Dear Blob,
This morning browsing the latest Harpers, I lingered on a photo of a totally hot guy from the olden days, who was hotly gracing the cover of a book being advertised. Upon further inspection, I realized the totally hot guy was Stalin; not only hot, but advertised as the "Personification of evil". Hot Stalin.
In other news, The UkuLady had a fundraiser/show for Hillary last night, which was attended by several Hillary campaign workers. These gals were delightfully pleasant, but apparently unaware of theater etiquette, text messaging and sitting in the front row at the same time.
And finally, The Ukulady is off to Las Vegas this morning to play at the Venetian Hotel. I have never been to Las Vegas and am pleased my first foray to the City of Sin, is for a gig at an 800 seat house. And I will be driven by my new gay man, Mitch, purveyor of www.BearlyBuddies.com and we will commence to co-writing Bearly! A Musical; so get psyched, Bears!
Love The UkuLady
ps: Stalin is hotter than Hillary, but I'm voting for her anyway.
pps: For my straight readers: Bears are a subculture of gay men who have beards and drink beer.
ppps: You don't have to be fat to be a Bear.
pppps: Hot Stalin would have been a Cub, because he had a three-day shadow and probably enjoyed beer, but he was young and young Bears are Cubs.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Hugo Chavez's Grandson for Thanksgiving!
Dear Blob,
The day before Thanksgiving, my brother reported that his new best friend, the great-grandson of the president of Venezuela, would be joining the Lerner clan, for dinner. The word "great" didn't really register with me and so thrilled, I assumed I would be dining with Hugo Chavez's great grandson! Hugo Chavez is such a rabble rouser, and while he is not the special-sweater-wearing South American politician (Bolivia?), he is certainly infamous. Romolo wore a jaunty scarf, appeared bemused at the Lerner Thanksgiving and is not Hugo Chavez's grandson, great or not. Some other long-dead Venezuelan president who is Not on the front page of the newspapers, holds the title of Romolo's great-grandfather. I was a little disappointed, but Hugo Chavez is pretty dictorial, anyway.
Some Highlights from the Lerner Thanksgiving:
1. Trader Jews - the renamed store
2. The Tidbits, a band
3. The Nitwit Tidbits, a better band
4. The Culturally Jewish/Brooklyn Taxi-Driver Butler - you have to know my father to find this funny. This came up because Romolo's step-father is a butler in San Francisco. The thought of my culturally Jewish dad being employed as a butler, is horrifyingly hilarious. It's a union, because then he is un-fireable.
In other news, The UkuLady is finally going to Vegas. I hope to find the thrift stores with loads of glitter bikinis and '70's mumus....
Love The UkuLady
The day before Thanksgiving, my brother reported that his new best friend, the great-grandson of the president of Venezuela, would be joining the Lerner clan, for dinner. The word "great" didn't really register with me and so thrilled, I assumed I would be dining with Hugo Chavez's great grandson! Hugo Chavez is such a rabble rouser, and while he is not the special-sweater-wearing South American politician (Bolivia?), he is certainly infamous. Romolo wore a jaunty scarf, appeared bemused at the Lerner Thanksgiving and is not Hugo Chavez's grandson, great or not. Some other long-dead Venezuelan president who is Not on the front page of the newspapers, holds the title of Romolo's great-grandfather. I was a little disappointed, but Hugo Chavez is pretty dictorial, anyway.
Some Highlights from the Lerner Thanksgiving:
1. Trader Jews - the renamed store
2. The Tidbits, a band
3. The Nitwit Tidbits, a better band
4. The Culturally Jewish/Brooklyn Taxi-Driver Butler - you have to know my father to find this funny. This came up because Romolo's step-father is a butler in San Francisco. The thought of my culturally Jewish dad being employed as a butler, is horrifyingly hilarious. It's a union, because then he is un-fireable.
In other news, The UkuLady is finally going to Vegas. I hope to find the thrift stores with loads of glitter bikinis and '70's mumus....
Love The UkuLady
Monday, November 12, 2007
Lindsey Lohan & Me!
Dear Blob!
