Dear Blob,
Total Cameltoe Alert (TCA)! The other day, the calender section of the LA Times featured a color photo of the Divine Miss M, Bette Midler, with total cameltoe! It was a picture from her new Vegas show and apparently the photo editor failed to notice that Bette's shiny and unfortunately, Pouch Pants (where the tummy roll is pouched, appearing pet-like or tummy-roll-handbag-ish), not only unflatteringly flaunted her pouch, but also were going right up her cooter.
In other news, I drove past a Lateen mother yesterday, holding an infant sucking on a grape lollypop. The baby couldn't have been more than 6 months. Sights like this cause The UkuLady to feel philosophically hopeless about human beings evolution. Who the fuck feeds an infant candy? I don't care how old of a mother you are. Instinct says, infants eat breast milk. Stick with the fucking basics of human nature...Breastfeeding.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Roller Skate CD release Party was awesome! Gay Skate Night in Glendale is the funnest activity in LA!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Yay for North Korea!
Dear Blob,
I just wanted to give a quickie virtual high-five to North Korea! It's great to have a scapegoat country-of-evil to mock and cast as the villian! Thank you Kim Jong Il!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I could use Turkmenistan, as their dictator is a total nut, but Turkemnistan is 1. Too Borat and 2. Too obscure for the masses.
pps: Also, I love the general obsession with Kareoke shared by most Asian countries and their people...
ppps: Heal Britney!
I just wanted to give a quickie virtual high-five to North Korea! It's great to have a scapegoat country-of-evil to mock and cast as the villian! Thank you Kim Jong Il!
Love The Ukulady
ps: I could use Turkmenistan, as their dictator is a total nut, but Turkemnistan is 1. Too Borat and 2. Too obscure for the masses.
pps: Also, I love the general obsession with Kareoke shared by most Asian countries and their people...
ppps: Heal Britney!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Condoms & Despair
Dear Blob,
I do not recommend The Despairing should come to LA, thinking because the city is usually sunny, happiness will be found. This was one of my Jogging-Thoughts, today, running past Despairing Homeless Person after Despairing Junkie in Echo Park. There are about 6 million people in LA and I think 3 million are probably despairing; 2 million are perhaps slightly depressed and I hope it's not optimistic to think there are 1 million truly happy people in LA.
In other news, I feel mixed about seeing used condoms on the street. My initial reaction is repulsion at being subjected to someone else's disgusting, withered wiener-wrappers; but then I'm really happy and proud of the condom-user, at their thoughtfulness, taking the time to practice safe sex on the corner of De Longpre and Gower, across from Sunset Studios.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I am one of the 1 million; truly happy.
pps: Heal Britney!
I do not recommend The Despairing should come to LA, thinking because the city is usually sunny, happiness will be found. This was one of my Jogging-Thoughts, today, running past Despairing Homeless Person after Despairing Junkie in Echo Park. There are about 6 million people in LA and I think 3 million are probably despairing; 2 million are perhaps slightly depressed and I hope it's not optimistic to think there are 1 million truly happy people in LA.
In other news, I feel mixed about seeing used condoms on the street. My initial reaction is repulsion at being subjected to someone else's disgusting, withered wiener-wrappers; but then I'm really happy and proud of the condom-user, at their thoughtfulness, taking the time to practice safe sex on the corner of De Longpre and Gower, across from Sunset Studios.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I am one of the 1 million; truly happy.
pps: Heal Britney!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Racism Handbag Tote
Dear Blob,
One of my Fleet of Gay Men has invested in the gayest thing ever, a line of handbag totes designed by another gay man. At my investorPal's house last night, he invited me to the garage for a preview of the line, which is debuting in Vegas this week. There are 4 handbag totes to choose from, each complete with original art by the Designer. InvestorPal broke into the fresh-from-China boxes of 1000 handbag totes and showed me the first 3, a yellow, the Mao bag, with cutouts of the lovable dictator, and a green one (which I eventually chose to take home); but he was searching for "The Red Bag" and said I would love it! After a few boxes, he finally, gaily exlaimed, "Aha!" and The Red Bag was revealed. Upon first glance, I exhaled a gaspy wow-ish kind of sound and a phrase similar to, "OMG, that's incredibly racist!" was expelled from my awed mouth. The Red Handbag Tote features cutout collage pictures of the Amos & Andy/Mammy Blackface kids of yesteryear, symbols of oppression, racism and slavery.
