Dear Blob!
3 pages into today's LA Times hurled my into my Blogging Chair to share the ridiculousness of this civilization, so celebrated by olden-days, anti-tribal Missionaries.
TIDBIT #1: The far-right, white supremecist leader of Austria, who died in a recent car crash, was eulogized by his "protege", who tearfully called the dead supremicist "The Love Of My Life" and hinted at their gay love affair.
TIDBIT #2: An article about the depressed wives of Wall Street workers, who's salaries have fallen from $400,000 a year to a mere $200,00 a year and OMG, what are these weepy wives going to do now?! Their plans are all-in-a-tiddle and now they'll be forced to go without their maids, 3rd vacation homes and car service!
And the best for last:
TIDBIT #3: John McCain's brother, Joe McCain, called 911 to complain about traffic.
If everyone did Anusara yoga and drove a stick shift, the world would be a better place.
Love The Ukulady
PS: To The Downfall of Evil and May Fearlessness Prevail! (the good kind of fearlessness, not like jumping off cliffs.)
Showing posts with label LA TImes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LA TImes. Show all posts
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Californians Care for Britney!
Dear Blob,
Here are today's headlines in the LA Times California section; it's a grab-bag of important tidbits that are apparently, of importance to Californians:
-Police Dog Found Dead in Squad Car
-Nasa Employee 1 of 4 fire victims
-Britney Spears custody modifed
-Pot Operations targeted in raid
-2 girls hurt in shooting
-a couple more nibblets about sex abuse, Marine contempt and electricity rates.
Now while the news is often bleak and unfunny, I like to have a vague knowledge of topics that often make me feel better about my life. I wasn't hurt in a shooting, or a fire victim and I don't have dead dog in my car.
And in LA, it is equally important to know about drug raids as it is to know that Britney is Healing! A bit of good news relevant to all Californian citizens! Because we were worried. As soon as my Georgia-native manpanion moved to LA, he developed a concern for Britney Spear's well-being, as do my pregnant Lateen neighbors and the homeless junkie whores on skid row. Californians are concerned about Britney! Well, it's a brighter day for us Californians, because Britney and Kevin are modifying their custody arrangement! Upon reading this LA Times news, the relief that washes over me, makes up for the snub I received from Jenna Bush, in not being invited to her wedding. All is well! Congratulations Britney & Kevin!!!!!!!
Love The Ukulady
ps: my manpanion has invented Green Beans that taste like French Fries!
Recipe: Coat Green Beans in olive oil, sea salt and pepper and roast in oven at 450 for about 20 minutes. They are unbelievable!
pps: I hope Britney and Kevin start cooking together with their private chef!
Here are today's headlines in the LA Times California section; it's a grab-bag of important tidbits that are apparently, of importance to Californians:
-Police Dog Found Dead in Squad Car
-Nasa Employee 1 of 4 fire victims
-Britney Spears custody modifed
-Pot Operations targeted in raid
-2 girls hurt in shooting
-a couple more nibblets about sex abuse, Marine contempt and electricity rates.
Now while the news is often bleak and unfunny, I like to have a vague knowledge of topics that often make me feel better about my life. I wasn't hurt in a shooting, or a fire victim and I don't have dead dog in my car.
And in LA, it is equally important to know about drug raids as it is to know that Britney is Healing! A bit of good news relevant to all Californian citizens! Because we were worried. As soon as my Georgia-native manpanion moved to LA, he developed a concern for Britney Spear's well-being, as do my pregnant Lateen neighbors and the homeless junkie whores on skid row. Californians are concerned about Britney! Well, it's a brighter day for us Californians, because Britney and Kevin are modifying their custody arrangement! Upon reading this LA Times news, the relief that washes over me, makes up for the snub I received from Jenna Bush, in not being invited to her wedding. All is well! Congratulations Britney & Kevin!!!!!!!
Love The Ukulady
ps: my manpanion has invented Green Beans that taste like French Fries!
Recipe: Coat Green Beans in olive oil, sea salt and pepper and roast in oven at 450 for about 20 minutes. They are unbelievable!
pps: I hope Britney and Kevin start cooking together with their private chef!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Bette Midler's Cameltoe
Dear Blob,
Total Cameltoe Alert (TCA)! The other day, the calender section of the LA Times featured a color photo of the Divine Miss M, Bette Midler, with total cameltoe! It was a picture from her new Vegas show and apparently the photo editor failed to notice that Bette's shiny and unfortunately, Pouch Pants (where the tummy roll is pouched, appearing pet-like or tummy-roll-handbag-ish), not only unflatteringly flaunted her pouch, but also were going right up her cooter.
