Showing posts with label Iraq. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Iraq. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Jenna's Engagement!!!
Dear Blob!
Exciting news! My myspace friend, Jenna Bush, is engaged to be married! While this news was reported in the LA Times and other publications, she hasn't sent out an announcement to her myspace friends yet. She's probably been too busy with the challenges of her job! Jenna and her mom, Laura Bush, are co-writing a children's book! They are such role models for mothers and daughters everywhere! I really admire their dedication to American children's literacy! Hopefully they will extend that dedication to the global youth village and write something uplifting and charmingly witty, for the kids of Iraq.
Meanwhile, I'm crossing my UkuLady fingers that You Know Who will be asked to be in the wedding party, or maybe write a special love song for Jenna's special day.... I'll write her a special What-To-Expect-When-You-Lose-Your-Virginity song, as we all know Jenna is an upstanding young Right-Wing Christian and if there's one thing that's important to the Evangelicals, it's an unmarred vagina marching down the aisle. Hopefully her fiance isn't like all the Right-Wing Christian Senators who've recently been caught molesting boys and soliciting gay sex in men's restrooms. As Jenna's myspace friend, I am protective over her and wouldn't want her to catch an STD on her special virginity-losing-wedding night!
Love The UkuLady
PS: I saw a yarn store in Chatsworth today called Hooker's Haven. Chatsworth, is apparently the porn capital of the world.
PPS: Pumice & Hummus - twinsies!
Exciting news! My myspace friend, Jenna Bush, is engaged to be married! While this news was reported in the LA Times and other publications, she hasn't sent out an announcement to her myspace friends yet. She's probably been too busy with the challenges of her job! Jenna and her mom, Laura Bush, are co-writing a children's book! They are such role models for mothers and daughters everywhere! I really admire their dedication to American children's literacy! Hopefully they will extend that dedication to the global youth village and write something uplifting and charmingly witty, for the kids of Iraq.
Meanwhile, I'm crossing my UkuLady fingers that You Know Who will be asked to be in the wedding party, or maybe write a special love song for Jenna's special day.... I'll write her a special What-To-Expect-When-You-Lose-Your-Virginity song, as we all know Jenna is an upstanding young Right-Wing Christian and if there's one thing that's important to the Evangelicals, it's an unmarred vagina marching down the aisle. Hopefully her fiance isn't like all the Right-Wing Christian Senators who've recently been caught molesting boys and soliciting gay sex in men's restrooms. As Jenna's myspace friend, I am protective over her and wouldn't want her to catch an STD on her special virginity-losing-wedding night!
Love The UkuLady
PS: I saw a yarn store in Chatsworth today called Hooker's Haven. Chatsworth, is apparently the porn capital of the world.
PPS: Pumice & Hummus - twinsies!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Lindsay VS. Iraq
Dear Blog,
I like to drink my strong-imported-from-San-Francisco-french-pressed-coffee and read the morning news made out of paper. This morning I discovered that these days I care very little about the latest bullshit from Bush, Baghdad and Barack. What compels me is the front-page news of Lindsay Lohan's cocaine 'n' alcohol Memorial Day weekend binge. I scan the Iraq Casualty/Hillary Clinton headlines, but read the entire article about Lindsay Lohan's fuck-ups. And I love it. I want more from Lindsay. I want Lindsay to wrinkle early, to burn visible cocaine holes in her face, to get fat. This is front-page news in America. I don't want to be sad and frustrated that poor kids who want to go to college on the GI bill are being killed along with thousands of darkies in the Cradle of Civilization. I want to feel good about myself. And knowing that Lindsay, Paris & Brittney appear to be empty vessels of insecurity, self-loathing and saddness, makes me feel good about myself!
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'm also compelled by the Food section. I like it when the restaurant critics hate. I like the expensive fussy-food restaurants to be ripped apart and the cheap taco trucks & pie shacks, celebrated.
PPS: Unfortunately Lindsay's latest debacle will only earn her more money as no publicity is bad publicity. If only she'd give some of her endorsement cash to the homeless junkies who can't afford the outrageously-priced rehabs; instead she purchases thousand-dollar tee-shirts to wear with No Underwear.
