Fired-For-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein, Speaks Out!

Dear Blob,
Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch Stein, speaks about homophobia, discrimination & honesty at Citrus Community College:



Love The Ukulady
ps: Sound quality gets much better about 30 seconds in....

Halloween, National Sandwich Day & Mitch Speaks!

PHOTOS: The Ukulady's Halloween: The Ukulady & Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Official Tea Party Member & Dead Prom Queen!



Dear Blob,
Working a real-person job is for the birds; many things are great, like paychecks, per diem and business lunches, but time for blobbing is challenging! Here's the hot scoop!

1. Fired-for-being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein, has his first speaking engagement at Citrus College! Yay! Read all about it!

2. Halloween is the best time of year because I blend in and really, everyone wants to play dress up. Halloween should be everyday. Airline travel on Halloween was particularly pleasing. I enjoyed eyeballing the flight attendant's costumes and spookily-decorated airline consuls. Halloween makes everything more fun and there's no family guilt, stress or materialism involved.

3. Today is National Sandwich Day! I enjoyed a panini in San Diego, where I am a business lady, working for the Meep, casting Real People in Market Research Video Projects.

4. San Diegoans are friendly, open and generally very camera-ready. Hot town; as in hot people and hot weather.

5. For our job we've picked sidekick code names; I've selected Assistant Beeker, Dr. Bunson Honeydew's sidekick and Advanced Meep Speaker.

Love The Ukulady

Lindsay Lohan & Mitch Stein Facing Challenges!

Dear Blob
The ongoing saga of Lindsay Lohan and Fired-For-Being-Gay-BFF, Mitch Stein, continue. Both are moving forward with their new careers: Lindsay posing for Playboy and Mitch speaking at Citrus Community College on November 2nd. Lindsay will reveal her hoo-ha and Mitch will reveal the challenges of being an out gay dad. Both Mitch and Lindsay have lawyers working for their rights, both are being presented with new opportunities and are swinging with the punches, playing the card-hand life has dealt them.

Some might argue Lindsay Lohan has dealt her own hand of cards, shoplifting fancy jewels, getting high and being late on-set; but what other life skillz did she learn by being a Hollywood child starlet? Hollywood is a ruthless, dirty business-village full of hubris, greed and narcissism and she was nurtured in the middle of it's filthy, but super-sexy, bosom.

Occasionally one meets a Hollywood mogul working for the Downfall of Evil, but they still always have to please the investors. Earth is a commerce-driven planet and humans need to evolve into love-driven humans.

Apparently this is happening, according to a new book on the decline of violence on Planet Earth! Great News! Keep up the good work, Humans!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Popcorn season is upon us! Bring on the Winter-Snacks!

Cobras 'n' Kittens Unite for Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF!

Cobras 'n' Kittens Unite for Mitch Stein! Art by www.Goopymart.com

Dear Blob,
The Update of GayBearManager BFF/Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch Stein:

Some great blobs, news-footage & articles:

1. Mitch Looks Thin, but Sad in this NewsVideo!

2. The Magic of the Interweb allows Us to Participate! An Online Survey about Whether Mitch should Be Re-Hired! Even if you haven't seen the pictures, trust Meep, they are not grounds for dismissal. Why trust Meep? Because my motto is, as always, To The Downfall of Evil! Evil is Hate. I urge you, Reader & Blob, to vote in support of Mitch and actively join the campaign for the Downfall of Evil. Let small-minded fear 'n' hate enthusiasts know they are in the minority and intellectualism & love will prevail.

3. Mitch's daughter protesting against discrimination! We are all swollen like mama-cow udders with Pride! I nominate Devynn for this year's Downfall of Evil Medallion of Action Prize, similar to the Nobel Peace Prize, but without the cash value.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Ukulady's day job wraps soon; hopefully we will have a wrap party with Rappesr and eat wraps! Maybe Anthony Rapp will be there and we will be rapt!

