Happy Learning Humans of Planet Earth!

Dear Blob,
Another school year begins anew! Happy Learning to all Pupils of Planet Earth & Beyond!

Love The Ukulady & The Unicorndog

Let's Play a Gameshow & Corndogs!

Dear Blob,
I've loved (strong word, but true!) corndogs since childhood, when I spent every Sunday at the, sadly long-gone, Marin City Flea Market in Sausalito, CA. The Flea Market was an outstandingly be-junked, super-dusty lot packed full of treasures, snack trucks and hippies, including a leather-suited-man my mom called Dirt Man, who's every-inch of skin was caked in black dirt.

My first collection, begun at age 5, was plastic fruit and vegetables and I later moved onto metal vintage lunchboxes, while my sister and mom collected vintage Bauer pottery, Victorian clothing and Art Deco art.

I learned to haggle at age 6 and accompanying the joy of vintage bargains, the Flea Market hosted Superior Corndogs! Each treat was hand-dipped and fresh-fried, resulting in a plump, crisply-hot snack of delight. I've enjoyed fresh Corndogs ever since, and was particularly amused when my gay BFF, Mitch, was fired from his swim-coach job in part because of a suggestive corndog-eating photo.

This year for my birthday The Ukulady made me the most extraordinary puppet to join his puppet brothers and sisters: a giant Corndog. He wears (the Corndog, not Ukulad) a sassy ketchup & mustard beret, of sorts, and sports a saucy (no pun intended) mustache. We had no choice but to name him Monsieur Senor Le Corndog, Master of Linguistics and Host of The Ukulady's new gameshow, Let's Play A Gameshow!

Let's Play a Gameshow will debut this Saturday at The Ukulady's new Kids Variety Music show at Lot 1 Cafe in Echo Park, starring my pal, Todd Duffey, famed from his memorable role as the Flair-Enthusiast, Brian, in the hilarious cult-film, Office Space.

You can listen to the promo for Let's Play a Gameshow! here! Hope to see you at the show!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Sunday is Corndog Day, in that Ukulad and I play the OC Marketplace, where we get unlimited (if we want) hand-dipped corndogs!
pps: I've tried to eat more than one, but disappointingly, I was unable to.

The Ukulady is a Pioneer!

Dear Blob,
Growing up in the Bay Area, we traveled to nearby Lake Tahoe via Donner Lake, several times a year, resulting in my lifelong obsession with Pioneers, particularly The Donner Party. I read and re-read (and still re-read) Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House series dozens of time and currently stacked by my bed are books titled: Pioneer Women, Soiled Doves: Prostitution in the Old West and Women of the West.

This past weekend I had the thrill of dressing up in full pioneer/ukulady garb and playing a show at an old cowboy pioneer town in Santa Clarita, CA called Mentryville! The Natural Stage Project, an organization of music enthusiasts dedicated to Music in Nature, produced their first annual Mentryville Music Festival and, like The Donner Party's first taste of bread after the horrible famine-winter, it was Fabulous!

Wearing my Pioneer outfit, gussied up with Ukulady meep like googly-eyed-heart necklace & orange crinoline, I felt the same thrill I'm sure Pioneers felt after the first time they tasted an orange or taffy.

Enjoy this ridiculously fabulous video of Pioneer The Ukulady & Native America Gabby La La, united as Kit'n'Tenders in a song about Fat Snack Cats, a nibblet I'm sure The Donner Party would have appreciated.


Love The Ukulady

ps: I want to make a TV show about Teen Pioneers called The Donner Party!

Classic Kids Music for Free!

PHOTOS: Kit'n'Tenders at Lot 1 on 4/15, Ukulady's PartyShowFun at Lot 1!




Dear Blob,
Classic things are classic for a reason! It seems there will never be a time when the classic nibblycombo of Grilled Cheese & Tomato Soup will not be enthusiastically celebrated.

Same with the nostalgia-producing-8th-grade-teen-longing song, Stairway to Heaven. STH will always produce, in someone, a moment of joyous Fist-Pumping and possibly the recollection of slow-dancing for the entire song with one's middle school crush.

