Sunday, March 11, 2007

Malibu & Brittney!

Dear Blog,
So, today I went to Malibu with my BGF (best Gay friend) and the whole time I was so excited to hopefully catch a Brittney Sighting! However, I'm disappointed to report there is none to report. However, we did catch Angeline and her pink corvette. For those of you out of the loop, the millions reading this important dispatch from LA, Angeline is some weird pseudo-celebrity rich lady who used to advertise herself on billboards all over LA. She has no services to offer, save to gawk at her thoroughly plastic-sugeryied self. As of late, however, I've seen no Angeline Billboards. Back to Brittney... We stopped at the celebrity sandwich stopping-market, Hows.
Question one, who are the people who work there? If you've ever been to Malibu, it's clear that there are no normal people who live there. Everyone is extremely rich or a christian Pepperdine university student. Or perhaps a servant of a rich person. Hows is the market on the way to El Matador beach and it is renown for celebrity sightings. In fact, if I were a paparazzi, I'd definitely post myself at their sandwich counter. BYTW, not very good sandwiches. So, we order and then we have to pee. So I head to the pee room and as I sit down, I wondered to myself, "Has Brittney sat here and peed as well?" and really, the likelyhood of that, is pretty high. I may have sat on the same toilet as Brittney!!! BYTW, my sort of white-trash/but huge heart cousin adores Brittney and has named her cat Brittney and has a huge poster of BS kittycorner to her bed. She's also a single mom; cousin and probably Brittney very soon. Anyway, Brittney was a no-show at How's Sandwich counter, as well as Jennifer (aniston) and every other celeb who lounges in Malibu. It's really a ridiculous town.
After the beach, which was fab, save an distasteful interaction with some yucky sea fowl (gulls nipping into my tasty Trader Joes Apple Rings), we retired to Starbucks for a pre-traffic caffeine fix and I was really hoping this would be IT, as according to US and People mags, Brittney spends a lot of time in Starbucks....Sadly, there were only mock-celebs, rich peeps in peasant hippie skirts ordering 10 dollar non-soy-mock-vanilla-chai-fatte-lattes. I did pee, again, at Starbucks and this time, i'm sure Brittney has sat on that same toilet. She friggin loves Starbucks. BYTW, at the beach, there was a film crew doing a shoot with one asian actress (totesies hottie) and an old-fashioned pay-phone prop stuck in the sand. We (BGF and I) debated if it was a commercial or short film. They had a really nice camera, but a teeny crew and no craft-services. We agreed it was a well-funded shorty film. We strolled along the richy malibu beach and ogled at the ugly-ass mansions, that aren't really very big, but their beachfront locale and proximity to LA make them like 10 million dollar houses. Most were really ugly and gaudy. We saw dolphins and I remembered how in college there was a tacky trend for lame girls to get dolphin tattoos on their hips. BYTW, I have New Hip bones!!! I'm on a super LA no-grain diet (have been for like 8 months) and I have Hip Bones! Really, I haven't had hip bones since I was like 11. Sometimes they jut into me when I roll over in bed. Love it. Love the Mountain Goats! band. so hot. Friggin LOVE THEM! Love cute artist boys. Never will get over them. Love a nipper of wine and I wish everyone in the world would wear fake moustaches for a day.
Love The UkuLady

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