InvestorPal-of-200-Racism-Tote-Handbags, (which donate a percentage of sales to an AIDS charity) divulged that the Tote-Handbag-Designer had no idea the blackface cartoons were symbols of racism and it was a total Seinfeld/Curb Your Enthusiasm Moment. One of my Fleet Of Gay Men is stuck owning 200 Racist Designer Handbags and is going to try and sell them to the public. Apparently Muhammed Ali's daughter was given one of the Blackface handbags, which she graciously accepted. I like to think I have a great sense of humor, but I wouldn't be caught dead carrying one of those, especially during my upcoming trip to The South., which is not to say I was offended. I was not offended, but amazed that the designer was unaware that Blackface isn't really acceptable in California and I think the rest of the United States & Canada.
Love The Ukulady
ps: When I lived in Holland in 1995 the department store was selling Carnival costumes advertised as - I can't believe I'm going to write this word: Negro!
pps: And during the same time, McDonalds in Germany was selling Asian-themed McNuggets, which came in a red box featuring a buck-toothed slanty-eyed Ching-Chong-Chinaman.
ppps: I think talking about racism is healthy.
pppps: Heal Britney!
One of my Fleet of Gay Men has invested in the gayest thing ever, a line of handbag totes designed by another gay man. At my investorPal's house last night, he invited me to the garage for a preview of the line, which is debuting in Vegas this week. There are 4 handbag totes to choose from, each complete with original art by the Designer. InvestorPal broke into the fresh-from-China boxes of 1000 handbag totes and showed me the first 3, a yellow, the Mao bag, with cutouts of the lovable dictator, and a green one (which I eventually chose to take home); but he was searching for "The Red Bag" and said I would love it! After a few boxes, he finally, gaily exlaimed, "Aha!" and The Red Bag was revealed. Upon first glance, I exhaled a gaspy wow-ish kind of sound and a phrase similar to, "OMG, that's incredibly racist!" was expelled from my awed mouth. The Red Handbag Tote features cutout collage pictures of the Amos & Andy/Mammy Blackface kids of yesteryear, symbols of oppression, racism and slavery.
InvestorPal-of-200-Racism-Tote-Handbags, (which donate a percentage of sales to an AIDS charity) divulged that the Tote-Handbag-Designer had no idea the blackface cartoons were symbols of racism and it was a total Seinfeld/Curb Your Enthusiasm Moment. One of my Fleet Of Gay Men is stuck owning 200 Racist Designer Handbags and is going to try and sell them to the public. Apparently Muhammed Ali's daughter was given one of the Blackface handbags, which she graciously accepted. I like to think I have a great sense of humor, but I wouldn't be caught dead carrying one of those, especially during my upcoming trip to The South., which is not to say I was offended. I was not offended, but amazed that the designer was unaware that Blackface isn't really acceptable in California and I think the rest of the United States & Canada.
Love The Ukulady
ps: When I lived in Holland in 1995 the department store was selling Carnival costumes advertised as - I can't believe I'm going to write this word: Negro!
pps: And during the same time, McDonalds in Germany was selling Asian-themed McNuggets, which came in a red box featuring a buck-toothed slanty-eyed Ching-Chong-Chinaman.
ppps: I think talking about racism is healthy.
pppps: Heal Britney!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Heal Britney!
Dear Blob,
I hope Britney heals. Upon reflection, my gay bear manager and I realized we should have put the message "Heal Britney", at the end of "Oops I Did It Again".
In other news, don't Myley Cyrus's parents see the ominous potential repercussions of allowing their daughter to dress like a child whore? And, the LA Times reported that a children's bedding company was recently busted for naming one of their items, a children's bed, The Lolita. What marketing team was like, "Yes! Brilliant! The Lolita children's beds will be snapped up like free doughnuts at a medical marijuana convention!".
Love The Ukulady
ps: Is Angelina really pregnant with twins or is Star magazine lying to me?!
pps: A friend got me a subscription to US Weekly and Star Magazine for Heeb Christmas. However, instead of being inspired by the repulsiveness, I am feeling overexposed, glazed and uncaring of the Slimmest Ladies in LA. That's what starlets should be called. The Slimmest. I hate, pity, love and envy them all at the same time...
I hope Britney heals. Upon reflection, my gay bear manager and I realized we should have put the message "Heal Britney", at the end of "Oops I Did It Again".
In other news, don't Myley Cyrus's parents see the ominous potential repercussions of allowing their daughter to dress like a child whore? And, the LA Times reported that a children's bedding company was recently busted for naming one of their items, a children's bed, The Lolita. What marketing team was like, "Yes! Brilliant! The Lolita children's beds will be snapped up like free doughnuts at a medical marijuana convention!".
