Dear Blob!
I realized why America is fat! America is not fat, it's unbalanced. All the prettiest 'n' slimmest boys and girls of small-town America moved to Los Angeles to make money on their hottness, leaving the less-attractive, overweight people behind to re-populate small-town America with fat 'n' unsightly offspring! The Hot 'n' Slim People moved to LA and NYC where they make fortunes on their genetically or anorexia-induced cellulite-free bodies. There is no obesity epidemic in America, it just seems that way because all the super slim people live in LA!
If Super-Slim Susan lived in Witherspoon, Wisconsin and mated with Chubby Chad, their offspring would be normal. Instead, Super-Slim Susan moves to LA and mates with Closeted-Super-Hot-Todd and they create super-skinny, celebrity-obsessed children; the nouveau native Angelenos!
I know this theory does not take into account the Super-Sizing of American portions, which probably caused Small-Town-Tina to blossom from pleasingly-plump to ovally-obese. However, if all the super-slim, triple-hot model-types would return to Velveeta, Florida or Gingham, Montana, America would re-balance itself and the obesity epidemic would disappear, leaving towns of normal-sized people; The Fatties and the Bony Ones, creating fleets of height and weight proportionate people. Obesity Epidemic solved.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I dislike Keira Knightly and her irritating, pursed-lip pout-pose. That annoying lips-poised, pushed-outward look is also popular with the talentless Olsen Twins.
pps: While I admire the naturally-enormous lips of Angelina Jolie and Michelle Pfeiffer, I am deeply bothered by popularity of the collagen-lip-enhancement. I wish everyone who gets plastic surgery would receive, along with their primary consultation, a photo of Kanye West's mother, who died from cosmetic surgery.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Anorexia Thrives in LA!
Dear Blob,
I recently spent 10 days in the SF/Bay Area, where I felt healthy, fit and slim. I returned to LA a couple days ago and instantly felt fat again. Most LA white women my age, are ridiculously stick-model slim ; it's not the norm for women to look like US Weekly LA starlets. Blob & Readers, this is just a Ukulady reminder that anorexia and her various food-issue cousins, are definitely alive and thriving in LA! Anorexia Therapists, this is the place to live! I've always wondered who would live in LA, if they didn't work in the Industry, and now I realize, it must be all Anorexia Therapists and boutique mini-doggie-product peddlers. Now I'm going to eat ice cream.
Love The Ukulady
ps: How boring is Brittney these days?
I recently spent 10 days in the SF/Bay Area, where I felt healthy, fit and slim. I returned to LA a couple days ago and instantly felt fat again. Most LA white women my age, are ridiculously stick-model slim ; it's not the norm for women to look like US Weekly LA starlets. Blob & Readers, this is just a Ukulady reminder that anorexia and her various food-issue cousins, are definitely alive and thriving in LA! Anorexia Therapists, this is the place to live! I've always wondered who would live in LA, if they didn't work in the Industry, and now I realize, it must be all Anorexia Therapists and boutique mini-doggie-product peddlers. Now I'm going to eat ice cream.
Love The Ukulady
ps: How boring is Brittney these days?
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Sarah Palin Blob Addendum
Dear Blob,
To be clear, in regards to yesterday's blob about Sarah Palin, I'm angry about her overwhelming Hypocrisy. That's all. Abstinence education obviously doesn't work. She clearly has a cooter that she used to conceive Bristol, Track and her recent infant, Trig. In regards to calling Trig retarded, which he is, I love retarded people - They are, generally, so loving, joyous and unbothered by the darkness of our world. Perhaps retarded isn't a kindly term, but in the heat of my disgust at Palin's hypocrisy and the entire political area, it made me feel better to call her Down's syndrome baby-named-fo- a-cowboy's-horse, retarded. Everyone is a hypocrite and obviously Sarah Palin's vagina and her daughter's, see a lot of action. Good for them. Hopefully, Bristol Palin will be swayed by the difficulty of teen parenthood, to become an advocate for Sex Education in the High Schools.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Maybe Bristol & Jamie Lynne will get together and rebel against their idiotic parents by forming a Teen Celebrity Mothers Against Abstinence Education!
pps: How much do you want to theoretically bet, Blob, that Laura Bush had Jenna on The Pill at like, age 16? A party girl like that, First lady probably didn't take any chances....
To be clear, in regards to yesterday's blob about Sarah Palin, I'm angry about her overwhelming Hypocrisy. That's all. Abstinence education obviously doesn't work. She clearly has a cooter that she used to conceive Bristol, Track and her recent infant, Trig. In regards to calling Trig retarded, which he is, I love retarded people - They are, generally, so loving, joyous and unbothered by the darkness of our world. Perhaps retarded isn't a kindly term, but in the heat of my disgust at Palin's hypocrisy and the entire political area, it made me feel better to call her Down's syndrome baby-named-fo- a-cowboy's-horse, retarded. Everyone is a hypocrite and obviously Sarah Palin's vagina and her daughter's, see a lot of action. Good for them. Hopefully, Bristol Palin will be swayed by the difficulty of teen parenthood, to become an advocate for Sex Education in the High Schools.
