Showing posts with label drag queen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drag queen. Show all posts

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Exact Location of Balls, Drag Queens & Feeling Plump!


Dear Blob,
My current day job demands I ride around in a car all day looking for hot people in LA who are not actors. Camera-ready, we call them in the industry, so not necessarily hot, but attractive, easy on the eyeballs.

Speaking of balls, my new fabulous lesbian friends came over for dinner this weekend and the conversation turned to talent-shows featuring gay-men in glitter banana-hammock speedos, which led to Chef LB's girlfriend outing her misunderstanding of ball-location.

Apparently, Chef LB never changed boy's diapers, must have spaced-out during man-anatomy/sex-ed and being gay, never had the opportunity to clarify the exact location of the male junk and she thought balls were attached to the male buttocks.

Chef LB's girlfriend kindly shed light on the actual location of balls, attached to the meep and the concern then turned to: when in Flashdance-like leotard costumes, where do drag-queens tuck their junk?

Now that Chef LB discovered balls are not attached to the male buttocks, her concern was how far drag-queen junk has to go to be tucked away; apparently, they tuck it between the cheeks.

In other news, I thought buttocks was a synonym for bosom until I was 15.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Driving around looking for hot people has minimized my exercise-time, particularly yoga and we get free business lunch everyday, which is leading to a plumpening. After business lunch, I call myself Pouchini, Puccini's lesser-known sibling.

pps: Speaking of drag-queens, Fired-for-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein's former water-polo swim-students seem to have started a Bring Our Coach Back Facebook Page. To The Downfall of Evil!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Hilarious Fan Emails

Dear Blob!
Thanks to my amazing gay bear manager (GBM), Mitch, I am receiving quite a few fan letters and emails of curiosity. GBM calls them my daily affirmations. Some of them are totally hilarious and I must share them with you, Blob and Readers:

1. FROM DINGO: I think you might be the single most kewlest dudette on the planet of earth!!! really, we love you in detroit, even though we are the murder capitol of the world. you make all the killers say "hey i really like that girl!" then they go back to killing people. hope to hear from you!

2. Hey,
My friend and I were wondering if you were a man or a woman? This isn't meant to be offensive or anything we were just wondering. Thank you.
Amanda

3. HELLO ! I..M SAM, I DONT WRITE ENGLISH VERY WELL, BUT YOU..RE SO FUNNY!!! YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU SING VERY WELL...HAPPY 2008, SEE YOU AND GOD LUCK!!!
SAM IRE

The gender question email kills me. Love it! Love my Killer fans and Love the adorable foreign fan. I love you all, my friendsies and fans. I'm your fan.
Love The Ukulady
ps: In other news, the LA Times reported the LARD (see archived Blobs about the LAPD www.ukulady.blogspot.com) were once again called to Brittney’s house! Upon reading this, I actually exclaimed, “Again?!” aloud. She needs me. Poor Brittney.
pps: I Love Michael Cera.
Dear Blob!
Thanks to my amazing gay bear manager (GBM), Mitch, I am receiving quite a few fan letters and emails of curiosity. GBM calls them my daily affirmations. Some of them are totally hilarious and I must share them with you, Blob and Readers:

1. FROM DINGO: I think you might be the single most kewlest dudette on the planet of earth!!! really, we love you in detroit, even though we are the murder capitol of the world. you make all the killers say "hey i really like that girl!" then they go back to killing people. hope to hear from you!

2. Hey,
My friend and I were wondering if you were a man or a woman? This isn't meant to be offensive or anything we were just wondering. Thank you.
Amanda

3. HELLO ! I..M SAM, I DONT WRITE ENGLISH VERY WELL, BUT YOU..RE SO FUNNY!!! YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU SING VERY WELL...HAPPY 2008, SEE YOU AND GOD LUCK!!!
SAM IRE

The gender question email kills me. Love it! Love my Killer fans and Love the adorable foreign fan. I love you all, my friendsies and fans. I'm your fan.
Love The Ukulady
ps: In other news, the LA Times reported the LARD (see archived Blobs about the LAPD www.ukulady.blogspot.com) were once again called to Brittney’s house! Upon reading this, I actually exclaimed, “Again?!” aloud. She needs me. Poor Brittney.
pps: I Love Michael Cera.