Today The Ukulady offers a free download of the classic kids song, The Itsy Bitsy Spider!

The Ukulady's version celebrates true love and the oon sound!

Enjoy!
Love The Ukulady

ps: The Ukulady will be performing on Catalina Island tomorrow at the Avalon Library! Please join us if you happen to be there!

pps: The Ukulady & Gabby La La's band, Kit'n'Tenders plays Lot 1 in Echo Park on Sunday, April 15th! Join us! Best Classic Grilled Cheese in LA! Free!

The Magic of Bunnysuits!

Dear Blob,
Although I consider myself non-religious, I am a Holiday Enthusiast, finding pleasure in bunnies, chicks, chocolate & fertility-Springtime-celebration!

It's a great day to meditate on New Beginnings, Fresh Starts & Growth!
Love The Ukulady
ps: The fabulous Magnetic Fields urge us via song to Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits! Celebrate Spring!

The Ukulady on Craigslist TV!

Dear Blob,
The Ukulady tests out her new songs for Kids via Craigslist TV! Hopefully this exciting episode will garner the interest of wealthy patrons and a television network interested in producing The Ukulady's Kids TV Show!



Love The Ukulady
ps: The Winning Title of the Name This Song Competition is.... Unstoppable Lunch!

Name This Song!

Dear Blob,
Help The Ukulady NAME THIS SONG!

Winner receives hand-crafted The Ukulady Meep!

Looking forward to hearing Song Title Suggestions!

To The Downfall of Evil!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Chords and Lyrics:
NAME THIS SONG
C G C G Am
Camping near a Pioneer Graveyard! Wild cows tromp by, UFO in the sky disguised

F C
by a cloud; loud fighter jets fly by!

C G C G
CHORUS: When it’s you and I all is well! When it’s you and I, even traffic is swell!

AM F C
Nothing can stop us! Just you and I!

C G C
VERSE 2: No Pioneer Zombies haunt us at night. No Wild Cows rushed us, no aliens

G Am F C
abducted us! No fighter jets fought us! Nothing can stop us, You and I!

C G C G
CHORUS: When it’s you and I all is well! When it’s you and I, even fighter jets are

Am F C
swell! Nothing can stop us! Just you and I!

E F E
BRIDGE: Stop signs only delay us; Grizzly Bears who want to play with us, slow us

F E F G
down; but they can’t stop us! Not even a Cyclops can stop us!

C G C
VERSE 3: Hiking through Misty Puffs and Fluffy Moss! Lost our lunch and crunchy

G Am F
snacks at the lodge. Dodged the downpour! Bought 2nd lunch at the Country Store

C
with a Satchel of Chips! With a Satchel of Chips! With a Satchel of Chips!

C G C G
CHORUS: When it’s you and I all is well! When it’s you and I, even losing lunch is

Am F C
swell! Nothing can stop us! Not even Hephaestus (god of fire) Just you and I!

Cartoon Bears with Senses of Humor!

Dear Blob,
Cartoon Bears! Click to Listen! The Ukulady's full-length album for Kids 'n' Humans, To The Downfall of Evil, coming soon!
Love The Ukulady

Even Evil Robots Love It!

Dear Blob,

Even Evil Robots Love It

We Humans love to ponder the Vastness of the Universe.

Love The Ukulady
ps:  The Ukulad made me a Corndog Puppet for my birthday!  Stay tuned for photos of Monsieur Le Corndog, Master of Disguise!

The Ukulady Returns with Cute Snack Pics & Quirky Novelty Music!

Dear Blob,
Apologies for my long absence! Day-job/money-making drained all my creative resources and it was all I could do to muster meal-eating energy at the end of 12 hour days. In honor of my return to Blobbing, I present a quirky, novelty song, Ghosts at the Postoffice:
Ghosts at the Post Office
I also present findings from my recent Cute-Snack Research...
Stay Tuned for more frequent nibblets from my brain.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Whitney is dead!
pps: Shockingly, Lindsay is not.

