The Wonders of La La Land!

Dear Blob,
After over a month of work-travel, also known as workel or traverk, I will be returning to LaLa-meep, the land of the Mosaic Tile House and other wonders, as sung about in this song:

Love The Ukulady
ps: New Muppet film = MEEEEEEEEP!

Halloween, National Sandwich Day & Mitch Speaks!

PHOTOS: The Ukulady's Halloween: The Ukulady & Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Official Tea Party Member & Dead Prom Queen!



Dear Blob,
Working a real-person job is for the birds; many things are great, like paychecks, per diem and business lunches, but time for blobbing is challenging! Here's the hot scoop!

1. Fired-for-being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein, has his first speaking engagement at Citrus College! Yay! Read all about it!

2. Halloween is the best time of year because I blend in and really, everyone wants to play dress up. Halloween should be everyday. Airline travel on Halloween was particularly pleasing. I enjoyed eyeballing the flight attendant's costumes and spookily-decorated airline consuls. Halloween makes everything more fun and there's no family guilt, stress or materialism involved.

3. Today is National Sandwich Day! I enjoyed a panini in San Diego, where I am a business lady, working for the Meep, casting Real People in Market Research Video Projects.

4. San Diegoans are friendly, open and generally very camera-ready. Hot town; as in hot people and hot weather.

5. For our job we've picked sidekick code names; I've selected Assistant Beeker, Dr. Bunson Honeydew's sidekick and Advanced Meep Speaker.

Love The Ukulady

Celebrate Good Times: The Death of Mallomar Gaddafi!

Dear Blob,
The big news of the morning: Mallomar Gaddafi is dead. Is it appropriate to have a Celebrate Good Times dance-party with Kool and the Gang? It's awkward to celebrate death, but Mallomar Gaddafi's life's work was the opposite of the Downfall of Evil; in fact, his death is part of the Downfall of Evil.

The death of someone as innately douchebaggy as Gaddafi from planet earth is a good thing. I am generally anti-death-penalty, as I usually feel two wrongs don't make a right and executing murderers seems to be murder; however, there are always exceptions, particularly when it comes to a human who has indulged in horrific anti-human acts for 42 years.

Megalomania is so odd and so constant; humankind has always produced Megalomaniacs and our brains don't seem to have evolved enough to avoid the trap of self-grandeur, which leads to megalomania; however, why does megalomania usually lead to murder, rape & other inhuman acts?

Money & Power led Bill Gates to create solutions to worlwide problems; why didn't Money & Power do the same for Mallomar? Perhaps because Mallomar was not a nerdy intellectual, but a savage warrior. Maybe Money & Power do fairly well in the hands of intellectuals, but ridiculously horrific in the hands of the stupid; as displayed in my latest TV obsession, Breaking Bad. I urge all good-TV Enthusiasts to enjoy it on Netflix.

In other news, I would like to be in a band side-project called The Snacks. This desire came from a Snack Fantasy of wanting a theoretical snack in bed at midnight. I didn't want a real snack, just a fantasy snack, an invisible snack. It was so cozy in bed, the perfect cozy-location for a snack, however I didn't want to re-brush my teeth or actually eat anything. Fantasy Snack is also a good band name.

Love The Ukulady

PS: In honor of Mallomar Gaddafi's death, enjoy WHO CAN WE HATE? By the Ukulady

PPS: Celebrating Mallomar Gaddafi's death is the cousin to telling my ER Nurse Friend to "Have Fun" at work, which I did yesterday.

The Exact Location of Balls, Drag Queens & Feeling Plump!

Dear Blob,
My current day job demands I ride around in a car all day looking for hot people in LA who are not actors. Camera-ready, we call them in the industry, so not necessarily hot, but attractive, easy on the eyeballs.

Speaking of balls, my new fabulous lesbian friends came over for dinner this weekend and the conversation turned to talent-shows featuring gay-men in glitter banana-hammock speedos, which led to Chef LB's girlfriend outing her misunderstanding of ball-location.

Apparently, Chef LB never changed boy's diapers, must have spaced-out during man-anatomy/sex-ed and being gay, never had the opportunity to clarify the exact location of the male junk and she thought balls were attached to the male buttocks.

Chef LB's girlfriend kindly shed light on the actual location of balls, attached to the meep and the concern then turned to: when in Flashdance-like leotard costumes, where do drag-queens tuck their junk?

Now that Chef LB discovered balls are not attached to the male buttocks, her concern was how far drag-queen junk has to go to be tucked away; apparently, they tuck it between the cheeks.

In other news, I thought buttocks was a synonym for bosom until I was 15.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Driving around looking for hot people has minimized my exercise-time, particularly yoga and we get free business lunch everyday, which is leading to a plumpening. After business lunch, I call myself Pouchini, Puccini's lesser-known sibling.

pps: Speaking of drag-queens, Fired-for-Being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein's former water-polo swim-students seem to have started a Bring Our Coach Back Facebook Page. To The Downfall of Evil!

10 Pleasing Word Combos: Day 4

Dear Blob,

1. Strippers eating Chicken Strips on the Strip.
2. Frenergy: Friend Energy!
3. Hobosexuals: Peeps who fancy Hobos.
4. Picky & Busy: Sisters
5. Pumice & Hummus: Sisters
6. Miss Fish, the misfit Fish.
7. Turtleneck! The Movie.
8. Manitard: leotard for men; Catchitard: netted leotard; Shellacitard: Glossy leotard.
9. Al Pacino Cheetos
10. The Fez Dispenser: Stocked with Shriner's headwear.

Love The Ukulady
ps: Detective Nibbles & The Wiglet: a Book

10 Pleasing Word Combos: Day 2

Dear Blob,
10 Pleasing Thoughts Verbally & Visually: Day 2

1. Shrimp Thins: Crackers
2. Flesh Punch: a beverage
3. Backpack Snack-Yak
4. Tuna Cotillion: Party for Tuna Teens named Tina
5. Flatmeat Melts 'n' Flatmelt Meats
6. Kvetch Cords: Corduroys to wear while kvetching
7. Florkle: Ladel & Fork
8. Jehovah Java: Coffee for the Devout
9. Prostitots: Baby hookers
10: Trader Jews: TJ's for the Heebs

Love The Ukulady

ps: Is Oy in the Dictionary?
pps: Where does the word Corduroy come from? So weird.

Tell a Dog with Don Black of Ghiant Music!

Dear Blob,
In honor of my BFF, Global Genius, Don Black, Tells a Dog his problems and then feels better!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Headed to the LA County Fair! Mullets, Corndogs & Cameltoe here we come!

UkuAdventures in LA: The Donner Party, Pancakes & Gadhafi!

Dear Blob,
Late last night I made the mistake of googling The Donner Party. After a few minutes of reading various diary accounts I realized that immersing myself in The Donner Party lore before bedtime was a terrible choice, as I'm renown in the UkuMarshmallowHouse for having nightmares.

To rid my subconscious of The Donner Party's accounts of starvation, death and cannibalism, I googled Pancakes.

I did not have nightmares.

Love The Ukulady

ps: In honor of our non-friend, Mallomar Gadhafi, enjoy an old Ukulady tune!

pps: When is that Mallomar going to bow out? Get the hint, dude! Wouldn't it be more fun to spend your senior years on a Mediterranean island doing karaoke and eating pancakes rather than die amidst dusty rubble? What is wrong with these meglomaniacs?

pps: I am a maple syrup snob and refuse corn syrup syrup; however, if I was a Donner PArty member, I would be thrilled to eat corn syrup syrup!