Dear Blob,
I've discovered the magic of music sharing via the futuristic interweb! Click below to hear Eye Candy, by The Ukulady! A song about Pioneers, love and long-distance.
Eye Candy
Love The Ukulady
ps: Ukulele & Omnichord! Featuring Jessica Grant on Omnichord!
Showing posts with label Pioneers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pioneers. Show all posts
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
UkuAdventures in LA: Mumu of Fear & Kimmy Jong Il has FUN!
Dear Blob,
Humans in olden-days cultures chewed on willow bark to alleviate pain; I can't help but feel so wimpy when I'm in agonizing lady-pain, popping several necessary ibuprofen, thinking of pioneer women giving birth, sometimes alone and then getting up a day later to walk across the country and on the way, slaughtering a buffalo for tallow to make soap to wash laundry and dishes. If they were near a tree, let alone a willow tree, for pain-alleviating-twig-suckling or just old-fashioned shade, they were extraordinarily lucky.
In other news, I was waiting for my car to get new tires yesterday in the Tire-ery waiting room and the 24 hour News Network was playing continuous coverage of the rare East Coast earthquake. It is geologically exciting and I'm sure East Coast geologists are giddy with delight, but the 24 hours News Network, as per their job description, was ridiculously over-dramatic. Their ability to dramatize some broken knick-knacks was impressive.
The 24 hour News Networks must be responsible for one of the many Mumus of Fear that drape over our scared and plump nation; unfortunately, not a kitschily fabulous, form-fitting mumu but the ugly tent-like mumu designed to hide the problems underneath, designed for those who've given up and are resigned.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Kim Jong Il recently went on a field trip to a Russian grocery store and went boating with Russian Leaders, while chatting about Nuclear testing. NPR quoted Kimmy as calling the trip "Fun!" It's nice Kimmy gets to have so much Fun! Life is Fun! Apparently, Kimmy wants to resume socializing with other world leaders and start "talks" about his Nuclear toys.
I'm pleased the Russians were clever enough to mask the weight of Nuclear Chit-Chat under the pleasure of boating and Grocery-Store-Browsing. I know I like to have heavy discussions in the cookie aisle and as previously noted, the Ocean (or large-body-of-water) is Natural Valium. Great Work Russians!
pps: I love the visual image of Kimmy Jong Il eagerly perched on the brow of a boat, wind blowing his hair-piece back, jowls flapping, a healthy flush on his stem-cell-infused cheeks, perhaps an expensive Italian sweater casually draped across his evil-doer shoulders, a glass of cognac in hand....
Friday, August 12, 2011
UkuAdventures in LA: Brain-Chips, Pioneers & Singing Telegrams!
PHOTO: Ukulad-Made Stool & Bookcase!
Dear Blob,
From Egpyt to sociological-weight-loss TV-shows to Pioneers, I require a constant infusion of intellectual stimulation. Like humans snack on chips between meals, my brain snacks on books between working. This week's Chips-For-The-Brain has been Pioneer women literature, purchased in last weekend's comically-large used booksale. Riveting! While Pioneer Women made Pioneer Men feel well-fed, sexually-satisfied & homey, Pioneer Women make me feel:
1. so physically wimpy.
2. so much better about life-hardships.
These women wrote journals about baking dozens of bread-loafs, washing clothing in water they lugged from the spring & heated themselves, killing a couple prairie chickens, plucking & preparing & then giving birth, all in the same day! And finding time to write in their Blog!
If I have to drive across town in traffic, have multiple friend-like-schmooze-meetings, go to Trader Joe's and jog all in the same day, I am exhausted. Add a yoga class to the mix and I collapse, porcine-like, on a couch that neither I nor the Ukulad made from scratch (although I am currently writing this blob perched upon a cute-stool The Ukulad made from scratch!).
It's odd to realize that the majority of potato-Americans leading sedentary lives, sprung forth from ridiculously physically-fit ancestors only a few generations ago,. If they learned the rules and trained for maybe a week, Pioneer Women could easily beat professional lady wrestlers.
I would love to see Jill Michaels go up against Elinore Stewart, a Wyoming homesteader who not only raised cellarfuls of root vegetables but also herded cattle, performed weddings 'n' funerals, thought nothing of taking her young daughter camping in the snow, cooked for dozens with food she grew, birthed kids, midwifed and wrote a bookful of eloquent letters to her Denver friends, describing her life. She had no Korea Spa to rejuvinate in.
In other news, The Ukulad honored the life of the dead lead singer from Warrant this morning by playing '80's hair-metal-band music. I am partial to the power-ballads.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I, like the rest of America, spend most of my energy on making money or scheming to make money, which buys me food, a home & other life-necessities. The Pioneers spent their energy on creating what they needed themselves. It would be ideal if our civilization found a balance of the two: self-sufficiency mixed with money-making self-sufficiency.