Saggy Pants, Baggy Underpants & Newt & MItt's Repulsiveness

Dear Blob,
When is the trend of saggy, belted-pants-worn-below-the-man-panties going to go away? It is neither cute nor sexy and is very early 2000's.

In other news, I braved Target (pronounced Targay) today for simple necessities like a toothbrush, schedule planner and floss and ended up with 6 new pairs of kneesocks, bananas and a 6 pack of underwear that, when tried on at home, were discovered to be too large.

This is both awesome and unfortunate. Awesome because it means my ass is smaller than I thought, but unfortunate because now I have 6 pairs of unfitting, unbecoming, baggy-bottomed panties.

The good news is it's doubtful they will give me wedgies in yoga class, the most-frequent wedgie-location. The bad news is saggy-bottomed panties are not very attractive and the extra fabric actually makes my behind larger by inch-fractions, due to the extra material. Shopping for underwear is rarely a win-win situation.

Meanwhile, I am deeply repulsed by the political hullaballoo of Newt and Mitt and while I profoundly dislike the cult of Mormonism and Mitt's hypocrisy, I loathe Newt and his Stepford robot 3rd wife. Newt is actually worse than Mitt. It's like choosing between Darth Vader and the Emperor in Star Wars in a horrible game of Spin-the-Bottle. They both suck.

I find myself becoming physically ill at the sound of their smarmy, smug voices on NPR, which is has become unlisten-able. All Things Considered is NPR's worst show and yet they constantly replay it on LA's NPR affiliate. Why can't they replay my friend Terry Gross? Or Unfiction? The hypocrisy of Newt and Mitt is bile-inducing and I wish them both unwellness, shirking hippie-buddhist mantras of lovely-peaceful thoughts for all beings.

On a joyous note, this week The Ukulad and I celebrate 4 years of womance. We are seniors, if our relationship was high school!

Love The Ukulady
ps: What is Miley Cyrus doing on the Bob Dylan tribute album? Really people.
pps: Buying a 6 pack of underwear is ridiculous.

Mississippi!

Dear Blob,
A few years ago, while driving from Columbus, Georgia to Los Angeles, Ca, via Austin, Tx, we took a detour through Mississippi, questing for the Best Pie in the South. According the Interweb a caramel banana pie eaten at Mammy's Cupboard in Natchez, Mississippi, was the best.

We made a 100 mile detour to Mammy's Cupboard, which is located in a giant Mammy-shaped building, which was a bit troubling, yet charmingly kitschtastic, to this NorCal HippiHeeb. Unfortunately, being a Norcal HeebHippie, it didn't even occur to me to check Mammy's schedule. We arrived on a Sunday, quiveringly excited for caramel banana pie! To our utter disappointment, Mammy's was closed, it being Sunday. Bible-Belt Living Magazine forgot to mention that part.

We comforted our pie-less selves with a trip to the Folkart Grocerystore Church in Vicksburg, created by Herman and Margaret, a couple in their '90's, whom we found sitting on their porch of the Grocerystore Church. Still pieless, we drove over the Mississippi river and invented a speed-spelling game called Mississippi.

Game rules are simple: participants go back and forth spelling M.i.s.s.i.s.s.i.p.p.i as fast as they can. Whoever messes up first is the loser. The Winner is the Best and Fastest Speller in the World!

After wearing ourselves out spelling, I wrote this song.

Mississippi The Ukulady

Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm really into Soundcloud right now! You can hear The Ukulady's latest music at www.Soundcloud.com/TheUkulady

Eye Candy!

Dear Blob,
I've discovered the magic of music sharing via the futuristic interweb! Click below to hear Eye Candy, by The Ukulady! A song about Pioneers, love and long-distance.

Eye Candy

Love The Ukulady
ps: Ukulele & Omnichord! Featuring Jessica Grant on Omnichord!

Carb, Lard & Peace on Earth!

Dear Blob,
'Tis the time of year for Carb 'n' Lard Snacks & Peace on Earth!

Love The Ukulady

Robots Drink Hot Cococa!

Dear Blob,
The Elves are making Gingerbread dogs! Robots drink hot cocoa!
Love The Ukulady

The Wonders of La La Land!