Fired for Posing with Corndog vs. Public Heroin-Use & Tasty Kakes!

Dear Blob,
While Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch Stein's pro-bono lawyer gathers the paperwork to serve the Charter Oak High School District for discrimination, more interesting media stories are emerging, like the basil seedlings I planted a few weeks ago.

My basil seedlets, peeking out of the dirt, are covered in weird black-tar-like meep from odd mushroom spores, which have also emerged from the earth, making the usually-tantalizing basil, creepy and disturbing, just like this recent story in the San Gabriel Tribune: Click Here!

The San Gabriel Tribune reports that an Azusa teacher was (merely) placed on leave after posting on Facebook (quote!), "For the next 40 days I will be giving up heroin - in all its forms" as well as celebrating underage drinking in Europe.

Announcing to Facebook that you are Lenting-it-Up with your Heroin use and the school district only Puts you on Leave?! And Mitch was Fired for posing with a Corndog & some Drag Queens? The glaring homophobia shines as bright as sequin glitter-sparkles favored by drag queens, 5 year old girls and pagaent enthusiasts.

The black mushroom tar-substance of the story is thickening! Just like pudding!

Speaking of pudding, I enjoyed my first Philadelphia Tasty Kake yesterday, courtesy of my new favorite HilariousGayComic, Jackie Jones, a Philly native, who also educated us on the Best Philly Steak, found, not in Philly, but in Atlantic City, New Jersey! The Joy of Learning!

There is more exciting pudding-plot thickening going on with Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch, but I'm not allowed to blob about it yet.... Stay tuned...

Love The Ukulady

ps: Tasty Kake, peanut butter flavor, was delicious; way better than any Hostess or Little Debbie product.

pps: I just went to the Tasty Kake website and they have a product called Krimpets! Meeep!

The Exact Location of Balls, Drag Queens & Feeling Plump!

Dear Blob,
My current day job demands I ride around in a car all day looking for hot people in LA who are not actors. Camera-ready, we call them in the industry, so not necessarily hot, but attractive, easy on the eyeballs.

Speaking of balls, my new fabulous lesbian friends came over for dinner this weekend and the conversation turned to talent-shows featuring gay-men in glitter banana-hammock speedos, which led to Chef LB's girlfriend outing her misunderstanding of ball-location.

Apparently, Chef LB never changed boy's diapers, must have spaced-out during man-anatomy/sex-ed and being gay, never had the opportunity to clarify the exact location of the male junk and she thought balls were attached to the male buttocks.

Chef LB's girlfriend kindly shed light on the actual location of balls, attached to the meep and the concern then turned to: when in Flashdance-like leotard costumes, where do drag-queens tuck their junk?

Now that Chef LB discovered balls are not attached to the male buttocks, her concern was how far drag-queen junk has to go to be tucked away; apparently, they tuck it between the cheeks.

In other news, I thought buttocks was a synonym for bosom until I was 15.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Driving around looking for hot people has minimized my exercise-time, particularly yoga and we get free business lunch everyday, which is leading to a plumpening. After business lunch, I call myself Pouchini, Puccini's lesser-known sibling.

pps: Speaking of drag-queens, Fired-for-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein's former water-polo swim-students seem to have started a Bring Our Coach Back Facebook Page. To The Downfall of Evil!

Friendheart

Dear Blob,
I'm working a real-person day job with no days-off, which makes me too tired these days to think of anything interesting to blob about. However, I can't stand to have the ickily-hateful Charter Oak School superintendent (Mormon) featured as the first Ukulady Blob, so I give you an oldie, but goodie: FriendHeart



To The Downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady

Mitch Tears up on NBC, But No Full Tears for the Haters!

View more videos at: http://nbclosangeles.com.

Mitch Sounds Super Thin in Radio Interview!

