Showing posts with label The Donner Party. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Donner Party. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

UkuAdventures in LA: The Donner Party, Pancakes & Gadhafi!


Dear Blob,
Late last night I made the mistake of googling The Donner Party. After a few minutes of reading various diary accounts I realized that immersing myself in The Donner Party lore before bedtime was a terrible choice, as I'm renown in the UkuMarshmallowHouse for having nightmares.

To rid my subconscious of The Donner Party's accounts of starvation, death and cannibalism, I googled Pancakes.

I did not have nightmares.

Love The Ukulady

ps: In honor of our non-friend, Mallomar Gadhafi, enjoy an old Ukulady tune!

pps: When is that Mallomar going to bow out? Get the hint, dude! Wouldn't it be more fun to spend your senior years on a Mediterranean island doing karaoke and eating pancakes rather than die amidst dusty rubble? What is wrong with these meglomaniacs?

pps: I am a maple syrup snob and refuse corn syrup syrup; however, if I was a Donner PArty member, I would be thrilled to eat corn syrup syrup!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

UkuAdventures in Mexico: Think of the Donner Party...

PHOTOS: Barra De Navidad in Mural! Churros!



Dear Blob,
This has been one of those travel-days when one is ready to:

A. Change one's ticket home to Right Now
B. Flee for the nearest 4-star hotel, which should be fairly nice in Mexico.
C. Think often about The Donner Party and their trials and tribulations.
D. Feel deserving of Chips Brand Chips, Beer & Churros all at the exact same time. (didn't really happen)
E. Consider what a 3rd World Country is like, as Mexico is only a "Developing Nation".

I remember this day when I was traveling in Southeast Asia; it happened on the Thai island of Ko Chang, when, exhausted from a 12 hour bus ride through Cambodia, I and my travel-companion were hoodwinked into pre-paying for 2 nights at a sub-par Australian Party-Resort. It was a different Difficult that dealing with Fleas in Mexico; the main problem today being 2 nights with poor sleep. Anyone who wakes up on a dining room table is bound to be wearing crankypants & bitchy boots.

Daniel, the Mexican Fumigator, shocked us all by arriving promptly at 1:30. A thorough investigation of Casa Azul revealed dozens of fat spider nests 'n' eggs; the Fleas were elusive, but Daniel was confident they were living in the furniture. Unfortunately, he was unable to spray for both at the same time and we were forced to choose. We went with Fleas.

Remember the famed neighborhood Dryer, recently acquired by our neighbor Laura? We were probably the first lucky neighbors to enjoy the privilege of it's heat-power. We took all the bedding, linens and clothing of the house and loaded it in her dryer to kill the fleas 'n' eggs. After pleading with Daniel to fumigate today, he said to expect him at 5pm.

Daniel the Fumigator is the first Early Mexican I've ever met. He was on LA-Actor's Time, showing up 20 minutes before 5, while we were attempting to eat our first food of the traumatic day. Not only did he show up early, but before we could even greet him, the man had his poison sprayer out and began indiscriminately, squirting poison everywhere. He got my backpack, almost got our lunch, which had been a debacle in itself, involving mayonnaise, my most-hated food-item and was ready to spray us, when we hastily found keys, packed our purselets at hopped on bikes, in search of a fancy hotel pool to sneak into.

Once we got to town, we couldn't find the house keys, which Jessica determined she left at the house. She raced back to Casa Azul, while I, hippie-like, collapsed on the ground, under a shady tree, confusing the fleets Wealthy Mexican tourists, as I have neither dreadlocks or tie-dye and I was not selling handmade hemp jewelery.

20 minutes later Jessica returned, beet-red, upper-lip glistening with bike-sweat; both of us were sheathed in perspiration, like the gelatinous sheen on chicken after it's been in the fridge overnight. She was keyless. The first time I trusted her with the keys and she lost them. The good news is they were actually hidden in one of our bags. In our haste to not be poisoned by Daniel's speed-spraying, she'd forgetfully dropped them in a secret pocket.

Just re-telling this story exhausts me further. We ended the difficult day being allowed by a hotel to drink cervezas poolside, but not allowed to actually go in their pool. We did anyway and then made BFF with all the vacationing children, who were thrilled to practice their English on us. There was a cold-shower by the pool, overlooking a gorgeous ocean with sun-glisten-sparkles, so we stayed cool and our senses of humor were restored by hilarious children, who remain the same throughout the world: joyful, curious & life-affirming.

