Dear Blob -
I physically splurted my coffee out upon reading the AP "news" headline: George Bush Forgives Kanye West. There are so many things wrong with this headline; I almost read the article, but realized there is no need; all I need to do is applaud George Bush & Taylor Swift for not letting Kanye West get them down! Now that they've forgiven Kanye, here is a to-do list for George Bush & Taylor Swift:
1. Get together in person or virtually and start an Official I Forgive Kanye club! You guys can charge fees for us peasants to join, and make even more money!
or
2. Start 2 separate I Forgive Kanye West clubs: One for the regular people (still charge fees) and then another for the Elite of Planet Earth; then you can have elite parties with better catering, cuter outfits and budget to hire Kanye to entertain at the club meetings! The peasants can have their own club and meet at Walmart.
3. Record an album together! George, you've owned a baseball team, started a war & lied to millions, what better career move than recording some duets with America's Sweetheart, Taylor Swift?! (also, you'll score cool-dad points with Jenna & Barbara)
4. Tour the world with the Forgive Kanye West album, book & heck, why not, reality TV show! You guys are gonna rake it in!
5. Pose for photo opps with Kanye, preferably in a rural third-world village, surrounded by rag-tag children.
6. Encourage Taylor to adopt a 3rd world baby and sign-on, with Laura, as the adoptive Grandparents & Kanye as uncle! You guys are going to be so popular!
7. Reach out to Kim Jong Il, Ahmadinejad and other dicatators of the world. Nothing brings the world together like the Power of Music; and particularly music based on mutual Forgiveness of Kanye West! You guys might win the Nobel Peace Prize!
8. George, maybe you could get a hair weave and be twins with Taylor! People love twins! Maybe you guys can even be triplets with Kanye! You guys could wear matching outfits! You'll totally bring the world together!
Maybe the aliens, that we know are out there, but refuse to visit planet earth because we are so un-evolved and stupid, will visit now! Forgiving Kanye West is not only going to bring the world together, but possibly The Universe!
Thanks for promoting Forgiveness, George & Taylor!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Lindsey is still in rehab.
Showing posts with label George Bush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label George Bush. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, January 19, 2009
World-Power Christmas Eve!
Dear Blob!
It is World-Power Christmas Eve! Adios to the Celebration and Reign of Anti-Intellectualism, Cocky Bravado, and the Dark Side! Somehow, amidst the thrill and amazement of Obama's victory, it didn't occur to me that Bush, Cheney and their administration, which says, "thumbs-up, Torture!" is actually leaving! Not only is Obama and his fleet of Critical Thinkers, who celebrate knowledge & science, taking control of our broken country, but Bush and his BFF, Hubris, will be gone! Whooohooo! It really hit me yesterday! Here we are, on the brink of Global Energy Shifting! Please, Blob and Powers of Manifestation, keep Obama alive and productive. The most exciting thing to me is the re-installation of Intellectualism in office. Bush isn't an inherently evil person, just dumb and cocky. It's like the James Spader crowd from Pretty in Pink (the Richies), got control of the White House for 8 years and now Duckie and Annie Potts are in power.
Meanwhile, upon reading the Inaugural luncheon menu, I am concerned with the lack of Greens. Seafood Stew, Brace of American Birds (duck & pheasant - fancy!), sweet potatoes and Apple Sponge Cake. I don't like sweet potatoes too much, which is why, I suppose, I didn't capitalize them. No salad or roughage! Perhaps at the Inaugural dinner....
Love The Ukulady
ps: Molly Ringwald should have ended up with Duckie, not Andrew McCarthy.
pps: Or like the Craig Sheffield crowd in Some Kind Of Wonderful. Watching Obama take power is like watching Mary Stuart Masterson and Eric Stoltz fall in love. Good Guys win!
ppps: Even though Jenna Bush has been such a shitty myspace friend, I will miss the Bush Twins in the spotlight.