Love The Ukulady
ps: Maybe Bristol & Jamie Lynne will get together and rebel against their idiotic parents by forming a Teen Celebrity Mothers Against Abstinence Education!
pps: How much do you want to theoretically bet, Blob, that Laura Bush had Jenna on The Pill at like, age 16? A party girl like that, First lady probably didn't take any chances....
Monday, September 1, 2008
Is MILF Sarah Palin, a Cooterless Robot?
Dear Blob -
The Republican pick for VP, Sarah Palin, upon researching, just gets more ridiculous, depressing, outrageous, hilarious and unbelievable. Whether it's questioning the sanity of a Mother who names her children Bristol, Track and Trig - unbelievably ugly and stupid names - (yes this coming from Thessaly) - but Bristol? I think of Bristol Squibb, which makes me think of squid, which is not an attractive name for an unwed teen mother; or the photo of Sarah Palin proudly squatting over a dead bloody moose, hot red blood steaming, soaking into icy white snow; or perhaps the youtube news footage of the former Miss Alaska Runner-Up caught lying, abusing her power and simultaneously mentioning Bootlegging as a serious issue her administration will tackle - Bootlegging? How about the rampant & famous Alaska Alcoholism or an issue close to her, Teen Pregnancy? And there's so much to question about a woman-in-labor, who breaks her water, but opts to give a political speech and then get on an 8 hour flight, instead of going to a birthing center or hospital - An 8 hour airplane ride in labor?! Is she an Aliencreature? And she's open to Creationism being taught in schools. I wonder if Bristol and Track had saddled-dinosaurs as playtoys.... I'm more frightened though, by the Supporters of this insane, Dark-Side "woman". And the ridiculous topper is her dinosaur-riding knocked-up 17-year-old daughter! So much for W's Abstinence Program. Good times! Us Pagans use condoms or go to Planned Parenthood. I feel sorry for Hillary, spending her life trying to become the first high-officed lady, only to give away the potential-office to someone who's only commonality, is her Vagina - if Sarah Palin even has a vagina. Because robots don't need cooters and she might be a Robot-of-the-Dark-Side. As a geniune vagina-having human, I cringe at the potential political representative of our gender. In addition, what kind of mother leaves her retarded infant at 4 months, to work the campaign-trail? Yes, I used the term Retarded and it feels good. It also feels good to declare Sarah Palin a MILF. I don't want to fuck her, but I'm sure many people will. She resembles a naughty secretary, with her windblown upswept hair, tendrils askew, sexy-office-bodice waiting to be ripped open, made love to atop her dead bloody moose, NRA-issued rifle in hand...I can't wait for the x-rated internet buzz on her!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Sarah Palin is almost too much comedy material to handle. I'm overwhelmed! What to make fun of first?
The Republican pick for VP, Sarah Palin, upon researching, just gets more ridiculous, depressing, outrageous, hilarious and unbelievable. Whether it's questioning the sanity of a Mother who names her children Bristol, Track and Trig - unbelievably ugly and stupid names - (yes this coming from Thessaly) - but Bristol? I think of Bristol Squibb, which makes me think of squid, which is not an attractive name for an unwed teen mother; or the photo of Sarah Palin proudly squatting over a dead bloody moose, hot red blood steaming, soaking into icy white snow; or perhaps the youtube news footage of the former Miss Alaska Runner-Up caught lying, abusing her power and simultaneously mentioning Bootlegging as a serious issue her administration will tackle - Bootlegging? How about the rampant & famous Alaska Alcoholism or an issue close to her, Teen Pregnancy? And there's so much to question about a woman-in-labor, who breaks her water, but opts to give a political speech and then get on an 8 hour flight, instead of going to a birthing center or hospital - An 8 hour airplane ride in labor?! Is she an Aliencreature? And she's open to Creationism being taught in schools. I wonder if Bristol and Track had saddled-dinosaurs as playtoys.... I'm more frightened though, by the Supporters of this insane, Dark-Side "woman". And the ridiculous topper is her dinosaur-riding knocked-up 17-year-old daughter! So much for W's Abstinence Program. Good times! Us Pagans use condoms or go to Planned Parenthood. I feel sorry for Hillary, spending her life trying to become the first high-officed lady, only to give away the potential-office to someone who's only commonality, is her Vagina - if Sarah Palin even has a vagina. Because robots don't need cooters and she might be a Robot-of-the-Dark-Side. As a geniune vagina-having human, I cringe at the potential political representative of our gender. In addition, what kind of mother leaves her retarded infant at 4 months, to work the campaign-trail? Yes, I used the term Retarded and it feels good. It also feels good to declare Sarah Palin a MILF. I don't want to fuck her, but I'm sure many people will. She resembles a naughty secretary, with her windblown upswept hair, tendrils askew, sexy-office-bodice waiting to be ripped open, made love to atop her dead bloody moose, NRA-issued rifle in hand...I can't wait for the x-rated internet buzz on her!
Love The Ukulady
ps: Sarah Palin is almost too much comedy material to handle. I'm overwhelmed! What to make fun of first?
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