Dear Blob,
I'm distressed that the Cult of Mormanism has reached the Crux of all Cults's ultimate desire; lacing up it's We're-A-Real-Religion-Sneakers! and sprinting to the tipping point of acceptability. Mormonism is particularly fraught with hypocrisy and repulsisism, growing it's base from the usual cult-tenants of pedophilia, group sex and female oppression, and preying on the poor, uneducated and oppressed....the darkies of the the globe. Mormons love sending their fresh-faced missionary boys to third-world countries, where they bring hope, special underwear & Pepsi to the indigenous people. Mormons love their Pepsi....
My UkuLady diatribe comes from this morning's LA Times, which featured a full page article, complete with color photo, of the Claremont Graduate University's new full time Mormon Studies professor. Repulsive.
The UkuLady recently read Under The Banner of Heaven, Jon Krauker's non-fictional account of pioneer Mormon's slaughter of pioneer wagon trains, which they blamed on the Injun's. The book also details the Mormon's ridiculous history and ultimately, The UkuLady is saddened by the many people so fearful of death and the Unknown, that they whole-heartedly believe the rantings of some guy (Joseph Smith), who either 1. took some mushrooms, or 2. was mentally ill.
Mormanism, like most cults, started because a crazy person wanted to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women and children.
Again, no wonder ET's aren't interested in planet Earth. Humans are so unevolved, living in fear and reveling in utter Sheephood.
Distressedly yours, The UkuLady
ps: The LA Times is the most conservative Christian newspaper; yesterday's front-page California Wildfire articles were ALL about the Christian fire victims who came out to Pray. Giant color pictures of Christians in prayer circles. Where are the color pictures of the Pagan, Agnostic & Atheist fire victims?
pps: The UkuLady is not an Atheist, although my grandfather, a NYC intellectual Art-Worshipper, was.
ppps: I am a believer in Energy.
ppps: Everyone should read the articles and writings of Death & Dying by Elizabeth K. Ross. Fuck Fear.
pppps: Although the LA Times is totally conservative, I can't break my morning paper habit and the NY Times is too expensive.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Joggin While Sick
Dear Blob,
I am a terrible sick person. I've had a naggy coldy/flu for over a week, and today recognized my defeatist pattern of resting a little bit, feeling better, so partaking in social-butterfly activities, and then awaking sick again. I am a compulsive dinner-party hostess and party-guest. Instead of Gamblers Anon, I need to go to Hostess Anon. Hello, My name is The UkuLady and I love having parties, even when I'm sick. I cancelled tonight's dinner party after jogging this morning. I thought a jog would be more restful than a 2 hour yoga class. After 2 Echo Park laps and the 92 stairwalk, I was totally exhausted, but not in an excercisey-way, but in a I'm-sick fashion. I am engaging in only one other rigorous activity today, moving furniture. I've got to take advantage of my truck-friends while they're available.
Love The UkuLady
ps: While jogging sick, I mistook two resting ducks for sacks of garbage. I was pleased the Seeming Eyesore was Wildlife in Action.
pps: Now I'll rest.
I am a terrible sick person. I've had a naggy coldy/flu for over a week, and today recognized my defeatist pattern of resting a little bit, feeling better, so partaking in social-butterfly activities, and then awaking sick again. I am a compulsive dinner-party hostess and party-guest. Instead of Gamblers Anon, I need to go to Hostess Anon. Hello, My name is The UkuLady and I love having parties, even when I'm sick. I cancelled tonight's dinner party after jogging this morning. I thought a jog would be more restful than a 2 hour yoga class. After 2 Echo Park laps and the 92 stairwalk, I was totally exhausted, but not in an excercisey-way, but in a I'm-sick fashion. I am engaging in only one other rigorous activity today, moving furniture. I've got to take advantage of my truck-friends while they're available.
Love The UkuLady
ps: While jogging sick, I mistook two resting ducks for sacks of garbage. I was pleased the Seeming Eyesore was Wildlife in Action.
pps: Now I'll rest.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Manitards & Unicorn Cats
Dear Blob!
Here are some of The UkuLady's latest ideas and thoughts:
1. Candy Nachos - these would be very popular with children! Candy Nachos would be similar to Domino's Pizza Oreos Pizza, which got a terrible review in the LA Times. Candy Nachos would be banana chips with fudgey nacho sauce and studded with gummy bears, caramel nibblets and candy corn.
2. Portable Whistling Device - Whatever it is, it sounds awesome and I want one.
3. Manitard - unitards for men. Also Wussitards, for wusses and Shellacitards, which are shellac-ed unitards.
4. Unicorn Cats. Why are these not a common children's fantasy animal? I sense a future Ukulady children's song in the distance.... (I have a children's UkuLady show at Palm Spring's Pride and am having difficulty not writing about socio-political issues.)
5. Prep Shrimp - this is not a cooking instruction, but a clique of preppy shrimp at a shrimp high school. Prawns in collar alligator shirts, reminiscent of James Spader in Pretty in Pink.
6. Le Cool. A brand. Or a beverage.
7. Sex Quilt, The Band.
8. Turtleneck, The Movie.
9. Teen Kabobs, A Snack.
10. Ant Magic! A Game.
11. Cumin Human, a great rhyme. Or a seasoned dish for cannibals.
And finally, some advice from The UkuLady: You've got to Invite The Magic.