Dear Blob,
The tables have turned! Fired-For-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch, has been my manager for several years; however, now that his story is becoming local and hopefully soon, national news, Mitch wants me to be his manager. Ridiculous.

Readers, please click on this meep to listen to an outstanding Radio Interview with Mitch and LA radio personality, Bill Handel!

And click here to read about Mitch on NBC LA!

Apparently, the NBC article hate-party-lover, Jenny Osterkamp, who's vitriolic quote about pulling her kid off the water-polo team because she hates gay people, isn't even a water-polo parent. She's a bit cold-sorey too; not quite the face the Christian Right wants on-camera....

What's the deal with humans loving to hate? The Ukulad was raised a Southern Baptist and knows the old heeb, Jesus's teachings inside and out and tells me that all that dude wanted was for humans to love and care for each other.

As I've blobbed about before, the homosexuals hated in the bible are not our pals in Weho, the Castro, Your Neighborhood and Every Neighborhood on Planet Earth, but the war-mongering humans who pillaged, burned and raped everyone and everything in Egypt, Assyria, Rome, Babylonia and such.

Same idea as Don't Eat Shellfish; these days we have fridges and ice, so shrimp is cool. These days Homosexuals mean the awesome peeps who have the best taste, throw the best parties, get married & raise kids. It's genetic. Poor Michelle Bachman's husband - sooooooo gay! He'd probs love nothing more than to meep it up at Hamburger Mary's with a gaggle of fab drag queens. He probs watches Logo on the sly.

To The Downfall of Evil, indeed.
Love The Ukulady

ps: Mitch sounds really thin in the radio interview!

"You Can't Have My Tears!" Fired-for-Being-Gay Mitch shouts!

Dear Blob,
I was going to wake up early and listen to formerly Gay-Bear-Manager-Mitch, now, Fired-for-Being-Gay Mitch on Bill Handel's popular morning radio show, but I missed it due to extreme bed-coziness; however, he and Devynn are featured on the front page.

In other news, Mitch's lawyer is starting the vast paperwork party it takes to serve suing-party papers to Homophobia High, aka Charter Oak High School of Covina, CA and Mitch is continuing to be the best water-polo-parent & money-raiser, hosting an inner-tube fundraiser recently.

NBC wanted him on the 11o'clock news, but Mitch didn't want to cry on-camera. "They can't have my tears!" he dramatically announced via phone. I pictured him raising his fist to the Pomona nightsky as he shouts, "I want to be on TV! I want to tell my story! But they can't have my tears!" Love it.

Meanwhile: 5 Linguistic & Visually Pleasing Words & Word-Combos

1. Kvetchup: a condiment for Heebs
2. Wussies from Worcester (must properly pronounce Worcester as Wooster)
3. Bored Boarders in the Whore Quarter (of the city)
4. Pork Wheels
5: Man Ham

Love The Ukulady

ps: 6. Trilogy: a name

Fired-For-Being-Gay Mitch on Perez Hilton & Corndog Enthusiasm!

PHOTOS: Fired-For-Being-Gay Mitch & fiancee, Hugo, Ukulady & Corndog!


Dear Blob,
It's too bad Mitch is engaged to be married to his partner because he if he wanted to, he could have a million dates since being Featured on the Front Page of Perez Hilton last Friday! You read-heard that right, Blob, Gay Icon, Perez Hilton picked up Fired-For-Being-Gay, Mitch's story and featured him alongside Linsdsay, Brittney, Kendra and all the other Hollywood Party Meeps!

Due to working a real-person job, I'm a bit behind the blobbing and was unable to blob this breaking news. What a dream for a gay media enthusiast!

I just searched for the link and discovered Perez has 2 websites, PerezHilton.com and FitHilton.com. Perhaps FitHilton is the new, thin 'n' fit Perez's website. Pleasingly, Mitch is on the Thin website, FitHilton.com, although Perez used the unflattering picture and Mitch looks a bit...puffy and totally cranky. Not the ideal attitude for a date, which isn't going to happen as Mitch is engaged to Hugo, but if it were, the potential Million Dates would probably change the Cranky Attitude Mitch to Happy Mitch Party Meep!

