UkuAdventures in LA: The Crop Circle of Car Stories!

Dear Blob,
This weekend brought the Crop Circle of Car Stories! Due to a morning band photo-shoot, The Ukulad and I, dressed in our matching chicken 'n' egg outfits at 10:30am on Sunday, were outside, when the Lad noticed some schmuck had parked in the driveway belonging to our house; then he realized the car was his!

In the middle of the night his car, in park and with the parking brake on, had been pushed roughly 10 feet forward. No locks had been tampered with, the back bumper was undamaged and there were skid marks 10 feet, indicating the wheels had been pushed. It was the weirdest thing. Either a fleet of linebackers were playing a prank, a huge truck pushed the car in hopes the driveway-owners would tow it, or a mythical giant pushed it for fun.

We are mystified, disturbed & concerned. But not too much; we are mostly thrilled around here, beautifying our yard, planting basil, arugula & weeding constantly-overgrowing morning-glories.

In other news, I love Home Depot because it is so full of Potential: Make a New kitchen! Plant a pretty garden! Build a house! Home Depot shoppers appear so empowered and confident, comparing drills & purchasing do-it-yourself items.

Sunday is totally Couples-Day at Home Depot but every other day is a great day for single ladies to meet men. Forget bars! Home Depot or Guitar Center are the best places to meet fellows. Home Depot is better than Guitar Center, which is full of pale, slacker musicians, where as Home Depot men are go-getters and will fix things around your future house. I'm going to suggest it to my single friends.

Love The Ukulady

ps: If any readers have theories about the Crop-Circle Car story, please share!

pps: The matching Chicken ''n Egg outfits were found at a Salvation Army in Roswell, New Mexico, over 10 years ago. I held on to the outfit, waiting to find a manpanion to fit the shirt. Ukulad fits the shirt and wears it!

ppps: It's so pioneerishly-satisfying to spend the weekend gardening, home-beautifying & cooking handmade cornmeal-crust pizza with handmade sauce from garden-picked tomatoes 'n' basil. Pizza dough is not difficult to make and kneading dough is a pleasing mini-fitness workout.

pppps: The time has come in America, for Home Ec. to return; kids need to learn healthy cooking. This opinion comes after another marathon computer-tv session of watching Heavy, which is riveting & rewarding television. My initial dislike of Beverly Perfect, the health-trainer, is gone and now I wish I could go to South Carolina and work out with Beverly Perfect.

pppps: Read about my UkuAdventures in Echo Park here!

UkuAdventures in LA: Oprah is Right: Spa-Magic-Fever!

Dear Blob,
There are many reasons to love Los Angeles from the kitschy wonder of Clifton's Cafeteria to Elysian Park's hidden-gem Stairwalks and most amazingly, the Korean Spa. With the largest population of Koreans outside of Korea, LA offers millions of Korean Meatery-Eateries, bubble-tea drinkeries and a handful of comedically-affordable Spas, resembling what I imagine the Roman baths were like.

My BFF of 30 years is a harried mother of 2 kids under 6, who has been living at her in-law's Orange County house for a year, reluctantly transitioning from fabulous Austin to a fiscally-neccessary-job-market-for-hubby in the beautiful OC.

If you haven't been to the OC, imagine a miles and miles of strip-malls attached to strip malls with planned mcmansion developments between the Ruby Tuesdays, Chili's and Chucky Cheeses. Oprah knows: when a mother is in desperate need of a break-from-reality, her supporters better move fast; get that lady in a vat of hot water.

I took her to the Olympic Spa, where for $15 women only go from 3 different hot'n'cold tubs to 3 different saunas & 1 giant restery which includes a heated-marble-floored stage with fake-wood square pillows. The Korean spa is a festival of lady-nudity and is the perfect LA location to return to body-reality & feel good about one's body.

LA is ridiculously fat-free, with a giant population of super-tall, pouch-free women of European ancestry, exactly who the worldwide media celebrates as the ideal of feminine-beauty. It's easy to feel fat in LA surrounded by millions of these genetically-perfect-by-media-standards women. The Korean spa is full of different races which means different genetic body-types and we all are so relaxed from the extreme temperature-waters & saunas, it's impossible to feel self-conscious. It's the Verge-of-Drooling-Relaxation.