One girl asked me in Spanish if I ate eggs at my Grandma's house. We blew a couple kids from LA's minds, when they learned that we too, were from LA! The LA kids, from Highland Park, enjoyed guessing my age, which went from 14 to 48 in the same breath.

Currently, we are back at Casa Azul, our beds remade, our fingers crossed. There are still hundreds of spiders and flying cockroaches to contend with and if the fleas are not gone, we flee to a hotel.

In other news, the debacles should not overshadow the Good & Interestingness of Mexico; I'm constantly impressed by most Mexican's eagerness to help, no matter what the circumstances. A nice couple on a date dirtied their hands helping me fix my broken bike chain, in the rain.

I was considering the un-diversity of Mexico, when I remembered I'm in a tiny Mexican beach town. If a Mexican came to a tiny town in just about anywhere, America, s/he too, would be surprised at the un-diversity of America. Diversity lives in Big Cities.

Mexicans Love Plastic Bags & Styrofoam Plates.

Love The Ukulady
ps: Chicken City is a good name for a Cartoon City.
pps: A lot of cameltoe around here.
ppps: I don't think I'm young enough to be interested in dealing with the 3rd world. That means ebola, malaria, dengue & yellow fever, no indoor plumbing and more. I'm old; for a 14 year old.
pppps: Larry told me he upped my status to Senora because most folks around here cannot understand how I could possibly be unmarried & childless and in my 30's! Unfathomable.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

My Internet Boyfriend!

Dear Blog,
I have joined the tech-happy new millenium population and am involved in an internet flirtation with someone I've never met! Of course I am not wasting my time flirting with someone lame or boring. It would have to be someone extremely intriguing to capture my busy-scheming-to-take-over-hollywood-head, and this cute (according to his photos) hipster is totally intriguing. My cousin married a man she met in an online fantasy role-playing game and my good LA punk-rock pal, Tiburon, met her awesome fiancee, TriStar, on myspace. Not that I am seeking anything of that nature, but it is totally interesting and bizarre to have a met a total stranger online and come to a place where I would consider this person an actual friend. The Donner Party would be blown away. I think we (now me and he are we!) have come to a place that I would consider my Fantasy Internet Fiancee (my first ukulady marraige proposal!) a friend (hey PA!, being narcissistic enough to assume you are reading about yourself! - double narcissim!). Due to his being interesting, smartie-pants, clever, unassuming, and most importantly in a literary friendship/courtship,linguistically charming and handy, I've perused his writings, music and have developed a total crush. What if he is a disfigured hunchback, which is redundant? Would that make me, if I ultimately was not attracted to him, a total materialistic schmuck? (for my non-heeb readers, like hopefully Jenna Bush, that means asshole). A lot of philosophical considerations go into having a flirtation/crush on an internet pal.....
Heartsy, The UkuLady
PS: I'm very thankful I have eyelids!
PPS: No duh LA Times, Anna Nicole died of a pill overdose. Fucking duhsies.
PPPS: Tapered jeans/pants are lame.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Donner Party & Latino HipHop

Dear Blog,
my Salvadorian/American neighbor, nicknamed DJ Nitrous, enjoys playing latino hiphop very very extremely loud, which does not bother me at all. In fact, I like that the DJ keeps me in touch with what the kids around Echo Park are listening to, without even leaving my house.
This morning, while lying in bed around 8am, DJ Nitrous was "kicking the beats" and the first thought that crossed my mind was, "What would the Donner Party think if they heard this music?" Did the Donner Party members ever hear words like bitch mother fucker and pussy? I think about the Donner Party at least once a day. I imagine if they heard the pulsing bass and the bitch mother fucker pussy (it's not always latino spanish-language hiphop, but often the traditional ebonic kind) from the freezing cold of their hastily-made lean-tos up at Donner Lake, during what was unfortunately, the coldest winter in 100 years, they would have been relieved, because it meant help, in a way, was on the way.
A fleet of urban rappers scaling the Sierra's, to save the stranded pioneers....ridiculous. Anyway, I think about the Donner Party a lot.
Love Miss The UkuLady