It is World-Power Christmas Eve! Adios to the Celebration and Reign of Anti-Intellectualism, Cocky Bravado, and the Dark Side! Somehow, amidst the thrill and amazement of Obama's victory, it didn't occur to me that Bush, Cheney and their administration, which says, "thumbs-up, Torture!" is actually leaving! Not only is Obama and his fleet of Critical Thinkers, who celebrate knowledge & science, taking control of our broken country, but Bush and his BFF, Hubris, will be gone! Whooohooo! It really hit me yesterday! Here we are, on the brink of Global Energy Shifting! Please, Blob and Powers of Manifestation, keep Obama alive and productive. The most exciting thing to me is the re-installation of Intellectualism in office. Bush isn't an inherently evil person, just dumb and cocky. It's like the James Spader crowd from Pretty in Pink (the Richies), got control of the White House for 8 years and now Duckie and Annie Potts are in power.
Meanwhile, upon reading the Inaugural luncheon menu, I am concerned with the lack of Greens. Seafood Stew, Brace of American Birds (duck & pheasant - fancy!), sweet potatoes and Apple Sponge Cake. I don't like sweet potatoes too much, which is why, I suppose, I didn't capitalize them. No salad or roughage! Perhaps at the Inaugural dinner....
Love The Ukulady
ps: Molly Ringwald should have ended up with Duckie, not Andrew McCarthy.
pps: Or like the Craig Sheffield crowd in Some Kind Of Wonderful. Watching Obama take power is like watching Mary Stuart Masterson and Eric Stoltz fall in love. Good Guys win!
ppps: Even though Jenna Bush has been such a shitty myspace friend, I will miss the Bush Twins in the spotlight.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Lindsay VS. Iraq
Dear Blog,
I like to drink my strong-imported-from-San-Francisco-french-pressed-coffee and read the morning news made out of paper. This morning I discovered that these days I care very little about the latest bullshit from Bush, Baghdad and Barack. What compels me is the front-page news of Lindsay Lohan's cocaine 'n' alcohol Memorial Day weekend binge. I scan the Iraq Casualty/Hillary Clinton headlines, but read the entire article about Lindsay Lohan's fuck-ups. And I love it. I want more from Lindsay. I want Lindsay to wrinkle early, to burn visible cocaine holes in her face, to get fat. This is front-page news in America. I don't want to be sad and frustrated that poor kids who want to go to college on the GI bill are being killed along with thousands of darkies in the Cradle of Civilization. I want to feel good about myself. And knowing that Lindsay, Paris & Brittney appear to be empty vessels of insecurity, self-loathing and saddness, makes me feel good about myself!
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'm also compelled by the Food section. I like it when the restaurant critics hate. I like the expensive fussy-food restaurants to be ripped apart and the cheap taco trucks & pie shacks, celebrated.
PPS: Unfortunately Lindsay's latest debacle will only earn her more money as no publicity is bad publicity. If only she'd give some of her endorsement cash to the homeless junkies who can't afford the outrageously-priced rehabs; instead she purchases thousand-dollar tee-shirts to wear with No Underwear.
PPS: I just called Promises Rehab Center and they refused to tell me how much they charge per day. And their website does not offer that information. If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
PPPS: I feel like a real Beat Reporter doing actual blog-research to give my readers the price of Lindsay's rehab center! I feel smugly self-satistfied, pleased with my brief foray into real fact-finding.
PPPPS: I'll continue the rehab-price-research, but not right now.
I like to drink my strong-imported-from-San-Francisco-french-pressed-coffee and read the morning news made out of paper. This morning I discovered that these days I care very little about the latest bullshit from Bush, Baghdad and Barack. What compels me is the front-page news of Lindsay Lohan's cocaine 'n' alcohol Memorial Day weekend binge. I scan the Iraq Casualty/Hillary Clinton headlines, but read the entire article about Lindsay Lohan's fuck-ups. And I love it. I want more from Lindsay. I want Lindsay to wrinkle early, to burn visible cocaine holes in her face, to get fat. This is front-page news in America. I don't want to be sad and frustrated that poor kids who want to go to college on the GI bill are being killed along with thousands of darkies in the Cradle of Civilization. I want to feel good about myself. And knowing that Lindsay, Paris & Brittney appear to be empty vessels of insecurity, self-loathing and saddness, makes me feel good about myself!
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'm also compelled by the Food section. I like it when the restaurant critics hate. I like the expensive fussy-food restaurants to be ripped apart and the cheap taco trucks & pie shacks, celebrated.
