unemployment, Lindsey!
pps: Taco Trucks are cheap and delicious! The best one is on Alvarado, in Echo Park, in front of the Vons!
Poor Lindsey Lohan! According to US Weekly, she's almost broke! How heartbreaking! Apparently, she can't get any movie work and has moved in with her suspected girlfriend because she wants to save money on rent! Luckily for Lindsey, The Ukulady has some hot money-saving tips for her during these tough economic times.
1. Stop buying expensive handbags, Lindsey. A girl really only needs about 3 handbags. If you are really attached to your high-end designer bags, keep a few and sell the rest on E-Bay! I'm sure there are some die-hard Lindsey Lohan Fans who can navigate the E-Bay landscape for you! You can become the Lindsey Lohan of E-Bay!
2. Sell your fancy vehicle and get a Toyota or a Honda! It's a buyers market, Lindsey! And I'm sure there is some die-hard Lindsey Lohan fan who will be thrilled to buy your expensive car and drive it around! Then we can be twinsies, because I have a Honda!
3. Only do other people's drugs. Drugs like cocaine are expensive and you should definitely be able to mooch off other recreational users who hang out at the Chateau Marmont! I'm sure you know that people want to hang out with you because you are so beautiful (totally true and earnest - Lindsey is Stunning.) and since you seem to be into recreational drug-use, using other's coke is a great way to save money!
I applaud your decision, Lindsey, to save on rent by moving in with Samantha! Yay! I wish someone would move in with the Ukulady & Gay Fab Roommate (GFR) because our rent is outrageous. Good luck on getting work, Lindsey! I and all my struggling actor pals are also having a hard time getting work, so remember, you are not alone! There are thousands of talented actors who can't even get a theatrical agent, so Lindsey, consider yourself lucky, count your blessings and do something smart with your next paycheck! I recommend Bay Area real-estate (when you're surrounded by water, there's limited land-room!).
Love The Ukulady
ps: Maybe you can apply for unemployment, Lindsey!
pps: Taco Trucks are cheap and delicious! The best one is on Alvarado, in Echo Park, in front of the Vons!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Anderson Cooper ’n’ the Lohans
Dear Blob,
Hopefully your power as a forum for opinion can help the children of the world! Parents, please stop whoring your children out! My rant is fueled by the feud between CNN's Anderson Cooper and the Lohans, a ridiculous sentence within itself. While the Lohan's aren't actually selling their daughters into the sex trade, like many parents in the world, particularly the 3rd world, as reported in a recent New Yorker article about India's Goddess Whores article, Michael and Dina Lohan have certainly used their pleasingly-slim 'n' pretty daughters to gain fame 'n' fortune. Anderson Cooper was using his news reporter power the same way I am using the power of you, Blob! A plea to parents to Stop Whoring Out Your Child!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I mistakenly wrote Choring, instead of Whoring, which pleased me, as Whoring is a chore for the whores. It's a chore to be a whore! Love it!
pps: The entertainment industry is a whore.
ppps: Dina Lohan is a whore and I do not wish her well.
pppps: But I wish Lindsey Lohan well! Go Lesbian Lindsey!
Hopefully your power as a forum for opinion can help the children of the world! Parents, please stop whoring your children out! My rant is fueled by the feud between CNN's Anderson Cooper and the Lohans, a ridiculous sentence within itself. While the Lohan's aren't actually selling their daughters into the sex trade, like many parents in the world, particularly the 3rd world, as reported in a recent New Yorker article about India's Goddess Whores article, Michael and Dina Lohan have certainly used their pleasingly-slim 'n' pretty daughters to gain fame 'n' fortune. Anderson Cooper was using his news reporter power the same way I am using the power of you, Blob! A plea to parents to Stop Whoring Out Your Child!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I mistakenly wrote Choring, instead of Whoring, which pleased me, as Whoring is a chore for the whores. It's a chore to be a whore! Love it!
pps: The entertainment industry is a whore.
ppps: Dina Lohan is a whore and I do not wish her well.
pppps: But I wish Lindsey Lohan well! Go Lesbian Lindsey!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
RoadTrip Fever!
Dear Blob!
Who are these talentless, time-wasting, horse-faced whores from "The Hills"? and when will they cease gracing the covers of my US Weekly magazines? I much prefer to learn about Brangelina, Kate Hudson's latest lovers, and other sordid sagas of real celebrities. The tacky, rather ugly girls from "The Hills" do not hold the appeal of Jennifer Aniston's rocky, but juicy, love-life or the ongoing drama of good old Brittney and Jamie Lyn and newly-lesbian Lindsey Lohan! You go Lindsey!