In other news, Ukulad and I inherited a food garden from the NeoSurrealists, who went to MIT to be Geniuses and we are having major bug and fungus issues. Ants and giant antish creatures are having a chomp-festival on the peppers and weird mushrooms, which exude a black, oily substance, are springing up all around the basil & artisan spring mix-greens.

I thought the black mushroom ooze was tar, but closer inspection revealed bulbous mushroom heads, something the homophobic Charter Oak High School Principal would find offensive-in-appearance, bursting through the soil and soiling potential dinner. Ukulad is worried they are poisonous mushrooms, but I feel confident that they are unharmful; more research is needed. This is why I've always grown succulents only; they are almost impossible to kill and take almost no care.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I'm preparing to start the International Corndog Association or Global Corndog Network or Universal Corndog Alliance.
The website will be a venue for Corndog Enthusiasts to post photos of them & their Corndogs! We will celebrate The Corndog via pictures so we don't gain enormous pouches...

The Power of Grassroots Blobbing: Mitch's Story Everywhere!

PHOTO: The Ukulady's Pet: The Unicorndog!
Dear Blob,
Grassroots blobbing worked! You, blob, using your blobby tenticles, reached a real reporter for the Glendora Patch, who's story subsequently meeped Fired-For-Being-Gay Mitch's story out to the Gay Blobbing Galaxy and now Mitch and Devynn are featured on the front page of www.Advocate.com! If one googles Gay Coach Charter Oak, Mitch's story is everywhere!

This is not the way Mitch planned to get famous; he is a hilarious writer, storyteller & Entertainment Visionary. He is responsible for The Ukulady's early youtube fame, getting me a million hits and always has a brilliant showbiz scheme meeping around in his head.

I am relieved I'm no longer responsible for being the Interweb Voice of Mitch's story and somewhat shocked that the power of Grassroots Blobbing actually works. The more I read versions of Mitch's firing, the more ridiculous and outrageous it becomes. I hope the National Corndog Association gets aboard our Outrage-Train and sues Charter Oak for slander.

After I wrote the above sentence, I googled National Corndog Association and found no url, but did find National Corndog Day! Now I'm excited! And wondering if I should start The National Corndog Association... a non-profit dedicated to the advancement of Corndog Appreciation and Corndog Celebration.... Seeking Intern to Help Ukulady launch the National Corndog Association! Must be able to build HTML.

Love The Ukulady
ps: "Look at the Nipple!" I heard my pal say. He said Pitbull. Pitbull Nipple.

Fired-For-Being-Gay, Mitch's News Stories Hit the Stands!

Dear Blob,
Nothing like being emotionally attached to a media story to remember how slanted and biased the media is, depending on reporters & newspaper ownership. Here are 2 stories by real journalists about Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch:

1. The San Gabriel Tribune

2. The Glendora Patch

The San Gabriel Tribune cropped Mitch's daughter, Devynn out of the photo and lays most blame on Mitch's firing for having gaycentric pictures. This is similar to telling a rape victim she's at fault for wearing a mini-skirt.

The entire reason we, Team Stein, feel Mitch has been discriminated against, is because the photos he had on Facebook were neither offensive nor inappropriate, unless you hate drag queens. The San Gabriel Tribue makes the pictures sound racy and outrageous, which they aren't. Boo to the San Gabriel Tribune; Ukulady gives you 3 stars out of 10.

And to make matters worse, they printed a terrible picture of Mitch; he is much cuter in real life. The photo-editors definitely know the way to piss of a gay man: print an unflattering photo of him.

Luckily the Glendora Patch's article is a much more accurate story and gets to the heart of the issue: How has this affected Devynn? And, ultimately, Mitch was a stellar water-polo coach and is an outstanding Dad and the Charter Oak Water Polo Team wants him back.

