Sunday, September 21, 2008

Why America is Fat!

Dear Blob!
I realized why America is fat! America is not fat, it's unbalanced. All the prettiest 'n' slimmest boys and girls of small-town America moved to Los Angeles to make money on their hottness, leaving the less-attractive, overweight people behind to re-populate small-town America with fat 'n' unsightly offspring! The Hot 'n' Slim People moved to LA and NYC where they make fortunes on their genetically or anorexia-induced cellulite-free bodies. There is no obesity epidemic in America, it just seems that way because all the super slim people live in LA!

If Super-Slim Susan lived in Witherspoon, Wisconsin and mated with Chubby Chad, their offspring would be normal. Instead, Super-Slim Susan moves to LA and mates with Closeted-Super-Hot-Todd and they create super-skinny, celebrity-obsessed children; the nouveau native Angelenos!

I know this theory does not take into account the Super-Sizing of American portions, which probably caused Small-Town-Tina to blossom from pleasingly-plump to ovally-obese. However, if all the super-slim, triple-hot model-types would return to Velveeta, Florida or Gingham, Montana, America would re-balance itself and the obesity epidemic would disappear, leaving towns of normal-sized people; The Fatties and the Bony Ones, creating fleets of height and weight proportionate people. Obesity Epidemic solved.
Love The Ukulady
ps: I dislike Keira Knightly and her irritating, pursed-lip pout-pose. That annoying lips-poised, pushed-outward look is also popular with the talentless Olsen Twins.
pps: While I admire the naturally-enormous lips of Angelina Jolie and Michelle Pfeiffer, I am deeply bothered by popularity of the collagen-lip-enhancement. I wish everyone who gets plastic surgery would receive, along with their primary consultation, a photo of Kanye West's mother, who died from cosmetic surgery.

1 comment:

nollij said...

Keira indeed does have the pursed lips... but you didn't mention anything about her acting: do you dislike that as well?

As for the collagen lip enhancement... you're post was truncated: what were you gonna say?