Friday, August 29, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Cake & Love!

The Ukulady sings a song about Cake & Love!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Purple Cabbage & Britney

Dear Blob,
Tonight as I was making purple cabbage salad, my Manpanion told me that purple cabbages are not naturally purple, but bleached and then soaked in squid ink. Shocked, but totally believing, I got very upset at the cabbage industry for their deception and angrily decided to never cook with purple cabbage again. Then Manpanion told me he was lying and I felt really ridiculous and overly-gullible. In other news, I'm obsessed with a song by Loretta Lynne called "Fist City", about taking out a rival-lady, who hits on her man; but all my gay boys like the song title for other reasons.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I discovered my cousin loves Britney Spears so much, not only did she name her cat, Britney, but she got the exact same tattoo as Britney.
pps: My cousin got the tattoo, not the cat.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Olympic Party Cube Fever!

Dear Blob,
I've caught Olympic Fever! Every night, instead of reading the piling-up New Yorkers and Harpers, I've been watching Olympic Gymnastics on the interweb (as I don't know how to operate the television). OMG, Shawn Johnson is so friggin' cute with her little snub nose and outrageous thigh muscles! At Olympic-Viewing time, my boudoir becomes the Olympic Party Cube and me and Nastia and Shawn totally rock out! However, while the Chinese have put on a good show, I can't help questioning who the hell let China host the Olympics? This is the same government that killed students, fairly recently. And as every obviously-14-year-old Chinese gymnast competes, I can't help but root for them, knowing they haven't seen their families in years and if they fail, the government will kill their parents, kittenpets and relegate them to factory work. And the Opening-Ceremonies Milli-Vanilli incident is ridiculous - once again, who gets the Decision-Wand-Of-Power in determining Super-Prettiness and Cuteness? Apparently government officials. In other news, I urge you, Blob and Reader, to watch the Olympic Women's Weight Lifting! It is amazing! The women are so beefy and manly and wear the most camel-toeriffic suits and lift ridiculous amounts of weight. My question is, how did these athletes discover weight-lifting is their gift? Who said to them, "OMG, you are the strongest girl at Jenna Bush High School! You could be an Olympic contender!" Apparently someone.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm writing LA Cupcake reviews on, for anyone interested in the Best Cupcake in LA....
pps: Olympic Synchronized Swimming? Ridiculous, yet riveting. It's like a bunch of musical theater girls were kicked out of a show and recruited by the swim coach. Busby Berkeley would be proud.

Monday, August 11, 2008

My Now-Fat Enemy

Dear Blob,
As unicornrainbow-glitterponymagic peace-loving-Northern California-Child-O'-Hippies, as I am, I can still be vindictive, judgmental and occasionally, mean. However, when that occurs, it is usually for a good reason. Today in yoga class I saw, for the first time in a year, my former neighbor, who betrayed me in the most hideously-betrayingly-repulsive way as possible (details are uneccessary, but do know, Blob, this Former Neighbor took my Dad and I to court, where she was humiliated by the judge for being uneducated, ridiculous and caseless). In yoga today, I was pleased to see that she is now Fat.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Fat for her - she'd probably gained 25 pounds. Meaty, perhaps.
pps: She'd been a bony slimsy-etta before.
ppps: While I am not the slimmest, I kicked ass in yoga, while she and her newly-thickened body, had to take child-pose multiple times.
pppps: Of course, it is in one-love yoga class where I was challenged by the universe.
ppppps: This former neighbor had once been a close friend, not some regular neighbor. The kind of friend who confides in you and is pretty much a roommate, because she spends so much time at your cleaner-than-her-because-of-her-dirty-roommate house. I guess I'm still angry.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Cupcake & Swizzle Stick in "Fat!"

Cupcake & SwizzleStick in "Fat!"

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Ukulady is Super Pretty!

Dear Blob,
I just applied for this job:
Children's Birthdays/Events-Females Needed-Charismatic & Super-Pretty
I sent them an email that said:
The Ukulady is charismatic and Super Pretty! And a link to my myspace page, which features songs including the words Whore, Cooter and sometimes, Vagina.
Who, I would like to know, is deciding who is Super Pretty? The craigslist ad specifically said they are really interested in blond "princess" types. Does this mean the little plump heeb and other non-blond-non-whitey girls are being entertained by WASPY Barbie doll types and have no darkie non-traditional Super Pretties to emulate? My manpanion, mom and dad think I'm Super Pretty so therefore, I should qualify for the job. I hope I get a job interview.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Who the fuck uses the term "Super Pretty" in a job listing? Seeking Day Laborers: Must be reliable, responsible and Super Pretty.
pps: Fucking LA. She is a whoreville.
ppps: McCain and his "Super Pretty" (terrifyingly scary) wife, Cindy, suck. You'd think living in a cage and drinking urine for several years, would instill Integrity For Life. Another lesson in "Nothing is certain except change".

Anderson Cooper ’n’ the Lohans

Dear Blob,
Hopefully your power as a forum for opinion can help the children of the world! Parents, please stop whoring your children out! My rant is fueled by the feud between CNN's Anderson Cooper and the Lohans, a ridiculous sentence within itself. While the Lohan's aren't actually selling their daughters into the sex trade, like many parents in the world, particularly the 3rd world, as reported in a recent New Yorker article about India's Goddess Whores article, Michael and Dina Lohan have certainly used their pleasingly-slim 'n' pretty daughters to gain fame 'n' fortune. Anderson Cooper was using his news reporter power the same way I am using the power of you, Blob! A plea to parents to Stop Whoring Out Your Child!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I mistakenly wrote Choring, instead of Whoring, which pleased me, as Whoring is a chore for the whores. It's a chore to be a whore! Love it!
pps: The entertainment industry is a whore.
ppps: Dina Lohan is a whore and I do not wish her well.
pppps: But I wish Lindsey Lohan well! Go Lesbian Lindsey!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Cupcake & Swizzle Stick in "Cupcake's Nightmare!"

Cupcake and Swizzle Stick in "Cupcake's Nightmare!"