Dear Blob!
3 pages into today's LA Times hurled my into my Blogging Chair to share the ridiculousness of this civilization, so celebrated by olden-days, anti-tribal Missionaries.
TIDBIT #1: The far-right, white supremecist leader of Austria, who died in a recent car crash, was eulogized by his "protege", who tearfully called the dead supremicist "The Love Of My Life" and hinted at their gay love affair.
TIDBIT #2: An article about the depressed wives of Wall Street workers, who's salaries have fallen from $400,000 a year to a mere $200,00 a year and OMG, what are these weepy wives going to do now?! Their plans are all-in-a-tiddle and now they'll be forced to go without their maids, 3rd vacation homes and car service!
And the best for last:
TIDBIT #3: John McCain's brother, Joe McCain, called 911 to complain about traffic.
If everyone did Anusara yoga and drove a stick shift, the world would be a better place.
Love The Ukulady
PS: To The Downfall of Evil and May Fearlessness Prevail! (the good kind of fearlessness, not like jumping off cliffs.)
Showing posts with label John McCain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John McCain. Show all posts
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Is MILF Sarah Palin, a Cooterless Robot?
Dear Blob -
The Republican pick for VP, Sarah Palin, upon researching, just gets more ridiculous, depressing, outrageous, hilarious and unbelievable. Whether it's questioning the sanity of a Mother who names her children Bristol, Track and Trig - unbelievably ugly and stupid names - (yes this coming from Thessaly) - but Bristol? I think of Bristol Squibb, which makes me think of squid, which is not an attractive name for an unwed teen mother; or the photo of Sarah Palin proudly squatting over a dead bloody moose, hot red blood steaming, soaking into icy white snow; or perhaps the youtube news footage of the former Miss Alaska Runner-Up caught lying, abusing her power and simultaneously mentioning Bootlegging as a serious issue her administration will tackle - Bootlegging? How about the rampant & famous Alaska Alcoholism or an issue close to her, Teen Pregnancy? And there's so much to question about a woman-in-labor, who breaks her water, but opts to give a political speech and then get on an 8 hour flight, instead of going to a birthing center or hospital - An 8 hour airplane ride in labor?! Is she an Aliencreature? And she's open to Creationism being taught in schools. I wonder if Bristol and Track had saddled-dinosaurs as playtoys.... I'm more frightened though, by the Supporters of this insane, Dark-Side "woman". And the ridiculous topper is her dinosaur-riding knocked-up 17-year-old daughter! So much for W's Abstinence Program. Good times! Us Pagans use condoms or go to Planned Parenthood. I feel sorry for Hillary, spending her life trying to become the first high-officed lady, only to give away the potential-office to someone who's only commonality, is her Vagina - if Sarah Palin even has a vagina. Because robots don't need cooters and she might be a Robot-of-the-Dark-Side. As a geniune vagina-having human, I cringe at the potential political representative of our gender. In addition, what kind of mother leaves her retarded infant at 4 months, to work the campaign-trail? Yes, I used the term Retarded and it feels good. It also feels good to declare Sarah Palin a MILF. I don't want to fuck her, but I'm sure many people will. She resembles a naughty secretary, with her windblown upswept hair, tendrils askew, sexy-office-bodice waiting to be ripped open, made love to atop her dead bloody moose, NRA-issued rifle in hand...I can't wait for the x-rated internet buzz on her!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Sarah Palin is almost too much comedy material to handle. I'm overwhelmed! What to make fun of first?
The Republican pick for VP, Sarah Palin, upon researching, just gets more ridiculous, depressing, outrageous, hilarious and unbelievable. Whether it's questioning the sanity of a Mother who names her children Bristol, Track and Trig - unbelievably ugly and stupid names - (yes this coming from Thessaly) - but Bristol? I think of Bristol Squibb, which makes me think of squid, which is not an attractive name for an unwed teen mother; or the photo of Sarah Palin proudly squatting over a dead bloody moose, hot red blood steaming, soaking into icy white snow; or perhaps the youtube news footage of the former Miss Alaska Runner-Up caught lying, abusing her power and simultaneously mentioning Bootlegging as a serious issue her administration will tackle - Bootlegging? How about the rampant & famous Alaska Alcoholism or an issue close to her, Teen Pregnancy? And there's so much to question about a woman-in-labor, who breaks her water, but opts to give a political speech and then get on an 8 hour flight, instead of going to a birthing center or hospital - An 8 hour airplane ride in labor?! Is she an Aliencreature? And she's open to Creationism being taught in schools. I wonder if Bristol and Track had saddled-dinosaurs as playtoys.... I'm more frightened though, by the Supporters of this insane, Dark-Side "woman". And the ridiculous topper is her dinosaur-riding knocked-up 17-year-old daughter! So much for W's Abstinence Program. Good times! Us Pagans use condoms or go to Planned Parenthood. I feel sorry for Hillary, spending her life trying to become the first high-officed lady, only to give away the potential-office to someone who's only commonality, is her Vagina - if Sarah Palin even has a vagina. Because robots don't need cooters and she might be a Robot-of-the-Dark-Side. As a geniune vagina-having human, I cringe at the potential political representative of our gender. In addition, what kind of mother leaves her retarded infant at 4 months, to work the campaign-trail? Yes, I used the term Retarded and it feels good. It also feels good to declare Sarah Palin a MILF. I don't want to fuck her, but I'm sure many people will. She resembles a naughty secretary, with her windblown upswept hair, tendrils askew, sexy-office-bodice waiting to be ripped open, made love to atop her dead bloody moose, NRA-issued rifle in hand...I can't wait for the x-rated internet buzz on her!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Sarah Palin is almost too much comedy material to handle. I'm overwhelmed! What to make fun of first?
