Thursday, November 29, 2007

Hot Stalin, Texing & Bears!

Dear Blob,
This morning browsing the latest Harpers, I lingered on a photo of a totally hot guy from the olden days, who was hotly gracing the cover of a book being advertised. Upon further inspection, I realized the totally hot guy was Stalin; not only hot, but advertised as the "Personification of evil". Hot Stalin.
In other news, The UkuLady had a fundraiser/show for Hillary last night, which was attended by several Hillary campaign workers. These gals were delightfully pleasant, but apparently unaware of theater etiquette, text messaging and sitting in the front row at the same time.
And finally, The Ukulady is off to Las Vegas this morning to play at the Venetian Hotel. I have never been to Las Vegas and am pleased my first foray to the City of Sin, is for a gig at an 800 seat house. And I will be driven by my new gay man, Mitch, purveyor of and we will commence to co-writing Bearly! A Musical; so get psyched, Bears!
Love The UkuLady
ps: Stalin is hotter than Hillary, but I'm voting for her anyway.
pps: For my straight readers: Bears are a subculture of gay men who have beards and drink beer.
ppps: You don't have to be fat to be a Bear.
pppps: Hot Stalin would have been a Cub, because he had a three-day shadow and probably enjoyed beer, but he was young and young Bears are Cubs.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Hugo Chavez's Grandson for Thanksgiving!

Dear Blob,
The day before Thanksgiving, my brother reported that his new best friend, the great-grandson of the president of Venezuela, would be joining the Lerner clan, for dinner. The word "great" didn't really register with me and so thrilled, I assumed I would be dining with Hugo Chavez's great grandson! Hugo Chavez is such a rabble rouser, and while he is not the special-sweater-wearing South American politician (Bolivia?), he is certainly infamous. Romolo wore a jaunty scarf, appeared bemused at the Lerner Thanksgiving and is not Hugo Chavez's grandson, great or not. Some other long-dead Venezuelan president who is Not on the front page of the newspapers, holds the title of Romolo's great-grandfather. I was a little disappointed, but Hugo Chavez is pretty dictorial, anyway.
Some Highlights from the Lerner Thanksgiving:
1. Trader Jews - the renamed store
2. The Tidbits, a band
3. The Nitwit Tidbits, a better band
4. The Culturally Jewish/Brooklyn Taxi-Driver Butler - you have to know my father to find this funny. This came up because Romolo's step-father is a butler in San Francisco. The thought of my culturally Jewish dad being employed as a butler, is horrifyingly hilarious. It's a union, because then he is un-fireable.
In other news, The UkuLady is finally going to Vegas. I hope to find the thrift stores with loads of glitter bikinis and '70's mumus....
Love The UkuLady

Monday, November 12, 2007

Lindsey Lohan & Me!

Dear Blob!
Last Thursday me and Best Straight Male Friend in LA (BSMFinLA) forced ourselves to go to our mutual commercial agent's wife's baby shower, being hosted at a sleek skinny-person bar on the Sunset Strip. The Sunset Strip, while glamourous in name, is completely pretentious, vapid, and full of people who are probably robots. However, we like our agent, and after a quick stop at Border's books (alas there are no unchain bookshops in LA), where I purchased the classic "Monster at the End Of This Book", starring Grover, we headed to the Sunset Strip. Aside from being a neighborhood of brainless pretty people, it is also the neighborhood of No-Parking-Unless-You-Want-To-Valet-For-$12-Dollars. So we parked in a nearby cinemall structure. BSMF is one of most hilarious people I know, so I was in a particularly happy mood, as we took the elevator to and fro the bar to car. Upon the elevator doors opening, who should exit, but Lindsey Lohan, in the flesh! I almost died. As I grew up amongst hippie celebrities, I don't get too excited seeing celebrities, but seeing Lindsey Lohan at a distance of about five feet, was utterly thrilling. She is mouth-droppingly beautiful. Extremely skinny, but her features are unbelievabley exquisite. And she looked pretty disheveled, for her. She seemed agitated, being in public, and quickly headed, with her handler, to the cinema. It took my breath away. Later, driving home, I remembered the unkind things I sang about her (see "Poor Lindsey") and I felt a moment of remorse. That feeling is gone, replaced by pity. Parents, please don't whore your children out!
Love The UkuLady
ps: I think I'm allergic to cashews.