In other news, I just spent 11 days on a cross-country roadtrip with True Love (TR), from Georgia to Laland. Highlights included humid Southern-artists wedding in rural Alabama, which had superlative wedding barbecue and all-you-can-eat-shuck-your-own-oysters, an unheard of luxury
on the west coast, but apparently food-of-the-people, in the South. On the way to the Alabama wedding, TR and I stopped for gas and upon purchasing, I inquired of the salesclerk, "What town are we in?" and she replied, "Alabama." Again I said, "Yes, but what town?" "Alabama." "I know, but what town is this?" "Oh. Selma."
TR and I quested for the folk-art grocery-church in Vicksburg, Mississippi, and came upon a rainbow-painted cinder-block, mardi-gras-beaded, ramshackle extravaganza, which resembled Lady Elaine of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood's, house. Reverend Herman and his wife, Margaret, the very black and very quirky 93-year-old host and hostess , sat on the porch and were thrilled to have visitors. Reverend Herman built the folk-art grocery-church for Margaret and repeated the same 3 phrases throughout our visit: 1. You can leave a donation, but you don't have too! 2. Don't drink or gamble and bring all your money home to your wife, who is your angel! 3. Take pictures of my church I built! It was surrealism in action. No need for The Ukulady to go to Burning Man - magical adventures and surrealism are everywhere.
TR and I hit the Carlsbad Caverns, which are a Must-See for anyone interested in beauty; the Grand Canyon, another beauty Must-See; a ridiculously windy Mojave desert, complete with 3 inch white spiders.
I was surprised that Louisiana is seemingly all-swamp and Mississippi is full of magnolia trees. Texas is huge and apparently smoking is still legal, in eateries. In San Antonio, New Mexico, we came upon the 7th Best Burger in America, at a tiny hole-in-the-wall called The Buckhorn. GQ magazine had somehow stumbled upon the blink-and-miss-it town, and sure enough, the green chile burger was awesome.
No roadtrip can be summed up in a mere blog/b, but I wanted to alert you, oh Blob, and readers, as to my slacker whereabouts lately.
Love The Ukulady
ps: TR and I invented a great game called Mississippi Go! The goal is to spell Mississippi the fastest. Player 1 begins, spelling Mississippi as fast as he/she can and when finished spelling, he/she shouts, "Go!" and Player 2 spells as fast as possible and shouts Go! and onwards until neither player is capable of spelling Mississippi anymore. Good Times.
pps: We tried to go to a pie shack in Natchez, Mississippi, called Mammy's Cupboard, which is a huge black mammy-shaped building, with what Roadfood.com said has the best banana caramel pie ever. To our enormous disappointment, by the time we got to Mammy's cupboard, indeed a scarf-headed, tray-laden, black-lady-shaped building with the front door in her huge pink skirt, Mammy's cupboard was closed.
Who are these talentless, time-wasting, horse-faced whores from "The Hills"? and when will they cease gracing the covers of my US Weekly magazines? I much prefer to learn about Brangelina, Kate Hudson's latest lovers, and other sordid sagas of real celebrities. The tacky, rather ugly girls from "The Hills" do not hold the appeal of Jennifer Aniston's rocky, but juicy, love-life or the ongoing drama of good old Brittney and Jamie Lyn and newly-lesbian Lindsey Lohan! You go Lindsey!
In other news, I just spent 11 days on a cross-country roadtrip with True Love (TR), from Georgia to Laland. Highlights included humid Southern-artists wedding in rural Alabama, which had superlative wedding barbecue and all-you-can-eat-shuck-your-own-oysters, an unheard of luxury
on the west coast, but apparently food-of-the-people, in the South. On the way to the Alabama wedding, TR and I stopped for gas and upon purchasing, I inquired of the salesclerk, "What town are we in?" and she replied, "Alabama." Again I said, "Yes, but what town?" "Alabama." "I know, but what town is this?" "Oh. Selma."