PPS: Unfortunately Lindsay's latest debacle will only earn her more money as no publicity is bad publicity. If only she'd give some of her endorsement cash to the homeless junkies who can't afford the outrageously-priced rehabs; instead she purchases thousand-dollar tee-shirts to wear with No Underwear.
PPS: I just called Promises Rehab Center and they refused to tell me how much they charge per day. And their website does not offer that information. If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
PPPS: I feel like a real Beat Reporter doing actual blog-research to give my readers the price of Lindsay's rehab center! I feel smugly self-satistfied, pleased with my brief foray into real fact-finding.
PPPPS: I'll continue the rehab-price-research, but not right now.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Jenna Bush isn't showing up :(
Dear Blog,
I'm concerned about my so-called myspace friendship with Jenna Bush, my Myspace friend. I've had 2 ukulele shows since I wrote a song about her and not only did she Not make an appearance, but she didn't even send me an email telling me she couldn't make it. And she hasn't thanked me for writing a song about her - bitch! What the fuck? I give and give and I thought she was a giver, I mean, she is giving to the inner-city school she works in in DC. I was really hoping she'd show up at my Rainbow Room Sunset strip show because it's so famous and she's so famous and famous things like to hang out with each other. I'm just not sure, Blog, when enough is enough? How much more do I have to give to Jenna Bush?
And I'm really sick of her dad's so-called "policies". Do you think she thinks he's an asshole, like the rest of the country. Sorry, Jenna - I didn't mean to use obscenities, but crikey, your dad has borrowed as much money during his term, from foreign investors as all the presidents before him, since Washington, combined, among the lesser of his moral shortcomings and criminal activities. That's a little outlandish, don't you think. Not that outlandish and assholes are the same. I'm not going to give up on you yet, Jenna, but I sure hope you start giving back. Or at least tell your dad he's gonna have the worst karma in his next life already, so trimming back on the outrageous corruption and lies might boost his chances of not returning next life as a gay-bashed, transgendered sex-slave woman dwarf with exzema, acne, leukemia and retarded parents. NO offense to any of those, but I imagine that life would be a difficult one. Hope to see you at my next ukulele show, Jenna! Maybe we can have pizza and makeovers afterwards!
Love The UkuLady
I'm concerned about my so-called myspace friendship with Jenna Bush, my Myspace friend. I've had 2 ukulele shows since I wrote a song about her and not only did she Not make an appearance, but she didn't even send me an email telling me she couldn't make it. And she hasn't thanked me for writing a song about her - bitch! What the fuck? I give and give and I thought she was a giver, I mean, she is giving to the inner-city school she works in in DC. I was really hoping she'd show up at my Rainbow Room Sunset strip show because it's so famous and she's so famous and famous things like to hang out with each other. I'm just not sure, Blog, when enough is enough? How much more do I have to give to Jenna Bush?
And I'm really sick of her dad's so-called "policies". Do you think she thinks he's an asshole, like the rest of the country. Sorry, Jenna - I didn't mean to use obscenities, but crikey, your dad has borrowed as much money during his term, from foreign investors as all the presidents before him, since Washington, combined, among the lesser of his moral shortcomings and criminal activities. That's a little outlandish, don't you think. Not that outlandish and assholes are the same. I'm not going to give up on you yet, Jenna, but I sure hope you start giving back. Or at least tell your dad he's gonna have the worst karma in his next life already, so trimming back on the outrageous corruption and lies might boost his chances of not returning next life as a gay-bashed, transgendered sex-slave woman dwarf with exzema, acne, leukemia and retarded parents. NO offense to any of those, but I imagine that life would be a difficult one. Hope to see you at my next ukulele show, Jenna! Maybe we can have pizza and makeovers afterwards!
Love The UkuLady
A Frank Girlfriendship Letter to Jenna
Dear my new myspace friend, Jenna Bush!
