Thursday, January 31, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The First Album of a Child Star!
Dear Blob!
I can't believe people besides my mom and dad are buying my album!!! I already have several sales from people I have not met in real life and are in no way related to me!!
When I was a child, all I wanted was to be a child star and now my dream is finally coming true! I had countless community theater directors miscast me as Raindrop #5, instead of The Angel, Witch #3, instead of The Wicked Witch and Molly's understudy (in Annie - she's the smallest orphan who cries by the window), instead of Annie! Finally I can send my first album to those cruel community theater directors, and say, "I told you so!" I knew I was destined for child stardom!
Love The Ukulady
ps: THANK YOU sososo much to the purchasers of Banned From Canters!
pps: I heard from the UnNamed reality television show, and in typical TSLerner fashion, have been cast as the Reality Show Understudy. Even as an adult child star gay icon, I am still being cast as the friggin' understudy!
ppps: The UnNamed Reality Television show will be blogged about at a later date, or I could lose all Reality Television Understudy privileges and be blackballed from the theoretical island foreversies!
pppps: I'm afraid Britney is going to die soon...
I can't believe people besides my mom and dad are buying my album!!! I already have several sales from people I have not met in real life and are in no way related to me!!
When I was a child, all I wanted was to be a child star and now my dream is finally coming true! I had countless community theater directors miscast me as Raindrop #5, instead of The Angel, Witch #3, instead of The Wicked Witch and Molly's understudy (in Annie - she's the smallest orphan who cries by the window), instead of Annie! Finally I can send my first album to those cruel community theater directors, and say, "I told you so!" I knew I was destined for child stardom!
Love The Ukulady
ps: THANK YOU sososo much to the purchasers of Banned From Canters!
pps: I heard from the UnNamed reality television show, and in typical TSLerner fashion, have been cast as the Reality Show Understudy. Even as an adult child star gay icon, I am still being cast as the friggin' understudy!
ppps: The UnNamed Reality Television show will be blogged about at a later date, or I could lose all Reality Television Understudy privileges and be blackballed from the theoretical island foreversies!
pppps: I'm afraid Britney is going to die soon...
Monday, January 14, 2008
The Ukulady on Reality Television...
Dear Blob,
I may be cast on a high-pressure athletically-competitive reality television show. Last month my ex-manager, who is also a casting director, urged me to "audition" for "Blank for the Blank"; feeding The Entertainer's Narcissism, he flamingly told me I'm Perfect for the show. No one ever tells me I'm perfect for any shows. I didn't even get to play Annie in community children's theater.
I now understand I'm perfect for the impending reality show because I hate all athletically-competitive activities. I will be cast as the weird girl, strong & sturdy, yet, pathetically-athletically-non-competitively-inclined
Hollywood is a rough town, where whores and nepotists are rewarded with their own production deals, movies and shows. Artists who refuse to sell out, get nothing. I am a good Jew, raised fiscally savvy and hell yes, I'll Sell Out in order to never have a day job. I will sell (not retail), hookers, baby flesh, terrorism, whatevsies..... I've even worked for the Scientologists. I consider taking money from The Man, which includes any LLC, my duty as an Infiltrator.
Today the reality show sent me for a physical. Even though I have health insurance, the yearly deductible is ridiculous, so I was thrilled to get a free check-up, paid for by NBC. I went to Glendale, the Armenian capital of the world, where even the ATM's offer the Armenian language option. I left my blood and urine in Glendale, popped into Armenian Trader Jews (as my family calls it), and zipped home to Echo Park. My reality TV pals tell me that if you've been sent for the physical, you are cast. Shooting is this weekend. I might pee my pants with nervous athletic-competition-anticipation/anxiety. I hope I win the $100,000.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I also hope to meet some awesome casting/tv people who will launch Mitch (New Gay Manager) and I to the top!
pps: Spinal Tap's hit single "Give Me Some Money" plays on repeat in my head.
ppps: I hate group competitive athletics so much, I was suspended from jr. high for telling the PE teacher to Fuck off in 8th grade.
I may be cast on a high-pressure athletically-competitive reality television show. Last month my ex-manager, who is also a casting director, urged me to "audition" for "Blank for the Blank"; feeding The Entertainer's Narcissism, he flamingly told me I'm Perfect for the show. No one ever tells me I'm perfect for any shows. I didn't even get to play Annie in community children's theater.