Kids model behavior. Mitch's firing because he hangs with Drag Queens and poses with corndogs is a green light for kids to rock out at the Hate Festival.

I'm currently reading a 1950's History of the World book, which is surprisingly, outstanding and a reminder that humans have not changed in the past several hundred thousand years. Humans have always been fearful, war-mongering bullies... until they get to know their targets. Then they fall in love. Same old story.

The Ukulady aims to be a Force of Change and continues to campaign for the Downfall of Evil!

Love The Ukulady

ps: Ted Haggarty is going on Celebrity Wife Swap! Poor man; he needs to meep it up with our drag queen friends.

pps: I'm a working girl for the next few weeks, pounding the pavement of LA, seeking camera-ready people with new cars for a market research project; I get business lunch!

ppps: I've inserted a Cute Picture of Mitch to counter the unflattering San Gabriel pic. He's adorable.

Update on Fired-For-Being-Gay-in-LA-County, Mitch Stein!

Dear Blob,
Finally gay BFF, Mitch Stein, Fired-For-Being-Gay, has given me the thumbs up to blob about the entire story so far, as I understand it:

As we know, Readers & Blob, Gay-Bear-BFF was fired from his water-polo-coaching job because of 3 photos found on his facebook page by an anonymous parent, who sent the them to the principal and superintendent of Charter Oak High School in Covina, CA.

Breaking News: Mitch is 99% sure that the Anonymous Parent is a former classmate of his who, incredibly, used to gay-bash him in high school!

Here's the Scoop:
Apparently another coach ordered several water-polo players to wash cars for a water-polo-related punishment. One of the car-washers was the son of the Gay-Bashing Anonymous Parent (apparently a Cop!); other carwashing water-polo-players have come forward to say that, upon seeing his kid washing cars, they overheard Gay-Bashing Anonymous Parent say: "I'm going get that F*****g F*gg*t!" Wow.

My breath is taken away with outrage, sadness and disgust. What is so scary to Gay-Bashing Cop-Dad about being Gay?

The good news is most of the water-polo parents are now wearing Team Stein tee-shirts and several other high schools have offered Mitch water-polo-coaching jobs. However, Mitch coached to spend time with his daughter, who by the way, is doing well and loves high school. Strong kid.

The school has yet to respond to Why Mitch Was Fired, but did send 3 certified letters downsizing the facebook photos from Obscene to Inappropriate. Watch out Corndog-Snacking People in Photographs!

Where is the press? Aside from my modest snack-centric blob, there will be an article coming out in a Pomona/Covina rag; but not until Mitch's lawsuit of is filed. Where is the LA Times? If this is how the press covers discrimination & homophobia, no wonder people still feel justified to smugly commit acts of Hate.

Where are the gay folks in the Covina? Why aren't they rallying? Why aren't they loud and angry that someone in their community has been fired for being gay? Sadly, we think that they are scared, afraid of being targets for hate crime. Mitch's firing is sending the gays of Covina and Pomona back into the closet. Makes me want to record an audio cassette of throw-up sounds and magically make it play on loop in the prinicipal's car, office & home.

Something is horribly wrong here. No one is blobbing about this; 1 small-time newspaper has picked up the story, but hasn't even published it yet! Where are the Gay Rights blob-bloggers? Please pick up this news! Don't let the kids of Covina learn from the celebration of hate perpetuated by the Charter Oak High School District.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I wonder how many gay bars the Gay-Bashing Anonymous Cop Parent secretly frequents? Give us a break, Gay-Basher! We know you want to be tagged in the Ukulady's Japanese Creme Collon Cookie picture

UkuAdventures in LA: The Horror of the LA County Fair & Fired-For-Being-Gay Mitch Update!