Love The UkuLady
ps: Britney is once again, redoing her website. Alas, the Get Well Britney Mailbox has been dismantled and encouraging global messages like, "Heal Britney!" Shep, Australia, are sadly, gone.
pps: You've got to be really fucked up to have custody of your children be given over to Kenvin Federline.
Here are some of The UkuLady's latest ideas and thoughts:
1. Candy Nachos - these would be very popular with children! Candy Nachos would be similar to Domino's Pizza Oreos Pizza, which got a terrible review in the LA Times. Candy Nachos would be banana chips with fudgey nacho sauce and studded with gummy bears, caramel nibblets and candy corn.
2. Portable Whistling Device - Whatever it is, it sounds awesome and I want one.
3. Manitard - unitards for men. Also Wussitards, for wusses and Shellacitards, which are shellac-ed unitards.
4. Unicorn Cats. Why are these not a common children's fantasy animal? I sense a future Ukulady children's song in the distance.... (I have a children's UkuLady show at Palm Spring's Pride and am having difficulty not writing about socio-political issues.)
5. Prep Shrimp - this is not a cooking instruction, but a clique of preppy shrimp at a shrimp high school. Prawns in collar alligator shirts, reminiscent of James Spader in Pretty in Pink.
6. Le Cool. A brand. Or a beverage.
7. Sex Quilt, The Band.
8. Turtleneck, The Movie.
9. Teen Kabobs, A Snack.
10. Ant Magic! A Game.
11. Cumin Human, a great rhyme. Or a seasoned dish for cannibals.
And finally, some advice from The UkuLady: You've got to Invite The Magic.
Love The UkuLady
ps: Britney is once again, redoing her website. Alas, the Get Well Britney Mailbox has been dismantled and encouraging global messages like, "Heal Britney!" Shep, Australia, are sadly, gone.
pps: You've got to be really fucked up to have custody of your children be given over to Kenvin Federline.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
The Jeffersons Theme Song
Dear Blob!
Apologies for my lengthy Ukublog absence. I moved. An excuse, however, OMG, who remembers how exhausting and difficult moving is? Certainly not Paris Hilton, flitting from one mansion to another. I moved from a seemingly fabulous craftsman to a real live mansion. The theme from The Jeffersons has been playing on my head for weeks. My former home was on Cat Shit lane or Carcass Court, as my House Elf calls it; a street littered with Hot Cheetos bags, cat feces and a flat possom corpse propped up in a discarded baby seat, which lingered for weeks. No matter how many times the religious zealots cleaned up my old street, the next day another load of garbage was dumped in the same spot. Someone once died in front of my house, stabbed at the Burrito King a block away.
My new house is a historic mansion included in the Hiistoric Homes of Echo Park tour and Gloria Swanson once lived here. I giggle gleefully, schemeingly, disbelievingly, every time I pull into the driveway. It's the "house" people stop in front of and ogle. The Couches of Echo Park are not in this area of Echo Park. This is Angelino Heights and it is swollen with Neighborhood Pride, which I have adopted; musing whether I have time to attend the free neighborhood Baroque Concert produced and performed by neighbors and still watch the sunset from my backyard, 180 degree views of Los Angeles, the Hollywood sign, Griffith Park Observatory....Moooohahahahaha! To The Downfall of Evil!
Bursting with Pride & Vengenance, The Ukulady
PS: Meanwhile, I still have Echo Park down the hill to jog around. The lake has an area that consistently smells of sewage and often bums, junkies and families enjoy reclining, basking in the sun, in Sewage Corner. I wonder if they have lost their sense of smell.
Apologies for my lengthy Ukublog absence. I moved. An excuse, however, OMG, who remembers how exhausting and difficult moving is? Certainly not Paris Hilton, flitting from one mansion to another. I moved from a seemingly fabulous craftsman to a real live mansion. The theme from The Jeffersons has been playing on my head for weeks. My former home was on Cat Shit lane or Carcass Court, as my House Elf calls it; a street littered with Hot Cheetos bags, cat feces and a flat possom corpse propped up in a discarded baby seat, which lingered for weeks. No matter how many times the religious zealots cleaned up my old street, the next day another load of garbage was dumped in the same spot. Someone once died in front of my house, stabbed at the Burrito King a block away.
My new house is a historic mansion included in the Hiistoric Homes of Echo Park tour and Gloria Swanson once lived here. I giggle gleefully, schemeingly, disbelievingly, every time I pull into the driveway. It's the "house" people stop in front of and ogle. The Couches of Echo Park are not in this area of Echo Park. This is Angelino Heights and it is swollen with Neighborhood Pride, which I have adopted; musing whether I have time to attend the free neighborhood Baroque Concert produced and performed by neighbors and still watch the sunset from my backyard, 180 degree views of Los Angeles, the Hollywood sign, Griffith Park Observatory....Moooohahahahaha! To The Downfall of Evil!
Bursting with Pride & Vengenance, The Ukulady
PS: Meanwhile, I still have Echo Park down the hill to jog around. The lake has an area that consistently smells of sewage and often bums, junkies and families enjoy reclining, basking in the sun, in Sewage Corner. I wonder if they have lost their sense of smell.
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