In other news, I drove past a Lateen mother yesterday, holding an infant sucking on a grape lollypop. The baby couldn't have been more than 6 months. Sights like this cause The UkuLady to feel philosophically hopeless about human beings evolution. Who the fuck feeds an infant candy? I don't care how old of a mother you are. Instinct says, infants eat breast milk. Stick with the fucking basics of human nature...Breastfeeding.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Roller Skate CD release Party was awesome! Gay Skate Night in Glendale is the funnest activity in LA!
Total Cameltoe Alert (TCA)! The other day, the calender section of the LA Times featured a color photo of the Divine Miss M, Bette Midler, with total cameltoe! It was a picture from her new Vegas show and apparently the photo editor failed to notice that Bette's shiny and unfortunately, Pouch Pants (where the tummy roll is pouched, appearing pet-like or tummy-roll-handbag-ish), not only unflatteringly flaunted her pouch, but also were going right up her cooter.
In other news, I drove past a Lateen mother yesterday, holding an infant sucking on a grape lollypop. The baby couldn't have been more than 6 months. Sights like this cause The UkuLady to feel philosophically hopeless about human beings evolution. Who the fuck feeds an infant candy? I don't care how old of a mother you are. Instinct says, infants eat breast milk. Stick with the fucking basics of human nature...Breastfeeding.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Roller Skate CD release Party was awesome! Gay Skate Night in Glendale is the funnest activity in LA!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Mormons Love Pepsi & Panties
Dear Blob,
I'm distressed that the Cult of Mormanism has reached the Crux of all Cults's ultimate desire; lacing up it's We're-A-Real-Religion-Sneakers! and sprinting to the tipping point of acceptability. Mormonism is particularly fraught with hypocrisy and repulsisism, growing it's base from the usual cult-tenants of pedophilia, group sex and female oppression, and preying on the poor, uneducated and oppressed....the darkies of the the globe. Mormons love sending their fresh-faced missionary boys to third-world countries, where they bring hope, special underwear & Pepsi to the indigenous people. Mormons love their Pepsi....
My UkuLady diatribe comes from this morning's LA Times, which featured a full page article, complete with color photo, of the Claremont Graduate University's new full time Mormon Studies professor. Repulsive.
The UkuLady recently read Under The Banner of Heaven, Jon Krauker's non-fictional account of pioneer Mormon's slaughter of pioneer wagon trains, which they blamed on the Injun's. The book also details the Mormon's ridiculous history and ultimately, The UkuLady is saddened by the many people so fearful of death and the Unknown, that they whole-heartedly believe the rantings of some guy (Joseph Smith), who either 1. took some mushrooms, or 2. was mentally ill.
Mormanism, like most cults, started because a crazy person wanted to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women and children.
Again, no wonder ET's aren't interested in planet Earth. Humans are so unevolved, living in fear and reveling in utter Sheephood.
Distressedly yours, The UkuLady
ps: The LA Times is the most conservative Christian newspaper; yesterday's front-page California Wildfire articles were ALL about the Christian fire victims who came out to Pray. Giant color pictures of Christians in prayer circles. Where are the color pictures of the Pagan, Agnostic & Atheist fire victims?
pps: The UkuLady is not an Atheist, although my grandfather, a NYC intellectual Art-Worshipper, was.
ppps: I am a believer in Energy.
ppps: Everyone should read the articles and writings of Death & Dying by Elizabeth K. Ross. Fuck Fear.
pppps: Although the LA Times is totally conservative, I can't break my morning paper habit and the NY Times is too expensive.
I'm distressed that the Cult of Mormanism has reached the Crux of all Cults's ultimate desire; lacing up it's We're-A-Real-Religion-Sneakers! and sprinting to the tipping point of acceptability. Mormonism is particularly fraught with hypocrisy and repulsisism, growing it's base from the usual cult-tenants of pedophilia, group sex and female oppression, and preying on the poor, uneducated and oppressed....the darkies of the the globe. Mormons love sending their fresh-faced missionary boys to third-world countries, where they bring hope, special underwear & Pepsi to the indigenous people. Mormons love their Pepsi....
My UkuLady diatribe comes from this morning's LA Times, which featured a full page article, complete with color photo, of the Claremont Graduate University's new full time Mormon Studies professor. Repulsive.
The UkuLady recently read Under The Banner of Heaven, Jon Krauker's non-fictional account of pioneer Mormon's slaughter of pioneer wagon trains, which they blamed on the Injun's. The book also details the Mormon's ridiculous history and ultimately, The UkuLady is saddened by the many people so fearful of death and the Unknown, that they whole-heartedly believe the rantings of some guy (Joseph Smith), who either 1. took some mushrooms, or 2. was mentally ill.
Mormanism, like most cults, started because a crazy person wanted to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women and children.
Again, no wonder ET's aren't interested in planet Earth. Humans are so unevolved, living in fear and reveling in utter Sheephood.
