Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Dispatch from the Deep South

Dear Blob,
Greetings from the Deep South! I've taken a well-desereved vacation from the feverish hubbub of LA, and have been sampling the best Bohemia and stereotypes of the Bible Belt. Aside from Extreme-In-Loveness (the reason I am vacationing in the Deep South) hiighlights include:
1. purchasing boiled peanuts from a pleasingly-stereotypical white-trash obese meth-addict at a flea market in Alabama.
2. The three obese kitten-sweatshirt-wearing early-twenties gals, manning the cash register at a Salvation Army and gossiping about their children, in Alabama, where I purchased an Alabama sorority tee shirt and a pageant-winner trophy.
3. Subsequently, taking my pageant trophy to the Smoky Pig barbecue in Georgia, where the 2 old toothless ladies dishing up awesome pulled-pork sandwiches, asked me what I'd won. They were disappointed to hear I'd won nothing, except an awesome Salvation Army find.
4. Sweet tea at the Smoky Pig and overhearing the toothless lady scream at someone on the rotary telephone to "Go to your room!" I've never heard anyone discipline someone over the telephone.
5. Superlative geology, parks and folk art: www.pasaquan.com
6. Roasting freshly-cracked pecans newly-picked, with butter and sugar, over a campfire, playing uke and being entertained by a banjo-playing hottie, under Southern stars. Very indie-folk-rock-pioneer.
7. The Cracker Barrel waitress: pleasingly plump and delightfully hospitable.
8. Biscuits, fudge, ice cream and pie.
9. Graffiti tits, word and illustration, on the back of a Methodist church; where my southern man took me, Jew in the South, to a church wedding; where the pastor announced the bride and groom's relationship was a three-way with Jesus. And the reception was in the church gym, reminiscent of Teen Wolf....
10. Singing "LA County Fair" at the Ukulady's Southern debt, and akwardly realizing 3/4ths of the audience were the obese people discussed in song.
11. More later....
Love The Ukulady
ps: the Strawberry wedding cake at the three-way with Jesus wedding! awesome.

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