Dear Blob,
Because of economy-UnFever, I'm trimming my expenses and sadly, the first thing to go is my morning newspaper. I really heart reading a paper every morning, but the LA Times is so lame and the NY Times is so expensive. So I've switched to interweb news, which my eyeballs aren't totally thrilled with. This morning's World News from yahoo included Pakistan, Palestine & American Idol. I am a huge kareoke fan. I even used to go to The Mint kareoke bar in San Francisco, by myself. I am sick of most world news, but am not quite on board with American Idol being up there with genocide, global economic unfever and North Korea's reluctance to feed it's people.
Love The Ukulady
ps: The local LA News is all car crashes & murder. I think I will be more relaxed not reading the LA Times every morning.
pps: Is Energy & Commerce Committee Chairman, Rep. Henry Waxman the most rodent-ee-looking public figure? He resembles a Disney Beaver.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Money-Saving Tips for Lindsey Lohan!
Dear Blob,
Poor Lindsey Lohan! According to US Weekly, she's almost broke! How heartbreaking! Apparently, she can't get any movie work and has moved in with her suspected girlfriend because she wants to save money on rent! Luckily for Lindsey, The Ukulady has some hot money-saving tips for her during these tough economic times.
1. Stop buying expensive handbags, Lindsey. A girl really only needs about 3 handbags. If you are really attached to your high-end designer bags, keep a few and sell the rest on E-Bay! I'm sure there are some die-hard Lindsey Lohan Fans who can navigate the E-Bay landscape for you! You can become the Lindsey Lohan of E-Bay!
2. Sell your fancy vehicle and get a Toyota or a Honda! It's a buyers market, Lindsey! And I'm sure there is some die-hard Lindsey Lohan fan who will be thrilled to buy your expensive car and drive it around! Then we can be twinsies, because I have a Honda!
3. Only do other people's drugs. Drugs like cocaine are expensive and you should definitely be able to mooch off other recreational users who hang out at the Chateau Marmont! I'm sure you know that people want to hang out with you because you are so beautiful (totally true and earnest - Lindsey is Stunning.) and since you seem to be into recreational drug-use, using other's coke is a great way to save money!
I applaud your decision, Lindsey, to save on rent by moving in with Samantha! Yay! I wish someone would move in with the Ukulady & Gay Fab Roommate (GFR) because our rent is outrageous. Good luck on getting work, Lindsey! I and all my struggling actor pals are also having a hard time getting work, so remember, you are not alone! There are thousands of talented actors who can't even get a theatrical agent, so Lindsey, consider yourself lucky, count your blessings and do something smart with your next paycheck! I recommend Bay Area real-estate (when you're surrounded by water, there's limited land-room!).
Love The Ukulady
ps: Maybe you can apply for unemployment, Lindsey!
pps: Taco Trucks are cheap and delicious! The best one is on Alvarado, in Echo Park, in front of the Vons!
Poor Lindsey Lohan! According to US Weekly, she's almost broke! How heartbreaking! Apparently, she can't get any movie work and has moved in with her suspected girlfriend because she wants to save money on rent! Luckily for Lindsey, The Ukulady has some hot money-saving tips for her during these tough economic times.
1. Stop buying expensive handbags, Lindsey. A girl really only needs about 3 handbags. If you are really attached to your high-end designer bags, keep a few and sell the rest on E-Bay! I'm sure there are some die-hard Lindsey Lohan Fans who can navigate the E-Bay landscape for you! You can become the Lindsey Lohan of E-Bay!
2. Sell your fancy vehicle and get a Toyota or a Honda! It's a buyers market, Lindsey! And I'm sure there is some die-hard Lindsey Lohan fan who will be thrilled to buy your expensive car and drive it around! Then we can be twinsies, because I have a Honda!
3. Only do other people's drugs. Drugs like cocaine are expensive and you should definitely be able to mooch off other recreational users who hang out at the Chateau Marmont! I'm sure you know that people want to hang out with you because you are so beautiful (totally true and earnest - Lindsey is Stunning.) and since you seem to be into recreational drug-use, using other's coke is a great way to save money!
I applaud your decision, Lindsey, to save on rent by moving in with Samantha! Yay! I wish someone would move in with the Ukulady & Gay Fab Roommate (GFR) because our rent is outrageous. Good luck on getting work, Lindsey! I and all my struggling actor pals are also having a hard time getting work, so remember, you are not alone! There are thousands of talented actors who can't even get a theatrical agent, so Lindsey, consider yourself lucky, count your blessings and do something smart with your next paycheck! I recommend Bay Area real-estate (when you're surrounded by water, there's limited land-room!).