I now understand I'm perfect for the impending reality show because I hate all athletically-competitive activities. I will be cast as the weird girl, strong & sturdy, yet, pathetically-athletically-non-competitively-inclined
Hollywood is a rough town, where whores and nepotists are rewarded with their own production deals, movies and shows. Artists who refuse to sell out, get nothing. I am a good Jew, raised fiscally savvy and hell yes, I'll Sell Out in order to never have a day job. I will sell (not retail), hookers, baby flesh, terrorism, whatevsies..... I've even worked for the Scientologists. I consider taking money from The Man, which includes any LLC, my duty as an Infiltrator.
Today the reality show sent me for a physical. Even though I have health insurance, the yearly deductible is ridiculous, so I was thrilled to get a free check-up, paid for by NBC. I went to Glendale, the Armenian capital of the world, where even the ATM's offer the Armenian language option. I left my blood and urine in Glendale, popped into Armenian Trader Jews (as my family calls it), and zipped home to Echo Park. My reality TV pals tell me that if you've been sent for the physical, you are cast. Shooting is this weekend. I might pee my pants with nervous athletic-competition-anticipation/anxiety. I hope I win the $100,000.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I also hope to meet some awesome casting/tv people who will launch Mitch (New Gay Manager) and I to the top!
pps: Spinal Tap's hit single "Give Me Some Money" plays on repeat in my head.
ppps: I hate group competitive athletics so much, I was suspended from jr. high for telling the PE teacher to Fuck off in 8th grade.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Tidbit Nibblets
Dear Blob,
Eight Tidbits from my disheveled comedy notebook:
1. Leg Sweaters - my mom momentarily couldn't remember the word Socks.
2. The Glee Perch - where all the joy happens.
3. Skin Jacker - Like the killer in Silence of the Lambs.
4. Sticks & Llamas, a game.
5. Clamsion - a mansion for shellfish.
6. Shock the Moose. Canadian version of the Peter Gabriel song.
7. A Friend Argument: "If we were lovers, you'd do it!" (the it being whatever un-fun task presented; such as accompanying one to a networking event...)
8. Infinity is exciting!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Now everyone in Hollywood is talking about the older TV exec who knocked up Jamie Lyn!
Eight Tidbits from my disheveled comedy notebook:
1. Leg Sweaters - my mom momentarily couldn't remember the word Socks.
2. The Glee Perch - where all the joy happens.
3. Skin Jacker - Like the killer in Silence of the Lambs.
4. Sticks & Llamas, a game.
5. Clamsion - a mansion for shellfish.
6. Shock the Moose. Canadian version of the Peter Gabriel song.
7. A Friend Argument: "If we were lovers, you'd do it!" (the it being whatever un-fun task presented; such as accompanying one to a networking event...)
8. Infinity is exciting!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Now everyone in Hollywood is talking about the older TV exec who knocked up Jamie Lyn!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I Heart Fat Seatmates & Gay Men!
Dear Blob,
I like sitting next to fat women. It makes me feel slim. In other news, I've discovered why gay men go out to the theater and other cultural events: besides entertainment, they also go cruising.
Love The Ukulady
ps: According to a gay man I met last night, Jamie Lyn Spears isn't pregnant by her 18 year old frat boy boyfriend, but scandalously knocked up by some 35 year old Nickelodeon exec who produces her Nickelodeon tweenager show.
pps: The gay man informant works for some entertainment news company, so I feel pretty confidant this information is thumbs upsies!
I like sitting next to fat women. It makes me feel slim. In other news, I've discovered why gay men go out to the theater and other cultural events: besides entertainment, they also go cruising.
Love The Ukulady
ps: According to a gay man I met last night, Jamie Lyn Spears isn't pregnant by her 18 year old frat boy boyfriend, but scandalously knocked up by some 35 year old Nickelodeon exec who produces her Nickelodeon tweenager show.
pps: The gay man informant works for some entertainment news company, so I feel pretty confidant this information is thumbs upsies!
Friday, January 4, 2008
Hilarious Fan Emails
Dear Blob!
Thanks to my amazing gay bear manager (GBM), Mitch, I am receiving quite a few fan letters and emails of curiosity. GBM calls them my daily affirmations. Some of them are totally hilarious and I must share them with you, Blob and Readers:
1. FROM DINGO: I think you might be the single most kewlest dudette on the planet of earth!!! really, we love you in detroit, even though we are the murder capitol of the world. you make all the killers say "hey i really like that girl!" then they go back to killing people. hope to hear from you!
2. Hey,
My friend and I were wondering if you were a man or a woman? This isn't meant to be offensive or anything we were just wondering. Thank you.
Amanda
3. HELLO ! I..M SAM, I DONT WRITE ENGLISH VERY WELL, BUT YOU..RE SO FUNNY!!! YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU SING VERY WELL...HAPPY 2008, SEE YOU AND GOD LUCK!!!
