Thursday, November 29, 2012

How to Count to 20 with The Ukulady

Dear Blob,
If you don't know how to count to 20, The Ukulady will teach you how!   The first step is downloading this Free The Ukulady Counting Song.
How to Count to 20!

Love The Ukulady

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Celebrate Chips and Love at Death Valley!

The Ukulady Loves Camping, Chips and Love! And particularly, she loves The Racetrack in Death Valley!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Ukulady 'n' Shake'n'Tell #2: Save The Park!

Dear Blob, Love The Ukulady ps: The Ukulady used the Shake'n'Tell ipad/iphone app to tell this story! It's an awesome app! Everyone who likes stories should download it now!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Parents and Kids are Loving The Ukulady's New Album!

Dear Blob, Parents are starting to write in about The Ukulady's new album for mini-humans and it brings tearlets to my eyeballs and warm, theoretical bunnies hopping around my heart. This email came from Atlanta, Georgia, today: "She absolutely love the album and I do too! The first thing she says when we start the car is " I wanna listen to The Ukulady." Yesterday morning, she heard "Mr McGregor" in the lyrics of "Its Hard to be a Person" and she recognized it...she has a DVD of Peter Rabbit stories. Now whenever we listen to that song she says "the Ukulady is talking about Mr. McGregor." Singing "Friendheart" together is the Perfect start to our day! -Ashley Danneman Gilleland, Mother of Evan, age 3.
Now we just need a million more moms and dads to feel the same and we will start making a living from hilarious, intellectual, creative music for children.... We is The Ukulad and I. Love The Ukulady

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

To The Downfall of Evil! is HERE!!!!

Dear Blob, After more than 2 years of pioneer-artist-like hard work, The Ukulady's debut album for children and their handlers is here!!!! The album is available digitally! Today you can purchase 15 songs for $9.99 from CD Baby! Tomorrow you can purchase digitally from itunes and other global digital distributors! Don't hesitate to buy the mini-humans in your life their very own copy of To The Downfall of Evil! Love The Ukulady ps: Coming soon... HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN ALBUM!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Vote with Velvetina Evilwich!

Dear Blob, If you want to Rule the Universe, one Must vote! Ruler of the Universe, Velvetina Evilwich, enthusiastically, Votes! Love The Ukulady

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Hand Spider

Dear Blob,
Hand Spider
Music inspired by Chicago, Spiders & the awesome Web Designers of planet earth.  
Love The Ukulady
ps:  anyone can make a Hand Spider!  Simply perk-firm your hand into a spider/star shape and crawl along.....

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Hand Spider!

Dear Blob, Who makes the best websites in town? Love The Ukulady

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Dear Blob, 3 things I love: 1. Folk Art 2. Puppets 3. Friends It was dreammagic to combine all three this weekend for The Ukulady's Friendheart music video shoot! Shot at the magical Mosaic Tile House in Venice, CA, by the fabulous Simon 2'sday Hayes of Atlanta, GA! Music Video coming soon!
It takes a village to make a music video! Thanks to all my meeps who gave their time, energy, talent and snacks! Cheri Pann, creator of the Mosaic Tile House, is having an open house on October 28th, 2012! Love The Ukulady ps: Snacks at the music video shoot included peanut butter/chocolate/marshmallow squarlets! Girl! Holla Snacks! Meep!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Dear Blob, Dolly Parton's song 9-5, may be the greatest song of all time! What's better than a mashup of 9-5 and cult classic, The Alphabet song? Love The Ukulady

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Happy Learning Humans of Planet Earth!

Dear Blob,
Another school year begins anew! Happy Learning to all Pupils of Planet Earth & Beyond!

Love The Ukulady & The Unicorndog

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Adventures with Esotouric

Dear Blob,
I love snacks, friends and adventures. The other day, I was lucky enough to hang out with LA historians, Kim Cooper and Richard Schave, of, creative visionaries and founders of recently voted, Best of LA, The LAVA Salons (LA Visionary Association).

