Thursday, November 13, 2008

Congrats Michael Jackson!

Dear Blob,
I'm so relieved Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch will not become bank-owned! He's been saved by a corporation which he partly controls! If only all the millions of home-losing Americans were pals with fiscally-saavy billionaires. This is not meant to be snarky, as I really love Michael Jackson and while I am horrified at his physical appearance, I am mostly saddened by his downfall and the grief he wears on his sleeves at all times. If I were to get a masters degree in psychology I would do my thesis on MJ. What happened? After reading LaToya's "autobiography", Michael's "Unauthorized Biography" and a book called "The Magic & The Maddness", I have various theories which are depressing and unsavory to think about. I'm pleased Michael has managed to hold onto some dignity. He seems so physically and emotionally damaged.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I keep wondering my my new TV BFF, Ruby, has been doing all week. Waiting a week to hang out with her again, via the television, kind of sucks. I prefer watching TV on Hulu.
pps: Manpanion and I have been watching Alf! I love Alf! I have a non-dirty crush on Alf

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My Future Child's Name!

Dear Blob!
I've decided that Strudel is an incredible word and I am going to name my future child Obama Strudelman.
Love The Ukulady
ps: This is Future Imaginary Child #4, as #1, #3 and #2 are named Poppy Sasparilla, Tallulah Petunia and Pomegranate Persimmon.

My New TV BFF!

Dear Blob -
I have acquired a TV show. An evening where I have to watch my show. I haven' had a show since Party of Five. My Show is on Sunday nights and is about my new best TV friend, Ruby Gettinger and her journey to lose HundredS of pounds. I've developed a fascination with morbid obesity, recently watching youtube videos of people who fit this description, including the 400 pound 7 year old, which was terribly disturbing. Child protective services didn't intervene until 400 pounds! Where were they at 150? Who lets a child get over 200 pounds? In the most recent youtube videos, the child is now 10 and weighs around 130, but has bowed legs from her earlier immense poundage.

Ruby!, produced by her celebrity real-life BFF, Brittney Daniels, recognized by my manpanion as the starlet from "Joe Dirt", is totally compelling and touching TV. I am bummed that Ruby is probably now too famous to be my real BFF, but she is totally my TV BFF. She's a beautiful morbidly obese woman, which is neccessary for TV. No ugly fat people, pretty only! She has 2 adorable gay roommate/BFF's and she makes me want to use words I hate, like Heartfelt and HeartWarming.

The concern I have for Ruby and all other obese-weight-loss-focused people, is the seeming lack of re-training in the kitchen that is neccessary for lifelong weight-control. Trainers, nutritionists and psychiatrists are invested in Ruby's weight-loss journey, but she needs cooking school. An immersion in healthy and affordable (no Whole Foods/Whole Paycheck) grocery shopping and cooking.

I grew up in a household where Cornflakes were a sugar cereal. It is ingrained in me that American Cheese slices are junk food. No overweight person will keep weight off without learning to cook yummy, healthy food every day. Cooking every day is a lot of work, leads to many dirty dishes and takes a lot of energy that most people don't have, as a result of our society's ridiculous 40 - 80 hour work weeks. Gyms should start a fleet of home chefs who train weight-loss-seekers how to cook.

Meanwhile, I wish Ruby was on every night and I send her Ukulady heartsies.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Sundays at 8pm on Style Network and she has a website.
pps: I requested her facebook friendship, but I think she's too famous now.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Oh! Oh! Obama: To The Downfall of Evil!

Dear Blob!
On this historic, thrillingly-weighty-with-emotions-like-awe-n-joy, I feel I must write something for my children and their offspring to read. OMG and Wow! Hope is restored! Hypocrisy, greed and slander lose! Intellect and reason win! Thrillinglyy, the name Obama will probably join Aiden as the most popular baby name! Sasha & Malia Obama get a new puppy and us citizens of the USA get to feel civic pride, a potential for patriotism and hope! Disappointingly, the accidental comedic highjinks of Sarah Palin and her fleet of poorly-named, abstinence-taught children, will go away and her makeup artist is out of a job. But finally the downfall of evil has begun. The old comfortable ways of fear, greed, corruption and such, have been demoted from class president to hall monitor. Let's hippie it up and create a magical Safety Bubble around Obama and manifest a safe four and hopefully more, years, for America's first black president.
Love The Ukulady