PPS: I just called Promises Rehab Center and they refused to tell me how much they charge per day. And their website does not offer that information. If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
PPPS: I feel like a real Beat Reporter doing actual blog-research to give my readers the price of Lindsay's rehab center! I feel smugly self-satistfied, pleased with my brief foray into real fact-finding.
PPPPS: I'll continue the rehab-price-research, but not right now.
I like to drink my strong-imported-from-San-Francisco-french-pressed-coffee and read the morning news made out of paper. This morning I discovered that these days I care very little about the latest bullshit from Bush, Baghdad and Barack. What compels me is the front-page news of Lindsay Lohan's cocaine 'n' alcohol Memorial Day weekend binge. I scan the Iraq Casualty/Hillary Clinton headlines, but read the entire article about Lindsay Lohan's fuck-ups. And I love it. I want more from Lindsay. I want Lindsay to wrinkle early, to burn visible cocaine holes in her face, to get fat. This is front-page news in America. I don't want to be sad and frustrated that poor kids who want to go to college on the GI bill are being killed along with thousands of darkies in the Cradle of Civilization. I want to feel good about myself. And knowing that Lindsay, Paris & Brittney appear to be empty vessels of insecurity, self-loathing and saddness, makes me feel good about myself!
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'm also compelled by the Food section. I like it when the restaurant critics hate. I like the expensive fussy-food restaurants to be ripped apart and the cheap taco trucks & pie shacks, celebrated.
PPS: Unfortunately Lindsay's latest debacle will only earn her more money as no publicity is bad publicity. If only she'd give some of her endorsement cash to the homeless junkies who can't afford the outrageously-priced rehabs; instead she purchases thousand-dollar tee-shirts to wear with No Underwear.
PPS: I just called Promises Rehab Center and they refused to tell me how much they charge per day. And their website does not offer that information. If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
PPPS: I feel like a real Beat Reporter doing actual blog-research to give my readers the price of Lindsay's rehab center! I feel smugly self-satistfied, pleased with my brief foray into real fact-finding.
PPPPS: I'll continue the rehab-price-research, but not right now.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
What's up Jenna Bush? Call me!
Dear Jenna Bush!
Ok, I think I've been a really patient myspace friend, but I have to admit, I'm getting a little fed-up! You didn't make it to any of my UkuLady shows in SF or LA and apparently you haven't told your dad to get out of Iraq, because according to my daily newspaper, the US is still deeply intrenched and young poor kids with few options and prospects aside from the military, are getting killed daily, not to mentioned the scores of Iraqi citizens. What's the deal? If you were a really good daughter and myspace friend, you would hold a bit more sway over your dad.
Speaking of Washington, what do you think about Representative Foley, the homophobic homosexual pedophile Republican? Pretty interesting, but hell, I don't blame him! I mean, I like my boyfriends to have young firm asses too, don't you? I don't like them young, though. I like men, not boys. Is your dad into the same stuff as Representative Foley? Anyway, The UkuLady is going to to be on www.RingMyBell.tv wednesday, October 4th from 11am to noon and you can totally call in: 323-603-6300 and we can totally talk about whatevsies! I have to go underwear shopping at Ross soon - wanna come?
Love The UkuLady
Ok, I think I've been a really patient myspace friend, but I have to admit, I'm getting a little fed-up! You didn't make it to any of my UkuLady shows in SF or LA and apparently you haven't told your dad to get out of Iraq, because according to my daily newspaper, the US is still deeply intrenched and young poor kids with few options and prospects aside from the military, are getting killed daily, not to mentioned the scores of Iraqi citizens. What's the deal? If you were a really good daughter and myspace friend, you would hold a bit more sway over your dad.
Speaking of Washington, what do you think about Representative Foley, the homophobic homosexual pedophile Republican? Pretty interesting, but hell, I don't blame him! I mean, I like my boyfriends to have young firm asses too, don't you? I don't like them young, though. I like men, not boys. Is your dad into the same stuff as Representative Foley? Anyway, The UkuLady is going to to be on www.RingMyBell.tv wednesday, October 4th from 11am to noon and you can totally call in: 323-603-6300 and we can totally talk about whatevsies! I have to go underwear shopping at Ross soon - wanna come?
