Dear Blog,
I like to drink my strong-imported-from-San-Francisco-french-pressed-coffee and read the morning news made out of paper. This morning I discovered that these days I care very little about the latest bullshit from Bush, Baghdad and Barack. What compels me is the front-page news of Lindsay Lohan's cocaine 'n' alcohol Memorial Day weekend binge. I scan the Iraq Casualty/Hillary Clinton headlines, but read the entire article about Lindsay Lohan's fuck-ups. And I love it. I want more from Lindsay. I want Lindsay to wrinkle early, to burn visible cocaine holes in her face, to get fat. This is front-page news in America. I don't want to be sad and frustrated that poor kids who want to go to college on the GI bill are being killed along with thousands of darkies in the Cradle of Civilization. I want to feel good about myself. And knowing that Lindsay, Paris & Brittney appear to be empty vessels of insecurity, self-loathing and saddness, makes me feel good about myself!
Love The UkuLady
PS: I'm also compelled by the Food section. I like it when the restaurant critics hate. I like the expensive fussy-food restaurants to be ripped apart and the cheap taco trucks & pie shacks, celebrated.
PPS: Unfortunately Lindsay's latest debacle will only earn her more money as no publicity is bad publicity. If only she'd give some of her endorsement cash to the homeless junkies who can't afford the outrageously-priced rehabs; instead she purchases thousand-dollar tee-shirts to wear with No Underwear.
PPS: I just called Promises Rehab Center and they refused to tell me how much they charge per day. And their website does not offer that information. If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
PPPS: I feel like a real Beat Reporter doing actual blog-research to give my readers the price of Lindsay's rehab center! I feel smugly self-satistfied, pleased with my brief foray into real fact-finding.
PPPPS: I'll continue the rehab-price-research, but not right now.
Showing posts with label Rehab. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rehab. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Brittany & MILF's!
Dear Blog,
According to the LA Times, Brittany has successfully completed her rehab program at Promises Center in Malibu! Go Brittany! Congratulations! I know how hard it is to complete rehab and get sober! Not personally, of course; in fact, I enjoyed a couple ecstacy trips in the fall and got tippered on sherry and Makers Mark (no rocks) this week. But I've seen how drugs and alcohol and getting tattoos of, to quote the LA Times, "Tiny Lips" on one's wrist, can really destroy a life! So thumbs up! BYTW, are you breast feeding your two babies under the age of 2? Because my fleet of MILF's are having difficulty in weening their little peanuts, and I wondered if you had any hot weening tips for my MILFS?
I've become a person surrounded by MILFS (Mothers I'd ((But not me personally))Like to Fuck). I'm so pleased and proud of all my galpals who have maintained their hottness into motherhood! It's definitely an attainable goal, Brittany and the UkuLady is behind you 100%!
Love TSLerner
PS: The UkuLady admires John & Elizabeth Edwards and has a total crush on Ira Glass!
According to the LA Times, Brittany has successfully completed her rehab program at Promises Center in Malibu! Go Brittany! Congratulations! I know how hard it is to complete rehab and get sober! Not personally, of course; in fact, I enjoyed a couple ecstacy trips in the fall and got tippered on sherry and Makers Mark (no rocks) this week. But I've seen how drugs and alcohol and getting tattoos of, to quote the LA Times, "Tiny Lips" on one's wrist, can really destroy a life! So thumbs up! BYTW, are you breast feeding your two babies under the age of 2? Because my fleet of MILF's are having difficulty in weening their little peanuts, and I wondered if you had any hot weening tips for my MILFS?
I've become a person surrounded by MILFS (Mothers I'd ((But not me personally))Like to Fuck). I'm so pleased and proud of all my galpals who have maintained their hottness into motherhood! It's definitely an attainable goal, Brittany and the UkuLady is behind you 100%!
Love TSLerner
PS: The UkuLady admires John & Elizabeth Edwards and has a total crush on Ira Glass!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Poor Lindsey Lohan
Dear Blog,
I'm so worried about my non-myspace celebrity friend, Lindsey! She's not only taken to fully shaving her vagina, but she's gone into rehab! Blog, she's seriously in need of understanding, love and forgiveness and it seems that all she gets are million-dollar movie contracts and free drinks at hollywood hot spots. Poor Lindsey Lohan. Not only is her father insane and in jail, but her mother is really controlling and kind of ugly in a face-lifty way; so of course poor Lindsey has turned to cocaine because cocaine is the perfect foster parent and mentor.
The mentoring programs of America should stop wasting their time on training people and start handing out cocaine to the kids; along with a warning pamphlet so the kids don't get too hooked and have to go to rehab like Lindsey. Everything in moderation..... However, rehab in LA is the perfect place to make best friends with a celebrity, who is sure, upon rehab release, to fiscally support whatever art the celebritie's new rehab BFF is bent on creating! All us artists who want to make movies or have theater companies should get hooked on coke or anorexia so we can join our celebrity pals, Nicole and Lindsey in rehab; befriend them and our financial worries may be over! Good luck in rehab, Lindsey!
Love The UkuLady Storm Lerner
I'm so worried about my non-myspace celebrity friend, Lindsey! She's not only taken to fully shaving her vagina, but she's gone into rehab! Blog, she's seriously in need of understanding, love and forgiveness and it seems that all she gets are million-dollar movie contracts and free drinks at hollywood hot spots. Poor Lindsey Lohan. Not only is her father insane and in jail, but her mother is really controlling and kind of ugly in a face-lifty way; so of course poor Lindsey has turned to cocaine because cocaine is the perfect foster parent and mentor.
The mentoring programs of America should stop wasting their time on training people and start handing out cocaine to the kids; along with a warning pamphlet so the kids don't get too hooked and have to go to rehab like Lindsey. Everything in moderation..... However, rehab in LA is the perfect place to make best friends with a celebrity, who is sure, upon rehab release, to fiscally support whatever art the celebritie's new rehab BFF is bent on creating! All us artists who want to make movies or have theater companies should get hooked on coke or anorexia so we can join our celebrity pals, Nicole and Lindsey in rehab; befriend them and our financial worries may be over! Good luck in rehab, Lindsey!
Love The UkuLady Storm Lerner
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