Distressedly yours, The UkuLady
ps: The LA Times is the most conservative Christian newspaper; yesterday's front-page California Wildfire articles were ALL about the Christian fire victims who came out to Pray. Giant color pictures of Christians in prayer circles. Where are the color pictures of the Pagan, Agnostic & Atheist fire victims?
pps: The UkuLady is not an Atheist, although my grandfather, a NYC intellectual Art-Worshipper, was.
ppps: I am a believer in Energy.
ppps: Everyone should read the articles and writings of Death & Dying by Elizabeth K. Ross. Fuck Fear.
pppps: Although the LA Times is totally conservative, I can't break my morning paper habit and the NY Times is too expensive.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
LA Times & Firemen Stories
Dear Blog,
The LA Times is so lame they featured a color photo and 2 page story about the girl who received Paris Hilton's Old phone number.
Also, my friend's dad is a retired fire chief and I asked him the most interesting thing that happened to him during his fireman tenure and this is what he told me: someone called the fire station because his was penis stuck in a bowling ball. The firemen had to air-chisel the bowling ball apart and the bowling ball parts were then displayed in a glass case in the firehouse, and my friend's dad told his son that someone had gotten his "finger" stuck in the bowling ball. My friend only found out the truth last Saturday night, at his wedding reception/BBQ. My friend's dad looks like a movie-star detective.
Love The Ukulady
PS: The LA Times also reported that someone dressed up in a Tree Costume and robbed a bank. The Tree-Costume-Bank-Robber is far more interesting than some USC sorority girl getting Paris Hilton's party/club invites.
PPS: I wish Paris Hilton was forced to dress up in a Tree Costume while in prison.
The LA Times is so lame they featured a color photo and 2 page story about the girl who received Paris Hilton's Old phone number.
Also, my friend's dad is a retired fire chief and I asked him the most interesting thing that happened to him during his fireman tenure and this is what he told me: someone called the fire station because his was penis stuck in a bowling ball. The firemen had to air-chisel the bowling ball apart and the bowling ball parts were then displayed in a glass case in the firehouse, and my friend's dad told his son that someone had gotten his "finger" stuck in the bowling ball. My friend only found out the truth last Saturday night, at his wedding reception/BBQ. My friend's dad looks like a movie-star detective.
Love The Ukulady
PS: The LA Times also reported that someone dressed up in a Tree Costume and robbed a bank. The Tree-Costume-Bank-Robber is far more interesting than some USC sorority girl getting Paris Hilton's party/club invites.
PPS: I wish Paris Hilton was forced to dress up in a Tree Costume while in prison.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Brittney & Paris, SlutWhors
Dear Blog,
The front page to the LA Times this morning featured a color picture of Paris Hilton and the headline, Paris Goes to Jail! I added the exclamation point! Blog and Readiers, I hope that whore gets prisonrapef***ed up the ass with a steel pipe. Seriously. I really kind of hope that happens to Paris Hilton in the Lynwood jail, where she will spend 45 days for drunk driving around LA for the third time. Perhaps it's awful and mean of me to wish such violence on another human being, but I so greatly dislike Paris and sickly, it would bring me joy to see her feel pain.
In other news, Brittney is doing secret Brittney shows at House Of Blueses around the globe. How boring. Do something interesting, Brittney, like get knocked up again by someone really repulsive or scandalous or do something self-destructive and summon Child Protective Services to your Malibu mansion again . Performing is boring. I hope Brittney and Paris release a lesbian sex tape.
Meanwhile, the UkuLady is back in LA, navigating traffic caused by drunked celebrities in beemers and illegal immigrants in mini-vans.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'm so jetlagged nothing is very funny, so apologies for a somewhat boring blog. Sims session comedy-notes coming soon!
The front page to the LA Times this morning featured a color picture of Paris Hilton and the headline, Paris Goes to Jail! I added the exclamation point! Blog and Readiers, I hope that whore gets prisonrapef***ed up the ass with a steel pipe. Seriously. I really kind of hope that happens to Paris Hilton in the Lynwood jail, where she will spend 45 days for drunk driving around LA for the third time. Perhaps it's awful and mean of me to wish such violence on another human being, but I so greatly dislike Paris and sickly, it would bring me joy to see her feel pain.
In other news, Brittney is doing secret Brittney shows at House Of Blueses around the globe. How boring. Do something interesting, Brittney, like get knocked up again by someone really repulsive or scandalous or do something self-destructive and summon Child Protective Services to your Malibu mansion again . Performing is boring. I hope Brittney and Paris release a lesbian sex tape.
Meanwhile, the UkuLady is back in LA, navigating traffic caused by drunked celebrities in beemers and illegal immigrants in mini-vans.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'm so jetlagged nothing is very funny, so apologies for a somewhat boring blog. Sims session comedy-notes coming soon!
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