Sunday, March 11, 2007

Urgent Plea for Nicole!!!

Dear Blog!
This is an urgent plea from Los Angeles for HELP! Nicole Richie weighs 85 pounds! Nicole Richie was fucking driving East on a WestBound FREEWAY! the 134, for those of my myspace friends living in LA! What the fuck? How fucked up is someone driving the wrong direction on the fucking Freeway!? And the fucking fucked up fuck is that they only gave her a DUI! The woman was driving the wrong way on a freeway! How does that happen? You would have to drive onto a freeway exit ramp or back-up an on ramp. Utterly ludicrous. I'd rather have a million shaved celebrity vaginas in my face than have celebrities be driving the wrong direction on the fucking 134.
So, my myspace friends, what can we do to help Nicole? Obviously Paris is a shitty friend,; Nicole needs us. Except she's so lame. She's not nearly as interesting as Brittney, although this is a step up; but I'm more scared than anything else, as I drive the 134 all the time.
Was Lionel a poor father? I mean, even Rain Pryor, who's father was a junkie and fucked countless whores, has her shit together, writing a book, performing a one-woman comedy show. What Nicole, Paris, Lindsay and Brittney all need is a fucking sense of humor; a little whoopie cushion or snakes in a peanut can. And a little bit of Angelina Jolie (Who I went to Jane Fonda acting summer camp with and she was kind of a bitch and never did theater; she did dance). All the little vagy-barring slutebrities need to head the fuck over to Cambodia (where I have traveled, although I did not adopt any children) and get some fucking perspective. A lot of profanity in this blog post, but desperate times call for a lot of the F-word.
Why didn't Nicole call a limo? There aren't any cabs in LA, so I understand that wasn't an option. Nicole needs to fucking eat, her licence must be revoked and send her to the third world for some community service. Nothing like a little real life Simple Life NOT on-camera to gain a little perspective.
Fucking brie is yummy and reality tv fortunes don't last long....
On a final and completley different note, I greatly dislike automobile owner/drivers who display beanie babies in their rear windows. They make me want to barf.
Love The UkuLady

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