It seems my generation, formerly the Gen-Xers, now the 30's/40's peeps, are striving towards that goal. Many peers have food gardens & chickens; however is this trend only happening in the urban centers, where books like The Omnivore's Dilemma, circulate like "Hot Models Needed to Circulate at Hollywood Events"? That's a posting from a typical LA craigslist job listing.
pps: The Ukulady now offers Singing Telegrams! If you are not in the greater-SoCal, USA area, The Ukulady offers Telephone Singing Telegrams! Tell that Special Meep You Are Special! Ukulady style! Contact meep to get started!
Dear Blob,
From Egpyt to sociological-weight-loss TV-shows to Pioneers, I require a constant infusion of intellectual stimulation. Like humans snack on chips between meals, my brain snacks on books between working. This week's Chips-For-The-Brain has been Pioneer women literature, purchased in last weekend's comically-large used booksale. Riveting! While Pioneer Women made Pioneer Men feel well-fed, sexually-satisfied & homey, Pioneer Women make me feel:
1. so physically wimpy.
2. so much better about life-hardships.
These women wrote journals about baking dozens of bread-loafs, washing clothing in water they lugged from the spring & heated themselves, killing a couple prairie chickens, plucking & preparing & then giving birth, all in the same day! And finding time to write in their Blog!
If I have to drive across town in traffic, have multiple friend-like-schmooze-meetings, go to Trader Joe's and jog all in the same day, I am exhausted. Add a yoga class to the mix and I collapse, porcine-like, on a couch that neither I nor the Ukulad made from scratch (although I am currently writing this blob perched upon a cute-stool The Ukulad made from scratch!).
It's odd to realize that the majority of potato-Americans leading sedentary lives, sprung forth from ridiculously physically-fit ancestors only a few generations ago,. If they learned the rules and trained for maybe a week, Pioneer Women could easily beat professional lady wrestlers.
I would love to see Jill Michaels go up against Elinore Stewart, a Wyoming homesteader who not only raised cellarfuls of root vegetables but also herded cattle, performed weddings 'n' funerals, thought nothing of taking her young daughter camping in the snow, cooked for dozens with food she grew, birthed kids, midwifed and wrote a bookful of eloquent letters to her Denver friends, describing her life. She had no Korea Spa to rejuvinate in.
In other news, The Ukulad honored the life of the dead lead singer from Warrant this morning by playing '80's hair-metal-band music. I am partial to the power-ballads.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I, like the rest of America, spend most of my energy on making money or scheming to make money, which buys me food, a home & other life-necessities. The Pioneers spent their energy on creating what they needed themselves. It would be ideal if our civilization found a balance of the two: self-sufficiency mixed with money-making self-sufficiency.
It seems my generation, formerly the Gen-Xers, now the 30's/40's peeps, are striving towards that goal. Many peers have food gardens & chickens; however is this trend only happening in the urban centers, where books like The Omnivore's Dilemma, circulate like "Hot Models Needed to Circulate at Hollywood Events"? That's a posting from a typical LA craigslist job listing.
pps: The Ukulady now offers Singing Telegrams! If you are not in the greater-SoCal, USA area, The Ukulady offers Telephone Singing Telegrams! Tell that Special Meep You Are Special! Ukulady style! Contact meep to get started!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Tidbits of Hot Scoops!
Dear Blob!
3 pages into today's LA Times hurled my into my Blogging Chair to share the ridiculousness of this civilization, so celebrated by olden-days, anti-tribal Missionaries.
TIDBIT #1: The far-right, white supremecist leader of Austria, who died in a recent car crash, was eulogized by his "protege", who tearfully called the dead supremicist "The Love Of My Life" and hinted at their gay love affair.
TIDBIT #2: An article about the depressed wives of Wall Street workers, who's salaries have fallen from $400,000 a year to a mere $200,00 a year and OMG, what are these weepy wives going to do now?! Their plans are all-in-a-tiddle and now they'll be forced to go without their maids, 3rd vacation homes and car service!
And the best for last:
TIDBIT #3: John McCain's brother, Joe McCain, called 911 to complain about traffic.
If everyone did Anusara yoga and drove a stick shift, the world would be a better place.
Love The Ukulady
PS: To The Downfall of Evil and May Fearlessness Prevail! (the good kind of fearlessness, not like jumping off cliffs.)
3 pages into today's LA Times hurled my into my Blogging Chair to share the ridiculousness of this civilization, so celebrated by olden-days, anti-tribal Missionaries.
TIDBIT #1: The far-right, white supremecist leader of Austria, who died in a recent car crash, was eulogized by his "protege", who tearfully called the dead supremicist "The Love Of My Life" and hinted at their gay love affair.
