Dear Blob & Pals-Who-Feel-Plump,
The anorexic vodka-for-meals-girls of Lalaland squishing your outer-beauty-confidence? Been running, doing yoga, pilates, crunches, the cleanse & still have genetic cellulite & a tummy pouch? Peeps, a great way to feel fit, healthy & trim is a trip to the Deep South! It's normal there for girls to carry an extra 20 - 30 pounds - they are the slim ones! Chubby is up to 75 pounds overweight!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm pro-Madonna-adopting-third-world-children.
Showing posts with label anorexia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anorexia. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Why America is Fat!
Dear Blob!
I realized why America is fat! America is not fat, it's unbalanced. All the prettiest 'n' slimmest boys and girls of small-town America moved to Los Angeles to make money on their hottness, leaving the less-attractive, overweight people behind to re-populate small-town America with fat 'n' unsightly offspring! The Hot 'n' Slim People moved to LA and NYC where they make fortunes on their genetically or anorexia-induced cellulite-free bodies. There is no obesity epidemic in America, it just seems that way because all the super slim people live in LA!
If Super-Slim Susan lived in Witherspoon, Wisconsin and mated with Chubby Chad, their offspring would be normal. Instead, Super-Slim Susan moves to LA and mates with Closeted-Super-Hot-Todd and they create super-skinny, celebrity-obsessed children; the nouveau native Angelenos!
I know this theory does not take into account the Super-Sizing of American portions, which probably caused Small-Town-Tina to blossom from pleasingly-plump to ovally-obese. However, if all the super-slim, triple-hot model-types would return to Velveeta, Florida or Gingham, Montana, America would re-balance itself and the obesity epidemic would disappear, leaving towns of normal-sized people; The Fatties and the Bony Ones, creating fleets of height and weight proportionate people. Obesity Epidemic solved.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I dislike Keira Knightly and her irritating, pursed-lip pout-pose. That annoying lips-poised, pushed-outward look is also popular with the talentless Olsen Twins.
pps: While I admire the naturally-enormous lips of Angelina Jolie and Michelle Pfeiffer, I am deeply bothered by popularity of the collagen-lip-enhancement. I wish everyone who gets plastic surgery would receive, along with their primary consultation, a photo of Kanye West's mother, who died from cosmetic surgery.
I realized why America is fat! America is not fat, it's unbalanced. All the prettiest 'n' slimmest boys and girls of small-town America moved to Los Angeles to make money on their hottness, leaving the less-attractive, overweight people behind to re-populate small-town America with fat 'n' unsightly offspring! The Hot 'n' Slim People moved to LA and NYC where they make fortunes on their genetically or anorexia-induced cellulite-free bodies. There is no obesity epidemic in America, it just seems that way because all the super slim people live in LA!
If Super-Slim Susan lived in Witherspoon, Wisconsin and mated with Chubby Chad, their offspring would be normal. Instead, Super-Slim Susan moves to LA and mates with Closeted-Super-Hot-Todd and they create super-skinny, celebrity-obsessed children; the nouveau native Angelenos!
I know this theory does not take into account the Super-Sizing of American portions, which probably caused Small-Town-Tina to blossom from pleasingly-plump to ovally-obese. However, if all the super-slim, triple-hot model-types would return to Velveeta, Florida or Gingham, Montana, America would re-balance itself and the obesity epidemic would disappear, leaving towns of normal-sized people; The Fatties and the Bony Ones, creating fleets of height and weight proportionate people. Obesity Epidemic solved.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I dislike Keira Knightly and her irritating, pursed-lip pout-pose. That annoying lips-poised, pushed-outward look is also popular with the talentless Olsen Twins.
pps: While I admire the naturally-enormous lips of Angelina Jolie and Michelle Pfeiffer, I am deeply bothered by popularity of the collagen-lip-enhancement. I wish everyone who gets plastic surgery would receive, along with their primary consultation, a photo of Kanye West's mother, who died from cosmetic surgery.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Anorexia Thrives in LA!
Dear Blob,
I recently spent 10 days in the SF/Bay Area, where I felt healthy, fit and slim. I returned to LA a couple days ago and instantly felt fat again. Most LA white women my age, are ridiculously stick-model slim ; it's not the norm for women to look like US Weekly LA starlets. Blob & Readers, this is just a Ukulady reminder that anorexia and her various food-issue cousins, are definitely alive and thriving in LA! Anorexia Therapists, this is the place to live! I've always wondered who would live in LA, if they didn't work in the Industry, and now I realize, it must be all Anorexia Therapists and boutique mini-doggie-product peddlers. Now I'm going to eat ice cream.
Love The Ukulady
ps: How boring is Brittney these days?
I recently spent 10 days in the SF/Bay Area, where I felt healthy, fit and slim. I returned to LA a couple days ago and instantly felt fat again. Most LA white women my age, are ridiculously stick-model slim ; it's not the norm for women to look like US Weekly LA starlets. Blob & Readers, this is just a Ukulady reminder that anorexia and her various food-issue cousins, are definitely alive and thriving in LA! Anorexia Therapists, this is the place to live! I've always wondered who would live in LA, if they didn't work in the Industry, and now I realize, it must be all Anorexia Therapists and boutique mini-doggie-product peddlers. Now I'm going to eat ice cream.
Love The Ukulady
ps: How boring is Brittney these days?
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