They took me on an adventure which included a Pioneer Cemetery, extraordinary doughnuts in Glendora and historic cowboy-themed downtown San Dimas. Here's a video sample of our adventures:

Get on the Esotouric bus with Kim and Richard and discover the hidden magic-treasures of LA!
Love The Ukulady

ps: We also visited a craftsman-farmhouse jam factory in Sierra Madre, featuring custom jams with personal labels...
pps: get ready for The Ukulady's jam....

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Who Wears the CandyPants?

Dear Blob,
This new Ukulady song is a sequel to the Ukulady's song "Bells of Venice High". The final song written in The Ukulady & Ukulad's Marshmallow House. Performed at the 1st annual Mentryville Music Festival in Mentryville, CA.

Love The Ukulady
ps: Is there such a thing as a First Annual?
pps: Note The Ukulady's pioneer outfit!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dear Blob, Kit'n'Tenders, the duo of Meep and Gabby La La, are pleased and thrilled to present our first Official Music Video, made by Josh Jacobson of Eat The Fish! Sea Kittens don't wear shoes! Love The Ukulady ps: BLT's at Every Meal!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Dear Blob, Today is World Accordion Day! In honor of such, I present a Salute to World Accordion Day with an ode to what may be The Most Delicious TreatSnack in the World! Love The Ukulady ps: French Fries must be celebrated! pps: I saw a Lone Marshmallow on the street the other day. Solo, plump, alone.... Instinctively, I stepped on it and squished it flat; and immediately, I felt guilty; guilty enough about destroying this beautiful, solo Street Marshmallow, to be writing about the guilt today. I felt like I'd squished a friend, a creature.... It was such a perfect marshmallow and perhaps it was, in another dimension, escaping to a free life in Marshmallow Paradise. Now, because of my callow, rash action, the Marshmallow may arrive in Marshmallow Paradise, flat with shoe-marks on it's formerly snow-white powdery, marshmallow skin-suit. It may be mocked, taunted, for being flat and dirty. But hopefully, Free Marshmallow Paradise is a place of tolerance and love, and the other Marshmallows will gather around the Flattened Dirty Mallow and tenderly brush it clean. Then they will celebrate it's arrival in Marshmallow Paradise and Love will abound.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Astrid Strudelman, Unicorn Whisperer, tackles Beach Garbage!

Dear Blob, I appreciate petroleum products used for medical advancement and saving lives and I am drawn to plastic's shiny colors and unbreakablism, but little is more depressing than an outing at the beach marred by plastic garbage. The Ukulad and I and our puppet friends, live 2 miles from the beach and enjoy frequent beach-outings. However, lately, the amount of garbage left on the beach by thoughtless humans, bums me out.
I called my friend, Astrid Strudelman, the Unicorn Whisperer, to deal with this issue. Astrid Strudelman is a 6th grader at Chelsea Clinton Charter Middle School in Santa Monica, CA. Astrid may not be the most popular kid in her class, preferring the company of The Unicorns at recess over team sports, but being popular with 6th graders doesn't matter to her. The hardest years of life may be 6th -10 grade, with 6th - 8th grade being the worst. Astrid Strudelman, The Unicorn Whisperer ignores the school bullies and boldly moves forward believing in herself and the Unicorns. To The Downfall of Evil! Love The Ukulady ps: The Ukulady is appreciative to comedian, Jackie Jones, for calling her pal, Spud Strudelman, to join Astrid at the beach! pps: I dare every human to pick up 10 pieces of Not-Your-Garbage Every Time he or she is at the beach or park. No one else is going to do it. ppps: The Unicorns would if they had hands, but hooves are not the ideal gripping appendage, missing Thumbs, best appendage ever!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Let's Play a Gameshow & Corndogs!

Dear Blob,
I've loved (strong word, but true!) corndogs since childhood, when I spent every Sunday at the, sadly long-gone, Marin City Flea Market in Sausalito, CA. The Flea Market was an outstandingly be-junked, super-dusty lot packed full of treasures, snack trucks and hippies, including a leather-suited-man my mom called Dirt Man, who's every-inch of skin was caked in black dirt.

My first collection, begun at age 5, was plastic fruit and vegetables and I later moved onto metal vintage lunchboxes, while my sister and mom collected vintage Bauer pottery, Victorian clothing and Art Deco art.