The Koreans have the right idea, incorporating soaking in spa-waters regularly. I particularly appreciate the affordability of their spas. There are many chic European-style spas that only the Wealthy can afford to relax; I understand it's exhausting managing a fortune and keeping up appearances but it's also exhausting blogging about the wealthy's exhaustion and the Korean spa offers rejuvenation for everyone. Even a homeless person could raise enough street-corner-coinage to refresh at the Korean spa and still buy a forty.

Everyone should get over their nude-in-front-of-other-people issues and go to the Korean spa.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Heavy, my tv-computer show, upsettingly, changed their format at episode 6 and switched health-centers, leaving behind my trainer-friends, David and Britny for a condescending trainer named Beverly Perfect. I'm not pleased.

pps: I love that the Korean Spa gives Fruit it's own category.

pps: For extra-money you can get a rigorous skin-sloughing and other services at the Korean spa. See this blob from the past to learn about The Ukulady's skin-sloughing experience...

UkuAdventures in LA: Imagine if Gandhi ran ABC/Disney...

PHOTOS: New Zoo Review, X the Owl, Woodsy the Owl!




Dear Blob,
My Egyptology obsession has passed and now I'm obsessed with A&E's show Heavy. I made the Lad watch 3 episodes last night, a computer-tv record for me, as I usually fall asleep after thirty minutes. I love shows about people overcoming physical & mental challenges, particularly weight-loss shows. It gives me hope for humanity.

I love the positivity and inspiration of weight-loss reality-shows, lacking in most reality shows which glorify backstabbing, betrayal & overall sleazy-douchebaggery. I occasionally enjoy gawking-oddity reality shows about conjoined twins or 19 chilun', but can't watch more than one episode. I was intrigued by The 19 chilun' religious-nut show and Toddler's & Tiaras, but both made me angry & repulsed. A recent viewing of a conjoined twin documentary left me feeling overwhelmingly thankful that I don't have a conjoined twin and gave me nightmares.

A&E's Heavy is riveting and this morning I googled the cast members, informing The Lad that I am thinking of Liking some of my favorites, like Rickywayne, on Facebook.... I Facebook-Like Ruby, a former 700 pound, deeply charismatic & hilarious reality-show star, keeping up-to-date on her lifelong weight-loss journey.

Media is humanity's most powerful tool. When Jessaly was in Mexico, we decided Mexico desperately needs an anti-littering media campaign, featuring an enigmatic, lovable mascot. I grew up with Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute, vaguely recalled by The Lad, although he didn't remember Woodsy the Owl, who pops into my mind upon hearing the slogan, which conjures vague recollections of a ballerina Hippopotamus and turtle-necked Frog, who were actually part of the New Zoo Review. My childhood television-watching-memories are a hazy blend of happy, googly-eyed creature-friends singing and dancing... A lot of Owls; Mister Roger's featured an Owl friend as well.

Humans love to feel better about themselves by watching trainwrecks on television and there is certainly a time & place for garbage TV, but it's upsetting & disappointing that the majority of television offerings are an enormous waste of resources. American Movies are worse, wasting ridiculous amounts of money, time & human-energy on utter-crap and worse, brainwashing millions of impressionable teens, shamelessly encouraging them to, not only indulge in, but celebrate materialism, greed & narcissism.

I am in LA to work in Media for the Non-Dark-Side. TV is an incredible tool for the Downfall of Evil. It's time to shift Control of the Media. Imagine if Do-Gooders like Gandhi, MLK & Mother Theresa, (or undead ones) were in control of ABC/Disney! If Donald Trump's media presence was replaced by Thich Nhat Hanh! That's my version of John Lennon's Imagine.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I am pleased that blob-writing made me realize I don't just enjoy shows about losing weight because I'm concern-obsessed with obesity.

pps: I like to exercise along with the Heavy Contestants, even at midnight.