How To Feel Better About Life: Thankful I'm Not a Sister Wife!

PHOTOS: SAG Sister Wives vs. Non-Union Sister Wives


Dear Blob,
I've started watching Sister Wives the reality show on TVComputer. My overwhelming feeling after watching Kody, his 4 wives and 16 kids, is exhaustion and relief that my parents are neither Mormons nor Plural Marriage Enthusiasts.

Watching Sister Wives is a great way to feel good about one's own family. With 4 wives and 16 kids, Sister Wives family-dysfunction is Orange Alert if Family Dysfunction was on the governments color-coded Terror Alert, which by the way, has been phased out. I pitied the awkward teens of the plural-marriage family.

Sister Wives inspired today's Mini-Guide To Feeling Better About Your Life!

1. When feeling low about your family dysfunction, enjoy an episode of Sister Wives! At least you didn't grow up in the world of plural marriage!
2. If you can't watch Sister Wives because you don't have eyeballs or TVComputer, feel thankful you have arms!
3. If you don't have arms, at least you have eyeballs to read this!
4. If your eyeballs don't work, at least you have access to audio technology that allows you to listen to the Ukulady's reasons for feeling thankful.
5. If you are a member of a plural marriage family, think of the Donner Party!

Love The Ukulady

ps: The Ukulad is tired of thinking of the Donner Party in times of stress.

pps: I mourn the television loss of Big Love; SAG Sister Wives are much more visually-pleasing to watch than Non-Union life Sister Wives.

Big Love & Lateens!

Dear Blob,
I rarely watch tv, but I really love the television show Big Love and subsequently, I'm pleased and relieved, repleaved, that I'm not from a polygamist family. The good news about polygamists, is, according to Big Love, they are always throwing parties. I like parties. That sentence makes me sound like one of the unicorns from Planet Unicorn, the best thing on Youtube. In other news, while jogging around Echo Park lake this Sunday, I was once again, struck by the prevalence of Latino teen parents. I call them Lateens and I want to shower them with birth control.
Love The UkuLady
ps: While Bill Paxton of Big Love does a fantastic job, to me, he will always be Chet-transformed-into-the blubbery-creature/monster from Weird Science.
pps: Latrina is a really awful name. Latrina the Lateen....she will usurp the talentless Tila Tequila....

Mormons Love Pepsi & Panties

Dear Blob,
I'm distressed that the Cult of Mormanism has reached the Crux of all Cults's ultimate desire; lacing up it's We're-A-Real-Religion-Sneakers! and sprinting to the tipping point of acceptability. Mormonism is particularly fraught with hypocrisy and repulsisism, growing it's base from the usual cult-tenants of pedophilia, group sex and female oppression, and preying on the poor, uneducated and oppressed....the darkies of the the globe. Mormons love sending their fresh-faced missionary boys to third-world countries, where they bring hope, special underwear & Pepsi to the indigenous people. Mormons love their Pepsi....
My UkuLady diatribe comes from this morning's LA Times, which featured a full page article, complete with color photo, of the Claremont Graduate University's new full time Mormon Studies professor. Repulsive.
The UkuLady recently read Under The Banner of Heaven, Jon Krauker's non-fictional account of pioneer Mormon's slaughter of pioneer wagon trains, which they blamed on the Injun's. The book also details the Mormon's ridiculous history and ultimately, The UkuLady is saddened by the many people so fearful of death and the Unknown, that they whole-heartedly believe the rantings of some guy (Joseph Smith), who either 1. took some mushrooms, or 2. was mentally ill.
Mormanism, like most cults, started because a crazy person wanted to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women and children.
Again, no wonder ET's aren't interested in planet Earth. Humans are so unevolved, living in fear and reveling in utter Sheephood.
Distressedly yours, The UkuLady
ps: The LA Times is the most conservative Christian newspaper; yesterday's front-page California Wildfire articles were ALL about the Christian fire victims who came out to Pray. Giant color pictures of Christians in prayer circles. Where are the color pictures of the Pagan, Agnostic & Atheist fire victims?
pps: The UkuLady is not an Atheist, although my grandfather, a NYC intellectual Art-Worshipper, was.
ppps: I am a believer in Energy.
ppps: Everyone should read the articles and writings of Death & Dying by Elizabeth K. Ross. Fuck Fear.
pppps: Although the LA Times is totally conservative, I can't break my morning paper habit and the NY Times is too expensive.

Children, Spoken-Word & Mormons

Dear Blog,
Children are generally so cute that even if they were murderers, one would still feel compelled to say, "Awww!" if that child performed a skill at a talent show or something of that ilk.
Love The UkuLady
PS: The UkuLady is pretty different than spoken-word poets. Both are expressing themselves, but The UkuLady isn't quite so earnest, except when she is singing earnestly about love and breaking up. Big Love (but not the Mormon HBO kind) from the UkuLady to all my Spoken-Word Peeps.
PPS: Big Love, the Mormon HBO show, made me hate Chloe Svegny, or however you spell her stupid name, even more than before. She's too cool for school and kind of looks like a horse, but not the My Little Pony kind.
PPS: I'm reading Under The Banner of Heaven, by John Krauker and it is all about how Mormonisim, the world's fastest growing "religion", which is pretty much based on rape, molestation, child abuse, women-enslavement, incest and greed. Good Times. Fucking Crazy Mormons.