PHOTOS: Wiggle Wurm, Giant Pumpkin, Man's Neck



Dear Blob,
I made the mistake of going to the LA County Fair yesterday. It was dollar-day and Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF Mitch, his daughter Devynn and the Ukulad, were up for the event.

I love county fairs, being surrounded by cordog stands and shiny, bright rides, even though I don't enjoy riding; however the LA County Fair is like the Far Side Hell version of the Fair.

Several years ago I wrote this song about the LA County Fair; perhaps I thought it had changed, but it is still a Vortex of the Worst of Humanity, including:

1. Whore Mommies: These are tarted-up mommies (usually very young), in super-high-heels and skimpy, skin-tight outfits, pushing strollers. Who goes to the Fair in stilettos? Perhaps they have robot-feet.

2. Extreme Pouches: Like Extreme Sports, Extreme Pouches are tummy pouches taken to the next level. LA County Fair patrons, when not in Whore Mommy outfits, are clad in what Tina Fey calls Mom Jeans, I call them Pouch Pants: usually plus-sized humans in thick, tight jeans, waistbanded just under the bosom, cinched tight at the upper waist (located above the belly button), with ballooning pouches sheathed in denim above and below the belt, causing the Extreme Pouch People to resemble gigantic 8's.

3. Babies drinking Slurpees, Sodas & eating French Fries.

4. Mullets, cameltoes, gluttony, consumerism, heat-exhaustion medicated with softee-serve.

6. Family abuse. This was the tipping point of Awfulness. I made the huge mistake of standing in a 30 minute line for a corndog, when I saw an adult man punch a pre-teen boy, who seemed to be his stepson. The mother stood by, snacking on her fried-stick, 2 smaller boys, resembling the adult man, ignored the violence and continued munching fried stix, probably relieved they were not the target.

It was horrible and horrifying and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to give the punched kid a card for a family-abuse hotline/non-profit; I wanted to yell at the mother to protect her kids and notify authorities of the abuse. However, surrounded by thousands of people, flashing ride-lights and carnies hawking, there wasn't much I could do. The father was the kind of guy who would probably punch me if I said anything.

I wanted to take photos of all the incredibly horrible Outfit No's, but instead, I took a picture with my Cameraheart.

Why is the LA County Fair worse than other fairs? It could be the 15 million Angelinos, disconnected to nature and community, unaccustomed to looking strangers in the eyeballs and de-programmed from saying hello on the street. A sea of sweating humans gorging on shiny-tan-foods in checkered baskets made from trees, soon to be landfill.

We marveled at the amount of money coming in; Mitch estimated one carnie stand was bringing in $40 every 5 minutes.

The best part of the fair is the convention hall of plants and tacky National Park displays with paper-mache wolves 'n' bears.

The Ukulad: They tore up real nature to construct fake nature.

Humans flocked to the cool halls of green chlorophyll and kids happily frolicked on a man-made tree-laden hill with dioramas of fake animals mixed with real animals in glass cases. The Angeles Mountains were clear in the distance, the smog of LA joyously blown away. I longed to be in the mountains, but at the same time my eyeballs enjoyed the rainbow sparkles of the carnival rides and portable candy-snack-shacks.

Positive LA County Fair highlights included the table-setting competition, the quilts and looking at old baked goods in competition display cabinets.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Update from Fired-For-Being-Gay Mitch: The school district refuses to make a statement and has downgraded his facebook photos from Obscene to Inappropriate. The parents of the water-polo players have made Team Stein tee-shirts and all the players cheered when Mitch appeared on the pool deck, cooler of water and oranges in hand, to cheer on the team.

The homophobic principal announced she would make appear at a water-polo-parent meeting and make a statement, but she was a no-show. Several other high schools have offered coaching jobs to Mitch, but he turned them down, as the point of coaching was to spend time with his daughter. Devynn loves high school. Stay tuned for more.... Newspaper articles should be out soon....

pps: During the Pig Races, I sat behind a man with the most extraordinary crinkly-neck: see photo.