Love The UkuLady
A Frank Girlfriendship Letter to Jenna
Dear my new myspace friend, Jenna Bush!
First, I just want to say how excited I was to see you accepted my white myspace flag of girlfriendship! It's nice to know that the offspring of the dictatorship aren't narrow-minded. Sorry, if the word dictatorship is insulting, but I think it's time to be frank with you, Jenna. Honestly, I'm really excited about our impending chick-bonding! I keep imagining us strolling arm and arm at The Grove, when you come to LA to visit me... the state dinners you may invite me to... browsing at Nordstrom's Rack together... But, frankly, I'm really disturbed by an article I just finished in Harpers about your dad and his friends. I know Harpers is pretty liberal, but a lot of the facts they presented, make me pretty uncomfortable with the current "presidential" administration. That word's in quotes because of the questionable election results from your uncle's state. You know, how it is. Anyway, I'm mostly appalled by your dad. Your mom and her literacy trip seem pretty cool. I guess, though, when you ask me over to your house, I may have to steer clear of your dad, for politeness reasons. I keep reminding myself that our girlfriendship has nothing to do with the outrageous corruption and lies your pop seems to surround himself with. He's worse than Nixon! He's probably pretty cool, though, about having boys over, and stuff. I'll bet he's cool with all of us taking nips at the liquor cabinet....
Anyway, Jenna, I just wanted to be frank about how uncomfortable I am. But, hey, my dad's a fairly abrasive New York atheist Jew schmoozer and that might make you uncomfortable! He also really likes Japanese gardens and cheap Asian food, and hey, you might be allergic to Japanese! Judging you by your dad's actions is unfair and I'm going to strive to be a non-judgemental girlfriend. I hope the secret service guys who may be reading this, don't think I mean that in a lesbian sense. I'm straight, are you? Apparently Lynn Cheney has some pretty hot lesbian fantasies, according to the pulp romance novel she wrote. Weird. Anyway, hope the big Iraq Invasion Anniversary Party at the White House was fun! Did you guys have a DJ? Was the food good? Good luck with the Abramhoff scandal!
Your myspace girlfriend, The UkuLady
First, I just want to say how excited I was to see you accepted my white myspace flag of girlfriendship! It's nice to know that the offspring of the dictatorship aren't narrow-minded. Sorry, if the word dictatorship is insulting, but I think it's time to be frank with you, Jenna. Honestly, I'm really excited about our impending chick-bonding! I keep imagining us strolling arm and arm at The Grove, when you come to LA to visit me... the state dinners you may invite me to... browsing at Nordstrom's Rack together... But, frankly, I'm really disturbed by an article I just finished in Harpers about your dad and his friends. I know Harpers is pretty liberal, but a lot of the facts they presented, make me pretty uncomfortable with the current "presidential" administration. That word's in quotes because of the questionable election results from your uncle's state. You know, how it is. Anyway, I'm mostly appalled by your dad. Your mom and her literacy trip seem pretty cool. I guess, though, when you ask me over to your house, I may have to steer clear of your dad, for politeness reasons. I keep reminding myself that our girlfriendship has nothing to do with the outrageous corruption and lies your pop seems to surround himself with. He's worse than Nixon! He's probably pretty cool, though, about having boys over, and stuff. I'll bet he's cool with all of us taking nips at the liquor cabinet....
Anyway, Jenna, I just wanted to be frank about how uncomfortable I am. But, hey, my dad's a fairly abrasive New York atheist Jew schmoozer and that might make you uncomfortable! He also really likes Japanese gardens and cheap Asian food, and hey, you might be allergic to Japanese! Judging you by your dad's actions is unfair and I'm going to strive to be a non-judgemental girlfriend. I hope the secret service guys who may be reading this, don't think I mean that in a lesbian sense. I'm straight, are you? Apparently Lynn Cheney has some pretty hot lesbian fantasies, according to the pulp romance novel she wrote. Weird. Anyway, hope the big Iraq Invasion Anniversary Party at the White House was fun! Did you guys have a DJ? Was the food good? Good luck with the Abramhoff scandal!
Your myspace girlfriend, The UkuLady
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