Wednesday, August 24, 2011

UkuAdventures in LA: Monster Truck Hits The Ukulady!

PHOTOS: Ukulady, Phil Proctor of Firesign Theater & Evil Strawberry Sandwich!

Dear Blob,
I started my day calling 911 and ended my day with doughnut crumbs in my hair. An unbelievable 10 hours.

After an early am hour in excruciating lady-pain, moaning on the couch, thinking of the pioneers, clutching my pouch and awaiting ibuprofen to kick in, which it did, I embarked on an excursion to my voiceover agency in Studio City.

My car was fresh with 2 new tires and an alignment after the flat tire on the 405 incident 2 days ago. I and Zippy Cupcake entered the hell of the 405 North at morning rush hour. I turned on my indicator, checked my mirrors, noticed a monster truck in the next lane, behind me, with plenty of room to merge. I began to change lanes and was shocked when the monster truck hit me smack on the back of my car. I pulled to the side of the 405 for the second time in 3 days and surprisingly, another small silver car also pulled over. Apparently the monster truck hit both of us and oddly, in the exact same place. She had been behind me, merging as well and he clearly did not see either of us. My theory is his truck was too high and our cars are low to the ground.

It was ridiculous being in the shoulder of the 405 twice in 3 days. The truck driver became defensive and schmucky, yelling at me and the other girl in the small car that we had run into him. It was an odd moment, deciding to call 911; I was unsure whether it was a 911 situation. It was an emergency but not life-threatening; there should be another number for Sort-Of-Emergencies; Non life-threatening emergencies.

The coppers arrived and we were ordered back in our cars while they did their police business. Awaiting the cops for my story-version, there was another fender bender right next to us. It was surreal, watching and hearing their crunching crash and I felt somewhat jealous of them because their accident situation was not going to involve waiting for cops, as they were already right there with our accident. We could have had an accident party and networked!

Police report done, car inspected, it appeared I could drive on to my audition. I pulled on to the freeway and got up to about 50 mph, when I heard beeping and a white car pulled up alongside me, frantically waving for to get off the freeway. Thank meep I did, because the white car turned out to be a AAA technician who noticed my back tire, where the Monster Truck hit it, wobbling and about to come off!

My new BFF, Daniel, the AAA Technician from El Salvador, saved my life! Chatting with him as we awaited Alphie and his tow truck, I felt like I was in the movie Crash. Daniel and I discussed God, The Universe, Death, Nature & Pupusas. I got to know about Daniel's absent father and his pre-school teacher wife, whom he brought from El Salvador. He knew my voiceover work from The Sims and Silent Hill and we talked about having children. It was a cinematic meeting and I hugged him farewell when Alphie arrived.

Alphie, a recent UCLA microbiology graduate, inspected my car, declared my axel bent and towed my car to Jessy the Mechanic.

Along the way, Alphie told me a riveting story of his college buddies who were recently beaten by SF Cops and had captured it on video! One of the beaten kids's father is a Bel Air Lawyer/DA. Bad kid for the police to beat up. Alphie also revealed he'd towed Jay Leno's car and Pierce Bronsnan's, who startled Alphie with his extraordinary in-real-life-beauty, even though Alphie is not gay. It was the best AAA experience possible.

Jessy the Mechanic was awesome, insurance-reporting was smooth and Dayton at Hertz was hilarious. Five hours after I left the Marshmallow, I arrived at my agency where I pretended to be cartoon flamingo twins. I hope I book the parts.

I arrived home to Jessica for band rehearsal and collapsed, my body depleted of energy from the adrenalin.

Somehow I revived by 7 to play dress-up and perform songs at a variety show for an audience of Phil Proctor of Firesign Theater and other oddball artists. I wore my pioneer bonnet for a rendition of Campfire Vampire. After the show, Jessica bought us doughnuts, reminiscent of our Churro Times in Mexico.

I returned the the Marshmallow and wearing my doughnut pants, covered in glaze and powdered sugar, considered my day; it was unexpected, but the smoothest, most pleasant car-garbagecrap day/experience/event possible, thanks to Daniel, Alphie & Jessy. They made me want to be a AAA Technician, the Modern Hero.

Love The Ukulady

ps: Lately I've been wanting to do every job I've been around: Elvis Impersonator, AAA Techie, Mechanic, Accordion Player....

pps: Everyone's LA Car-Crap Card comes up at some point. May the past 4 days last me many years to come.

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