TR and I quested for the folk-art grocery-church in Vicksburg, Mississippi, and came upon a rainbow-painted cinder-block, mardi-gras-beaded, ramshackle extravaganza, which resembled Lady Elaine of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood's, house. Reverend Herman and his wife, Margaret, the very black and very quirky 93-year-old host and hostess , sat on the porch and were thrilled to have visitors. Reverend Herman built the folk-art grocery-church for Margaret and repeated the same 3 phrases throughout our visit: 1. You can leave a donation, but you don't have too! 2. Don't drink or gamble and bring all your money home to your wife, who is your angel! 3. Take pictures of my church I built! It was surrealism in action. No need for The Ukulady to go to Burning Man - magical adventures and surrealism are everywhere.
TR and I hit the Carlsbad Caverns, which are a Must-See for anyone interested in beauty; the Grand Canyon, another beauty Must-See; a ridiculously windy Mojave desert, complete with 3 inch white spiders.
I was surprised that Louisiana is seemingly all-swamp and Mississippi is full of magnolia trees. Texas is huge and apparently smoking is still legal, in eateries. In San Antonio, New Mexico, we came upon the 7th Best Burger in America, at a tiny hole-in-the-wall called The Buckhorn. GQ magazine had somehow stumbled upon the blink-and-miss-it town, and sure enough, the green chile burger was awesome.
No roadtrip can be summed up in a mere blog/b, but I wanted to alert you, oh Blob, and readers, as to my slacker whereabouts lately.
Love The Ukulady
ps: TR and I invented a great game called Mississippi Go! The goal is to spell Mississippi the fastest. Player 1 begins, spelling Mississippi as fast as he/she can and when finished spelling, he/she shouts, "Go!" and Player 2 spells as fast as possible and shouts Go! and onwards until neither player is capable of spelling Mississippi anymore. Good Times.
pps: We tried to go to a pie shack in Natchez, Mississippi, called Mammy's Cupboard, which is a huge black mammy-shaped building, with what Roadfood.com said has the best banana caramel pie ever. To our enormous disappointment, by the time we got to Mammy's cupboard, indeed a scarf-headed, tray-laden, black-lady-shaped building with the front door in her huge pink skirt, Mammy's cupboard was closed.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Dare to Suck & Fuck Fear
Dear Blob,
The UkuLady has been receiving an overwhelming number of emails lately, thanks to my incredible gay-heeb-manager's marketing diligence. The emails are daily affirmations and while I don't have time to answer all of them, one came in that I am compelled to share with you, Blob, and my readers.
FROM SARAHCAKES, My MYSPACE FRIEND:
I have a question. You are awesome to the max. But How do you just not care what people say or think? I always am careful with what I say to people. I'm a big ol' chicken. I hate giving speeches and so on. I wish I could be like you and just not give a damn.
Sarah
The opportunity has come for The Ukulady to change the world. I told Sarah I have 2 mottoes:
1. Fuck Fear
2. Dare To Suck
If humans could eliminate Fear from their psyches, this world will change for the better. Fear drives many people and I believe it is the root of all evil. Daring to suck is related to self-love and self acceptance. If everyone really loved themselves and stopped judging themselves, again, planet earth could transform. We will still have hurt and grief and pain, because loss is inevitable. However miscommunication, anger, doubt, greed and all the other negative creatures of the shadowbox, will weaken. I heart Love. What a fucking hippie thing to say.
Love The Ukulady
ps: simultaneous to this email, my amazing sister (www.judemooney.com) told me I should be a motivational speaker.
pps: I'm done hating Britney, Lindsey and Jenna. I love them. But not in a lesbian way, or in an admiration way. More in a pity way and they doing the best they can possibly do. Because like Anne Frank, I believe all people are good at heart.
The UkuLady has been receiving an overwhelming number of emails lately, thanks to my incredible gay-heeb-manager's marketing diligence. The emails are daily affirmations and while I don't have time to answer all of them, one came in that I am compelled to share with you, Blob, and my readers.
FROM SARAHCAKES, My MYSPACE FRIEND:
I have a question. You are awesome to the max. But How do you just not care what people say or think? I always am careful with what I say to people. I'm a big ol' chicken. I hate giving speeches and so on. I wish I could be like you and just not give a damn.
Sarah
The opportunity has come for The Ukulady to change the world. I told Sarah I have 2 mottoes:
1. Fuck Fear
2. Dare To Suck
If humans could eliminate Fear from their psyches, this world will change for the better. Fear drives many people and I believe it is the root of all evil. Daring to suck is related to self-love and self acceptance. If everyone really loved themselves and stopped judging themselves, again, planet earth could transform. We will still have hurt and grief and pain, because loss is inevitable. However miscommunication, anger, doubt, greed and all the other negative creatures of the shadowbox, will weaken. I heart Love. What a fucking hippie thing to say.