Love The Ukulady
ps: Maybe you can apply for unemployment, Lindsey!
pps: Taco Trucks are cheap and delicious! The best one is on Alvarado, in Echo Park, in front of the Vons!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Feel Thin in the South!
Dear Blob & Pals-Who-Feel-Plump,
The anorexic vodka-for-meals-girls of Lalaland squishing your outer-beauty-confidence? Been running, doing yoga, pilates, crunches, the cleanse & still have genetic cellulite & a tummy pouch? Peeps, a great way to feel fit, healthy & trim is a trip to the Deep South! It's normal there for girls to carry an extra 20 - 30 pounds - they are the slim ones! Chubby is up to 75 pounds overweight!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm pro-Madonna-adopting-third-world-children.
The anorexic vodka-for-meals-girls of Lalaland squishing your outer-beauty-confidence? Been running, doing yoga, pilates, crunches, the cleanse & still have genetic cellulite & a tummy pouch? Peeps, a great way to feel fit, healthy & trim is a trip to the Deep South! It's normal there for girls to carry an extra 20 - 30 pounds - they are the slim ones! Chubby is up to 75 pounds overweight!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm pro-Madonna-adopting-third-world-children.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Send a Ukulady Valentine!!!
Dear Pals!
You can send your loved ones an official Ukulady Valentine via www.jibjab.com!
Available here:
http://sendables.jibjab.com/category/valentines_day_sweet
To the downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady
www.TheUkulady.com
www.jibjab.com
You can send your loved ones an official Ukulady Valentine via www.jibjab.com!
Available here:
http://sendables.jibjab.com/category/valentines_day_sweet
To the downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady
www.TheUkulady.com
www.jibjab.com
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Doughnut Fever!
Dear Blob,
SInce moving to LA, I have marveled at the abundance of Doughnut Shops and wondered how they all stay in business. Like in the South, where there are churches on every corner, LA's church seems to be the Doughnut Shop. Being a voice over talent, I rarely work on set; however, I am now working on the set of a Nickelodeon game show and I now know how the Doughnut shops stay in business. Film Shoot Craft Services.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I am avoiding the doughnuts.
pps: I Love doughnuts and once asked for a box of doughnuts for my birthday.
ppps: I received the box and ate them all wheile writing my 8th grade term paper.
pppps: I can't remember the topic of the term paper, but I remember getting pretty sick.
SInce moving to LA, I have marveled at the abundance of Doughnut Shops and wondered how they all stay in business. Like in the South, where there are churches on every corner, LA's church seems to be the Doughnut Shop. Being a voice over talent, I rarely work on set; however, I am now working on the set of a Nickelodeon game show and I now know how the Doughnut shops stay in business. Film Shoot Craft Services.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I am avoiding the doughnuts.
pps: I Love doughnuts and once asked for a box of doughnuts for my birthday.
ppps: I received the box and ate them all wheile writing my 8th grade term paper.
pppps: I can't remember the topic of the term paper, but I remember getting pretty sick.
Monday, January 19, 2009
World-Power Christmas Eve!
Dear Blob!
It is World-Power Christmas Eve! Adios to the Celebration and Reign of Anti-Intellectualism, Cocky Bravado, and the Dark Side! Somehow, amidst the thrill and amazement of Obama's victory, it didn't occur to me that Bush, Cheney and their administration, which says, "thumbs-up, Torture!" is actually leaving! Not only is Obama and his fleet of Critical Thinkers, who celebrate knowledge & science, taking control of our broken country, but Bush and his BFF, Hubris, will be gone! Whooohooo! It really hit me yesterday! Here we are, on the brink of Global Energy Shifting! Please, Blob and Powers of Manifestation, keep Obama alive and productive. The most exciting thing to me is the re-installation of Intellectualism in office. Bush isn't an inherently evil person, just dumb and cocky. It's like the James Spader crowd from Pretty in Pink (the Richies), got control of the White House for 8 years and now Duckie and Annie Potts are in power.
Meanwhile, upon reading the Inaugural luncheon menu, I am concerned with the lack of Greens. Seafood Stew, Brace of American Birds (duck & pheasant - fancy!), sweet potatoes and Apple Sponge Cake. I don't like sweet potatoes too much, which is why, I suppose, I didn't capitalize them. No salad or roughage! Perhaps at the Inaugural dinner....