Love The Ukulady
ps: Is Angelina really pregnant with twins or is Star magazine lying to me?!
pps: A friend got me a subscription to US Weekly and Star Magazine for Heeb Christmas. However, instead of being inspired by the repulsiveness, I am feeling overexposed, glazed and uncaring of the Slimmest Ladies in LA. That's what starlets should be called. The Slimmest. I hate, pity, love and envy them all at the same time...
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I Do Not Know Jorja Fox
Dear Blob,
It was quite the celebrity day in Hollywood today. I just barely saved myself from looking like a total jackass to CSI star, Jorja Fox. Here's the scoop: Being "on deck" at my voiceover agency to audition, means lingering my the desks of the assistants, who are awesome. I enjoy chit chat with the Tallest-Assistant-In-The-World, Jeff, who is almost 7 feet and hilarious. On Jeff's desk last week, was a notice for a show at the LBGT Center, produced by Jorja Fox. I have a comedy pal who's name is also spelled Jorja and in the fever of the moment, failed to realize that Jorja Fox, the adorably gap-toothed star of CSI, is not my comedy friend seeking a voiceover agent, Jorja. Jeff informed met that Jorja had recently signed with my agency and he was going to go see her show. Thrilled that my agent-seeking friend, Jorja, had seemingly signed with my agent, I suggested to Jeff that we see her show together, as I knew her too! Last week we set the date for this upcoming Friday, and today at the agency, Jeff and I touched base about the show. In the midst of this Touching Base convo, Jeff mentioned that Jorja was very rich. I expressed surprise, as I didn't think my comedy friend Jorja, was rich and Jeff was like, "Yeah, all those millions of CSI episodes..." and I suddenly realized what a total schmuck I was and Jorja Fox is not my personal Friend. I can't even remember my friend, Jorja's last name.
In other celebrity news, Bud Bundy of Married With Children, who's real name is David, has stopped doing drugs and drinking, owns a ukulele and wants to learn how to play. I suggested a tea-drinking, ukulele-teaching hang-out sesh and we'll see if he follows up. You never know who is going to be in the waiting room of my voicever agency; usually that faintly recognizable person is not someone I went to high school with, but formerly well-known actor trying to make a buck. Good Times.
Love The Ukulady
PS: What's the deal with the mayor in some Texas town, stealing her neighbor's dog, renaming it Panchito and lying about having stolen it. You'd think if you're going to steal a dog, you'd steal one from across town.
It was quite the celebrity day in Hollywood today. I just barely saved myself from looking like a total jackass to CSI star, Jorja Fox. Here's the scoop: Being "on deck" at my voiceover agency to audition, means lingering my the desks of the assistants, who are awesome. I enjoy chit chat with the Tallest-Assistant-In-The-World, Jeff, who is almost 7 feet and hilarious. On Jeff's desk last week, was a notice for a show at the LBGT Center, produced by Jorja Fox. I have a comedy pal who's name is also spelled Jorja and in the fever of the moment, failed to realize that Jorja Fox, the adorably gap-toothed star of CSI, is not my comedy friend seeking a voiceover agent, Jorja. Jeff informed met that Jorja had recently signed with my agency and he was going to go see her show. Thrilled that my agent-seeking friend, Jorja, had seemingly signed with my agent, I suggested to Jeff that we see her show together, as I knew her too! Last week we set the date for this upcoming Friday, and today at the agency, Jeff and I touched base about the show. In the midst of this Touching Base convo, Jeff mentioned that Jorja was very rich. I expressed surprise, as I didn't think my comedy friend Jorja, was rich and Jeff was like, "Yeah, all those millions of CSI episodes..." and I suddenly realized what a total schmuck I was and Jorja Fox is not my personal Friend. I can't even remember my friend, Jorja's last name.
In other celebrity news, Bud Bundy of Married With Children, who's real name is David, has stopped doing drugs and drinking, owns a ukulele and wants to learn how to play. I suggested a tea-drinking, ukulele-teaching hang-out sesh and we'll see if he follows up. You never know who is going to be in the waiting room of my voicever agency; usually that faintly recognizable person is not someone I went to high school with, but formerly well-known actor trying to make a buck. Good Times.
Love The Ukulady
PS: What's the deal with the mayor in some Texas town, stealing her neighbor's dog, renaming it Panchito and lying about having stolen it. You'd think if you're going to steal a dog, you'd steal one from across town.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
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