Thursday, August 7, 2008
The Ukulady is Super Pretty!
Dear Blob,
I just applied for this job:
Children's Birthdays/Events-Females Needed-Charismatic & Super-Pretty
I sent them an email that said:
The Ukulady is charismatic and Super Pretty! And a link to my myspace page, which features songs including the words Whore, Cooter and sometimes, Vagina.
Who, I would like to know, is deciding who is Super Pretty? The craigslist ad specifically said they are really interested in blond "princess" types. Does this mean the little plump heeb and other non-blond-non-whitey girls are being entertained by WASPY Barbie doll types and have no darkie non-traditional Super Pretties to emulate? My manpanion, mom and dad think I'm Super Pretty so therefore, I should qualify for the job. I hope I get a job interview.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Who the fuck uses the term "Super Pretty" in a job listing? Seeking Day Laborers: Must be reliable, responsible and Super Pretty.
pps: Fucking LA. She is a whoreville.
ppps: McCain and his "Super Pretty" (terrifyingly scary) wife, Cindy, suck. You'd think living in a cage and drinking urine for several years, would instill Integrity For Life. Another lesson in "Nothing is certain except change".
I just applied for this job:
Children's Birthdays/Events-Females Needed-Charismatic & Super-Pretty
I sent them an email that said:
The Ukulady is charismatic and Super Pretty! And a link to my myspace page, which features songs including the words Whore, Cooter and sometimes, Vagina.
Who, I would like to know, is deciding who is Super Pretty? The craigslist ad specifically said they are really interested in blond "princess" types. Does this mean the little plump heeb and other non-blond-non-whitey girls are being entertained by WASPY Barbie doll types and have no darkie non-traditional Super Pretties to emulate? My manpanion, mom and dad think I'm Super Pretty so therefore, I should qualify for the job. I hope I get a job interview.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Who the fuck uses the term "Super Pretty" in a job listing? Seeking Day Laborers: Must be reliable, responsible and Super Pretty.
pps: Fucking LA. She is a whoreville.
ppps: McCain and his "Super Pretty" (terrifyingly scary) wife, Cindy, suck. You'd think living in a cage and drinking urine for several years, would instill Integrity For Life. Another lesson in "Nothing is certain except change".
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Justin Timberlake 'n' Me!
Dear Blob,
This week I had the pleasure of watching the backs of celebrity heads, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, cuddle and smooch, at The Hollywood Improv, awaiting my turn to potentially entertain the star-powered couple. Imagine my luck, I thought, performing this month for Gene Simmons and Justin Timberlake! Fantasies of singing my version of Ooops! for Britney's ex-boyfriend , waffled through my pancake-loving mind, as I awaited my performance-turn.... Perhaps The Ukulady would be asked to open for Justin's next world tour! Maybe he and Jessica would hire me to perform at their wedding.....Alas, my BFF-With-JT-dreams were dashed to the rocks of foiled-fantasies, when he and his entourage departed the Improv right before my set, which kind of sucked, as the Comedy Club audience aren't the cleverest of crowds; more interested in college-guy pot 'n' pussy-humor. It's an emotion-roller-coaster, Blob 'n' Readers, to show up for a show and be first, surprised by the attendance of a coveted US Weekly celebrity-couple and then 2nd, nervous to perform for the man who Brought Sexy Back and finally, disappointed to perform for a crowd of just plain people. Celebrities are more important than anyone and I know that if Jessica and Justin had seen The Ukulady, they would have totally asked me to be their best friend and comedy sidekick.
Love The Ukulady
ps: My first draft of this blob, I wrote Lick instead of Luck
pps: I can't believe McCain has the gall to compare Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears! He's the one with the celebrity-whore-blogging daughter who is BFF with talentless non-celebrity celebrities, such as the sluts from The Hills, as reported by US Weekly.