Dear Blob,
After over a month of work-travel, also known as workel or traverk, I will be returning to LaLa-meep, the land of the Mosaic Tile House and other wonders, as sung about in this song:

Love The Ukulady
ps: New Muppet film = MEEEEEEEEP!

Halloween, National Sandwich Day & Mitch Speaks!

PHOTOS: The Ukulady's Halloween: The Ukulady & Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Official Tea Party Member & Dead Prom Queen!



Dear Blob,
Working a real-person job is for the birds; many things are great, like paychecks, per diem and business lunches, but time for blobbing is challenging! Here's the hot scoop!

1. Fired-for-being-Gay, BFF, Mitch Stein, has his first speaking engagement at Citrus College! Yay! Read all about it!

2. Halloween is the best time of year because I blend in and really, everyone wants to play dress up. Halloween should be everyday. Airline travel on Halloween was particularly pleasing. I enjoyed eyeballing the flight attendant's costumes and spookily-decorated airline consuls. Halloween makes everything more fun and there's no family guilt, stress or materialism involved.

3. Today is National Sandwich Day! I enjoyed a panini in San Diego, where I am a business lady, working for the Meep, casting Real People in Market Research Video Projects.

4. San Diegoans are friendly, open and generally very camera-ready. Hot town; as in hot people and hot weather.

5. For our job we've picked sidekick code names; I've selected Assistant Beeker, Dr. Bunson Honeydew's sidekick and Advanced Meep Speaker.

Love The Ukulady

Bells of Venice High

Dear Blob,
Another meep checked off the To-Do List; today I got to play at the Folk-Artastic, Mosaic Tile House in Venice CA.

To The Downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady

Celebrate Good Times: The Death of Mallomar Gaddafi!

Dear Blob,
The big news of the morning: Mallomar Gaddafi is dead. Is it appropriate to have a Celebrate Good Times dance-party with Kool and the Gang? It's awkward to celebrate death, but Mallomar Gaddafi's life's work was the opposite of the Downfall of Evil; in fact, his death is part of the Downfall of Evil.

The death of someone as innately douchebaggy as Gaddafi from planet earth is a good thing. I am generally anti-death-penalty, as I usually feel two wrongs don't make a right and executing murderers seems to be murder; however, there are always exceptions, particularly when it comes to a human who has indulged in horrific anti-human acts for 42 years.

Megalomania is so odd and so constant; humankind has always produced Megalomaniacs and our brains don't seem to have evolved enough to avoid the trap of self-grandeur, which leads to megalomania; however, why does megalomania usually lead to murder, rape & other inhuman acts?

Money & Power led Bill Gates to create solutions to worlwide problems; why didn't Money & Power do the same for Mallomar? Perhaps because Mallomar was not a nerdy intellectual, but a savage warrior. Maybe Money & Power do fairly well in the hands of intellectuals, but ridiculously horrific in the hands of the stupid; as displayed in my latest TV obsession, Breaking Bad. I urge all good-TV Enthusiasts to enjoy it on Netflix.

In other news, I would like to be in a band side-project called The Snacks. This desire came from a Snack Fantasy of wanting a theoretical snack in bed at midnight. I didn't want a real snack, just a fantasy snack, an invisible snack. It was so cozy in bed, the perfect cozy-location for a snack, however I didn't want to re-brush my teeth or actually eat anything. Fantasy Snack is also a good band name.

Love The Ukulady

PS: In honor of Mallomar Gaddafi's death, enjoy WHO CAN WE HATE? By the Ukulady

PPS: Celebrating Mallomar Gaddafi's death is the cousin to telling my ER Nurse Friend to "Have Fun" at work, which I did yesterday.

Happy UnicornFever National Coming Out Day!

Dear Blob,
Happy National Coming Out Day! May all humans, robots & woodland creatures feel awesome about themselves and being exactly who they are. To The Downfall of evil, homophobia & discrimination!

This video was made by my dear friend, Mary C. Matthews, of Video Pancakes. I'm very proud of her.



Love The Ukulady