Last Thursday me and Best Straight Male Friend in LA (BSMFinLA) forced ourselves to go to our mutual commercial agent's wife's baby shower, being hosted at a sleek skinny-person bar on the Sunset Strip. The Sunset Strip, while glamourous in name, is completely pretentious, vapid, and full of people who are probably robots. However, we like our agent, and after a quick stop at Border's books (alas there are no unchain bookshops in LA), where I purchased the classic "Monster at the End Of This Book", starring Grover, we headed to the Sunset Strip. Aside from being a neighborhood of brainless pretty people, it is also the neighborhood of No-Parking-Unless-You-Want-To-Valet-For-$12-Dollars. So we parked in a nearby cinemall structure. BSMF is one of most hilarious people I know, so I was in a particularly happy mood, as we took the elevator to and fro the bar to car. Upon the elevator doors opening, who should exit, but Lindsey Lohan, in the flesh! I almost died. As I grew up amongst hippie celebrities, I don't get too excited seeing celebrities, but seeing Lindsey Lohan at a distance of about five feet, was utterly thrilling. She is mouth-droppingly beautiful. Extremely skinny, but her features are unbelievabley exquisite. And she looked pretty disheveled, for her. She seemed agitated, being in public, and quickly headed, with her handler, to the cinema. It took my breath away. Later, driving home, I remembered the unkind things I sang about her (see www.TheUkuLady.com "Poor Lindsey") and I felt a moment of remorse. That feeling is gone, replaced by pity. Parents, please don't whore your children out!
Love The UkuLady
ps: I think I'm allergic to cashews.
Last Thursday me and Best Straight Male Friend in LA (BSMFinLA) forced ourselves to go to our mutual commercial agent's wife's baby shower, being hosted at a sleek skinny-person bar on the Sunset Strip. The Sunset Strip, while glamourous in name, is completely pretentious, vapid, and full of people who are probably robots. However, we like our agent, and after a quick stop at Border's books (alas there are no unchain bookshops in LA), where I purchased the classic "Monster at the End Of This Book", starring Grover, we headed to the Sunset Strip. Aside from being a neighborhood of brainless pretty people, it is also the neighborhood of No-Parking-Unless-You-Want-To-Valet-For-$12-Dollars. So we parked in a nearby cinemall structure. BSMF is one of most hilarious people I know, so I was in a particularly happy mood, as we took the elevator to and fro the bar to car. Upon the elevator doors opening, who should exit, but Lindsey Lohan, in the flesh! I almost died. As I grew up amongst hippie celebrities, I don't get too excited seeing celebrities, but seeing Lindsey Lohan at a distance of about five feet, was utterly thrilling. She is mouth-droppingly beautiful. Extremely skinny, but her features are unbelievabley exquisite. And she looked pretty disheveled, for her. She seemed agitated, being in public, and quickly headed, with her handler, to the cinema. It took my breath away. Later, driving home, I remembered the unkind things I sang about her (see www.TheUkuLady.com "Poor Lindsey") and I felt a moment of remorse. That feeling is gone, replaced by pity. Parents, please don't whore your children out!
Love The UkuLady
ps: I think I'm allergic to cashews.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Mormons Love Pepsi & Panties
Dear Blob,
I'm distressed that the Cult of Mormanism has reached the Crux of all Cults's ultimate desire; lacing up it's We're-A-Real-Religion-Sneakers! and sprinting to the tipping point of acceptability. Mormonism is particularly fraught with hypocrisy and repulsisism, growing it's base from the usual cult-tenants of pedophilia, group sex and female oppression, and preying on the poor, uneducated and oppressed....the darkies of the the globe. Mormons love sending their fresh-faced missionary boys to third-world countries, where they bring hope, special underwear & Pepsi to the indigenous people. Mormons love their Pepsi....
My UkuLady diatribe comes from this morning's LA Times, which featured a full page article, complete with color photo, of the Claremont Graduate University's new full time Mormon Studies professor. Repulsive.
The UkuLady recently read Under The Banner of Heaven, Jon Krauker's non-fictional account of pioneer Mormon's slaughter of pioneer wagon trains, which they blamed on the Injun's. The book also details the Mormon's ridiculous history and ultimately, The UkuLady is saddened by the many people so fearful of death and the Unknown, that they whole-heartedly believe the rantings of some guy (Joseph Smith), who either 1. took some mushrooms, or 2. was mentally ill.
Mormanism, like most cults, started because a crazy person wanted to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women and children.
Again, no wonder ET's aren't interested in planet Earth. Humans are so unevolved, living in fear and reveling in utter Sheephood.
