Blob-Writing

Dear Blob,
Each morning as I drink my coffee and read about the impending depression, I consider writing a blob, but ever since I fell in love, I have nothing new to say. The same topics run through my head: reluctant acceptance of the still-present tummy-Roll, less firm these days due to less yoga, due to constant travel; irritation at Miley Cyrus, the Simpson sisters, the Scientologists - however, nothing out of the ordinary; boredom of politics, rising gas prices and the constant battle to fuck fear and live in the present moment.

One-Sentence Blobs of The Ukulady:
-Say, "Heat Flap" and then reverse it, "Flap Heat", several times, quickly.
-I wish cookies were vegetables.
Love The UkuLady
ps: LA lesbians are too cool to have mullets. At Dyke Days LA, my manpanion and I played "Count The Mullet" and disappointingly, we only saw 2 potential mullets. Both were more like stringy 80's punk hair-cuts, like the skinny-legged Silverlake people's hair. For my readers who don't know Silverlake people, they look like very well-groomed gay junkies wearing $200 jeans that make their legs look like pipe-cleaners.

The Youtube Bathroom

Dear Blob,
Youtube is not only a venue for independent narcissist performers, such as myself, but it is also the World's Biggest Bathroom. The Youtube comment section is just like the restroom walls, filled with messages like, Fuck U and 4 a Good BJ Call Candi. Unfortunately, I've had no directions towards good blow jobs, but my videos and myself, are getting a healthy dose of the F-word. Youtube seems to be the stomping grounds for cowards and angry, fearful Dark Siders. A Dark Sider is a "person" who is filled with hate. I quotation mark "person", because these are the creatures that are contributing to the unevolution of humans; probably overweight, underloved and poorly educated. I don't mind the hate, in fact, it feeds the fire to spread unicorn pony hearts all the more.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I saw Persepolis last night, the graphic novel, made into a French animated feature film. It is beautiful and sad and highly recommended. A black & white cartoon riveted me for over 90 minutes. I wish the Dark Siders would see Persepolis and the fruitlessness of hate and fear.

Blaming Satan

Dear Blob,
I am disappointed, repulsed and appalled by the New Life Church Christians in Colorado, who's community was recently rampaged by an 18 year old gunman church member. This morning's LA Times dedicated 3/4 page article to the New Life Church survivors, who, in questioning why an 18 year boy would take a gun to his community, blamed, Satan. To the evangelists of New Life Church, their tragedy is not an opportunity to engage in critical discussion, but to be lazy and anti-intellectual. By choosing to blame Satan, the church members take no responsibility for who their community created, a troubled angry teenager. Blaming Satan removes the opportunity for real change in our troubled, scary world. Teenagers are angry and disillusioned and capitalism is anti-community, anti-sharing; so, lonely people take solace in churches, which offer answers to the unanswerable. However, when a community's only answer to this kind of situation is Satan, the chance to create change, is lost. Change can only come from critical thinking and discussion, both of which are learned skills. I'm sad these integral skills to humanity's evolution are not being taught in America's public schools. No wonder ET's are totally uninterested in visiting planet earth. Collectively, we're so stupid.
Love The UkuLady
ps: In other news, my amazing myspace friend, Sarahcakes, 17 yrs, of NY, sketched an awesome drawing of The UkuLady, which is her featured picture. My narcissism meter shot off the charts when I saw it - smoochies & thanksies!
pps: To my Christian myspace friendsies - please work on changing the blinder-mentality of the evangelists - thanksies!
ppps: To The Downfall of Evil! (which is not Satan, but blinder-mentality, anti-intellectualism, anti-questioning - fear)

Dare to Suck & Fuck Fear

Dear Blob,
The UkuLady has been receiving an overwhelming number of emails lately, thanks to my incredible gay-heeb-manager's marketing diligence. The emails are daily affirmations and while I don't have time to answer all of them, one came in that I am compelled to share with you, Blob, and my readers.
FROM SARAHCAKES, My MYSPACE FRIEND:
I have a question. You are awesome to the max. But How do you just not care what people say or think? I always am careful with what I say to people. I'm a big ol' chicken. I hate giving speeches and so on. I wish I could be like you and just not give a damn.
Sarah
The opportunity has come for The Ukulady to change the world. I told Sarah I have 2 mottoes:
1. Fuck Fear
2. Dare To Suck
If humans could eliminate Fear from their psyches, this world will change for the better. Fear drives many people and I believe it is the root of all evil. Daring to suck is related to self-love and self acceptance. If everyone really loved themselves and stopped judging themselves, again, planet earth could transform. We will still have hurt and grief and pain, because loss is inevitable. However miscommunication, anger, doubt, greed and all the other negative creatures of the shadowbox, will weaken. I heart Love. What a fucking hippie thing to say.
Love The Ukulady
ps: simultaneous to this email, my amazing sister (www.judemooney.com) told me I should be a motivational speaker.
pps: I'm done hating Britney, Lindsey and Jenna. I love them. But not in a lesbian way, or in an admiration way. More in a pity way and they doing the best they can possibly do. Because like Anne Frank, I believe all people are good at heart.