This week I had the pleasure of watching the backs of celebrity heads, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, cuddle and smooch, at The Hollywood Improv, awaiting my turn to potentially entertain the star-powered couple. Imagine my luck, I thought, performing this month for Gene Simmons and Justin Timberlake! Fantasies of singing my version of Ooops! for Britney's ex-boyfriend , waffled through my pancake-loving mind, as I awaited my performance-turn.... Perhaps The Ukulady would be asked to open for Justin's next world tour! Maybe he and Jessica would hire me to perform at their wedding.....Alas, my BFF-With-JT-dreams were dashed to the rocks of foiled-fantasies, when he and his entourage departed the Improv right before my set, which kind of sucked, as the Comedy Club audience aren't the cleverest of crowds; more interested in college-guy pot 'n' pussy-humor. It's an emotion-roller-coaster, Blob 'n' Readers, to show up for a show and be first, surprised by the attendance of a coveted US Weekly celebrity-couple and then 2nd, nervous to perform for the man who Brought Sexy Back and finally, disappointed to perform for a crowd of just plain people. Celebrities are more important than anyone and I know that if Jessica and Justin had seen The Ukulady, they would have totally asked me to be their best friend and comedy sidekick.
Love The Ukulady
ps: My first draft of this blob, I wrote Lick instead of Luck
pps: I can't believe McCain has the gall to compare Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears! He's the one with the celebrity-whore-blogging daughter who is BFF with talentless non-celebrity celebrities, such as the sluts from The Hills, as reported by US Weekly.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Jamie Lynn Spears and Vaginas!
Dear Blob,
Jamie Lynn Spears, 17 year old sister to Britney, has given birth via scheduled C-Section. Her teen vagina is still firm, tight, but not so fresh and virginal as a Christian-valued community member, would prefer. And while we're discussing tight vajees, my manager, who is tight in the Hollywood community, informed me that the renown plastic surgeon to the stars does at least 3 vajee rejuvs a day. I suppose the surgeon gathers the celebrity vajee flaps into a bouquet of sorts, and perhaps uses a tourniquet, then clips the pleats of vagina, trimming the pleats into a non-plural pleat, leaving 2 or 3 vagina folds, which, when un-tourniquetted, reveals a super-tight vagina, the skin shiny from it's vajee-lip-face-lift, like Joan River's shiny sheen-of-a-face.
In other, but related news, Cindy McCain terrifies me. She is so face-lifted-scary. I admire John McCain for living in a tiger cage in Vietnam for 5 years, but he resembles a shriveled testicle and is a puppet-of-the-Dark-Side. I love Barack and Michelle and if (Crossies!) he becomes the president of our pathetic and crumbled country, it will be an amazing and wonderful day.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Unfortunately love is bad for summer bikini-bodies. My winter of making-out and eating sweets has destroyed 2 years of dilligent LA-driven body-fat-minimalzation work. Being less than 5 feet is handy when I need to dash through crowds, but is a bummer when one cookie adds a bra-size. Cookies and the pill.
pps: I'd rather be fat than worried about getting knocked-up, like Jamie Lynn. I hope the irresponsible slut goes on the pill.
Jamie Lynn Spears, 17 year old sister to Britney, has given birth via scheduled C-Section. Her teen vagina is still firm, tight, but not so fresh and virginal as a Christian-valued community member, would prefer. And while we're discussing tight vajees, my manager, who is tight in the Hollywood community, informed me that the renown plastic surgeon to the stars does at least 3 vajee rejuvs a day. I suppose the surgeon gathers the celebrity vajee flaps into a bouquet of sorts, and perhaps uses a tourniquet, then clips the pleats of vagina, trimming the pleats into a non-plural pleat, leaving 2 or 3 vagina folds, which, when un-tourniquetted, reveals a super-tight vagina, the skin shiny from it's vajee-lip-face-lift, like Joan River's shiny sheen-of-a-face.
In other, but related news, Cindy McCain terrifies me. She is so face-lifted-scary. I admire John McCain for living in a tiger cage in Vietnam for 5 years, but he resembles a shriveled testicle and is a puppet-of-the-Dark-Side. I love Barack and Michelle and if (Crossies!) he becomes the president of our pathetic and crumbled country, it will be an amazing and wonderful day.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Unfortunately love is bad for summer bikini-bodies. My winter of making-out and eating sweets has destroyed 2 years of dilligent LA-driven body-fat-minimalzation work. Being less than 5 feet is handy when I need to dash through crowds, but is a bummer when one cookie adds a bra-size. Cookies and the pill.
pps: I'd rather be fat than worried about getting knocked-up, like Jamie Lynn. I hope the irresponsible slut goes on the pill.
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