I learned to haggle at age 6 and accompanying the joy of vintage bargains, the Flea Market hosted Superior Corndogs! Each treat was hand-dipped and fresh-fried, resulting in a plump, crisply-hot snack of delight. I've enjoyed fresh Corndogs ever since, and was particularly amused when my gay BFF, Mitch, was fired from his swim-coach job in part because of a suggestive corndog-eating photo.

This year for my birthday The Ukulady made me the most extraordinary puppet to join his puppet brothers and sisters: a giant Corndog. He wears (the Corndog, not Ukulad) a sassy ketchup & mustard beret, of sorts, and sports a saucy (no pun intended) mustache. We had no choice but to name him Monsieur Senor Le Corndog, Master of Linguistics and Host of The Ukulady's new gameshow, Let's Play A Gameshow!

Let's Play a Gameshow will debut this Saturday at The Ukulady's new Kids Variety Music show at Lot 1 Cafe in Echo Park, starring my pal, Todd Duffey, famed from his memorable role as the Flair-Enthusiast, Brian, in the hilarious cult-film, Office Space.

You can listen to the promo for Let's Play a Gameshow! here! Hope to see you at the show!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Sunday is Corndog Day, in that Ukulad and I play the OC Marketplace, where we get unlimited (if we want) hand-dipped corndogs!
pps: I've tried to eat more than one, but disappointingly, I was unable to.

Monday, April 16, 2012

The Ukulady is a Pioneer!

Dear Blob,
Growing up in the Bay Area, we traveled to nearby Lake Tahoe via Donner Lake, several times a year, resulting in my lifelong obsession with Pioneers, particularly The Donner Party. I read and re-read (and still re-read) Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House series dozens of time and currently stacked by my bed are books titled: Pioneer Women, Soiled Doves: Prostitution in the Old West and Women of the West.

This past weekend I had the thrill of dressing up in full pioneer/ukulady garb and playing a show at an old cowboy pioneer town in Santa Clarita, CA called Mentryville! The Natural Stage Project, an organization of music enthusiasts dedicated to Music in Nature, produced their first annual Mentryville Music Festival and, like The Donner Party's first taste of bread after the horrible famine-winter, it was Fabulous!

Wearing my Pioneer outfit, gussied up with Ukulady meep like googly-eyed-heart necklace & orange crinoline, I felt the same thrill I'm sure Pioneers felt after the first time they tasted an orange or taffy.

Enjoy this ridiculously fabulous video of Pioneer The Ukulady & Native America Gabby La La, united as Kit'n'Tenders in a song about Fat Snack Cats, a nibblet I'm sure The Donner Party would have appreciated.

Love The Ukulady

ps: I want to make a TV show about Teen Pioneers called The Donner Party!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Classic Kids Music for Free!

PHOTOS: Kit'n'Tenders at Lot 1 on 4/15, Ukulady's PartyShowFun at Lot 1!

Dear Blob,
Classic things are classic for a reason! It seems there will never be a time when the classic nibblycombo of Grilled Cheese & Tomato Soup will not be enthusiastically celebrated.

Same with the nostalgia-producing-8th-grade-teen-longing song, Stairway to Heaven. STH will always produce, in someone, a moment of joyous Fist-Pumping and possibly the recollection of slow-dancing for the entire song with one's middle school crush.

Today The Ukulady offers a free download of the classic kids song, The Itsy Bitsy Spider!

The Ukulady's version celebrates true love and the oon sound!

Love The Ukulady

ps: The Ukulady will be performing on Catalina Island tomorrow at the Avalon Library! Please join us if you happen to be there!

pps: The Ukulady & Gabby La La's band, Kit'n'Tenders plays Lot 1 in Echo Park on Sunday, April 15th! Join us! Best Classic Grilled Cheese in LA! Free!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Magic of Bunnysuits!

Dear Blob,
Although I consider myself non-religious, I am a Holiday Enthusiast, finding pleasure in bunnies, chicks, chocolate & fertility-Springtime-celebration!

