Just some girlfriendship chitchat w/Jenna!

Dear Jenna,
Why weren't you at yoga today?! We did a lot of balancing work and if there's one thing we need more of in Washington, it's balance. I think yoga would really help you and probably your dad. Not that I think you guys need help, but actually I do. I think everyone needs the help of yoga in their life. Your dad was on the cover of the LA Times today, talking about "staying the course" in Iraq and denying it's growing civil war. He seems to be in denial; maybe you could talk some sense into him. Like, when you and your twinsie, Babs (can I call her Babs?) were caught underage drinking in that bar...You guys didn't deny to the press that you weren't drinking, you guys owned up to your mistake and because of that non-sorority girls around the country totally respect you. Admitting mistakes is part of life, just like your cousin Sofia, admitting she was a coke head. Don't you wish Lindsey (Lohan, of course) and Mary-Kate would just admit it too, like your cousin. Everyone here in Hollywood knows they're all coked up. We also know that John Travolta is flaming gay, but, no duh! Wasn't he hot in Grease? Anyway, Jenna, is your dad illegally wire-tapping your apartment? Because if he has been wiretapping, he's possibly heard you getting wasted, playing those awesome drinking games and maybe even booty call with Chad and Slade! Girlfriend, watch out! Hope to see you at the UkuLady's ukulele shows in LA!
Best Friends4-Ever, TSLerner