Love The Ukulady
ps: simultaneous to this email, my amazing sister (www.judemooney.com) told me I should be a motivational speaker.
pps: I'm done hating Britney, Lindsey and Jenna. I love them. But not in a lesbian way, or in an admiration way. More in a pity way and they doing the best they can possibly do. Because like Anne Frank, I believe all people are good at heart.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Lindsey Lohan & Me!
Dear Blob!
Last Thursday me and Best Straight Male Friend in LA (BSMFinLA) forced ourselves to go to our mutual commercial agent's wife's baby shower, being hosted at a sleek skinny-person bar on the Sunset Strip. The Sunset Strip, while glamourous in name, is completely pretentious, vapid, and full of people who are probably robots. However, we like our agent, and after a quick stop at Border's books (alas there are no unchain bookshops in LA), where I purchased the classic "Monster at the End Of This Book", starring Grover, we headed to the Sunset Strip. Aside from being a neighborhood of brainless pretty people, it is also the neighborhood of No-Parking-Unless-You-Want-To-Valet-For-$12-Dollars. So we parked in a nearby cinemall structure. BSMF is one of most hilarious people I know, so I was in a particularly happy mood, as we took the elevator to and fro the bar to car. Upon the elevator doors opening, who should exit, but Lindsey Lohan, in the flesh! I almost died. As I grew up amongst hippie celebrities, I don't get too excited seeing celebrities, but seeing Lindsey Lohan at a distance of about five feet, was utterly thrilling. She is mouth-droppingly beautiful. Extremely skinny, but her features are unbelievabley exquisite. And she looked pretty disheveled, for her. She seemed agitated, being in public, and quickly headed, with her handler, to the cinema. It took my breath away. Later, driving home, I remembered the unkind things I sang about her (see www.TheUkuLady.com "Poor Lindsey") and I felt a moment of remorse. That feeling is gone, replaced by pity. Parents, please don't whore your children out!
Love The UkuLady
ps: I think I'm allergic to cashews.
Last Thursday me and Best Straight Male Friend in LA (BSMFinLA) forced ourselves to go to our mutual commercial agent's wife's baby shower, being hosted at a sleek skinny-person bar on the Sunset Strip. The Sunset Strip, while glamourous in name, is completely pretentious, vapid, and full of people who are probably robots. However, we like our agent, and after a quick stop at Border's books (alas there are no unchain bookshops in LA), where I purchased the classic "Monster at the End Of This Book", starring Grover, we headed to the Sunset Strip. Aside from being a neighborhood of brainless pretty people, it is also the neighborhood of No-Parking-Unless-You-Want-To-Valet-For-$12-Dollars. So we parked in a nearby cinemall structure. BSMF is one of most hilarious people I know, so I was in a particularly happy mood, as we took the elevator to and fro the bar to car. Upon the elevator doors opening, who should exit, but Lindsey Lohan, in the flesh! I almost died. As I grew up amongst hippie celebrities, I don't get too excited seeing celebrities, but seeing Lindsey Lohan at a distance of about five feet, was utterly thrilling. She is mouth-droppingly beautiful. Extremely skinny, but her features are unbelievabley exquisite. And she looked pretty disheveled, for her. She seemed agitated, being in public, and quickly headed, with her handler, to the cinema. It took my breath away. Later, driving home, I remembered the unkind things I sang about her (see www.TheUkuLady.com "Poor Lindsey") and I felt a moment of remorse. That feeling is gone, replaced by pity. Parents, please don't whore your children out!
Love The UkuLady
ps: I think I'm allergic to cashews.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
UkuLady's Friends RULE!!!
Dear Blog!
I had an exciting morning watching The View! Never in my life have I watched The View, however this morning, my dear friend Season and her hubby Jono were scheduled to appear, touting their website www.BuyChange.org, which touts socially-responsible products everyday Americans can purchase. I adjusted my rarely-used TV's antenna, tuned into ABC, when suddenly, as I was watching Barbara Walters and some E! Entertainment reporter discuss the presidential candidate Youtube debates, I was thrilled to see my friend, Mary C. Matthews, and her girlfriend Jen, appear in their youtube video, asking the candidates if they would allow Mary and Jen to wed! And then 20 minutes later Season and Jono were live on The View kicking some social justice ass!
I had 4 friends on The View on the same day! What are the chances? Go Friendsies! Go Social Responsibility, Social Justice and let's Create Change! I am proud this morning.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'll bet Lindsey Lohan's friends aren't so proud this morning.