It's a great day to meditate on New Beginnings, Fresh Starts & Growth!
Love The Ukulady
ps: The fabulous Magnetic Fields urge us via song to Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits! Celebrate Spring!

The Ukulady on Craigslist TV!

Dear Blob,
The Ukulady tests out her new songs for Kids via Craigslist TV! Hopefully this exciting episode will garner the interest of wealthy patrons and a television network interested in producing The Ukulady's Kids TV Show!

Love The Ukulady
ps: The Winning Title of the Name This Song Competition is.... Unstoppable Lunch!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Name This Song!

Dear Blob,
Help The Ukulady NAME THIS SONG!

Winner receives hand-crafted The Ukulady Meep!

Looking forward to hearing Song Title Suggestions!

To The Downfall of Evil!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Chords and Lyrics:
C G C G Am
Camping near a Pioneer Graveyard! Wild cows tromp by, UFO in the sky disguised

by a cloud; loud fighter jets fly by!

CHORUS: When it’s you and I all is well! When it’s you and I, even traffic is swell!

Nothing can stop us! Just you and I!

VERSE 2: No Pioneer Zombies haunt us at night. No Wild Cows rushed us, no aliens

G Am F C
abducted us! No fighter jets fought us! Nothing can stop us, You and I!

CHORUS: When it’s you and I all is well! When it’s you and I, even fighter jets are

Am F C
swell! Nothing can stop us! Just you and I!

BRIDGE: Stop signs only delay us; Grizzly Bears who want to play with us, slow us

down; but they can’t stop us! Not even a Cyclops can stop us!

VERSE 3: Hiking through Misty Puffs and Fluffy Moss! Lost our lunch and crunchy

G Am F
snacks at the lodge. Dodged the downpour! Bought 2nd lunch at the Country Store

with a Satchel of Chips! With a Satchel of Chips! With a Satchel of Chips!

CHORUS: When it’s you and I all is well! When it’s you and I, even losing lunch is

Am F C
swell! Nothing can stop us! Not even Hephaestus (god of fire) Just you and I!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Ukulady's Guide to Camping: Part 1: Lake Isabella & Keysville, CA

PHOTOS: The Ukulady & Ukulad in Keysville & Kern River

Dear Blob,

The Ukulady's Guide to Camping* (While Being Home-Based in Southern California)
*The Ukulady seeks naturetastic car-camping devoid of RV's, partying peeps & amenities.

PART 1: Lake Isabella/Kernville/Keysville

Manpanion and I were planning on camping in Pinnacles National Monument, but a mid-March rainstorm changed our plans at the last minute and we found ourselves heading Northeast from LA towards Lake Isabella.

An unattractive drive through Bakersfield rewarded us with an attractive, alpine-ee, scenic road to the rural mini-towns encircling Lake Isabella, where we found all the campgrounds around the Lake seasonally-closed. However, even if they were open, they are not my cup of meep. Most of the official campgrounds are located right next to the highway and one is even in the town of Wofford Heights and I imagine all are packed and RV-Fevered in the summer.

Luckily, we discovered a giant expanse of BLM land called Keysville, an old mining area, where the river rafters launch into the Kern River, wild cows wander and you can camp anywhere for FREE!

There are a couple restrooms at the river launch picnic-eries, but the majority of potential camping-land is pee-in-the-woods party! We found a pretty hilltop, overlooking Lake Isabella, and discovered at twilight that it was right beside the untethered Cows-Wandering-Home Path.

On our second night camping, an SUV drove by with a Mining official, who informed us we were camping across from a Pioneer Graveyard! It was exciting for us, being Pioneer-Enthsiasts (I am a Donner-Party semi-expert). Sadly, the Keysville Pioneer Graveyard was full of babies and children, but luckily none of them haunted us.

Keysville is a gorgeous place to hike around. There are many trails frequented by ATV riders and while I imagine the summer is redneck central, mid-March, was fairly empty and quiet. We did hear some target shooting and ran into some families of ATV riders, but saw more free-wandering cows than anything else. The land is full of Halloween-ee trees, granite rocks and mini-wildflowers in spring.