Love The Ukulady
ps: Molly Ringwald should have ended up with Duckie, not Andrew McCarthy.
pps: Or like the Craig Sheffield crowd in Some Kind Of Wonderful. Watching Obama take power is like watching Mary Stuart Masterson and Eric Stoltz fall in love. Good Guys win!
ppps: Even though Jenna Bush has been such a shitty myspace friend, I will miss the Bush Twins in the spotlight.
It is World-Power Christmas Eve! Adios to the Celebration and Reign of Anti-Intellectualism, Cocky Bravado, and the Dark Side! Somehow, amidst the thrill and amazement of Obama's victory, it didn't occur to me that Bush, Cheney and their administration, which says, "thumbs-up, Torture!" is actually leaving! Not only is Obama and his fleet of Critical Thinkers, who celebrate knowledge & science, taking control of our broken country, but Bush and his BFF, Hubris, will be gone! Whooohooo! It really hit me yesterday! Here we are, on the brink of Global Energy Shifting! Please, Blob and Powers of Manifestation, keep Obama alive and productive. The most exciting thing to me is the re-installation of Intellectualism in office. Bush isn't an inherently evil person, just dumb and cocky. It's like the James Spader crowd from Pretty in Pink (the Richies), got control of the White House for 8 years and now Duckie and Annie Potts are in power.
Meanwhile, upon reading the Inaugural luncheon menu, I am concerned with the lack of Greens. Seafood Stew, Brace of American Birds (duck & pheasant - fancy!), sweet potatoes and Apple Sponge Cake. I don't like sweet potatoes too much, which is why, I suppose, I didn't capitalize them. No salad or roughage! Perhaps at the Inaugural dinner....
Love The Ukulady
ps: Molly Ringwald should have ended up with Duckie, not Andrew McCarthy.
pps: Or like the Craig Sheffield crowd in Some Kind Of Wonderful. Watching Obama take power is like watching Mary Stuart Masterson and Eric Stoltz fall in love. Good Guys win!
ppps: Even though Jenna Bush has been such a shitty myspace friend, I will miss the Bush Twins in the spotlight.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Dear Taliban!
Dear Blob -
I live downstairs from such an awful neighbor, for the past year and a half, Fabulous Roommate and I have called her The Cuntessa. She earned a new name this weekend, after verbally attacking me at 3 in the afternoon and subsequently filming me on my porch singing. Unfortunately for her, she is one of the Ukulady Haters (see occasional www.youtube.com/ThessalyLerner comments), particularly of my voice, which was described on Ebay as "extremely squeaky. (In googling myself, I discovered my album, Banned From Canters!, on Ebay!
Meanwhile, The Cuntessa's name has changed to The Taliban. And below, I write a letter to all Taliban:
Dear Taliban!
Please stop bullying the folks who live next door, downstairs and all around you. Your antagonism is totally anti-love and you're contributing to the Dark Side. In a way, I am looking forward to your next attack because I plan on using my Shield of Supreme Love and Peace, singing The Rainbow Connection. Snap! Rainbow Connection in your face, Taliban!
Love The Ukulady
ps: My solution to The Taliban was reached after much discussion with friends and family, who also suggestion Restraining Order. My landlord told me to call the police next time The Taliban harasses me.
pps: I am impressed with teen-singing sensation, Taylor Swift! Not her music, but her marketing team.
I live downstairs from such an awful neighbor, for the past year and a half, Fabulous Roommate and I have called her The Cuntessa. She earned a new name this weekend, after verbally attacking me at 3 in the afternoon and subsequently filming me on my porch singing. Unfortunately for her, she is one of the Ukulady Haters (see occasional www.youtube.com/ThessalyLerner comments), particularly of my voice, which was described on Ebay as "extremely squeaky. (In googling myself, I discovered my album, Banned From Canters!, on Ebay!
Meanwhile, The Cuntessa's name has changed to The Taliban. And below, I write a letter to all Taliban:
Dear Taliban!
Please stop bullying the folks who live next door, downstairs and all around you. Your antagonism is totally anti-love and you're contributing to the Dark Side. In a way, I am looking forward to your next attack because I plan on using my Shield of Supreme Love and Peace, singing The Rainbow Connection. Snap! Rainbow Connection in your face, Taliban!
Love The Ukulady
ps: My solution to The Taliban was reached after much discussion with friends and family, who also suggestion Restraining Order. My landlord told me to call the police next time The Taliban harasses me.
pps: I am impressed with teen-singing sensation, Taylor Swift! Not her music, but her marketing team.
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