PPS: She was arrested again for a DUI and had cocaine in her pocket. Poor Lindsey.
PPPS: Parents, don't whore your children out.
PPPPS: www.videopancakes.blogspot.com and www.BuyChange.org
I had an exciting morning watching The View! Never in my life have I watched The View, however this morning, my dear friend Season and her hubby Jono were scheduled to appear, touting their website www.BuyChange.org, which touts socially-responsible products everyday Americans can purchase. I adjusted my rarely-used TV's antenna, tuned into ABC, when suddenly, as I was watching Barbara Walters and some E! Entertainment reporter discuss the presidential candidate Youtube debates, I was thrilled to see my friend, Mary C. Matthews, and her girlfriend Jen, appear in their youtube video, asking the candidates if they would allow Mary and Jen to wed! And then 20 minutes later Season and Jono were live on The View kicking some social justice ass!
I had 4 friends on The View on the same day! What are the chances? Go Friendsies! Go Social Responsibility, Social Justice and let's Create Change! I am proud this morning.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'll bet Lindsey Lohan's friends aren't so proud this morning.
PPS: She was arrested again for a DUI and had cocaine in her pocket. Poor Lindsey.
PPPS: Parents, don't whore your children out.
PPPPS: www.videopancakes.blogspot.com and www.BuyChange.org
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Brittney's New Website
Dear Blog,
I rarely have time to "surf" the internet, however yesterday, I found myself in the recording studio watching my producer mix and edit a UkuLady album track. It was kind of ackward sitting there, in the funsies rolling chair, watching him work, so I decided to do a little detective work online and see what Brittney has been up to lately. I've visited her official website before, which is where I learned of the launch of her perfume line, distressingly named, "In Control" (see www.TheUkuLady.com song page song called "Brittney's New Fragrance").
Her pre-rehab website featured pastel colors and a magical animated fairy blowing bubbles. Well Blog, there has been a major shift in Brittney's online marketing campaign. Her post-rehab website home page features a scantily-clad Spears, splayed out in a Come-Fuck-Me-But-First-You-Have-To-Unpeel-The-Tiny-Extremely-Low-Cut-Shorts-I'm-Barely-Wearing. Beside her whore-photo, are animated rotating "Dear Brittney" letters from fans. These rotating letters say things like, "Heal Brittney!" Tammi, Nebraska and "You are an extremely talented young woman and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" Shep, Manitoba, Canada.
She's really good at doing a pouty child-like-pucker-fuck-me facial expression.
I'm glad I'm not her nanny, child or lover. She seems really high maintenence.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I also went to Lindsey Lohan's website, which also blends the popular Child-Whore image, featuring baby-pink heartsies and fucking hot pictures of Lindsey. She is totally sexy and hot. Brittney, not so much.
PPS: Hypocrisy Thrives! I'm referring to the worldwide epidemic of pedophilia, child-porn and the repulsive sexualization of children. Hellosies? How about not whoring out children? (see www.TheUkuLady.com songpage song "Poor Brittney") That will probably aid in the decline of the rampant epidemic which troubles me to repeat-the-nouns in writing.
If you're going to be a whore, admit it! Own it! Commit to it! Don't pretend you are a non-whore! Be a whore! But be a grown-up whore and lose the child-like fuck-me-pout.
PPPS: As my Best-Gay-Friend-In-Chicago says, regarding tummies, "Own The Roll!"
I rarely have time to "surf" the internet, however yesterday, I found myself in the recording studio watching my producer mix and edit a UkuLady album track. It was kind of ackward sitting there, in the funsies rolling chair, watching him work, so I decided to do a little detective work online and see what Brittney has been up to lately. I've visited her official website before, which is where I learned of the launch of her perfume line, distressingly named, "In Control" (see www.TheUkuLady.com song page song called "Brittney's New Fragrance").
Her pre-rehab website featured pastel colors and a magical animated fairy blowing bubbles. Well Blog, there has been a major shift in Brittney's online marketing campaign. Her post-rehab website home page features a scantily-clad Spears, splayed out in a Come-Fuck-Me-But-First-You-Have-To-Unpeel-The-Tiny-Extremely-Low-Cut-Shorts-I'm-Barely-Wearing. Beside her whore-photo, are animated rotating "Dear Brittney" letters from fans. These rotating letters say things like, "Heal Brittney!" Tammi, Nebraska and "You are an extremely talented young woman and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" Shep, Manitoba, Canada.