The Kern River launch area is landscaped with ridiculously beautiful rock slabs and the water was super inviting-looking. It was too cold to take a dip, but has many swimming-hole spots, as well as rapids, so be careful.

Keysville is a fabulous place to camp for peeps seeking tranquility and nature. And it's free! Pack in, pack out. A permit is needed for campfires and camping stoves and the permit office is inconveniently located in Bakersfield. We didn't have a permit and were ultra-super-safety-conscious and no one busted us. We did see a BLM ranger or two driving around, but mostly Keysville is wild land.

About 2.5 - 3 hours from Los Angeles.

Love The Ukulady
ps: Keysville & the surrounding evirons seem to be on the flight-path for fighter jets.

pps: Camping Meal Menus:

LUNCHES: Fancy Irish Cheddar Cheese (keeps super-well), Salami, Crackers, Pita Chips, Peas, Carrots, Persian Cucumbers, Clif Bars.

1. Using pioneer Iron Skillet: small, yellow potatoes, thinly cut, stir-fried with broccoli, butter & already-cooked chicken-apple sausage, salt, pepper & parmesan cheese to taste.

2. Pre-cooked basmati rice skillet-cooked with broccoli and chicken-apple sausage.

(I find salt, pepper, butter & parmesan cheese are the essential and only camping seasonings needed)

BREAKFAST: Pre-cooked banana bread, bananas, apples, french-press coffee (pre-ground).

pps: I bring 1 awesome cutting board, hand-made in Mexico, which has a scoopy-bowl on one side of the board and the other side is the chopping area. Perfect for camping!

pppps: ROAD-INFO: Parts of Lake Isabella are part of Sequoia National Forest & Park. The scenic road from Wofford Heights to the 99, is interstate 155 and is very windy, very remote and takes about an hour and a half to get to and from.

The 178, which is the road from Bakersfield to Lake Isabella, is somewhat windy and takes about 45 minutes and is the shortest route from LA. The 155 has all sorts of Sequoia National Park campgrounds and is alpine. Beautiful, but even the driver got carsick. We took the 155 on our way out because we were headed to Yosemite. I would not take that road again, regardless of the beauty. 178 is recommended.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Take a Stroll Down Compliment Alley!

PHOTOS: Cupcake & Swizzle Stick: 2 Puppets in Love; Peeps!

Dear Blob,

8 Pleasingly Amusing Nibblets:

1. Fitness with Witness! Fitness videos with peeps in the FBI witness protection program or with Amish witness from the '80's movie, Witness.

2. Macaroonery: a Macaroon Outlet

3. A Year of Gyros with Yessaly Yerner: I eat a gyro everyday for an entire year and blog about it....

4. Compliment Alley: Feeling blue, Tammy took a shortcut through Compliment Alley. "Hey lady, you are a genius! I love your cute shirt!" the alley called out to her. Tammy felt better.

5. The Think 'n' Tinkle: A Pee-ery where one has time to think....

6. A Business Woman or Man in a Half-Shirt.

7. Clam Brullee

Love The Ukulady
ps: Stay tuned for The Ukulady's Guide to Camping in California! Coming soon in Blobbed segments.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Cartoon Bears with Senses of Humor!

Dear Blob,
Cartoon Bears! Click to Listen! The Ukulady's full-length album for Kids 'n' Humans, To The Downfall of Evil, coming soon!
Love The Ukulady

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Even Evil Robots Love It!

Dear Blob,

Even Evil Robots Love It

We Humans love to ponder the Vastness of the Universe.

Love The Ukulady
ps:  The Ukulad made me a Corndog Puppet for my birthday!  Stay tuned for photos of Monsieur Le Corndog, Master of Disguise!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Breaking News: Salvation Mountain: American Folk Art Sensation!

Dear Blob,
The Ukulad and I recently went camping in the Anza Borrego desert, which was delightful and reinvigorating. On our way home we detoured through Niland, CA, home of Slab City and Salvation Mountain.

Breaking newscasters, Miss Carrot & The Peas Undercover, were thrilled to discover the secrets of Universe:

I recommend visiting Salvation Mountain very soon!

