Dear Blob,
This week I had the pleasure of watching the backs of celebrity heads, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, cuddle and smooch, at The Hollywood Improv, awaiting my turn to potentially entertain the star-powered couple. Imagine my luck, I thought, performing this month for Gene Simmons and Justin Timberlake! Fantasies of singing my version of Ooops! for Britney's ex-boyfriend , waffled through my pancake-loving mind, as I awaited my performance-turn.... Perhaps The Ukulady would be asked to open for Justin's next world tour! Maybe he and Jessica would hire me to perform at their wedding.....Alas, my BFF-With-JT-dreams were dashed to the rocks of foiled-fantasies, when he and his entourage departed the Improv right before my set, which kind of sucked, as the Comedy Club audience aren't the cleverest of crowds; more interested in college-guy pot 'n' pussy-humor. It's an emotion-roller-coaster, Blob 'n' Readers, to show up for a show and be first, surprised by the attendance of a coveted US Weekly celebrity-couple and then 2nd, nervous to perform for the man who Brought Sexy Back and finally, disappointed to perform for a crowd of just plain people. Celebrities are more important than anyone and I know that if Jessica and Justin had seen The Ukulady, they would have totally asked me to be their best friend and comedy sidekick.
Love The Ukulady
ps: My first draft of this blob, I wrote Lick instead of Luck
pps: I can't believe McCain has the gall to compare Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears! He's the one with the celebrity-whore-blogging daughter who is BFF with talentless non-celebrity celebrities, such as the sluts from The Hills, as reported by US Weekly.
Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Brittney's Comeback &Mary Kate in my dreams...
Dear Blob,
I dreamt a boy I have a crush on dissed me for Mary Kate Olsen. I was pissed in the dream, but pleased when I awoke, that my nightmares are no longer about the house I live in (see www.TheUkuLady.com Song O'The Week "The Neighbor Song").
In other news, The Brittney Spears "comeback" was amazingly bad. She was such a hot child, a pedophilia posterchild, but as an adult, she is not only Not Hot, but extremely unremarkable in every way. Brittney's backup dancers consistently outshine her remedial "Dance for Beginners" moves - a couple tummy swirls thrown in between step, step, touch. In addition to her pathetic dancing, nasal, whiny, barely sexy and truly awful new single, Brittney didn't look like she was having any fun. She's fantastic tabloid fodder and for that I applaud her.
UkuLady Letter to Brittney:
Dear Brittney, please stick to what you're good at: getting knocked up, drunk and investigated by Child Protective Services! I love it when you flash your cooter, drive with your babies on your panty-free lap and smash cars with umbrellas! Love The UkuLady
I dreamt a boy I have a crush on dissed me for Mary Kate Olsen. I was pissed in the dream, but pleased when I awoke, that my nightmares are no longer about the house I live in (see www.TheUkuLady.com Song O'The Week "The Neighbor Song").
In other news, The Brittney Spears "comeback" was amazingly bad. She was such a hot child, a pedophilia posterchild, but as an adult, she is not only Not Hot, but extremely unremarkable in every way. Brittney's backup dancers consistently outshine her remedial "Dance for Beginners" moves - a couple tummy swirls thrown in between step, step, touch. In addition to her pathetic dancing, nasal, whiny, barely sexy and truly awful new single, Brittney didn't look like she was having any fun. She's fantastic tabloid fodder and for that I applaud her.
UkuLady Letter to Brittney:
Dear Brittney, please stick to what you're good at: getting knocked up, drunk and investigated by Child Protective Services! I love it when you flash your cooter, drive with your babies on your panty-free lap and smash cars with umbrellas! Love The UkuLady
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Home Depot & The American Dream
Dear Blog,
If you want to see the American Dream in Action, look no further than the Home Depot in downtown Los Angeles off Wilshire, east of Alvarado. There, within the confusing mammothity of Home Dept's ridiculously large aisles, plumbing-supply-dazed, yet proud homeowners, mostly of the non-pinky-white-variety, shop for neccessary knick-knacks for their homes! Shopping for dirt today, I felt a strange swelling of pride for all the non-english-as-a-first-language-speaking homeowners who were spending their Sunday, God's day, indulging in the American Dream, being homeowners and dabbling in homeowner activities; which requires a trip to Home Depot for gaskets, gas grills, griddle gadgets....
Outside the Home Depot are the Dreamers/Wanters of the American Dream; the day laborors. I felt hopeful that one day they could join the homeowners inside the Home Depot. I bought a lot of dirt for the re-potting of plants, because I am not a homeowner and cannot afford to put my fancy plants in the ground of my rental craftsman.
Love The UkuLady Lerner
PS: No word from Jenna, even during the holidays! ungrateful slut.
If you want to see the American Dream in Action, look no further than the Home Depot in downtown Los Angeles off Wilshire, east of Alvarado. There, within the confusing mammothity of Home Dept's ridiculously large aisles, plumbing-supply-dazed, yet proud homeowners, mostly of the non-pinky-white-variety, shop for neccessary knick-knacks for their homes! Shopping for dirt today, I felt a strange swelling of pride for all the non-english-as-a-first-language-speaking homeowners who were spending their Sunday, God's day, indulging in the American Dream, being homeowners and dabbling in homeowner activities; which requires a trip to Home Depot for gaskets, gas grills, griddle gadgets....
Outside the Home Depot are the Dreamers/Wanters of the American Dream; the day laborors. I felt hopeful that one day they could join the homeowners inside the Home Depot. I bought a lot of dirt for the re-potting of plants, because I am not a homeowner and cannot afford to put my fancy plants in the ground of my rental craftsman.
Love The UkuLady Lerner
PS: No word from Jenna, even during the holidays! ungrateful slut.
Dreamin' of Brittney!!
Dear Blog,
So before Michael Jackson moved to Bahrain to wear women's Arabic clothing in bathrooms, I used to have a reaccuring dream that we were good friends and I helped him, theraputically. I had a version of this dream about 4 times. Well, I've had the dream again, however, this time I was performing long-form improv with Brittney Spears at a comedy cafe in Topanga Canyon. We were good friends and held hands, but not in a girlfriend way. I'm a little obsessed with Brit. She's preggers again, barf, with Barfderline's baby. Gross. I feel bad for her though; for what is Brit, but a pathetic pawn of her fame-obsessed Mommy! Although she is fatty mcfatwich these days, she's still far prettier than her hideously ugly younger sister, Jamie Lyn Spears, star of crapola nickelodeon live action schlop. So, to quell the rumors, I'm not in an improv troupe with Brittney Spears, although, dreams do come true....Aim high!
Snerve Lerner
So before Michael Jackson moved to Bahrain to wear women's Arabic clothing in bathrooms, I used to have a reaccuring dream that we were good friends and I helped him, theraputically. I had a version of this dream about 4 times. Well, I've had the dream again, however, this time I was performing long-form improv with Brittney Spears at a comedy cafe in Topanga Canyon. We were good friends and held hands, but not in a girlfriend way. I'm a little obsessed with Brit. She's preggers again, barf, with Barfderline's baby. Gross. I feel bad for her though; for what is Brit, but a pathetic pawn of her fame-obsessed Mommy! Although she is fatty mcfatwich these days, she's still far prettier than her hideously ugly younger sister, Jamie Lyn Spears, star of crapola nickelodeon live action schlop. So, to quell the rumors, I'm not in an improv troupe with Brittney Spears, although, dreams do come true....Aim high!
Snerve Lerner
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