First, I just want to say how excited I was to see you accepted my white myspace flag of girlfriendship! It's nice to know that the offspring of the dictatorship aren't narrow-minded. Sorry, if the word dictatorship is insulting, but I think it's time to be frank with you, Jenna. Honestly, I'm really excited about our impending chick-bonding! I keep imagining us strolling arm and arm at The Grove, when you come to LA to visit me... the state dinners you may invite me to... browsing at Nordstrom's Rack together... But, frankly, I'm really disturbed by an article I just finished in Harpers about your dad and his friends. I know Harpers is pretty liberal, but a lot of the facts they presented, make me pretty uncomfortable with the current "presidential" administration. That word's in quotes because of the questionable election results from your uncle's state. You know, how it is. Anyway, I'm mostly appalled by your dad. Your mom and her literacy trip seem pretty cool. I guess, though, when you ask me over to your house, I may have to steer clear of your dad, for politeness reasons. I keep reminding myself that our girlfriendship has nothing to do with the outrageous corruption and lies your pop seems to surround himself with. He's worse than Nixon! He's probably pretty cool, though, about having boys over, and stuff. I'll bet he's cool with all of us taking nips at the liquor cabinet....
Anyway, Jenna, I just wanted to be frank about how uncomfortable I am. But, hey, my dad's a fairly abrasive New York atheist Jew schmoozer and that might make you uncomfortable! He also really likes Japanese gardens and cheap Asian food, and hey, you might be allergic to Japanese! Judging you by your dad's actions is unfair and I'm going to strive to be a non-judgemental girlfriend. I hope the secret service guys who may be reading this, don't think I mean that in a lesbian sense. I'm straight, are you? Apparently Lynn Cheney has some pretty hot lesbian fantasies, according to the pulp romance novel she wrote. Weird. Anyway, hope the big Iraq Invasion Anniversary Party at the White House was fun! Did you guys have a DJ? Was the food good? Good luck with the Abramhoff scandal!
Your myspace girlfriend, The UkuLady
First, I just want to say how excited I was to see you accepted my white myspace flag of girlfriendship! It's nice to know that the offspring of the dictatorship aren't narrow-minded. Sorry, if the word dictatorship is insulting, but I think it's time to be frank with you, Jenna. Honestly, I'm really excited about our impending chick-bonding! I keep imagining us strolling arm and arm at The Grove, when you come to LA to visit me... the state dinners you may invite me to... browsing at Nordstrom's Rack together... But, frankly, I'm really disturbed by an article I just finished in Harpers about your dad and his friends. I know Harpers is pretty liberal, but a lot of the facts they presented, make me pretty uncomfortable with the current "presidential" administration. That word's in quotes because of the questionable election results from your uncle's state. You know, how it is. Anyway, I'm mostly appalled by your dad. Your mom and her literacy trip seem pretty cool. I guess, though, when you ask me over to your house, I may have to steer clear of your dad, for politeness reasons. I keep reminding myself that our girlfriendship has nothing to do with the outrageous corruption and lies your pop seems to surround himself with. He's worse than Nixon! He's probably pretty cool, though, about having boys over, and stuff. I'll bet he's cool with all of us taking nips at the liquor cabinet....
Anyway, Jenna, I just wanted to be frank about how uncomfortable I am. But, hey, my dad's a fairly abrasive New York atheist Jew schmoozer and that might make you uncomfortable! He also really likes Japanese gardens and cheap Asian food, and hey, you might be allergic to Japanese! Judging you by your dad's actions is unfair and I'm going to strive to be a non-judgemental girlfriend. I hope the secret service guys who may be reading this, don't think I mean that in a lesbian sense. I'm straight, are you? Apparently Lynn Cheney has some pretty hot lesbian fantasies, according to the pulp romance novel she wrote. Weird. Anyway, hope the big Iraq Invasion Anniversary Party at the White House was fun! Did you guys have a DJ? Was the food good? Good luck with the Abramhoff scandal!
Your myspace girlfriend, The UkuLady
Jenna is my myspace Friend!!!!!
Dear Blog!
Ah Mah Gahd!!!
Jenna Bush is my myspace friend!!! I'm about 90% certain it's really her real space!
So...