To The Downfall of Evil!
Love The Ukulady
ps: What a thrill it was to watch my celebrity boyfriend, Bret McKenzie, of Flight of the Conchords, win an Oscar for the best song ever, Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?!

Friday, February 24, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: Mitch Stein Files Discrimination Lawsuit!

CARTOON BEARS! By Will Guy of For My Bear-BFF, Mitch Stein!

Dear Blob,
Breaking News! Fired-For-Being-Gay BFF, Mitch Stein, filed his lawsuit against homophobic Charter Oak High School of LA County, today! Read all about it here!

While fighting a lawsuit is totally sucky, it's, unfortunately necessary in this ridiculous civilization we have been born into. Disappointingly, Humans have complicated every aspect of daily life by inventing dozens of ways to simplify daily life, which actually has unsimplified life.

The hot scoop from the plumply kissable lips of Mitch Stein is that he truly did not want to file a lawsuit. He wanted Unicorn Magic to happen (don't we all!). However, Charter Oak High School does not believe in either Unicorn Magic, Sit-Down Communication or Equal Rights for All.

The hypocrites (Christian Right) make me feel throat-barfy throwing around sentences like "We are protecting the Children" and other drivel. The question is Why is Mitch's daughter, Devynn, a second-class citizen? Why can't Devynn's dad be a coach like the straight parents of her pals?

Essentially the Christian Right is saying Gays and Lesbians are not Equal Human Beings. How can we be in 2012 and still have small-minded idiots running the world? How can any human with a brain actually believe in the old-bible God? Particularly a God who Hates the Peeps who throw the Best Parties, look the cutest and create almost-All of the Entertainment of Planet Earth?

Why are Bible-Thumpers so obsessed with what other adults are doing in the bedroom? I, personally, am obsessed with the Donner Party and Pioneers. This is a healthy obsession...making maple syrup from sap, covered wagons and cannibalism; Evangelical's obsession over cooters, booty and weiners is un-evolved. My advice to the Evangelicals is Get a New Obsession (not shopping). Try gardening! UFO research! Crafting Felt Owls out of used sweaters!

Go Mitch Stein and may we all Raise a Glass To The Downfall of Evil!

Love The Ukulady
ps: Aside from being lawsuit-filing upset, Mitch is also bummed about the unflattering photo chosen by the Glendora Patch. He does look...puffy, in the photo. Friendsies, since that fatty-photo moment, Mitch has lost over 40 pounds with exercise and eating well! Girl, you are Fierce! Bring it on!
pps: How awesome is the word Drivel? Love it!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Ukulady Returns with Cute Snack Pics & Quirky Novelty Music!

Dear Blob,
Apologies for my long absence! Day-job/money-making drained all my creative resources and it was all I could do to muster meal-eating energy at the end of 12 hour days. In honor of my return to Blobbing, I present a quirky, novelty song, Ghosts at the Postoffice:
Ghosts at the Post Office
I also present findings from my recent Cute-Snack Research...
Stay Tuned for more frequent nibblets from my brain.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Whitney is dead!
pps: Shockingly, Lindsay is not.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Saggy Pants, Baggy Underpants & Newt & MItt's Repulsiveness

Dear Blob,
When is the trend of saggy, belted-pants-worn-below-the-man-panties going to go away? It is neither cute nor sexy and is very early 2000's.

In other news, I braved Target (pronounced Targay) today for simple necessities like a toothbrush, schedule planner and floss and ended up with 6 new pairs of kneesocks, bananas and a 6 pack of underwear that, when tried on at home, were discovered to be too large.

This is both awesome and unfortunate. Awesome because it means my ass is smaller than I thought, but unfortunate because now I have 6 pairs of unfitting, unbecoming, baggy-bottomed panties.

The good news is it's doubtful they will give me wedgies in yoga class, the most-frequent wedgie-location. The bad news is saggy-bottomed panties are not very attractive and the extra fabric actually makes my behind larger by inch-fractions, due to the extra material. Shopping for underwear is rarely a win-win situation.

Meanwhile, I am deeply repulsed by the political hullaballoo of Newt and Mitt and while I profoundly dislike the cult of Mormonism and Mitt's hypocrisy, I loathe Newt and his Stepford robot 3rd wife. Newt is actually worse than Mitt. It's like choosing between Darth Vader and the Emperor in Star Wars in a horrible game of Spin-the-Bottle. They both suck.