TIDBIT #2: An article about the depressed wives of Wall Street workers, who's salaries have fallen from $400,000 a year to a mere $200,00 a year and OMG, what are these weepy wives going to do now?! Their plans are all-in-a-tiddle and now they'll be forced to go without their maids, 3rd vacation homes and car service!
And the best for last:
TIDBIT #3: John McCain's brother, Joe McCain, called 911 to complain about traffic.
If everyone did Anusara yoga and drove a stick shift, the world would be a better place.
Love The Ukulady
PS: To The Downfall of Evil and May Fearlessness Prevail! (the good kind of fearlessness, not like jumping off cliffs.)
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Chocolate People, B-Words & Pirates!
Dear Blog!
If people were made out of chocolate we'd all have to live in Scandinavia, The North Pole or Greenland, so's not to melt. Then we'd all become really skilled at winter sports, ice fishing and the summer Olympics would probably die out. The Pioneers probably never tasted chocolate.
Also:
1. Bluff Yourself! The Game! It seems like everyone in LA is playing that game.
2. Blahverages - really boring drinks.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I recently misspelled my name Thessalty. That's me when I'm feeling pirate-ish, but not the stupid movie franchise bullshit, barely salvageable by the Hottest Man Alive, Johnny Depp. Non-sell-out-yet piratey.
PPS: When I have a cold or allergies, I'm Sniffaly Lerner.
If people were made out of chocolate we'd all have to live in Scandinavia, The North Pole or Greenland, so's not to melt. Then we'd all become really skilled at winter sports, ice fishing and the summer Olympics would probably die out. The Pioneers probably never tasted chocolate.
Also:
1. Bluff Yourself! The Game! It seems like everyone in LA is playing that game.
2. Blahverages - really boring drinks.
Love The UkuLady
PS: I recently misspelled my name Thessalty. That's me when I'm feeling pirate-ish, but not the stupid movie franchise bullshit, barely salvageable by the Hottest Man Alive, Johnny Depp. Non-sell-out-yet piratey.
PPS: When I have a cold or allergies, I'm Sniffaly Lerner.
Monday, April 23, 2007
UkuLady in The AIR!
Dear Blog,
OMG! The Pioneers would totally lose their minds if they knew that today, not only are travelers able to traverse the country in a single day, but that feat is accomplished by flying n a giant metal ‘n’ plastic machine, and one can also use a computer in the air! This is the Ukulady’s first time utilizing Tallulah Petunia Mackulele aloft. Some pre-NYC traveling observations:
1. It is not the wisest choice to request a ride to the airport from a Stoner. Time has no meaning for them, aside from 4:20. I know this because in my youth I was a stoner. Highlights from those years include smoking pot all over Europe; sub-highlight of that highlight, was puffing from an orange Fanta can at Jim Morrison’s Paris grave, where my pals and I gleefully spotted nearby graffiti declaring, “Smoke Pot!”; smoking dirt which had desperately been scoured from a carpet where the bowl had fallen, and as we were either too desperate or too high to discern or care about the difference between the cheap Boston schwag we smoked and actual dirt, so the bowl was repacked; and being caught in the dorms smoking pot senior year in college, by the junior-year RA. Alongside me was Former-Comedy-Partner and Best-Gay-Friend-From-Chicago. FCP was, at the time of Caught! an employee of the college and amazingly, not fired. BGFFC was hit with a hefty fine hours before graduation, which, unless the hefty fine was paid asap, he would be uninvited to graduate from college, potentially robbing his family, who had traveled from California to witness the event, of the inevitable joy and pride the commencement ceremony evokes. He paid the fine. I was sent to Emerson College Drug rehab, where I was the lone senior amongst freshman and we were asked to complete time-wasting tasks, such as listing all the words for being stoned.
So my stoner airport ride was late, but made up for it, by driving me all the way to LAX, rather than the flyaway bus stop. Stoner-Ride’s dashboard displayed healing herbs (not pot) and a half-smoked spliff lay in that little pouchy-scoopy thing under the ashtray – that resty thingy that in my car, holds an old mix tape from my ex ex ex and an aromatherapy squirty bottle from my Current Crush.
2. Once through security at LAX, I made a beeline to the airport lit corner to find out what’s going on with Brittney! Instead of Brittney, People and In Touch, both renown celebrity trash rags, featured cover stories on Prince William’s breakup and Virginia Tech. It’s says a lot about our culture that Prince William’s breakup and the Virginia Tech senselessness, tragedy, loss-for-words-to-describe-the vast and varied emotions-brought-on-from-it, share a magazine cover. I guess Brittney’s laying low.
