Sunday, March 11, 2007

A Frank Girlfriendship Letter to Jenna

Dear my new myspace friend, Jenna Bush!
First, I just want to say how excited I was to see you accepted my white myspace flag of girlfriendship! It's nice to know that the offspring of the dictatorship aren't narrow-minded. Sorry, if the word dictatorship is insulting, but I think it's time to be frank with you, Jenna. Honestly, I'm really excited about our impending chick-bonding! I keep imagining us strolling arm and arm at The Grove, when you come to LA to visit me... the state dinners you may invite me to... browsing at Nordstrom's Rack together... But, frankly, I'm really disturbed by an article I just finished in Harpers about your dad and his friends. I know Harpers is pretty liberal, but a lot of the facts they presented, make me pretty uncomfortable with the current "presidential" administration. That word's in quotes because of the questionable election results from your uncle's state. You know, how it is. Anyway, I'm mostly appalled by your dad. Your mom and her literacy trip seem pretty cool. I guess, though, when you ask me over to your house, I may have to steer clear of your dad, for politeness reasons. I keep reminding myself that our girlfriendship has nothing to do with the outrageous corruption and lies your pop seems to surround himself with. He's worse than Nixon! He's probably pretty cool, though, about having boys over, and stuff. I'll bet he's cool with all of us taking nips at the liquor cabinet....
Anyway, Jenna, I just wanted to be frank about how uncomfortable I am. But, hey, my dad's a fairly abrasive New York atheist Jew schmoozer and that might make you uncomfortable! He also really likes Japanese gardens and cheap Asian food, and hey, you might be allergic to Japanese! Judging you by your dad's actions is unfair and I'm going to strive to be a non-judgemental girlfriend. I hope the secret service guys who may be reading this, don't think I mean that in a lesbian sense. I'm straight, are you? Apparently Lynn Cheney has some pretty hot lesbian fantasies, according to the pulp romance novel she wrote. Weird. Anyway, hope the big Iraq Invasion Anniversary Party at the White House was fun! Did you guys have a DJ? Was the food good? Good luck with the Abramhoff scandal!
Your myspace girlfriend, The UkuLady

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