I find myself becoming physically ill at the sound of their smarmy, smug voices on NPR, which is has become unlisten-able. All Things Considered is NPR's worst show and yet they constantly replay it on LA's NPR affiliate. Why can't they replay my friend Terry Gross? Or Unfiction? The hypocrisy of Newt and Mitt is bile-inducing and I wish them both unwellness, shirking hippie-buddhist mantras of lovely-peaceful thoughts for all beings.

On a joyous note, this week The Ukulad and I celebrate 4 years of womance. We are seniors, if our relationship was high school!

Love The Ukulady
ps: What is Miley Cyrus doing on the Bob Dylan tribute album? Really people.
pps: Buying a 6 pack of underwear is ridiculous.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Google Eyes, Bacon & North Korea!

The Ukulady's Cute Craft Owls!

Dear Blob,

1. Googly Eyes are the Bacon of Crafting: Bacon makes almost every dish More Delicious and Googly Eyes make every crafting item More Cute, also known as Cuter.

2. I'm deeply over The News on NPR in the mornings. Nothing is more uninteresting and repulsive than America's money-pit of political-campaigns. I yearn for a radio news station that tells interesting news, like frogs falling from the sky, UFO sightings and Yeti theory.

3. This week, on a me-time hike, I recently (briefly) considered throwing in the entertainment/artist towel, getting an MBA and becoming an investment banker so I can have things like healthcare, steady income and move from my studio into a 1-bedroom.

That evening I researched MBA programs before dismissing the fancy due to the cost (and the reality of number-crunching, standardized tests and giving up on my dreams) and then in attempt to feel better, I watched a riveting documentary about an American defector to North Korea.

While the North Koreans do not have freedom to travel (or speak their minds publicly), move forward in their careers or imagine their Big Dreams are a possibility, they do have free healthcare whenever they want, a job, an apartment and usually, food.

These days in America, it's challenging for most people to attain human basics: job (which equals tangible-purpose-for-the-day), shelter, healthcare & food. An aesthetically-pleasing 1 bedroom place in LA averages $1200 - $1800 rent. What single person can pay this much a month?

What's the point of capitalism if it's spoils are out of reach for most citizens?

4. The good news is I've recommitted to Sandwiches! 2012 is the Year of the Sandwich! Too often the UkuFridge was sandwich-fixin'-free, a deep fridge-flaw the Ukulad and I pledged to correct this year. It felt good to fill our grocery basket with potential Sandwich fixin's!

Love The Ukulady

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Dear Blob,
A few years ago, while driving from Columbus, Georgia to Los Angeles, Ca, via Austin, Tx, we took a detour through Mississippi, questing for the Best Pie in the South. According the Interweb a caramel banana pie eaten at Mammy's Cupboard in Natchez, Mississippi, was the best.

We made a 100 mile detour to Mammy's Cupboard, which is located in a giant Mammy-shaped building, which was a bit troubling, yet charmingly kitschtastic, to this NorCal HippiHeeb. Unfortunately, being a Norcal HeebHippie, it didn't even occur to me to check Mammy's schedule. We arrived on a Sunday, quiveringly excited for caramel banana pie! To our utter disappointment, Mammy's was closed, it being Sunday. Bible-Belt Living Magazine forgot to mention that part.

We comforted our pie-less selves with a trip to the Folkart Grocerystore Church in Vicksburg, created by Herman and Margaret, a couple in their '90's, whom we found sitting on their porch of the Grocerystore Church. Still pieless, we drove over the Mississippi river and invented a speed-spelling game called Mississippi.

Game rules are simple: participants go back and forth spelling M.i.s.s.i.s.s.i.p.p.i as fast as they can. Whoever messes up first is the loser. The Winner is the Best and Fastest Speller in the World!

After wearing ourselves out spelling, I wrote this song.

Mississippi The Ukulady

Love The Ukulady
ps: I'm really into Soundcloud right now! You can hear The Ukulady's latest music at