She's really good at doing a pouty child-like-pucker-fuck-me facial expression.
I'm glad I'm not her nanny, child or lover. She seems really high maintenence.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I also went to Lindsey Lohan's website, which also blends the popular Child-Whore image, featuring baby-pink heartsies and fucking hot pictures of Lindsey. She is totally sexy and hot. Brittney, not so much.
PPS: Hypocrisy Thrives! I'm referring to the worldwide epidemic of pedophilia, child-porn and the repulsive sexualization of children. Hellosies? How about not whoring out children? (see www.TheUkuLady.com songpage song "Poor Brittney") That will probably aid in the decline of the rampant epidemic which troubles me to repeat-the-nouns in writing.
If you're going to be a whore, admit it! Own it! Commit to it! Don't pretend you are a non-whore! Be a whore! But be a grown-up whore and lose the child-like fuck-me-pout.
PPPS: As my Best-Gay-Friend-In-Chicago says, regarding tummies, "Own The Roll!"
Monday, March 26, 2007
CornNuts & Meat Ruffles
Dear Blog,
CornNuts are totally underrated! They equal the best snack ever! Also I hate mini-vans. They are perpetually the lamest, slowest vehicles on the road. Went to Korean BBQ with my comedy asians tonight. We got tippered on Hite beer and ate ridiculous amounts of roasted meat ruffles. We talked about dealing drugs, doing comedy and affordable sushi. They are such delightful overachievers and i overate.
Love The UkuLady
PS: My friend Ari told me Lindsey is back in rehab! Again?! Poor Lindsey.
CornNuts are totally underrated! They equal the best snack ever! Also I hate mini-vans. They are perpetually the lamest, slowest vehicles on the road. Went to Korean BBQ with my comedy asians tonight. We got tippered on Hite beer and ate ridiculous amounts of roasted meat ruffles. We talked about dealing drugs, doing comedy and affordable sushi. They are such delightful overachievers and i overate.
Love The UkuLady
PS: My friend Ari told me Lindsey is back in rehab! Again?! Poor Lindsey.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Poor Lindsey Lohan
Dear Blog,
I'm so worried about my non-myspace celebrity friend, Lindsey! She's not only taken to fully shaving her vagina, but she's gone into rehab! Blog, she's seriously in need of understanding, love and forgiveness and it seems that all she gets are million-dollar movie contracts and free drinks at hollywood hot spots. Poor Lindsey Lohan. Not only is her father insane and in jail, but her mother is really controlling and kind of ugly in a face-lifty way; so of course poor Lindsey has turned to cocaine because cocaine is the perfect foster parent and mentor.
The mentoring programs of America should stop wasting their time on training people and start handing out cocaine to the kids; along with a warning pamphlet so the kids don't get too hooked and have to go to rehab like Lindsey. Everything in moderation..... However, rehab in LA is the perfect place to make best friends with a celebrity, who is sure, upon rehab release, to fiscally support whatever art the celebritie's new rehab BFF is bent on creating! All us artists who want to make movies or have theater companies should get hooked on coke or anorexia so we can join our celebrity pals, Nicole and Lindsey in rehab; befriend them and our financial worries may be over! Good luck in rehab, Lindsey!
Love The UkuLady Storm Lerner
I'm so worried about my non-myspace celebrity friend, Lindsey! She's not only taken to fully shaving her vagina, but she's gone into rehab! Blog, she's seriously in need of understanding, love and forgiveness and it seems that all she gets are million-dollar movie contracts and free drinks at hollywood hot spots. Poor Lindsey Lohan. Not only is her father insane and in jail, but her mother is really controlling and kind of ugly in a face-lifty way; so of course poor Lindsey has turned to cocaine because cocaine is the perfect foster parent and mentor.
The mentoring programs of America should stop wasting their time on training people and start handing out cocaine to the kids; along with a warning pamphlet so the kids don't get too hooked and have to go to rehab like Lindsey. Everything in moderation..... However, rehab in LA is the perfect place to make best friends with a celebrity, who is sure, upon rehab release, to fiscally support whatever art the celebritie's new rehab BFF is bent on creating! All us artists who want to make movies or have theater companies should get hooked on coke or anorexia so we can join our celebrity pals, Nicole and Lindsey in rehab; befriend them and our financial worries may be over! Good luck in rehab, Lindsey!
Love The UkuLady Storm Lerner
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