SAM IRE
The gender question email kills me. Love it! Love my Killer fans and Love the adorable foreign fan. I love you all, my friendsies and fans. I'm your fan.
Love The Ukulady
ps: In other news, the LA Times reported the LARD (see archived Blobs about the LAPD www.ukulady.blogspot.com) were once again called to Brittney’s house! Upon reading this, I actually exclaimed, “Again?!” aloud. She needs me. Poor Brittney.
pps: I Love Michael Cera.
Dear Blob!
Thanks to my amazing gay bear manager (GBM), Mitch, I am receiving quite a few fan letters and emails of curiosity. GBM calls them my daily affirmations. Some of them are totally hilarious and I must share them with you, Blob and Readers:
1. FROM DINGO: I think you might be the single most kewlest dudette on the planet of earth!!! really, we love you in detroit, even though we are the murder capitol of the world. you make all the killers say "hey i really like that girl!" then they go back to killing people. hope to hear from you!
2. Hey,
My friend and I were wondering if you were a man or a woman? This isn't meant to be offensive or anything we were just wondering. Thank you.
Amanda
3. HELLO ! I..M SAM, I DONT WRITE ENGLISH VERY WELL, BUT YOU..RE SO FUNNY!!! YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU SING VERY WELL...HAPPY 2008, SEE YOU AND GOD LUCK!!!
SAM IRE
The gender question email kills me. Love it! Love my Killer fans and Love the adorable foreign fan. I love you all, my friendsies and fans. I'm your fan.
Love The Ukulady
ps: In other news, the LA Times reported the LARD (see archived Blobs about the LAPD www.ukulady.blogspot.com) were once again called to Brittney’s house! Upon reading this, I actually exclaimed, “Again?!” aloud. She needs me. Poor Brittney.
pps: I Love Michael Cera.
Thanks to my amazing gay bear manager (GBM), Mitch, I am receiving quite a few fan letters and emails of curiosity. GBM calls them my daily affirmations. Some of them are totally hilarious and I must share them with you, Blob and Readers:
1. FROM DINGO: I think you might be the single most kewlest dudette on the planet of earth!!! really, we love you in detroit, even though we are the murder capitol of the world. you make all the killers say "hey i really like that girl!" then they go back to killing people. hope to hear from you!
2. Hey,
My friend and I were wondering if you were a man or a woman? This isn't meant to be offensive or anything we were just wondering. Thank you.
Amanda
3. HELLO ! I..M SAM, I DONT WRITE ENGLISH VERY WELL, BUT YOU..RE SO FUNNY!!! YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU SING VERY WELL...HAPPY 2008, SEE YOU AND GOD LUCK!!!
SAM IRE
The gender question email kills me. Love it! Love my Killer fans and Love the adorable foreign fan. I love you all, my friendsies and fans. I'm your fan.
Love The Ukulady
ps: In other news, the LA Times reported the LARD (see archived Blobs about the LAPD www.ukulady.blogspot.com) were once again called to Brittney’s house! Upon reading this, I actually exclaimed, “Again?!” aloud. She needs me. Poor Brittney.
pps: I Love Michael Cera.
Dear Blob!
Thanks to my amazing gay bear manager (GBM), Mitch, I am receiving quite a few fan letters and emails of curiosity. GBM calls them my daily affirmations. Some of them are totally hilarious and I must share them with you, Blob and Readers:
1. FROM DINGO: I think you might be the single most kewlest dudette on the planet of earth!!! really, we love you in detroit, even though we are the murder capitol of the world. you make all the killers say "hey i really like that girl!" then they go back to killing people. hope to hear from you!
2. Hey,
My friend and I were wondering if you were a man or a woman? This isn't meant to be offensive or anything we were just wondering. Thank you.
Amanda
3. HELLO ! I..M SAM, I DONT WRITE ENGLISH VERY WELL, BUT YOU..RE SO FUNNY!!! YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU SING VERY WELL...HAPPY 2008, SEE YOU AND GOD LUCK!!!
SAM IRE
The gender question email kills me. Love it! Love my Killer fans and Love the adorable foreign fan. I love you all, my friendsies and fans. I'm your fan.
Love The Ukulady
ps: In other news, the LA Times reported the LARD (see archived Blobs about the LAPD www.ukulady.blogspot.com) were once again called to Brittney’s house! Upon reading this, I actually exclaimed, “Again?!” aloud. She needs me. Poor Brittney.
pps: I Love Michael Cera.
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