Distressedly yours, The UkuLady
ps: The LA Times is the most conservative Christian newspaper; yesterday's front-page California Wildfire articles were ALL about the Christian fire victims who came out to Pray. Giant color pictures of Christians in prayer circles. Where are the color pictures of the Pagan, Agnostic & Atheist fire victims?
pps: The UkuLady is not an Atheist, although my grandfather, a NYC intellectual Art-Worshipper, was.
ppps: I am a believer in Energy.
ppps: Everyone should read the articles and writings of Death & Dying by Elizabeth K. Ross. Fuck Fear.
pppps: Although the LA Times is totally conservative, I can't break my morning paper habit and the NY Times is too expensive.
I'm distressed that the Cult of Mormanism has reached the Crux of all Cults's ultimate desire; lacing up it's We're-A-Real-Religion-Sneakers! and sprinting to the tipping point of acceptability. Mormonism is particularly fraught with hypocrisy and repulsisism, growing it's base from the usual cult-tenants of pedophilia, group sex and female oppression, and preying on the poor, uneducated and oppressed....the darkies of the the globe. Mormons love sending their fresh-faced missionary boys to third-world countries, where they bring hope, special underwear & Pepsi to the indigenous people. Mormons love their Pepsi....
My UkuLady diatribe comes from this morning's LA Times, which featured a full page article, complete with color photo, of the Claremont Graduate University's new full time Mormon Studies professor. Repulsive.
The UkuLady recently read Under The Banner of Heaven, Jon Krauker's non-fictional account of pioneer Mormon's slaughter of pioneer wagon trains, which they blamed on the Injun's. The book also details the Mormon's ridiculous history and ultimately, The UkuLady is saddened by the many people so fearful of death and the Unknown, that they whole-heartedly believe the rantings of some guy (Joseph Smith), who either 1. took some mushrooms, or 2. was mentally ill.
Mormanism, like most cults, started because a crazy person wanted to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women and children.
Again, no wonder ET's aren't interested in planet Earth. Humans are so unevolved, living in fear and reveling in utter Sheephood.
Distressedly yours, The UkuLady
ps: The LA Times is the most conservative Christian newspaper; yesterday's front-page California Wildfire articles were ALL about the Christian fire victims who came out to Pray. Giant color pictures of Christians in prayer circles. Where are the color pictures of the Pagan, Agnostic & Atheist fire victims?
pps: The UkuLady is not an Atheist, although my grandfather, a NYC intellectual Art-Worshipper, was.
ppps: I am a believer in Energy.
ppps: Everyone should read the articles and writings of Death & Dying by Elizabeth K. Ross. Fuck Fear.
pppps: Although the LA Times is totally conservative, I can't break my morning paper habit and the NY Times is too expensive.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Joggin While Sick
Dear Blob,
I am a terrible sick person. I've had a naggy coldy/flu for over a week, and today recognized my defeatist pattern of resting a little bit, feeling better, so partaking in social-butterfly activities, and then awaking sick again. I am a compulsive dinner-party hostess and party-guest. Instead of Gamblers Anon, I need to go to Hostess Anon. Hello, My name is The UkuLady and I love having parties, even when I'm sick. I cancelled tonight's dinner party after jogging this morning. I thought a jog would be more restful than a 2 hour yoga class. After 2 Echo Park laps and the 92 stairwalk, I was totally exhausted, but not in an excercisey-way, but in a I'm-sick fashion. I am engaging in only one other rigorous activity today, moving furniture. I've got to take advantage of my truck-friends while they're available.
Love The UkuLady
ps: While jogging sick, I mistook two resting ducks for sacks of garbage. I was pleased the Seeming Eyesore was Wildlife in Action.
pps: Now I'll rest.
I am a terrible sick person. I've had a naggy coldy/flu for over a week, and today recognized my defeatist pattern of resting a little bit, feeling better, so partaking in social-butterfly activities, and then awaking sick again. I am a compulsive dinner-party hostess and party-guest. Instead of Gamblers Anon, I need to go to Hostess Anon. Hello, My name is The UkuLady and I love having parties, even when I'm sick. I cancelled tonight's dinner party after jogging this morning. I thought a jog would be more restful than a 2 hour yoga class. After 2 Echo Park laps and the 92 stairwalk, I was totally exhausted, but not in an excercisey-way, but in a I'm-sick fashion. I am engaging in only one other rigorous activity today, moving furniture. I've got to take advantage of my truck-friends while they're available.
Love The UkuLady
ps: While jogging sick, I mistook two resting ducks for sacks of garbage. I was pleased the Seeming Eyesore was Wildlife in Action.
pps: Now I'll rest.
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