Dear real-friends-I-know-in-real-life,
I now have a major responsibility to my new myspace friend, Jenna Bush and I may have to ignore you a bit. Sorry in advance if I don't make it to your parties, shows, whatevers, but I very well may be hanging out in Crawford, Texas! Or the White House! I plan on being a very good myspace friend to Jenna, regardless that her dad is into torture. I have dominatrix friends and they also like a little pain now and again, so what's the big whoop? I have to prepared at any moment to go anywhere or do anything for my new myspace friend! She very well may ask me to be a guest-artist at the inner-city school she teaches at! I'll have to drop my voiceover career and head to DC! Hopefully her invite will also include dinner and cocktails with Laura and George! Crossies! I'll bet George makes a mean martini - dirty with extra olives... When I do go to cocktails, I'll definitely ask after Mr. Whittington's health (Dick's hunting partner). I'm worried that George won't remember our cocktail hour, though, because he and Abramhoff apparently enjoyed over ten photo-ops together, and George doesn't remember anything! I'll recommend ginsing to him. In a gentle way, of course. I don't want to call attention to his memory-loss, which is obviously related to aging. I'm going to stay focused on my girlfriendship with Jenna! Here are some questions for our impending girlfriendship:
1. What kind of guys to you like, because I have a lot of single friends?
2. Do you read Harpers?
3. I don't mean Harper's Baazar - I mean Harpers.
4. Do you know anyone serving in Iraq?
4.5 Do you know anyone with a prosthetic limb?
5. Who were you rooting for in the Lynndie England trial?
6. Does the Patriot Act get in the way of your partying?
7. Spit or swallow?
8. Just kidding!
9. Being a social sort of gal, are you a fag hag? Because I am.
10. Do you want to go to the next DragStrip with me? It's an awesome drag show in LA!
PS: I'm making cookies right now, as I blog, and it occured to me as I spatulaed the most recent batch, that perhaps the Secret Service goes through Jenna's Myspace and checks into people's background.... Do you think they'll care that I voted Green Party for San Francisco Mayor?
PPS: I'm having a frito-pie party this saturday, Jenna! Hope you can make it! email for directions!
Love The UkuLady
Ah Mah Gahd!!!
Jenna Bush is my myspace friend!!! I'm about 90% certain it's really her real space!
So...
Dear real-friends-I-know-in-real-life,
I now have a major responsibility to my new myspace friend, Jenna Bush and I may have to ignore you a bit. Sorry in advance if I don't make it to your parties, shows, whatevers, but I very well may be hanging out in Crawford, Texas! Or the White House! I plan on being a very good myspace friend to Jenna, regardless that her dad is into torture. I have dominatrix friends and they also like a little pain now and again, so what's the big whoop? I have to prepared at any moment to go anywhere or do anything for my new myspace friend! She very well may ask me to be a guest-artist at the inner-city school she teaches at! I'll have to drop my voiceover career and head to DC! Hopefully her invite will also include dinner and cocktails with Laura and George! Crossies! I'll bet George makes a mean martini - dirty with extra olives... When I do go to cocktails, I'll definitely ask after Mr. Whittington's health (Dick's hunting partner). I'm worried that George won't remember our cocktail hour, though, because he and Abramhoff apparently enjoyed over ten photo-ops together, and George doesn't remember anything! I'll recommend ginsing to him. In a gentle way, of course. I don't want to call attention to his memory-loss, which is obviously related to aging. I'm going to stay focused on my girlfriendship with Jenna! Here are some questions for our impending girlfriendship:
1. What kind of guys to you like, because I have a lot of single friends?
2. Do you read Harpers?
3. I don't mean Harper's Baazar - I mean Harpers.
4. Do you know anyone serving in Iraq?
4.5 Do you know anyone with a prosthetic limb?
5. Who were you rooting for in the Lynndie England trial?
6. Does the Patriot Act get in the way of your partying?
7. Spit or swallow?
8. Just kidding!
9. Being a social sort of gal, are you a fag hag? Because I am.
10. Do you want to go to the next DragStrip with me? It's an awesome drag show in LA!
PS: I'm making cookies right now, as I blog, and it occured to me as I spatulaed the most recent batch, that perhaps the Secret Service goes through Jenna's Myspace and checks into people's background.... Do you think they'll care that I voted Green Party for San Francisco Mayor?
PPS: I'm having a frito-pie party this saturday, Jenna! Hope you can make it! email for directions!
Love The UkuLady
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