3. LAX has superior people watching! I can’t wait to get to Houston though, where I’ll really have a lot to say! Already, my flight to Houston carries people in cowboy hats and thick accents and the heavily-twanged couple across the aisle from me are drinking his ‘n’ hers Bud Lights at 11am. Who does that besides rednecks, all-night-gamblers or circuit-party-goers? No, circuit-party boys do E and drink Red Bull. It is in airports where I feel the most repulsively smugly-superior; clutching my New Yorker, as I expertly make my way through the throngs of less-experienced travelers. I’m such a schmuck, judging others on their romance-novel reading-material and lack of familiarity with the new travel rules and regulations. I’m a total judegmental snob, but like Anne Frank, I ultimately do believe everyone is good at heart. What a fucking hippie thing to say. I played Anne once, so I feel I can quote her, as I embodied her for an exhausting 3 months. It was a highly successful run and the final performance I went onstage with a fever of 104, and subsequently went to the hospital afterwards, suffering from a friggin kidney infection.
Love The Ukulady
PS: Time to read up on the cultural events on NYC that I simply cannot miss! NYC makes me feel like Eloise, my first NYC fantasy!
PPS: I even put a rubber band around my nose once, to be just like Eloise, and the tip of my nose was literally purple for a week. Ahhh, childhood….
OMG! The Pioneers would totally lose their minds if they knew that today, not only are travelers able to traverse the country in a single day, but that feat is accomplished by flying n a giant metal ‘n’ plastic machine, and one can also use a computer in the air! This is the Ukulady’s first time utilizing Tallulah Petunia Mackulele aloft. Some pre-NYC traveling observations:
1. It is not the wisest choice to request a ride to the airport from a Stoner. Time has no meaning for them, aside from 4:20. I know this because in my youth I was a stoner. Highlights from those years include smoking pot all over Europe; sub-highlight of that highlight, was puffing from an orange Fanta can at Jim Morrison’s Paris grave, where my pals and I gleefully spotted nearby graffiti declaring, “Smoke Pot!”; smoking dirt which had desperately been scoured from a carpet where the bowl had fallen, and as we were either too desperate or too high to discern or care about the difference between the cheap Boston schwag we smoked and actual dirt, so the bowl was repacked; and being caught in the dorms smoking pot senior year in college, by the junior-year RA. Alongside me was Former-Comedy-Partner and Best-Gay-Friend-From-Chicago. FCP was, at the time of Caught! an employee of the college and amazingly, not fired. BGFFC was hit with a hefty fine hours before graduation, which, unless the hefty fine was paid asap, he would be uninvited to graduate from college, potentially robbing his family, who had traveled from California to witness the event, of the inevitable joy and pride the commencement ceremony evokes. He paid the fine. I was sent to Emerson College Drug rehab, where I was the lone senior amongst freshman and we were asked to complete time-wasting tasks, such as listing all the words for being stoned.
So my stoner airport ride was late, but made up for it, by driving me all the way to LAX, rather than the flyaway bus stop. Stoner-Ride’s dashboard displayed healing herbs (not pot) and a half-smoked spliff lay in that little pouchy-scoopy thing under the ashtray – that resty thingy that in my car, holds an old mix tape from my ex ex ex and an aromatherapy squirty bottle from my Current Crush.
2. Once through security at LAX, I made a beeline to the airport lit corner to find out what’s going on with Brittney! Instead of Brittney, People and In Touch, both renown celebrity trash rags, featured cover stories on Prince William’s breakup and Virginia Tech. It’s says a lot about our culture that Prince William’s breakup and the Virginia Tech senselessness, tragedy, loss-for-words-to-describe-the vast and varied emotions-brought-on-from-it, share a magazine cover. I guess Brittney’s laying low.
3. LAX has superior people watching! I can’t wait to get to Houston though, where I’ll really have a lot to say! Already, my flight to Houston carries people in cowboy hats and thick accents and the heavily-twanged couple across the aisle from me are drinking his ‘n’ hers Bud Lights at 11am. Who does that besides rednecks, all-night-gamblers or circuit-party-goers? No, circuit-party boys do E and drink Red Bull. It is in airports where I feel the most repulsively smugly-superior; clutching my New Yorker, as I expertly make my way through the throngs of less-experienced travelers. I’m such a schmuck, judging others on their romance-novel reading-material and lack of familiarity with the new travel rules and regulations. I’m a total judegmental snob, but like Anne Frank, I ultimately do believe everyone is good at heart. What a fucking hippie thing to say. I played Anne once, so I feel I can quote her, as I embodied her for an exhausting 3 months. It was a highly successful run and the final performance I went onstage with a fever of 104, and subsequently went to the hospital afterwards, suffering from a friggin kidney infection.
Love The Ukulady
PS: Time to read up on the cultural events on NYC that I simply cannot miss! NYC makes me feel like Eloise, my first NYC fantasy!
PPS: I even put a rubber band around my nose once, to be just like Eloise, and the tip of my nose was literally purple for a week. Ahhh, childhood….
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