Saturday, March 24, 2007

Sucking-In-Audition-Therapy Blog!

Dear Blog,
The theme songs to most 80's sitcoms are totally profound. Different Strokes - "Everybody's got there own story, everybody needs a chance to shine!" Golden Girls - "Thank you for being a friend!" Laverne and Shirley - "Give us any chance we'll take it! Doing it our way!"
I've been all bummed since yesterday because I totally fucking bombed on a couple voiceover auditions in front of one of LA's biggest VO casting directors. I freaked out inside and went straight to my bad sucking-in-audition-habits; The same one's which caused me to lose the role of Molly in Annie to this freckled chick with a pig-nose named Jasmine, in 5th grade. A little old to be playing Molly, but I was small for my age. The entire show, in which I played Molly's understudy/generic orphan, I plotted her death; I befriended her, hoping to poison her with candy, offered from my generous hand. I don't know where I thought I would find the poison or why anyone would accept edibles from one's understudy.
After sucking totally in the 3-hour class, I had Gay Night with a couple of my fleet. I arrived at my Recently-Turned-Friend-Into-Manager, Michael's (So there! Marilyn Idzdebski, Director of Annie in 5th grade) apartment and he was listening to Show Tunes Radio on his tv. We went to Gay Target and he missed a call from Jennifer Holliday (Dreamgirls, etc...). She left her home phone number on his cell and I listened to her message in the Gay Target Sock section. Unfortunately knee-sock season has passed, so I purchased gum only. We made our way to the LBG theater and watched funny gay people and their faghags pretend to be 70's tv stars, such as Ricardo Montalban and Elaine Joyce, who is now married to Neil Simon! Michael, former child star, is trying to book Jennifer as Captain of Columbus Ohio's Gay Pride Parade. Apparently they have a big queer pop. He's pitching me to a gay cruise line! Fuck yeah! Before he was my manager, (hear that, Jasmine?) I listened to a message on his cell from George Hamilton. George was on a private jet and eventually Michael found George too difficult to nail down.
So I'll hopefully make-up for my total VO suckiness at next week's very expensive, but totally worth-it, class.
Love The UkuLady
PS: my recording equiptment is down and life fucking sucks without it! I can't imagine how the pioneers felt...

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